From Rags (8 page)

“What’s with the stubbly face?”

Bruno scratched his chin self-consciously. “Just thought I’d try out the rough look.”

“You’re not pulling it off. You’re face…it’s too
pretty
.”

“
Pretty
?”

“Boys, boys,” soothed Jaxxon. “We’re here.”

The venue – a five-star hotel – was huge and impressive, Jaxxon noted as they all hopped out of the limo and into the lights of dozens of flashing cameras. Again Jaxxon got that sense of not belonging. Never would she have imagined setting foot in a place like this. Just like she never would have imagined being asked for autographs or photographs – mostly, though, being renowned for telling people to sod off meant that she didn’t get too much of that. It was something that she suspected would always feel weird to her, just like the special treatment she received and the invites to parties of celebs who she’d never even met. More shocking was that she’d actually been asked to feature on a reality T.V. programme, to go to various castings, and been asked several times for interviews. Ollie and Richie didn’t mind so much that she refused; they thought it went in her favour that she was mostly a mystery. Besides, she was busy enough already – another thing Ollie and Richie liked.

What did Jaxxon like the most about her new life? Not the attention or the fancy car or the designer clothes or the constant mingling with celebs. It was the financial security; the fact that she didn’t have to fret every day about whether she’d make her rent money or afford enough food to last the week. What’s more, not only did she feel as though she was finally in control of the direction her life was taking, but her life was actually taking a direction instead of her just plodding along. She was still adjusting to that, but it was an adjustment she was gladly making.

Still, though, a conflicting cocktail of emotions assailed her; awe at the grandness before her, awkwardness at entering this other world, and also dread at having to be around people who were for the most part condescending to her. It wasn’t the fact that they were celebs that had Jaxxon rumpled, it was the judgmental looks and the smiles that were so sickly sweet they were simultaneously acidic. Where Jaxxon had grown up, if you had something to say you said it. In this world, it was all indirect insults and whispering behind your back. Groan! Not that everyone was like that, but the ones who were just grated on her nerves. Jaxxon swore that she would never allow herself to become so used to luxury and money that she was snobby and narrow-minded.

Basking in the attention, Anna took her time heading through the break in the gang of reporters, posing and smiling and blowing kisses. Chris waved like he was royalty. Bruno just nodded and smiled with his hands tucked in his pockets. Jaxxon might have given a fleeting wave if the lights weren’t getting on her bloody nerves. It occurred to her that the frustration would leak into her eyes and give the reporters what they wanted so at least Ollie and Richie would be happy with any photographs printed.

The questions being yelled were just as frustrating; were she and Bruno an item? Would she care to comment on the rumors about her and Matt? Who designed her dress and where was it flown in from?

Jaxxon groaned aloud. “What’s the point in answering any of your questions when you’ll only print whatever you want anyway!?” She had meant it as an insult but it seemed they all thought it was rather funny.

As soon as they stepped inside and Jaxxon realised how huge the place was and how many celebrities were about, she reached for a very nervous Anna. “You’ll be fine.”

“My God, Jaxxon, there’s Stuart Nolan!”

And so it begins,
thought Jaxxon.

After they had each been greeted by the celeb host, Bruno went off searching for his ex and Chris went off to find himself some meat for the evening – as he so oddly put it. Jaxxon and Anna tried the ‘mingling’ thing but soon names and faces became blurry and Jaxxon felt dizzy with it all. The attention was unreal; it was as though every move she made was watched, every word she said examined, every expression she wore scrutinised. And then there were the randy bastards who kept giving her tits-to-toes inspections then glaring into her eyes.
Just goes to show oddballs are everywhere
. Mostly Jaxxon just glided through the crowds murmuring soothing words to Anna who was by that point almost bouncing off the walls with excitement. “Christ, Anna, breathe. You’re going to hyperventilate.”

“I’m sorry but it’s just so…wow. Aren’t you even a little bit excited? I mean come on,
Jaxxon, you’ve had enough celebs flirting with you like crazy and haven’t even blushed.”

“Anna, they’re just people. Same as you and me. Just because I get to occasionally see them on the big platinum box in my apartment doesn’t mean they deserve to be worshipped like gods. Granted, most of them have worked hard to get where they are but so do plenty of other people and just because
their
job doesn’t get them on the big box doesn’t mean they’re worth any less than anyone here, does it?”

