Friends Wanting Benefits (18 page)

Jillian announced, "We went out for ice cream a couple weeks after the school dance, remember?"

After thinking for a moment, George looked to his wife. "Are you sure?"

"Yes." She sighed.

"Oh, yeah. She's right," George admitted as he picked up his beer and tipped it back for a much-needed drink.

Rising to his feet, Ricky widened his eyes as he made his way behind Theresa and Jeff, who of course, nailed the answer as well.

"That's twenty points for Gloria and Robert and twenty points for Theresa and Jeff." Ricky cleared his throat then said, "Harold you're looking better and better."

The audience burst into laughter as George shimmied uncomfortably in his seat.

The next question was a softball where Ricky asked the ladies what their husband's favorite ice cream flavor was and everyone got it right.

"Couples, what was the last movie you saw together in the theater?" Ricky asked.

The contestants wrote their answers as Ricky moved behind Jeff and Theresa.

"Theresa?"

She held up her board as she said, "
Robin Hood
."

Jeff held up his matching board and smiled.

The cruise director moved behind Gloria and Robert.

She held up her board and said, "
Shutter Island
."

Robert frowned and held up his board which read, '
MacGruber
.'

Ricky stared up to the crowd dumbfounded then said, "
MacGruber
? Is that even a real movie?"

"Yeah..." Robert said defensively. "It is a real movie."

"I would've never gone to see something silly like that with you," Gloria whined.

The audience laughed out loud as Ricky shook his head. "I don't blame you Gloria. That doesn't sound like my kind of movie either."

Standing behind George and Jillian, Ricky widened his eyes as he took a big pause while the crowd giggled softly. "Here's your chance to gain a little ground. Jillian what did you put down?"

Holding up her board, she said, "
It's Complicated
."

"Oh, that was a funny one." Ricky said.

Ricky noticed George's jaw drop and he rushed to his side, cringing. "I think it's about to get a little
more
complicated."

The audience roared with laughter, which went on for at least ten seconds and when the crowd finally quieted, George lifted his board half-heartedly. "I had, uh,
The Blind Side
."

"Jillian is he right?"

She shook her head. "Remember we saw
It's Complicated
on New Year's Day and I think we saw
The Blind Side
earlier, around Thanksgiving."

"Oh, yeah..." George frowned. "That's right, I think I fell asleep during your movie."

"He actually did," Jillian agreed, rolling her eyes.

The crowd giggled as Ricky headed away wearing a wide-eyed hesitant look. Next he asked the men about their wives' bra sizes and only Robert answered correctly, but, at least, Jeff was in the ballpark. George, however, wasn't even close.

Ricky asked, "Couples… Which movie describes your sex life?
As Good as it Gets
,
Superman
,
The Fast and the Furious
,
Finding Nemo
,
Gone with the Wind
or
Gone in 60 seconds
?"

As the crowd chuckled over the choices, the couples got to work writing on their boards. After everyone placed their answers face down on their laps, the cruise director stepped behind Theresa and Jeff and said, "Jeff, let's see what you wrote."

He held up his board and Ricky flashed the crowd a naughty smile. "Okay, Superman."

Theresa put on a cocky grin as she held up her matching answer and the crowd applauded.

Ricky sauntered over to stand behind George and Jillian and he curled his lip. The crowd chuckled as he knelt down next to him and whispered into the microphone, "Um, George, you really need to get this one right. You guys are struggling just a bit."

"Tell me about it." He frowned.

"So what did you put down?"

George shrugged as he held up his board. "
Fast and the Furious
?"

Closing her eyes, Jillian dropped her head down as George tipped his beer back again and took a swig.

"Uh-oh..." Ricky cringed as he rose up and moved next to Jillian. Standing near her, he shook his head from side to side and spoke in an affected voice, "I fear it
don't
look good."

Sighing, she held up her board. "I had, um...
Gone with the Wind
."

"What's that supposed to mean?" Glaring at her, George scoffed.

"Okay, so tell me when exactly it is
furious
?" Jillian widened her eyes. "Or
fast
for that matter."

The crowd whooped and hollered as Ricky tiptoed away wearing an over-the-top hesitant look. This drove the audience even more nuts, and both Jillian and George shared an insulted look before glaring angrily at one another.

When the audience finally quieted down Ricky cleared his throat, held the microphone close to his mouth with both hands and bugged his eyes out as he said, "The terror continues."

Enjoying the reaction to his latest jab, the cruise director made his way to Theresa and Jeff who both selected "
As Good as it Gets
."

