From Now On (12 page)

             
It was truly over now. She knew that deep in her heart.

             
Tears sprang to her eyes. She had finally met that one guy, the one she wanted more than anything to give her heart to, and he didn’t want her.

             
Jo sighed, rubbing her eyes with the heel of her hand, and forced herself to focus on work. She didn’t expect to have company for lunch, so she decided to just work through so that she could go home early. Therefore, it was something of a shock when she found herself with not just one, but two, lunch companions.

             
Mark arrived first, a bag filled with her favorite lunch in his hand.

             
“I hope you’re hungry,” he said, holding the bag up. “They were having a special.”

             
Jo looked up, surprise not a strong enough word to express the feelings raging through her. “Mark,” she said stupidly, as though he had just returned from a twenty-year absence.

             
He stepped into the room and closed the door behind him. He stood in front of her desk, reminding her of a child standing for punishment in the principal’s office, and studied her face with a growing look of regret on his face. “About last night—”

             
“Isn’t that the beginning of some god-awful joke?” Jo asked. She didn’t know what he was about to say. All she knew was that she couldn’t take another of those, it’s not you it’s me speeches. Not from him.

             
Jo moved around the desk and took the bag of burritos from him on her way to the couch. “I hope you remembered the salsa this time.”

             
“I don’t think I could forget.” He turned and watched her settle herself on the couch. She kept her head bowed, studying the contents of the greasy bag as though it was the best looking meal she had ever had.

             
“Jo?”

             
She shook her head. “Please, don’t,” she whispered.

             
“Don’t what?” he asked.

             
“Please don’t talk about last night. I don’t want to hear how it was a mistake, how we shouldn’t have. I don’t think I could—”

             
“It wasn’t a mistake.”

             
She looked up, unsure she had heard him correctly. He was still there, still watching her with that same regret in his eyes. Then he came to her, kneeling in front of her. He took her hands and held them tight between his own.

             
“You are the last person I want to hurt, but it seems like every time I turn around, that’s exactly what I’m doing.”

             
“You have a lot on your plate right now,” she said.

             
“Yes, but that’s no excuse.” He stared down at their entwined hands for a minute, and she just watched, unsure of what he was trying to say, but unable to once again squash that balloon of hope slowly filling in her chest.

             
“My kids are my priority,” he finally said. “They are everything to me and I have to do all I can to protect them.” He looked up at her, studied her face. “I know you understand that.”

             
“I do.”

             
“Then you’ll understand when I tell you that I care about you, Jo. And what happened last night, it was something I have dreamed of so many times over the past weeks. But I just—” he groaned, releasing her hand to rub his temples. “I can’t move this fast, not when I have my kids to think about. Not with the custody battle coming up. Do you understand?”

             
Before Jo could answer, before she could assure him that she was willing to wait a lifetime if that was what he wanted, before she could tell him to do whatever he needed to do, there was a tap on her door followed by her sister’s head popping into the office.

             
“Hey, Jo. I thought we could—”

             
Mark pulled away and stood up as Emily came the rest of the way into the room, clearly surprised to find Jo with a man. Jo could see the appraising look she gave him, could see that she was impressed with what she saw. A flash of memory burst through Jo’s mind, of the first time Emily met Ryan. Suddenly she felt cold and was sure nothing would ever warm her again.

             
“Emily, this is Mark,” Jo said in a stiff, cold voice. “Mark, my sister, Emily.”

             
Mark crossed the room and offered Emily a hand. “It’s nice to meet you. Jo’s told me a lot about you.” Isn’t that what Ryan said, too?

             
“I think she’s mentioned you once or twice, too,” Emily said as he gently grasped her hand, then let go. Emily looked over at Jo, her eyebrows raised in an unasked question.

             
“We were just—” Jo began when Mark interrupted.

             
“I was just going. You two enjoy your lunch.”

             
He was gone before Jo could do anything to stop him.

             
“He’s really cute,” Emily said as she plopped down on the couch beside Jo.

             
“Yeah, he is,” Jo said.

             
Suddenly the idea of food left Jo nauseated. She dropped the bag of burritos on the cushion between her and Emily. Then she stood, absentmindedly brushing the wrinkles from her skirt as she moved to the window. She tried not to let her mind go where it shouldn’t, tried not to see too much in what Mark had said. But it was so hard not to. A moment ago, she would have bought every word he said, she would have trusted blindly and promised him anything. But not now. Reality was harsh. She had been here before. How many times would she let a man walk all over her before she learned her lesson?

             
“Are you okay?” Emily asked. “Did I interrupt something?”

             
“No. Nothing,” Jo said, surprised by the calm, the steel, in her voice.

             
“Jo?” Emily moved up behind her and Jo felt Emily press a hand to her shoulder. “Are you sure you’re okay?”

             
A giggle, lost in a sob, escaped Jo’s lips. She found herself imagining Mark with Emily. She could easily see him with a glamorous woman, a woman who put more value in a good stick of lipstick than a dozen high-priced stock certificates. It was all an excuse, a way of keeping her from making things more difficult for him. He didn’t want her any more than he had wanted to leave the Army, than he had wanted his divorce.