Anna inhaled a long breath, steadying herself. “You’re right. I know you’re right. I shouldn’t let them scare me.”

“No you shouldn’t.”

“They’re just people, same as us.”

“Exactly.”

“Oh my God! Isla Merrick and Jonathan Griffith are on their way over!”

Jaxxon groaned. Starry-eyed Anna was back.

“The face of Allure,” drawled the curvy auburn-haired actress.

Jaxxon resisted the urge to scowl; Isla’s greeting had been pleasant but there was a clear undercurrent of that good ole condescension. The tall, immaculately groomed film producer wore a flirtatious grin that topped anything she had ever seen before now. Instead of it making her blood rush, it made her skin crawl.

“Jaxxon, isn’t it?” he asked.

She nodded then gestured to the giddy girl beside her. “This is Anna Lawson.”

Isla and Jonathan both smiled at her, deepening Anna’s blush until her face glowed like a neon sign.

“My God,” said Anna, “I’m a massive fan. Of both of you.”

Isla peered around and then zoomed in on Jaxxon. “Looks like you lost that model boyfriend of yours.”

“Can’t lose what you don’t have.”

“Oh, you two aren’t a couple then?” asked Jonathan.

“Mates.”

Isla looked at her with (false) sympathy. “Don’t take it too much to heart that he’s not looking for more than friendship with you.”

Jaxxon had to again resist scowling; Isla
knew
that was not what she had meant.

“Move on to different pastures,” continued Isla. “They might not be greener but there’s no dignity in chasing after someone who isn’t interested, is there?”

Anna gasped. “It’s not Bruno, it’s Jaxxon. She’s always getting the come-on from blokes but she’s too picky.”

It was said with such affection that, even in this situation, Jaxxon found herself smiling.

“You know what they say,” began Isla, “beggars can’t be -”

“It won’t work, you know,” said Jaxxon in a bored, flat tone. “Trying to make me feel small…It won’t work. I feel sorry for you if you have to put other people down to make yourself feel big.” Isla guffawed but Jaxxon could tell that her directness had put Isla out of her comfort zone.

“Sweetheart, if you’re such a sensitive person then fame
really
isn’t for you.”

“Sensitive?” Jaxxon smiled. “No. You see the thing is,
sweetheart
, unless insults come from someone who I care about then I really couldn’t give a shit about their opinion. It’s the fact that you’re trying so hard to get at me that I don’t like. If you can’t handle frankness, then having a conversation with me
really
isn’t for you.”

Merely a second after her last word was said a tingly feeling spread down Jaxxon’s spine and the hairs on the back of her neck stood on end. Someone was staring, and staring
hard
. There was nothing about it that felt threatening, it was just intense. She resisted the urge to look; if she’d managed to land herself an extremely intense admirer then she didn’t want to give him any encouragement.

Just as Jaxxon was about to drag Anna away, her attention was snagged by the loud snickering of a dark-skinned, busty woman who was shrugging her way through the crowd. Jaxxon recognised her to be a chat-show host.

“Well if it isn’t Crystal Marsden.” Isla’s smile was deceivingly friendly.

Crystal halted in her stride and glared at the actress. “Don’t bother, I don’t have time for backstabbing overactors, or” – she looked at Jonathan – “failing producers, or” – she switched her attention to Anna – “little -”

“Hey,” snapped Jaxxon. “Not a word about her.”

Crystal inhaled sharply, a look of surprise on her face. “I’m supposed to bow down to the face of Allure, am I?”

“I don’t care whether you bow, clap or flip me off. But you leave Anna be.”

Scrutinsing Jaxxon with her eyes, Crystal placed her hands on her hips. “You know what they say – you can pamper a poodle, but it will still be a dog.”

Jaxxon was pretty sure she had never heard anyone say that before. As backward insults went, that one was crap, but whatever. “If that’s the best you’ve got in your locker your imagination can’t be up to much.”

“Face of Allure you might be, but remember this: you’ll always be a product of the failed social system.”

