Free to Love (5 page)

“Good news indeed,” Austin said. “Cooperation like that should pack a wallop.”

“Yes, and if I’m figuring right, that’ll add up to a couple hundred extra volunteers to help clean the beaches.” They passed storefront windows decked out in an array of logo T-shirts, beach hats, and sporting equipment. Austin cupped his palm over the small of her back.

“Austin?” she asked, turning to him. His touch felt warm and very masculine.

“Yes, Jo?”

“You... you haven’t really said. Do you plan to help on the day of the beach cleanup?”

“Maybe.
That depends how much work I can get done at the duplex in the next two weeks.”

“Oh.” She kept her voice even, determining not to let her disappointment show. For some reason, she wasn’t sure why, it would be a comfort to know, for the short time at least, that there’d be a man close by to talk to. The long, lonely evenings had indeed left their mark.

They rounded the next corner past a hanging flower basket that cascaded with scarlet and pink petunias. The upbeat sounds of “Fiddler’s Dream” grew louder. Three men, two thirtyish and clean-shaven, the third who wore a gray busy beard and a red flannel shirt stood atop a red, white, and blue canopied platform with violins tucked under their chins. Their polished instruments glinted beneath the overhead spot lights. Their bows seesawed in perfect three-quarter time.

Drawn, Joanna and Austin took their places at the back of the crowd. Off to the side, a handful of grade-school-aged children were skipping in a wide circle in time to the melody. A dog yapped. In the distance, the shrill whine of an ambulance siren momentarily drowned out the cacophony of music, shouts, and laughter.

The gala ambiance was captivating, infections. Once again, Joanna’s heart felt buoyant and carefree. The ocean breeze rising up from the beach rippled through her long blond hair, tousling the strands that fell loosely at the sides of her face. The night was balmy. Overhead, a shooting start streaked across the heavens. The full moon rode higher.

As the music flowed on, she cast a quick look at Austin, who was obviously enjoying himself too. An easy smile lifted his lips while he tapped his foot rhythmically. Beneath his open jacket, he was wearing a dusty blue polo shirt and faded jeans that accentuated his muscled legs and lean hips. The hint of a five o’clock shadow showed about the lower half of his face, making him appear even more ruggedly handsome.

They remained, listening to one tune after the next till at last the fiddlers loosened the hair on their bows and positioned their instruments back into felt-lined cases. But as Joann and Austin started their leisurely trek back home, drinking in the wonder of the August night, her mind was plagued with disturbing new questions.

How had this happened? What was she doing here with her husband’s brother?

Chapter Three

Back at the duplex, Joanna and Austin stood beneath her porch light. The leaves of the Japanese maple that edged the walkway were motionless now, the breeze stilled. On the lawn, shimmers of dew caught the moonlight like thousands of minute rainbows. Crickets chirped.

“Well, here we are,” he said, willing nonchalance into his voice. “Hope you had a good time.”

“I had a wonderful time. Thanks for suggesting it and thanks, too, for helping.”

“My pleasure.”

They talked about when the workers would come to lay the new carpet and whether she would need to buy more paint.

“I’m eager to start redecorating the guest bedroom as soon as possible,” she said with a smile. “Don’t you think a soft sea foam green would go well in there?”

Nodding, he smiled back,
then
stared down into her wide, blue eyes. “Good choice.”

“I appreciate everything you’re doing, Austin,” she continued. “I realize now I set myself up for more than I could handle alone.”

“I’m just glad I managed to track you down. If I hadn’t taken this vacation, I would’ve still thought you were living back in Redmond.” He caught her hand in his and gave it a quick squeeze.

“Like I said before, I never meant to isolate myself. Still, it was thoughtless of me.”

“No. Not thoughtless. Not given the circumstances.” He knew he should let go of her hand, but somehow
couldn’t
. “You... you’d better get in now,” he urged hoarsely. “You’ll want to be rested. Tomorrow morning will come early.” He hesitated,
then
asked. “
You going
to run on the beach again?”

“Six o’clock.
Same time as always.”

Once corner of his mouth quirked up in a smile.
“It was almost four-thirty in the afternoon when I found you yesterday, nearly drenched with rain and totally beside yourself.”

“Yes, but that was my second run of the day,” she pointed out. She swallowed hard as she pushed aside a picture of the injured sea lion,
then
wondered why he’d asked about her running.
He’d
never indicated he was a runner too. Probably just
curious,
or filling their admittedly awkward parting with whatever first came to his mind.

He took one step back and jammed his hands into his hip pockets. “Good night, Jo. See you tomorrow.”

