Freed by Fire (8 page)

I spent most of the night on the phone with Maggie. Trying to work up the courage to keep the door unlocked and not chicken out and hide under my covers all night. She told me she didn’t think I was ready either, but that I was seventeen, a woman in many ways, but it was ultimately up to me. I shouldn’t let Matt decide when
I
was ready for something like that. Yes, it was about us, but it was also personal.

I was going to give him something of mine. Something I could never take back, something that once it was gone, I would be forever changed.

I showered, shaved
there
—with the guidance of Google—and slipped into a long t-shirt. Waiting, impatiently, in my bed for Matt to creep into my house like a thief and steal my innocence.

I heard him stumble up the stairs before I heard his distinct “
shit!
” He was here. I sat up in bed just as he opened my bedroom door and stepped in. “Sorry!” he said, covering his mouth.

“Shh! She’s literally right down the hall!”

Matt padded over to the bed and immediately fell on top of me, his weight pressed me hard into the mattress.

“You’ve been drinking…” It wasn’t a question, I knew he had been. I could smell it in his breath and taste it when he kissed me.

“Maybe,” he said, his answer seemed to remain unchanged from previous occurrences when I had asked him the same question. “You smell so good. I want to just eat you. Everywhere.”

I gaped and blushed. “Y-you do?”

Matt nodded and lifted back to sit on his heels, pulling his shirt off. I let myself wander my gaze over his body—which, was nearly damn perfect. I knew he wasn’t academically athletic, so he have must worked out at home or a gym, because he wasn’t a member of any school sports team that I could recall.

“When I leave for Northwestern again this fall, I want to leave knowing that I’ve had you. That you’re mine, that I’ve taken something from you that you can’t give to anyone else.” Matt placed chaste kisses on my lips and jaw, palming my breast through my t-shirt with one hand. “I don’t know if I can do this slowly, Em…I just want to fuck you.”

The word terrified me. Fuck? Jackhammers, freight trains going into tunnels, sewing machines and other fast, loud and penetrating forces skittered in my head and I felt myself begin to panic.

“I thought you came to make love to me, Matt?”

“I did, but you’re too sweet. And you’ve made me wait too long. I just need to let this one go, then I’ll be slow with you later, Em. I promise.”

In a flash he had his shorts and boxers off, he expertly rolled a condom on—not that I knew how an expert did it—but he did it with one hand and was quickly back over top of me.

“Don’t scream,” he said, chuckling. “Well, I wish you would, but,” he nodded his head down the hall, “your mom and all.”

I blinked and nodded as he parted my legs with his knee and placed himself between them. His lips kissed me again, this time soft and passionately, as his hand travelled over my chest, pulling my nipple through my shirt and eventually resting on the smooth of my
down there
.

“Oh, fuck, Em…did you do this for me?” he asked, skimming my newly bare flesh with the tips of his fingers. “I fucking love it.”

Covering my mouth with his hand, Matt eased the tip of himself into my entrance, I closed my eyes and braced for what I thought was going to happen.

I wasn’t ready. He was right. Maggie was right. And the second the searing, slicing pain tore through me, I was thankful for his hand over my mouth because I was sure I was going to cry out. The pain didn’t last long, and once Matt had asked me if I was okay, he took his hand away.

Thrusting hard and deep, I forced my mouth closed, taking what he was giving me. How he was fucking me. It was over in less than two minutes. I had never been more thankful for anything in my life. I just wanted him out of me.

There was no making love that night. No second chance to possibly redeem a little of myself. It was gone. Fucked right out of me. Along with everything I was and who I wanted to be someday. Matt took it, all of it.

***

Friday, July 5
— 8:07 am

“Em?” Caid’s voice purred into my ear. “Wake up, sleepy girl.”

“Mmm,” I moaned. “I don’t want to.”

Caid chuckled, and I felt his fingers on my face. The reality of where I was hit me, I opened my eyes and blinked around the bright room.

“Oh, shit…” I whispered. I bit my lip as I turned to look into Caid’s eyes. He was next to me on the bed, fully dressed in a black t-shirt and a pair of jeans. His feet deliciously bare. “I didn’t mean to…did we?” God knew my mortification.

Laughing again, Caid let his nose trace my cheek. “No, Emery. We didn’t.”