Jaxxon pinned the much-too-talkative snotty cow with a glare that she knew had to be shimmering with all the exasperation she was feeling. She guessed it was the same look that Richie, Ollie and Tony claimed put people in a thrall because the snob seemed mesmerised. Good, at least she would definitely be listening. “Here’s something for
you
to remember; you might have been born into money, but you came out of a vagina the same as everyone else. Popping out of one that’s rich doesn’t make you anything but lucky, or susceptible to being stuck up your own arse. Whichever.” With that, Jaxxon pulled Anna further into the crowd. Again her spine tingled and the skin of her back was almost burning. She wasn’t sure how much longer she could resist swerving around to see who the hell was staring.

“Bloody women,” grumbled Bruno as he very abruptly appeared at their side. “No offense,” he added quickly.

“What’s up?” asked Jaxxon.

“My ex.”

“She didn’t come,” guessed Anna, her voice sympathy itself.

“Oh she’s here alright. With someone else.” Anna gasped. Jaxxon winced. “They’re looking really cozy.”

“Maybe you should talk to her,” said Anna. “It might just be for show – you know, like Ollie wanted you and Jaxxon to play up to the rumors.”

“I thought of that, but after talking to her I learnt that it’s no so innocent at all.”

“Boyfriend?” guessed Anna.

“Fiancée.”

Again Anna gasped as Jaxxon winced. Jaxxon knew from experience that finding out someone you cared about actually cared for someone else…it was like being gutted.

“You can’t let her see she’s got to you like this,” insisted Anna. “Her or him.”

“I agree,” he said.

Anna spoke in a conspiratorial whisper. “You should find yourself a beautiful girl in here and flirt outrageously with her right under your ex’s nose. Show her she’s not the center of your world.”

“I was thinking exactly the same thing.” He cast a glance at Jaxxon, his expression a plea.

Jaxxon understood immediately. “You want to use me to make her jealous?”

“I just don’t think it’s fair to use someone who doesn’t know that I don’t really have any intention of acting on what -”

“I get it, I get it.” Jaxxon sighed. “Well I am pretty bored…”

Instantly Bruno threw an arm around her, but it was an embrace full of gratitude. Jaxxon managed to refrain from wincing at the physical contact. “So, I’m thinking that we basically just keep murmuring in each other’s ears and laugh now and then at absolutely nothing…?”

Anna giggled. “You two look so cute.”

The first thing Connor had felt on spotting her was shock. It was not at all an easy thing to shock someone who had seen the unexpected so many times in his life. It had just never occurred to him to even wonder if Jaxx would be at the event. He’d have to get used to the fact that she was now part of the celebrity world. A world that had him gritting his teeth and rolling his eyes a lot of the time.

It was an instinctive reaction to want to go to her, but he’d resisted – taking a moment to drink her in as she talked with that pain-in-the-arse actress and producer. Gorgeous. Entrancing. In that dress and with her hair gathered up, tendrils dangling around her shoulders, she had almost every bloke admiring her. Not that she noticed. So she still didn’t see how attractive she was. Still didn’t realise what she did to people. In Connor’s opinion, with her unique appearance and her incredible inner strength, there was no one to equal her.

Mine
.

The thought came from nowhere and everywhere. He shrugged it away, wondering what was wrong with him. He wanted her, yeah, but only in the physical sense. In which case he had to ask himself how he could honestly have thought that he could have met up with her as a mate
and expected not to want a little more. He didn’t have an answer. Apparently his brain was a bit scrambled tonight.

Just as he had been about to approach her, a bloke had appeared who was now touching and whispering to her. A feeling so black and unfamiliar that he didn’t at first recognise it travelled through his veins like wildfire – jealousy. He tried to shake off that odd feeling but couldn’t. At that moment he didn’t know what he wanted to do more; yell at her or fuck her within an inch of her life. He supposed that his anger over the situation was hypocritical considering that he hadn’t come alone either, but this intense feeling of possessiveness had driven out all rational thought.

Almost as if she had felt Connor’s gaze boring into her, Jaxx turned her head. The second her eyes met his, a raging need slammed into him with the force of a freight train. What passed between them as their eyes locked was a frighteningly fierce and primitive need. He felt stripped bare under that powerful, smoldering glare, but he didn’t try to hide anything; not even his feelings of possessiveness or jealousy. He doubted that he could have anyway, it was all too potent.