From Rags (38 page)

Jaxxon snuggled back into the seat and closed her eyes. A little doze would do her the world of good right now.

“Are you and Anna going to spend your last day in Perth tomorrow going off to see the sights?” asked Ollie. “I can arrange a driver for you.”

“I don’t know yet,” she said tiredly. Anna had been flying to and from London to see Jaxxon every couple of weeks for a few days. Richie probably wouldn’t have allowed the disturbance on Anna’s schedule if he and Ollie hadn’t been concerned about Jaxxon after the whole Sean thing. Apparently the fact that she hadn’t had some sort of breakdown was worrying the hell out of them. The Sean thing she could move on from without being tempted to dwell. In fact, instead of it feeling like a terrible event, it all actually gave her a sense of peace. Maybe that was because she finally felt as though she’d fought back against bastards like him, or maybe it was because now she could relax knowing that he wouldn’t be terrorizing any of the people she cared about while she was gone.

“I noticed you and Anna talking to that rock band last night who’s staying in our hotel. They’re on their own tour, right?” At her nod, he continued, “The lead singer’s taken a shine to you.” A real shine to her, but much to the bloke’s disappointment she hadn’t been responsive which he’d attributed to her being with McKenzie – the world hadn’t yet clicked on that their ‘relationship’ was over, which was good because it was giving her time to heal. But what concerned Ollie was that she wasn’t healing. She was still her normal blunt, rude, playful self…but something was missing. He wasn’t sure if he most wanted to pummel McKenzie or demand that he come and fix what he’d broken. “Oi, did you see the most recent FHM magazine addition?”

“I can’t say one of my pastimes is reading men’s mags.”

“You got the top spot on the Hottest 100 Women.”

She shot him a skeptical look. “You’re taking the Mick.”

He giggled at her incredulity. “Luv, may God strike me down dead now if I’m lying. You’ve heard of that actor who seems to be Hollywood’s favourite right now, Aiden Roberts, haven’t you? Well, when he was asked in an interview what celebrity he would love to date, he said you.”

She sighed. “Ollie, stop with the Cupid crap. I’ll bother with a bloke when I can be arsed.”

“If this was Anna you’d be just as -”

“Oh for the love of God, Ollie, will you shut your gob so I can sleep!”

He fought the urge to laugh. “Shutting up right now.”

But Jaxxon didn’t sleep. Most of the time she managed not to think about Connor. She had accepted it was over and knew that spending time thinking about him was counterproductive to healing. Her mind understood that and was clear about moving on. Her body and soul were lagging behind. Was it possible to force yourself to stop loving someone? She wasn’t optimistic considering that she had spent the past eight years in that state over him. Would it take eight years to dig herself back out of it?
Could
she? Realising what she was doing, she gave herself a mental slap. Hadn’t she promised herself that she wouldn’t pine over him, that instead of treating it as an ending she’d look at it as the beginning of something new? In so many words that was what Ollie was hinting at, wasn’t he – move on, make a fresh start with someone else. It was the ‘someone else’ part of his solution that she had trouble with.

In spite of the fact that every bone in her body was exhausted, she was strides ahead of Ollie as they exited the limo and headed into the hotel.
Bed
. She was going to go to her room, munch on chocolate, then collapse into bed. And if her upstairs neighbours decided to talk a bit more about who the daddy was or cry again about how much David was loved, she’d go up there and give them something to really bloody cry about.

Jaxxon abruptly stopped in her tracks as a tingle spread down her spine and the hairs on the back of her neck bristled. Someone was staring. It didn’t feel
wrong
the way it did when Sean had watched her, but there was something intense about the gaze locked onto her. Like the time at the charity event. Like the time in the restaurant at the Alps. Slowly she turned…and hitched in a breath. There Connor stood about ten feet away from her in a simple get up of a dark blue t-shirt and blue jeans; he was still so gorgeous, masculine and tempting that it hurt. A rush of heat and hunger assailed her as her body leapt to attention.

So long, it had been so long since Connor had last been able to soak up just the mere sight of her. His pulse was racing; not just with the craving he had for her or the anticipation he was feeling at the prospect of touching her, but with just being near her again and breathing the same air as her. He wanted to go to her and touch her, but she was looking pretty cheesed off. In fact, she’d looked like that before she even seen him. Now…it was bad. Her eyes were more feral than he’d ever seen them, but it only made his dick jerk.