"Couples... Just one question left." Ricky walked back to center stage and reviewed the card he held in his hand. "Theresa and Jeff have fifty points. Gloria and Robert also have fifty points." He cleared his throat. "Um, George and Jillian, you have only ten points. Now this last question is worth thirty points... Mathematically you can't win but you can walk away with your heads held high if you get this right."

The struggling couple returned a half-hearted smile to their host.

Rubbing his hands together, Ricky smiled. "Couples, where is the strangest place you ever made 'whoopee'?" After flashing the audience a naughty grin he paced around behind the contestants.

George took a moment and stared down to his blank board before picking up his aluminum beer car and downing the rest of it. After shrugging, he got to work writing as Ricky paced behind the couples while he smiled at the crowd.

"Okayy..." Cringing, Ricky moved behind George and tapped his finger on his chin. "George, where is the strangest place you ever made 'whoopee'?"

Raising his board up proudly, he announced "The butt."

Ricky's eyes widened and he dropped the microphone. The crowd erupted in a mixture of gasps, laughter and loud murmuring.

Turning pale white, Jillian covered her face.

George sat on the bed in their cabin as Jillian glared down to him, speechless.

He looked up to her and shrugged. "What?"

"The butt?" Widening her eyes, she scoffed.

"Yeah, I, uh—"

"The butt..." She chuckled. "That's your answer to the strangest place we've ever done it."

"I thought he was asking
where
not what place..." He frowned and added sheepishly, "Where as in on your body where."

"Uh-huh." She plopped down on the sofa and shook her head.

"Why, what'd you write?"

"The backseat of a car."

"Okay, yeah."

"That's all you have to say?" She folded her arms.

He glared at her. "What the hell do you want me to say?"

"Why are we still married?" She raised her palms in the air.

"What?"

"We obviously don't know each other that well... This game made that painfully obvious."

"Come on." He rolled his eyes. "That's not fair."

"Have we had sex once since we've been on the cruise?"

"You've always been busy when—"

"I've been busy." She shot him a look that could kill. "I have?"

"Yeah." Rising to his feet, he walked to the patio door and looked out.

"You're unbelievable." She scoffed. "Three nights ago I was in bed naked and you didn't notice."

"How was I supposed to know that?"

"Um, you could come over to my side."

"Me?" He turned to look at her. "You could come over to my side. Ever think of that?"

"Oh, I do."

"Right... well, that day we were supposed to have the couples massage. I thought we'd do that together then come back here and you know..." he glared at her, "... but you blew it off."

"I was busy."

"You're always busy." He rolled his eyes. "I'm always the one initiating sex and ninety-nine percent of the time I get turned down so I finally stopped bothering."

"You're the one?" She scoffed.

"Yeah, I stopped years ago."

"What are you talking about?"

"I got sick of hearing I'm tired… or that tickles… or don't do that… or my stomach doesn't feel right. Or my favorite is we'd be doing it and suddenly you're not really there and looking away and thinking of God knows what."

"Sometimes I have a lot on my mind," she replied defensively.

"Yeah, like what?"

"Like… like our son and my books and taking care of the house and..." she said with her voice cracking.

"Great… Okay." He sighed.

"I... I..." With tears streaming down her face, she began, "You know the hooded rapist they were looking for?"

"Yeah?"

Shrugging, she motioned to her face with both hands.

His jaw dropped open. "What are you saying?"

"That was me. I was coming into the steam room to put a little magic back in our relationship."

"No way." He scoffed. "That was you?"

"It was Victoria's idea, but that was me."

"Figures." Frowning, he rolled his eyes again.

"What?" She glared at him, waiting.

"Nothing. Forget it."

"No, what figures?"

"You really want to know?"

"I do!"

"Okay..." he put on a superior expression, "... that it had to be someone else's idea."

"Screw you."

"I'm just saying, you write about all this amazing fantasy sex, but you think it's just going to magically happen without putting in some actual effort and using some of that imagination with us."

"Oh, I've been trying."

He said sarcastically, "All right."

"Tell me how you've tried on this trip, huh? When I tried, you were pooping your brains out in the bathroom."

"That's not fair."

"You've been living in that damn casino the whole trip." She folded her arms and sneered. "How much of my money have you lost?"

"What? Your money."

"Yeah, how much?"

He scoffed. "You're going to try to make me feel like shit again because you make all the money and I'm just a loser, right?"

"No, that's not what I'm saying."

"Unbelievable." He turned away. "You always do this."

"You've spent so much time in the casino that I think I should know how much you've lost."

"I'm getting out of here." He headed for the door.

"I won't be here when you get back!"

"Good." Glaring back at her, he ripped the door open then stormed out.

Jillian exhaled deeply as the door slammed closed then she muttered, "Shit."