From The Ashes (Life After War) (14 page)

Sam gently wiped her cheek. “I have to rest now. I only waited up to get this over with.”

Neil did brace this time, hands going to rest on his belt, feet straightening. “Go on, then.”

Sam took instant offense at his tone, thinking if she'd said that to Jeremy, he would have taken her arm and escorted her to a tent to lie down. They each had their own way of treating her, their own responses to her moods, and she'd found herself grateful for that at different times. Not now, however. Neil could show a little more consideration. “Okay, I will. I don’t want a relationship with you, either. I tried to tell you. Now he’s hurt, and you…”

“
Are what you really want, so stop playing games. I'm too tired for it.”

Sam's head throbbed, reminding her of what
she'd
just gone through. The anger resurfaced, blasted the trooper.

“
Only some of what I want. Jeremy's the other half.”

Neil's face reddened at the direct hit. He got set to fire back, but the unhappiness in her next words diffused his anger.

Sam found Jeremy's shadow moving tiredly into a QZ camper. “I know you don't want to hear this, but if I can't have it set up the way
I
want it, then serving the greater good will be enough to see me through. I've had so much less that it won't even faze me to be lonely.”

Neil studied her, resisting the urge to say she could have whatever she wanted if she'd just let him lie down and hold her for a while. It felt like this run would never end.

“
How do you want it, Sam?”

She shook her head. “That's not something a woman can explain.”

Neil was confused and tired of fighting. If she needed a confession of emotions, no problem. “I love...”

“
I know that,” Sam interrupted, pain pills now making it hard to think–to be patient. “So does everyone else.”

Neil stared at her in surprise. “You know that I love you?”

“
A lasting friendship is all that I can give in return.”

Neil watched her hand slide over her bruised mouth like she was as tortured by the choice as he was, but determined to see it through. That was it, then. There would never be anyone else for him.

“
If that's the way you want it, Sam.”

The trooper picked up the kit he’d set by the tire and took it with him to the shower camper in the corner. He didn't look back.

He would honor her wishes. He expected it to suck, but he’d make sure that he never crossed the line again. And when he bled on the inside, he would be the only one who knew.

Neil stepped into the camper and saw Jeremy was already in a stall. His XO looked utterly dejected.

Jeremy will know. He’ll bleed alongside me.

Neil being here instead of with Sam was a surprise to Jeremy, but not the wounded expression that mirrored his own. “Friends, too?”

Neil grunted. “Yeah. What's with that shit?”

Jeremy shrugged, trying to shake off the feeling of drifting in an ocean without a boat. “Something in the female bloodline that they pass to each other, maybe. Rip a man's guts open, then want to hang out later like nothing happened. Gets them an award in the sisterhood or something.”

Neil found a small snicker and the required male-bonding response. “Like when you get in a good shot, something you know they can't deny, and they still manage to twist it so that you were wrong.”

“
For even firing, usually.”

“
Yep.” Neil agreed. He dropped his gear and got the water running.

After a minute, the steam began to relax weary muscles, and the light conversation they’d been having issues with for weeks, continued to fall.

“
John will have us cleared quickly.”

“
Yeah.”

“
Going up the hill to help dig when I’m out.”

“
Same here.”

Neil glanced over at his XO. “You still feel the need to kill me?”

Jeremy shook his head. “No. I was just thinking that she gave us our team back with this choice.”

It occurred to them both, then, why she’d really done it. Neither of them spoke again after that.

9

“
This is the way you want it?”

“
Yes.” Samantha tried not to let Adrian discover what a lie that was. She couldn't have what she wanted... could she?

Standing by her well-guarded tent, Adrian was picking up vibes that pleased and worried him. Her refusal of both males hadn’t only been for the good of Neil’s team. It was part of her own nature showing, and if her two men hadn’t recognized it, Adrian would eat his jacket. With her choice, she’d secured her own place among the Eagles.

Adrian didn't stare at Sam's injuries like those on duty around them were. John had assured him that their storm tracker would be fine. It was the teenager huddled in the next tent that needed care.

“
For the good of the many?” he asked.

“
Yes. I could never be happy with one of them if it hurt the dream. I believe in it too much for that.”
And I want something else,
she added silently,
something forbidden in the old world. How can I get it?

Adrian studied her, watching the mental smoke roll. What was she planning? Her entire demeanor had just gone still and wary–a sign of female chaos yet-to-come.

“
Samantha?”

She ducked into her tent without responding.

Adrian let her go, a bit stunned by her courage as the answer occurred to him. He hadn’t considered that these post-war women would want to change the double standard on physical relief, and Adrian began to smile. Once the camp got over it, they would start to return the other freedoms that females had been denied based solely on their gender. After that, those quiet, steady women that were even now generously seeing to the comfort of his returning army, would join it.

Adrian’s pleasure sent peace and light over his camp in thick waves. Despite the wounds they'd suffered, the future had never looked better.

Kenn appeared at his side. “Kyle just checked in. Said he won't make it back until evening.”