             
Why was she so blind?

             
Jo walked Emily out to her car, assuring her the whole way that she only had work trouble on her mind. “Are you sure?” Emily asked for the zillionth time, beginning to push Jo’s patience to the limit.

             
“I’m fine, Emily,” Jo sighed. “Go home and worry about something else. Like a certain upcoming wedding.”

             
Emily studied her face for a long second. “I know you too well to believe a word you’re saying,” she said with a stubborn glint to her eye. “But I’ll go just because that’s what you want.”

             
Jo kissed her cheek lightly and stepped back as Emily pulled out of the lot.

             
Tired, and feeling a little out of sorts, Jo wandered back into the lobby.  She told herself that she should not jump to conclusions. Mark came to her, he apologized and explained himself. She should be more understanding, should learn to trust. But trust was something that did not come easy to her anymore.

             
Jo was so lost in thought that she did not see Robert, the security guard who manned the main desk, until she had nearly walked right into him.

“Hey, pretty lady,” he said with a hearty chuckle. “That was a near disaster.”

             
“Sorry,” Jo mumbled to the floor.

             
“Jo?” he said with concern. “You okay?”

             
“I’m fine, Robert,” she said. She even forced a smile to support her words, but knew he could see right through her. Robert was a kindly gentleman, one of a lost age. He had worked in this building longer than BerCo had owned it, always greeting each and every worker with a smile and an anecdote if they would stay around long enough to listen. With the exception of her secretary, Sandy, Robert was the only coworker Jo looked forward to seeing each day.
             

             
Robert studied her face for a minute. “Do me a favor?”

             
“Anything,” Jo said, this time her smile genuine.

             
“Watch the desk for me. After I visit the facilities, we’ll have a nice little chat.”

             
He sounded so much like her father that Jo’s eyes momentarily filled with tears. She blinked quickly and nodded, choking out a simple response before Robert patted her shoulder and walked away.

             
Jo dropped her satchel behind the desk and curled up in Robert’s oversized office chair. She found herself thinking about her dad. He was the one person she could go to with any problem and, even if he did not have a specific answer, he always had something to say that would make the hurt go away. She wondered what he would say now if she went to him about Mark. Would he tell her to trust that Mark would not turn from her again? Or would he tell her that she could do better?

             
Lost in thought, Jo didn’t hear the front doors open or see the sheriff’s deputy until he cleared his throat. With a blush bringing color to her pale face, Jo stood to greet the visitor.

             
“Can I help you?”

             
The deputy looked at some official papers in his hand. “I need to speak to Mark Rutledge. Can you tell me what floor he’s on?”

             
“Two,” Jo said automatically, her mind immediately wondering where this was going. Was she about to see Mark arrested? “But you can’t go up there. It’s a restricted area.”

             
The deputy leveled his dark gaze on her. “I have some papers I need to serve him.”

             
Relief mixed with a new anxiety made Jo’s limbs weak even as she reached for the phone. “I’ll have the operator page him.”

             
“I appreciate it,” the deputy said.

             
After making the call and hearing the page over the phone’s intercom, Jo settled back into Robert’s chair. She watched the deputy as he stood off to the side, his paperwork clutched in his hand and a cell phone pressed to his ear. Robert came back and, after ascertaining that everything was under control, tried to draw Jo into a conversation. She barely heard a word he said, but the second the elevator arrived on their floor she was on her feet.

             
Mark hesitated as he stepped off the elevator and saw her sitting behind the desk. Jo gestured toward the deputy. Taking his cue from Mark’s arrival, the deputy stepped forward. “Mr. Rutledge?” he asked.

             
Mark strode toward the deputy. “Yes.”

             
“Mr. Mark Rutledge?”

             
“Yes,” Mark repeated.

             
“You’ve been served,” the deputy said, handing Mark the papers he had been carrying. Then he held up a clipboard and asked Mark to sign it. “Have a good day,” the deputy said as he walked away. As if he hadn’t just blindsided Mark out of his sense of safety.

             
Jo went to Mark’s side the instant the deputy was gone. He was leafing through the large bundle of papers. Jo could see the words “custody of minor children” at the top of the first page. Her heart sank. “Oh, Mark,” she whispered.

             
When he looked up, Jo could see just how deeply this was cutting him. Everything forgotten, she wanted to pull him into her arms and hold him. She wanted to offer words of sympathy and comfort. She wanted to make his pain go away.

             
“I’m sorry, Jo,” he sighed as he turned away.

             
Again.

             
Jo was in the kitchen, elbow deep in bread dough, when the phone rang. She looked at her hands and thought briefly about ignoring the phone’s insistent wailing. Then it crossed her mind that it might be Mark. That forced her to grab the phone just seconds before it would have sent the call to voice mail.

             
“Hello?”

             
“Hey, Jo.”