“I fell asleep?” I asked, covering my face. “I’m so embarrassed.”

“Please don’t be embarrassed, and don’t cover that beautiful face.” Caid took my hand and moved it to his chest. I could feel his heart thrashing around underneath the hardness of his body. “If you’re going to let me touch you, I would prefer you sober anyway. I won’t lie and tell you it was easy to stop myself last night, but it didn’t happen for a reason.”

I closed my eyes, trying to come to the realization that he was real. His bed was real, and the constant thumping under my fingers was his real heart really beating.

“Can I ask you something?”

I nodded. “Of course.” Why not? I was already in his bed.

“Have you always been a drooler?”

“Drooler? What!” My eyes flicked to his pillow. Sure enough there was a fresh damp spot about the size of a clementine on his dark pillow case. “Oh. My. God.”

“Caid, love. Just Caid.” He said with a glimmer in his eyes.

“Cocky, much?!” I asked, smirking and internally sighing at his pearly white teeth. “Don’t you mean
Kincaid
anyway? Are there any other names you go by that I should know about?” Quick and fast steps made their way up the wooden staircase, and my heart began to thrash just as fast as the steps.

“About that,” he said. “There is another name I am referred to, about one hundred and six times per day.”

My eyes darted to the open bedroom door. Someone was coming.

“
Emery
,” Caid’s calm voice growled as he backed off the bed. “Don’t go jumping out the window. Don’t panic either…”

“Dad!”

Chapter Seven

Friday, July 5
— 8:45 am

A little voice shouted, causing Caid to turn and swoop a little boy into his arms as he tried to run into the bedroom.

My mind raced and my heart quit beating. “C—” I meant to finish his name but I couldn’t.

Caid whirled the little boy around and took him out of the room. I don’t even think he saw me. “Please, Em…don’t start looking for the nearest exit. It’s a long fall to the concrete below. I’ll be right back.”

Instantly I began scouring the room for any feminine touches. If he had a son, then he had to have a wife or girlfriend. He lied to me. I flung the blankets off the bed and clim
bed out, stumbling to get my bearings, I picked my purse up from the floor and held my breath as I left the bedroom.

I didn’t know why I was freaking the fuck out. It was just a kid…
his
kid. I held the railing as I walked down the steps, still holding in my breath, waiting for someone other than him to see me and ask me why the hell I was there. I didn’t know the address, or how far I was from Maggie’s.

“Making a run for it, eh?” Caid stood at the bottom of the stairs with his arms folded on his chest, a smile curled into the corner of his perfect mouth. His dimple sunk low in all its glory.

“No,” I said. “I was…looking for the bathroom.”

“There’s one up there, or one down here. You’re welcome to use either, or both.”

I white-knuckled the railing as I tentatively reached my foot forward to step down.
Stop being a weirdo, and say something!
“Thanks, Caid.”

“Do you need to sit?”

I nodded and took his offered hand when I reached the bottom of the staircase. In the light of the morning sun, I could see things that I didn’t notice last night in the darkness. Toys. Pictures. Paintings. Small shoes. Small baseball caps. The boy was his, and surely lived there, too.

I heard the TV in the living room playing cartoons. He was in there. Caid led me toward the kitchen. “Thirsty?”

“Parched.”

He poured me a glass of orange juice and sat next to me. “So, it didn’t come up earlier, well, because I don’t speak about it to people I don’t know. But, after…last night, before
and
after Lee’s, I knew there was something special about you.” Caid sipped my orange juice. “I don’t bring women here. Never. It’s my rule, actually. Not only for situations like this one, but I don’t want my son seeing random girls come and go.”

My son. He said it. Not that “Dad” wasn’t confirmation enough. He also said “random girls”, which intrigued me to prod, but I didn’t.

“Let’s start over, yeah?” Caid extended his hand. His work-stained hand. His perfect hand. I took it. “My name is Kincaid Burke, you can still call me Caid if you like. I’m twenty-six. I work for the CFD, you know that. I have an older arsehole brother named Leland, you met him. I’m Irish, I figure you picked up on that one too…and, I have a son. His name is Caleb. He’s four, and his favorite color is blue. But, if you asked him tomorrow, it might be green.”

“Where’s…”

“His mother?” He said, cutting me off. “She lives in Florida.” Caid clenched his jaw. “We don’t talk about her much around here.”

