Fried Green Tomatoes at the Whistle Stop Cafe (31 page)

As she turned the corner and saw Cleo and Ninny’s house, something Ruth said dawned on her. What note? She hadn’t sent any note.

In a 27 to 20 win over Edgewood, with the score tied 20–20 throughout the fourth quarter, victory for Whistle Stop came in the thrilling 43-yard pass made by Whistle Stop’s one-armed quarterback, Buddy (Stump) Threadgoode, a senior.

“Stump is our most valuable player,” said Coach Delbert Naves in an interview earlier today. “His winning attitude and team spirit has made the difference. Despite his handicap, he has been able to complete 33 out of 37 attempted passes this year. He is able to take the snap from center and hug the ball to his chest, get the correct grip, and throw the ball in less than two seconds, and his speed and accuracy are outstanding.”

This B-average student is also on the first string
baseball and basketball team. He is the son of Mrs. Ruth Jamison, of Whistle Stop, and when asked how he became so proficient in sports, he said that his Aunt Idgie, who helped raise him, taught him everything he knows about football.

Stump had just come in from practice and got himself a Coke. Idgie was behind the counter fixing Smokey Lonesome a second cup of coffee, and she said to him as he passed by, “I want to talk to you, young man.”

Uh-oh, thought Smokey, and buried his head in his pie.

Stump said, “What’d I do? I didn’t do anything …”

“That’s what you think, little fella,” she said to Stump, who at the time was six feet tall and shaving. “Let’s go in the back room.”

He followed her slowly and sat down at the table. “Where’s Momma?”

“She’s over at the school at a meeting. Now, young man, what did you say to Peggy this afternoon?”

He looked innocent. “Peggy? Peggy who?”

“You know Peggy who. Peggy Hadley.”

“I didn’t say anything.”

“You didn’t say anything.”

“No.”

“Then why do you suppose she came in the cafe, no more than an hour ago, just crying her eyes out?”

“I don’t know. How should I know?”

“Didn’t she ask you to go to the Sadie Hawkins Dance with her this afternoon?”

“Yeah, I guess she may have. I don’t remember.”

“And what did you say?”

“Aw, Aunt Idgie, I don’t want to go to any dance with her. She’s just a kid.”

“What did you say?”

“I told her I was busy or something. She’s crazy, anyhow.”

“Mister, I am asking you what you said to that girl.”

“Aw, I was just kidding.”

“You were just kidding, huh? What you were doing is standing around, trying to be a big shot in front of all your friends, is what you were doing.”

He shifted uncomfortably in his chair.

“You told her to come back when she had grown some tits and ask you again. Isn’t that right?”

He didn’t answer.

“Isn’t that right?”

“Aunt Idgie, I was just
kidding.
”

“Well, you’re lucky you didn’t get your face popped.”

“Her brother was standing right there with me.”

“Well, he ought to have his butt kicked, too.”

“She’s just making a big thing out of nothing.”

“A big thing out of nothing? Do you have any idea how much nerve it took for that poor little thing to ask you to the dance, and then for you to say something like that in front of all those boys? Now, you listen, buddy boy. Your mother and I didn’t raise you to be an ignorant, knothead redneck. How would you feel if somebody talked like that to your mother? What if some girl told you to come back when you grew a penis?”

Stump turned red. “Don’t talk like that, Aunt Idgie.”

“Yes I will talk like that. I will not have you acting like white trash. Now, if you don’t want to go to the dance, that’s one thing, but you are not going to talk to Peggy or any other girl like that. Do you hear me?”

“Yes’m.”

“I want you to go down to her house right now and apologize to her. And I don’t mean maybe. Do you hear me?”

“Yes ma’am.”

He got up.

“Sit down. I’m not through with you!”

Stump sighed and slumped back down in his chair. “What now?”

“I need to talk to you about something. I wanna know what’s going on with you and the girls.”

Stump looked uncomfortable. “What do you mean?”

“I’ve never pried into your personal life. You’re seventeen years old and big enough to be a man, but your mother and I are worried about you.”

“Why?”

“We thought you might outgrow this stage you’re in, but you’re too old to keep hanging around the boys like you do.”

“What’s the matter with my friends?”

“Nothing, it’s just that they’re all boys.”

“So?”

“There are a whole bunch of girls that are just crazy about you, and you never even give them the time of day.”

No answer.

“You act like a horse’s ass whenever one of them tries to talk to you. I’ve seen you.”

Stump started picking a hole in the checked oilcloth on the table.

“Look at me when I talk to you … your cousin Buster is already married, with a baby on the way, and he’s only a year older than you.”

“So?”

“So you’ve never even asked a girl out to a picture show, and every time there’s a dance over at the school, you decide to go hunting.”

“I like to hunt.”

“So do I. But you know, there’s more to life than hunting and sports.”

Stump sighed again and closed his eyes. “I don’t like to do anything else.”

“I bought you that car and had it fixed up for you because I thought you might want to take Peggy somewhere, but all you do is run it up and down the road with the boys.”

“Why Peggy?”