Catching the uneasy tone, Adrian waved a hand. “What is it?”

Kenn filled him in on the Jennifer situation, ending with the last thing Kyle had transmitted. “He said to tell you to tally his account. That mean anything?”

Adrian sighed in resignation. “It's a warning. He's giving me time to prepare.”

Giving you time to save him
, Kenn thought. His own foray into banishment hadn't been that long ago, and the Marine found he held sympathy for the mobster.

“
Tell him it's been a long run, and I want him home,” Adrian stated. “We'll handle all that shit when it happens.”

“
The other slaves are saying she's only fourteen.”

Adrian thought of the way Seth had defended Becky's honor, how he was still on duty here.

“
Then she'll need a friend like Kyle. They all will.”

Kenn frowned, not understanding, and Adrian didn't try to explain. With the threat of the Slavers gone, more things would change for Safe Haven. The future depended on it. He'd expected Neil to break this particular barrier for the camp, but Rick had changed the roles. Now Seth and Kyle might have those parts in rebuilding their world.

“
Kyle
needs
to be an Eagle–it's who he is now.” Aware of Kenn lingering, Adrian headed toward the warehouse again. They both wanted a subtle check to be sure Angela was okay.

“
He'll walk the lines carefully.”

10

“
Did you help her?”

Charlie stepped out of the shadows to Adrian's right, followed by Cynthia, who hung back to give privacy. Kenn immediately went in a different direction.

Charlie had just been in to see his mom, and he was surprised by how much better she seemed. It didn't match what he'd been expecting after looking through Eagle minds for the details.

“
Did you?”

Adrian flashed to holding Angela close, sharing his strength. “Yes, as much as was allowed.”

“
But it won't last long.”

“
No. She'll use it up quickly.”

“
Would you have been able to bring her back, like she did for my dad?” Charlie’s tone wasn’t accusing, but it was hard.

“
No.”

The teenager stared, working it through, dealing with his emotions.

Adrian wondered if the boy’s parents knew how restless he was becoming, how apt to swing.

“
The Eagles would have killed you.”

Again, Adrian told the truth. “Only if they beat me to it.”

“
And you put her in that situation!”

“
It’s where she belongs. I can prove that.”

“
How?”

Hopeful, but nowhere near the subservient minion he’d been before, Adrian observed.
Good.

“
If she resigns, I was wrong to put her there. And
everyone
will understand that, not just my army.”

The teenager grunted in recognition of what Adrian had risked, was still risking. It hadn’t just been the lives of his men, but the very leadership that brought them all together.

“
She won’t. You knew that or you wouldn’t have set it up,” Charlie guessed.

“
Partially. I watched to be sure, but there was a moment when your mom and I first met that told me where she belonged. With you, it was in that dusty office of Sage Lanes.”

“
When I came to you about the new arrivals.”

“
Yes. You were serving the greater good with no idea of what my army was about yet. I’ve always known you would have a place.”

Charlie kept his voice low. “They'll think I'm too young–want to hold me back.”

Adrian shrugged, finally reaching the warehouse door. “Age doesn't make a man or a woman–awareness of the situation does. They know that.”

Adrian stepped inside, but looked back with a hard stare. “And you'll be reasonable, take their instruction. Everyone needs guidance, but especially those like us. Without self-control, the gifts we have are dangerous. Never forget that.”

Before Adrian could get inside, Neil joined him, and Adrian moved back to the sidewalk. He didn't think he'd been this tired since right after the War.

“
Camp's up and running.”

Good.“ Adrian was currently functioning on a total of fifteen hours sleep in five days. His previous whining came to mind, and the leader grimaced. Not anymore. Every four hours of rest he got after this would be valued.

Neil's bloodshot eyes went to the hilltop, where a few of the men were getting things set up for the funeral, now that the digging was finished. It was the first one Safe Haven would attend as a camp. For the Eagles, it was closure for this run. The men were gathering in the training tent for workouts now, and he was headed there next.

Kenn moved around the corner and inside the warehouse without looking at either of them. Neither of them were surprised to see a number of guards follow the Marine. Kenn's mistakes hadn't been forgotten.

“
Should I head that off or let it roll?”

Adrian considered, reading the faces of the men subtly trailing the Marine. “If they choose to handle it now, let it roll. He's still paying for it.”

Adrian moved closer, though, in case he was needed.

“
Adrian.”

The blond turned back, catching the tone. He braced for a blow, and Neil delivered one.

“
Use the team as you see fit, but I need a break. I'm no longer your third. Give it to Marc.”

Chapter Five

5/17

1

Kenn stopped at the open door to Angela's room, ignoring the disapproving looks from her guards.

“
You’ll live. That’s good,” Kenn stated, eyes going over her wounds.

The comment drew a surprised stare from Angela. She could feel how much he meant it. “Yeah. Thanks.”

Kenn was unable to take his gaze off of the ‘breathing’ wound. It was by far uglier than anything he’d ever done to her.