“Sorry.”

“Don’t apologize. You’re welcome to ask me any question you like.”

“How did he get here?”

Caid leaned in close. “Well, Emery, a boy gets a certain feeling in his pants, when he sees a pretty girl…kind of the way I’m feeling right now, actually…”

I gaped and giggled. “I meant, how did he get here
today?
”

“Oh, well, you could have said that, love. Spared yourself all those gory details.” Caid drained my orange juice with a smirk. “His maternal grandparents live in Chicago, and they had him at their place for a visit. I didn’t expect him home until Sunday, but his grandfather fell ill and they had to bring him home early. That was the call I received last night during the fireworks.”

“Daddy, can I have more cereal?” the little boy, Caleb, walked into the kitchen holding an empty bowl. “Hi,” he said to me, smiling with a little milk mustache.

I smiled. “Hello, Caleb.”

“You didn’t eat all that already, did you?” Caid asked, acting astonished.

Caleb nodded proudly.

“You’ve got to be the fastest cereal eater in all of Chicago!”

Caleb started to giggle, causing my heart to melt a little, then Caid stood and swooped him in his arms. Making my heart nearly rupture.

Caleb shrieked and laughed as Caid walked him over to the counter, sitting him on the granite. “Where did all the milk go?” He asked, playfully.

“I drinked it all, daddy!”

“I can see that!” Caid chuckled. “Here.” He poured more cereal into the bowl and then added milk. “I bet you can’t eat this one very,
very
slowly.”

“How much bucks do you bet me, daddy?”

“I bet you five bucks.”

“Paper money?”

Caid nodded. “Yep.”

“Okay!” Caleb said, carefully walking out of the kitchen, holding his bowl.

I smiled as I watched the little boy—who, was a spitting image of his father—leave the room. Caid sat back down next to me, refilling the orange juice.

“Kids. Pretty easy. Feed them cereal and bribe them with money.”

Laughing, I grabbed the orange juice and drank some before he could. “You seem to have a good thing going here, Mr. Burke.”

“So far,” he said, skimming his thumb across my bare knee. “So far…Anyway, you must be hungry. As you can see, I make a mean bowl of cereal.”

An enticing raise of his eyebrow made me blush. “I’d love some, thank you.”

Watching Caid move around his kitchen, especially the way he was with Caleb, started to make me think of Matt and his soon-to-be child. Pushing the thought quickly out of my head.
No, Emery.
I scolded myself. He’s nothing like Caid. Don’t you dare compare fire to ice.
Hot to cold. Beauty to a beast.

“When can I see you again?” he asked.

You want to?

“Umm…well, that’s up to you. You seem much busier than I am.”

Caid smirked. “Don’t tell me you have some job that’s going to take all of your time.”

“Well, yes…no. Not really. But, yes.”

With a crinkled brow, he chuckled. “So yes, you have a job. No it’s not a time-stealer. But yes, it is all at the same time.”

“I’m a writer.”

His eyes lit up. “A writer, well…you must be gritting your teeth having to listen to my choppy Irish-American accent. I did learn to spoke good, I was teached well, me thinks, too.”

I laughed. Reminded instantly of Eliza Do
olittle. “You speak just fine, Mr. Burke. I happen to love the way you speak, actually. It’s very…swoon-worthy.”

“Swoon-worthy?”

“Very.”

“Huh, how ‘bout that, eh?” He drawled. “This whole time I’ve been walking around with an Irish accent that I thought would make women run, and here I’ve learned it does quite the opposite. It’s
swoon-worthy
.”

I laughed. “I think you’re teasing me, Mr. Burke. I have an inkling that you
do
know just how much of an effect your accent has on women.”

“If I were teasing you, Emery love…you would know it.” Caid pulled me off my chair and quickly placed me on his lap. “Your last name isn’t Board, is it?”

My eyes lit up. “How did you know?! Wow! Not only are you master of the art of pouring a good bowl of cereal, but you’re Irish…and a great guesser.”

“It’s really Board? Wow, your parents must have hated you.”

“It’s not Board. Actually, my mother loved me very much, thank you, sir. It’s M—Finn.” I placed a chaste kiss on his lips as my hands laid upon his chest. “Add great kisser to the repertoire.”