As she watched him advance on her, Jaxxon’s heart went into hyper-drive. It was pulsing just as wildly as her clit. Her entire body throbbed and ached for him which just made her want to kill him. She despised herself for the fact that she was happy to see him and tempted to feel his hands on her. Fortunately for her, she had enough anger curdling inside to fuel a decent rejection. She could do this; she could think passed her need for him and her jolt of happiness at seeing him, tell him to sod off and walk away a third time. She had to.

“Hi babe,” he whispered as he dropped his forehead to hers and inhaled the scent of her. She was wearing her usual perfume and it was playing with his senses and triggering memories that were only increasing his hunger for her. He didn’t dare kiss her, she’d probably slap him. Worse still, it wouldn’t make him stop ravaging her lips; if he started he would not stop.

“You promised me no contact,” she hissed.

“Actually, if you think back, you’ll find that I didn’t promise anything.” He twirled a chocolate-brown curl around his finger. God he’d missed these wild ringlets. “I’d known deep down that I’d never be able to keep that promise.”

So he’d just stayed quiet and let her believe what she wanted? “You devious little -”

“Not devious, babe, just someone who won’t give my word on something unless I’m positive I can keep it. Just someone who really needed to see you.”

She bit back a growl. “I’m not one of your women who’ll hop, skip and shag you whenever you turn up. Go home, Connor.”

Seeing that she was about to walk away, he sighed. “I had a feeling you wouldn’t be reasonable.” He shrugged. “You only have yourself to blame for this.” With that he scooped her up and threw her over his shoulder.

“What the hell are you doing?! Put me down!”

“Can’t, Jaxx, sorry. We need to talk.” As he headed for the elevator he noticed Ollie gawping at them. Connor raised an eyebrow, daring Ollie to intervene. The bloke just shrugged and sighed as if defeated.

“If I wanted to talk to you I’d have phoned!”

He smiled when he felt her reaching down under the waistline of his jeans, searching for his boxers. “You’re wasting your time on that one, I’m going Commando. You’ll also notice that I fastened a belt around my jeans so you couldn’t pull them up the crack of my arse.” Cursing him, she kicked her legs and beat his back with her fists. “As much as I love feeling you rubbing against me like this, you should know that the more you squirm the higher your dress is riding up your thighs. I don’t mind getting a flash but I’m not sure you’ll want everyone else to get a good look at your Brazilian.”

She growled as he stepped into an elevator – an elevator that wasn’t empty! Although she stopped squirming she resumed punching his lower back, then took to scratching him under his t-shirt.

“Mmmm. That’s it, babe, I love it when you scratch me.”

“We’ll see if you love it when I ram the heel of my shoe up your rusty bullet hole!”

“Dirty talk already, Jaxx?”

She continued to struggle. “Connor Lee McKenzie -”

“I’m getting my full title? You must really be fuming with me right now.”

Growling, she got to work on his lower back again. Then she jerked and gasped in shock as a hand came down hard on her arse. “You just spanked me!” she said disbelievingly. And in an elevator in front of people! Oh she was so going to kill him.

“God I’ve missed doing that.”

“You’ll be missing your balls as well!”

Exiting the elevator on the fourth floor, he took long, quick strides to the luxurious suite he’d checked into only minutes ago. Once inside he advanced straight to the bedroom and plonked a still struggling and cursing Jaxx on the huge double bed. Before she had a chance to launch herself at him he flipped her onto her stomach and pressed his body weight down on her while he secured her wrists with the cuffs he’d had waiting on the headboard.

“Ohhhhhhhhhhhh you sadistic twat!”

He then slid down her body, keeping his weight over her, until he reached her ankles which he also cuffed to the bed, leaving her in a fantastic starfish pose. “Sorry, Jaxx, but I had to be prepared in case you wouldn’t listen to me.”

“You think
this
will make me want
to listen?”

“Well no but it does mean you’ll have to.” He settled down beside her but she turned her head away. Propping himself up on one elbow, he drew circles on her back through her dress – a dress that had a long zip that stopped at her pelvis, begging
to be lowered.

