From This Moment On (21 page)

She’d told him she was falling in love with him.

No
.

She’d
yelled
it at him.

Of course, he’d said nothing about love. Not there on the beach...and not later in his car.

She sat in her dressing room, which her tour manager had set up per her usual specifications, making the space comfortable and cozy for a few hours, and stared into the large mirror with the strip of lights shining down above it. They were way too bright, highlighting all the parts of her soul she didn’t want to have to see.

To his credit, Marcus had come back to the car and immediately apologized. But she’d been too afraid to hear what he was sorry for, terrified that he was going to say
, “I’m sorry you’re in love with me, kitten. I never meant for that to happen.”

She turned away from the mirror, unable to look herself in the eye any longer
.

Heartbreak was supposed to be perfect for writing songs. She should be picking up her guitar and writing a masterpiece, channeling the Joni Mitchell inside herself and singing about blue boys and bright red devils she couldn’t live without.

But she couldn’t do that. Not tonight, anyway. Not when it was all too raw. Not when she still felt so stupid, so painfully foolish to have lost her heart so quickly, so completely, to a man she had known from the start would never be a good match for her
.

One night was all they ever should have shared.

But as she sat in her dressing room feeling sorry for herself, it was as if the guitar, the mirror, were both staring at her from opposite sides of the room and calling her coward.

They were right.

She was being a coward
.

And she’d been one for too long.

Finally, Nicola took that breath she should have taken out on the beach. And then another and another until she felt strong enough to make the right decision.

Ignoring the skimpy, shiny outfits her stylist had laid out for her to wear onstage, clothes designed to dance in and provoke, she moved off her chair, picked up her guitar, and turned to face herself in the mirror
.

The woman who stared back didn’t look like a pop star in full makeup and shimmering skin-tight silk and Spandex. For the first time ever, Nico looked like Nicola, a young, pretty, twenty-something girl in a jean skirt and T-shirt who had written some songs she wanted to play for people.

Finally, Nicola was able to find a small smile
.

Sink or swim, tonight was the night she’d take that first step toward her new future
.

And even though she wouldn’t have Marcus by her side, at least she’d always know she had him to thank for helping to give her a push in the right direction
.

He didn’t love her, but he’d always been clear about respecting her
.

Tonight, she’d respect herself, too.

Holding her guitar to her body as if it were a lover—knowing it was the only lover she would have for a long time to come—Nicola stepped out into the hallway and went to find her band leader to discuss the change of plans.

* * *

Just hours ago, Marcus had told his sister that he couldn’t come to Nicola’s concert with her, that he had plans for the night that couldn’t be broken. The last thing in the world he needed was to sit beside Lori watching Nicola on stage
.

He’d planned on going back to his winery in Napa, back to his normal life where sweet, sexy pop stars had nothing to do with his world unless they walked into his winery with an entourage and demanded a personal tour. He had just passed the Welcome to Napa Valley sign that greeted visitors to the world-famous region, when he made an abrupt U-turn and drove the 100 miles back to the city as fast as Saturday night traffic would let him.

He simply couldn’t stay away. Couldn’t possibly resist the chance to be in the same room as Nicola for a few more hours.

And so, not only had he flat-out lied to one of his siblings, but despite his story about being too busy to attend the concert, here he was standing outside the Warfield in San Francisco staring up at a sign that said,
SPECIAL GUEST FOR ONE NIGHT ONLY: NICO!

In his car at the beach, his pride had told him he was better off without her, that he needed to end things before she could end them later and break his heart.

Fuck his pride.

Because the memory of the way she’d gotten out of his car in front of the venue that afternoon had haunted him every second since
.

“
It was nice meeting you
,” was what she’d said
.

What the hell was he supposed to say to that? That it was nice to have met her, too, like they were nothing more than a couple of business colleagues?

Even though he should have been gentle with her, even though his only goal should have been to try to get her to listen to his apologies, he’d growled her name, instead.

Her eyes had flicked over him for a brief second, before she’d pulled out her cell phone and alerted her crew that she was out front. Moments later, she was disappearing through the doors, which were locked behind her to keep not only her fans from disturbing her before the show...but also the guy staring after her from behind the wheel of his car.

“Hey man, you want a ticket to the show? Nico usually plays much bigger places and this one sold out in twenty minutes. Not gonna get the chance to see her this close any time soon
."

The scalper’s words ripped at his already torn-apart gut as Marcus stared at the ticket. It was why he was here, wasn’t it? To see Nicola one more time, to drink her in, even from a distance, because he already missed her like hell.

He’d been close to her, so close. And he’d taken her completely for granted, had been looking toward Monday as an inevitable end.

Marcus bought the ticket and was surprised to find the crowd was made up of not just kids, but college students and more than a few people his own age who had obviously come not as chaperones to young fans, but because they wanted to see Nicola play.

As he sat down, he heard a couple of teenagers discussing her
.

“I heard that guy she was dating totally scammed her. You know, got her high and then took a bunch of pictures and sold them.”

“He totally looked like a creep, didn’t he?”

“Totally. I wonder why she even dated him? If I was as awesome as Nico, I’d hold out for the best-looking guy in the world who worshipped me.”