“You’re not too shabby yourself, Emery Finn.” Caid grinned, Cheshire-cat-wide. “What do you write?”

“Books.”

“Books. Huh. I would have never guessed that one. Suppose I’m not a master sleuth after all.”

“And here I was thinking you were a nice boy. You’re just mean.” I pretended to pout, turning my face away from his.

Caid gently grabbed my chin between his finger and thumb, turning my face back to him. “I’m actually a very mean boy. You should probably stay away from me, Emery Finn.” His eyes burned every imaginable shade of green, accentuated by the black ring holding all the breathtaking color in place. “Tell me I can see you again, so I can show you just how mean I can be.”

I lost my breath—I gasped, closed my eyes, and smothered a whimper. The barrier of clothing between us was too much. I felt the strain in his jeans, I knew what was beneath me. So close, yet so far away.

“Who watches Caleb while you’re at work?” I breathed when his mouth left mine.

“He goes to daycare.” Caid kissed and nipped my earlobe. “I also have nanny for the nights when I’m gone.”

I knew then, that the daycare group I had seen, namely that one little boy that hive-fived Caid, was Caleb. I wanted to tell him that I saw him before I
saw
him. That I stood outside his firehouse and watched him with his son. I decided against it. Thinking it may come off as creepy. Just a tad.

***

Friday, July 5
— 1:16 pm

I told Caid that I needed to get back home, and give him some time with his son. He insisted on driving me back to Maggie’s on Lakeshore East. He said he wasn’t going to let me take a cab or bus on my own. A small part of me smiled at the sweet yet controlled gesture.

Caleb bounded out the front door, with an Iron Man action figure (I was vehemently corrected by Caleb when I mistakenly referred to it as a
doll
), and waited at the back door of Caid’s truck. Part of me was expecting a minivan, or at least some kind of sedan. Suppose I was used to Matt and his obsession with Volvo’s.

Caid drove a truck. A
real
truck. It was the kind that was too high to simply slide in. I had to grab a handle and hoist myself up. Caid lifted his son into a raised booster on the backseat and fastened his seatbelt. He scruffed Caleb’s dark hair with his large hand before smiling at his son and closing the door.

Climbing into the cab beside me, Caid cranked the engine and a fire lit inside me. It purred madness. No, not like a kitten. Not even any type of domestic cat. It roared like a fucking lion. The king of the freaking jungle.

“Whoa!” I giggled as Caid shifted into gear and pulled out onto the street. “Do those serve a purpose, or are they part of some interesting complex you may have?” I whispered, pointing to the large black stacks set into the bed of the truck.

“You passed out before you got a chance to find out, love. But, yes, they serve a purpose.” He chuckled. “Also, they’re just esthetically pleasing.”

“Esthetically, eh?”

“Exactly.” Caid smirked. “Hey, buddy? You wanna tell Emery here what the stacks are for?”

Caleb smiled and jettisoned Iron Man over to the other side of the cab. “Emree, the stacks make daddy’s truck look badass.”

I gaped and laughed from Caleb’s honesty.

Caid just shrugged. “I have no idea where he got that word from.”

“You say it all the time, daddy…” Caleb reached to pick up his tossed aside
action figure
. “You say feck, too.”

“Cay…remember what Nan said about that one. Daddy forgot he wasn’t supposed to say it.” Caid looked the rear view at his son and grinned.

I snorted a little, suppressing a laugh.

Caid licked his bottom lip and reached across the console, holding my hand. “Don’t make me come over there and,” he lowered his voice, “
feck
you.”

“And scar your son for life?” I said softly with a smile.

“Point made.” Caid squeezed my hand and slipped on his aviator sunglasses.

He was so fucking hot. I just…died a little, I think.

Maggie’s apartment was quiet when I got back to it. I needed to tell her I was okay. My phone must have died sometime last night and my charger was at her place.

Maggie:
2:17 am
Okay, please just let me

know when you’re there. So I know you’re safe.

Maggie:
2:20 am
Em…

Maggie:
2:36 am
Emery Grace Finn. I’m hoping

the reason you’re ignoring me is because you’re

in the midst of a thorough pounding.

Maggie:
6:53 am
I’m off to work. I hope you’re

not dead. I love you.

Maggie:
8:24 am
TEXT ME WHEN YOU GET