“Well, Peggy or anybody—I don’t want you winding up all alone like poor Smokey in there.”

“Smokey’s all right.”

“I know he’s all right, but he’d be a whole lot better if he had a wife and a family. What’s gonna happen to you if something happens to me or your mother?”

“I’ll get by. I’m not stupid.”

“I know you’d get by, but I’d like to think you’d have somebody to love and take care of you. Before you know it, all the best girls are gonna be taken. And what’s the matter with Peggy?”

“She’s all right.”

“I know you like her. You used to send her valentines before you got to be so high and mighty.”

No answer.

“Well, is there anybody else you like?”

“Naw.”

“Why not?”

Stump began to squirm and yelled, “I JUST DON’T, THAT’S ALL. NOW LEAVE ME ALONE!”

“Listen, bub,” Idgie said, “you may be a big deal on that football field, but I changed your diapers and I’ll knock you to hell and back! Now what is it?”

Stump didn’t answer.

“What is it, son?”

“I don’t know what you’re talking about. I gotta go.”

“Sit down. You don’t have to go anywhere.”

He sighed and sat back down.

Idgie quietly asked, “Stump, don’t you like girls?”

Stump looked away. “Yeah, I like ’em all right.”

“Then why don’t you go out with them?”

“Well, I’m not weird or anything, if that’s what you’re worried about. It’s just—” Stump was wiping his sweaty palm on his khaki pants.

“Come on, Stump, tell me what it is, son. You and I have always been able to talk things out.”

“I know that. I just don’t want to talk to anybody about this.”

“I know you don’t, but I want you to. Now, what is it?”

“Well, it’s just that … oh Jesus!” Then he mumbled, “It’s just that what if one of them wanted to do it …”

“You mean, wanted to have sex?”

Stump nodded and looked at the floor.

Idgie said, “Well then, I’d consider myself a lucky boy, wouldn’t you? I think it would be a compliment.”

Stump wiped the perspiration off his upper lip.

“Son, are you having some kind of physical trouble, you know, getting yourself up? Because if you are, we can take you to the doctor and have you checked out.”

Stump shook his head. “No. It’s not that. Nothing’s the matter with me, I’ve done it a thousand times.”

Idgie was amazed at the number, but remained calm and said, “Well then, at least we know you’re, all right.”

“Yeah, I’m all right, it’s just that, well, I haven’t done it with anybody … you know … I’ve just done it by myself.”

“That’s not gonna hurt you, but don’t you think you should try it out with some girl? I cain’t believe you haven’t had the chance, a good-looking boy like you.”

“Yeah, I had the chance. It’s not that—it’s just—” Idgie heard his voice crack. “It’s just …”

“Just what, son?”

All of a sudden he couldn’t stop the hot tears from running down his face. He looked up at her. “It’s just that I’m scared, Aunt Idgie. I’m just plain scared.”

The one thing Idgie had never suspected was that Stump, who had been so brave all of his life, could be scared of anything.

“What are you afraid of, son?”

“Well, I’m kinda afraid I’ll fall on her or lose my balance because of my arm and maybe I just won’t know how to do it right. You know, I might hurt her or something … I don’t know.”

He was avoiding her eyes.

“Stump, look at me. What are you really afraid of?”

“I told you.”

“You’re afraid some girl might laugh, aren’t you?”

Finally, after a moment, he blurted out, “Yes. I guess that’s it,” and he put his hand over his face, ashamed to be crying.

At that moment, Idgie’s heart went out to him and she did something she very rarely did; she got up and put her arms around him and rocked him like a baby.

“Oh, honey, don’t you cry. Everything’s gonna be all right, angel. Nothing’s gonna happen to you. Aunt Idgie’s not gonna let anything bad ever happen. No I’m not. Have I ever let you down?”

“No ma’am.”

“Nothing bad’s gonna happen to my boy. I won’t have it.” The whole time she was rocking Stump back and forth, she was feeling helpless and was trying to think if she knew someone who might be able to help him.

Early Saturday morning, Idgie drove Stump over to the river, as she had so many years ago, and through the white wagon-wheel gate and up to a cabin with a screened-in porch; and let him out.

The door of the cabin opened, and a freshly bathed, powdered, and perfumed woman with rust-colored hair and apple-green eyes said, “Come on in, sugar,” as Idgie drove away.

Stump Threadgoode, son of Idgie Threadgoode and Ruth Jamison, got a big write-up in the
Birmingham News
. Congratulations. We’re all mighty proud of him, but don’t go in the cafe unless you’re willing to spend an hour having Idgie tell you all about the game. Never saw a prouder parent. And after the game, the whole team and the band and the cheerleaders were treated to free hamburgers at the cafe.

My other half has no fashion sense. I came home the other afternoon looking so smart in my new snood that I got over at Opal’s beauty shop, and he said my snood looked like a goat’s udder with a fly net on it.… Then, on our anniversary, he carries me over to Birmingham to a spaghetti restaurant, when
he knows I’m on a diet.… Men! Can’t live with them, and can’t live without them.