Their conversation moved on to the guys they had crushes on who didn’t know they existed and Marcus sat back to process what he’d just learned.

Out on the beach, she’d alluded to being hurt and betrayed by a former lover. And she’d already told him that she’d made some bad decisions that had landed her with a wild party-girl image
.

Marcus knew it would be so easy to pull up the Internet browser on his phone and find out the rest of the story, but he remembered how wary she’d been once he’d learned who she was, the way she’d assumed he’d done a Google search on her.

Whatever he learned about her past, he needed to learn from her directly.

That is, if she would ever talk to him again.

And why would she, he wondered as the lights dimmed and the crowd began to cheer. He might not be looking her up on the Internet, but he was sitting here in the dark like a creepy stalker, waiting to watch her perform without her knowledge.

Had her ex done any worse?

Marcus knew he needed to get up out of his seat and leave. But he’d never had any self-control where Nicola was concerned...and he still didn’t
.

For all that he’d tried to keep their relationship to just sex, it hadn’t been. Not even close. Her music was such a big part of who she was, and he needed to see it, needed to understand it, needed to know that part of her as well as he knew the contours of her beautiful body.

The stage lights went up slowly and everyone shot to their feet as Nicola walked onstage. Marcus’s breath caught at how small she looked beneath the bright lights, but how she owned it—and everyone in the room—nonetheless.

He was surprised to see that she was still wearing her T-shirt and skirt. From the pictures he remembered seeing of her when he’d flipped past the music cable stations with his remote, he’d assumed she’d be wearing one of her skimpy costumes, the outfits that were part and parcel of the sex-kitten image he’d ripped apart on the beach just hours before.

“Hi, everyone.”

The two large screens on either side of the stage showed him her smile. She looked strong, but a little nervous at the same time. He thought he saw hints of sadness in her eyes, but there was excitement there, too.

What was she doing?

But then, suddenly, he knew, even before she said or did anything else: His beautiful girl was taking control
.

“I’m so glad everyone could spend tonight with me. The Musicians for Literacy Foundation is really important to me.”

A voice called out, “We love you, Nico!”

She laughed. “I love you, too.”

The words fell so easily off her tongue and he knew she meant it. Her fans meant the world to her. She didn’t take the opportunity to play her music for so many people lightly
.

“I’m in the mood to play my guitar and piano tonight and take this acoustic for a while. Is that okay with you guys?” Five thousand voices cheered her and her smile lit up the dark room. “Awesome
."

She reached out to take a guitar from a roadie and slipped it on over her shoulders. Marcus thought how right she looked like that
.

He’d suddenly saw that he’d been wrong out on the beach. She hadn’t been hiding all of herself, just one half of herself. Because she was both the sex kitten from her videos and this beautiful girl whose voice rang out pure and strong as she strummed her guitar and broke all of their hearts with the simple magic of her songs.

People sat back down in their seats. Not because they weren’t thrilled with the music, but because they wanted to be able to listen more closely, to better hear every note and nuance of her performance. A performance that held them all spellbound.

Between songs, she was utterly disarming as she told the stories behind her inspiration for the lyrics and made everyone laugh. And then, when she sat down at the piano in the spotlight and began to play the song he’d heard at her video rehearsal—
All it took was one moment, one look in your eyes, one taste of your lips, to know that you were the one
—she held out her entire heart to her audience
.

A heart for them to hold...or to crush
.

And as he watched, as he listened, as his heart—and soul—drank her in amidst a room full of strangers, Marcus knew himself to be the world’s biggest fool
.

The woman he’d accused of hiding was braver than anyone else he’d ever met
.

A hell of a lot braver than he was.

If Marcus hadn’t already faced the fact that he was head over heels in love with Nicola, he would have fallen right then…along with five thousand other people in the sold-out concert hall in San Francisco.

Chapter Nineteen

As the applause continued after her third and final encore, Nicola quickly moved down the hallway to her dressing room. She needed a few seconds to herself before she went out in the group area to say hello to the fans who had paid extra to the charity for the privilege of a picture and a chat with her.

Her crew had been with her long enough to understand this need, and although they smiled at her and gave her the thumbs-up, they let her pass without conversation.

She closed the door behind her and leaned against it, finally letting out the breath she felt like she’d been holding for two hours.

She’d done it, had actually stood up on the stage the entire night with just her guitar and piano and voice to lead her through. God, it had been incredible—although, she was surprised to realize, a part of her missed the lights and flash and dancing.

All or nothing, that’s how it had always felt like things needed to be. Had she been wrong the whole time? And, if so, could she possibly figure out how to walk the line between flash and heart without losing her fan base and giving up the career she’d worked so hard to build
?

“Nico.” A knock came at the door. It was Jimmy, the bodyguard who usually worked her shows
.

She took a breath and opened the door with a smile. “Hi.”

He was frowning. “I’m really sorry to bother you.”

“Is something wrong?”

“I just wanted to let you know there’s a guy outside who doesn’t seem to want to take no for an answer about coming back here to meet you.”

Her gut clenched a split second before her heart followed suit. “He’s probably just a college kid who drank too much,” she said, even though she already knew better.