“Don’t touch me!”

“I’m just trying to relax you, babe.”

“Just tell me what you want. Oh hang on, let me guess, you were passing by and thought you’d drop in for a quickie.”

“Actually I’ve just got off a very long flight to here from London to see you.”

“Why? Haven’t you got over that addiction yet?” She snickered, trying to veil just how her body was responding to his touch. “Or was it that you heard some rumour about me being with another bloke and felt compelled to come and scare him off with the caveman routine?”

“I’ll be honest and say that it has been playing on my mind that you might be with someone, and I just can’t have that, Jaxx.”

“Oh so you get to have as many bed-buddies as you like while I have to live the life of a bleeding nun?”

“I haven’t been with anyone since you.” Needing to taste her skin again, he kissed her shoulder.

She snorted. “Like I’d believe that.”

“It’s true.” He trailed kisses along her shoulder to her nape. Her answering shudder relieved him. She was still responsive to him even if she wished she wasn’t.

“Stop kissing and touching me.”

“I can’t, babe, I’ve missed you so fucking much. Everything in that apartment reminded me of you and having the dog didn’t help.”

“I told Tony to take him.”

“I kept him.”

Shocked, she almost laughed. “Why?”

He buried his face in her soft, silky hair, loving the scent of her strawberry shampoo. “He was all I had left of you and I didn’t know how to let go. I didn’t want to either.”

That had her backpedalling. The combination of his words and his relaxing touches – that were, unfortunately, still managing to feed her craving for him – had her melting into the mattress and calming. It was nice to know she wasn’t turning frigid. “It’s not enough that you missed me, Connor.”

“I know, I know.” Unable to stop himself, he slowly lowered the zipper on her dress.

“Connor, no -” 

“Please, babe, I need this, I need to touch you.” Lightly he ran his fingertips along her back.

“If you know it’s not enough then why are you here? On the off-chance that I might be up for a one-off shag?”

After a deep, preparatory breath, he said, “You remember I told you that my sister died? What I didn’t tell you was that my dad killed her.” Her head instantly whipped round to face him, her expression one of shock. “He used to knock my mum and me and Selina about all the time. One day, she was eleven, he took it too far. Me and my mum walked in as he was finishing her off, he was so smashed he didn’t even realise how much damage he’d done.”

“That’s why you always hated him so much,” she whispered, recalling the times she’d tried to get him to stop wasting energy on hating him.

He nodded. “The reason my mum found it so easy to dump me onto social services when her boyfriend asked was because she couldn’t bear the sight of me. She said I looked too much like him, I reminded her of him. And I had his temper. You know what? Before that she was a good mum, a good person. What he did just messed her up. He messed up her life and mine and, worse, ended Selina’s. I was terrified she was right and I was like him; that I might have it in me to hurt a kid or a woman or mess up people’s lives.”

“So you decided not to have a family.”

“I didn’t cry when Selina died, you know. Or when my mum dumped me. I came close but never did. I don’t ever remember crying much as a kid. I thought if I couldn’t even cry when my own sister died then I couldn’t have really loved her, and if I couldn’t love my own sister then I was someone who just couldn’t love at all. That was what I reasoned.”

She really wanted to say something. The bloke had just told her some major stuff, had just confided in her to an extent that he never had before. But nothing came to mind.

“I’m not telling you so you’ll feel sorry for me or to soften you up,” he stated as he kissed his way along her spine. “I just want you to understand that the reason I tried to keep things casual wasn’t because I didn’t care about you. I honestly didn’t think I could give you anything more or feel anything more.” He slid his hand under her dress and palmed her arse. “But as it turns out, I’ve been a blind prick.”

She couldn’t help but close her eyes and moan as he clutched and massaged her arse. She’d missed him and missed his hands on her. Then his words filtered through. “Blind prick?”

He glided his hand along her inner thigh, loving the way she quivered, and slid his finger passed her thong and between her slippery folds. “Jesus, babe, you’re already wet for me.”

“Stop.” The protest was so weak she might have slapped herself for sounding so pathetic if she wasn’t cuffed to the bed. So caught up in the sensations, she couldn’t even open her eyes. “Connor, don’t. I told you I can’t move on if you walk in and out like this.”