“’Night, Austin.”
She’d
planned to inform him she’d leave out some cash in an envelope on the kitchen counter in case he might need to buy new supplies. But
somehow
that had all paled now.
Paled in the power of his piercing gaze, the backwash of his brief touch.

“Sleep well,” she added, her throat suddenly dry. She turned slowly to insert her key in the lock. Two moths fluttered together beneath the porch light, then zigzagged away.

“I will.
You too.”

***

Austin paced.
He’d
been pacing for close to an hour. Man, how he detested this lousy habit.
He’d
practically worn a threadbare patch back in his condo, mulling over his problems at the zoo. Would the grant moneys come through on time? Would this city official or that philanthropist approve his request for increased funding? And now here he was again.
Pacing.
Good thing
this
carpet was already shot. If he
hadn’t
sworn off cigarettes a few years back, he’d probably be sending up smoke signals right now too.

“Look, little bro,” he ground out. “I’m doing what you asked, okay? I always knew you and Jo shared something special, something I could never quite understand, even if I was the marrying type. But
it’s
tough being here with her. Tougher than I’m sure either you or I expected.” He halted in his tracks, shrugged, and spread his hands wide.

“Well, anyway, I don’t mean to sound as if I’m complaining, because I’m not really. You know I never break a promise, and I
don’t
intend to change now. You can count on me. Can you believe it, Kyle? She hasn’t even enjoyed a night out since... since, well, you know what.”

He squared his jaw and swallowed hard before continuing. “You wouldn’t want that. I know you too well, little bro. You were always too concerned about the other guy more than Kyle
Sullivan
.
That’s
what got you into that mess in the first place, didn’t it?
Rushing into that burning house to save those two little kids.”
His voice broke, but he nevertheless ranted on. “So anyway, about tonight... I... I confess I had to bait Jo just a little. Oh,
it’s
not that I don’t share her interest in the beach cleanup. I do. But I
couldn’t
help thinking if I offered to help get the brochures out, I could help her out too. And right now, I’m afraid that’s what she needs the most.”

His thoughts strayed back to how her eyes had looked that night.
Eyes so trusting.
Too
trusting.
No wonder his brother had fallen so hard for her. It was a surprise, really, some other guy
hadn’t
fallen too these past months. Yet it was obvious no one
would’ve
stood a prayer—not with the thick concrete walls Jo had built around herself.

***

Joanna slept fitfully. A hazy stream of half-conscious thoughts spun like a Ferris wheel through her dreamless sleep: thoughts about tomorrow’s beach walk, worries about handling the barrage of questions that would undoubtedly accompany it, plans to call the print shop to order another couple hundred brochures.

But intruding upon her restless thoughts were images of Austin and herself strolling in the misty moonlight on their way back from town. Each time that picture swam up in her
mind,
she’d awakened with a start, perplexed and guilt-ridden. Yes, it was all so confusing, and somehow not right. Not right for Austin, herself, nor Kyle’s memory. Even the sound of Silky’s throaty purr as she lay curled on the end of the bed failed to soothe Joanna as it usually did.

When daylight finally poked its brightening gray fingers across the sky, she forced herself out of bed to don running shorts and a T-shirt. All she needed was an extra long run to clear her head, she told herself with a swift mental shake. A good workout
should
help.

Soon she wended her way down the trail that led to the beach. Picking her way over driftwood and rocks, she approached the ribbon of compact sand that bordered the water’s edge.

Early morning on the beach, before the usual crowds filtered in, marked her favorite time. Today the skies were crystal clear, splashed with rose-tinted peach to the east. Above the ridge of dark evergreens, the sun emerged, ushering in the promise of another pristine autumn day.

She paused, then stretched out her muscles in a runner’s lunge and inhaled deeply. Yes,
she’d
run that extra mile or two, maybe more. Test her limits. Surely
that’s
all it would take to get her thoughts back in line.

Facing south, she began sprinting. The morning breeze lifted her hair. The air rushed by her. Running faster, she felt the coolness expanding her lungs, the hypnotic rhythm of her footfall.

Kyle,
she thought.
Why did you have to leave me? Why, when we were just beginning our lives together? How could fate have so abruptly cut off our plans?
Sometimes she felt like holding up her fist and shaking it in anger. Crying over and over how it simply
wasn’t
fair. Yes, this past year she
must’ve
relived that scene in her mind a thousand times.

And now there was Austin. When would she
ever
find peace?
she
wondered as she sidestepped a log that had washed in on the tide. Last night their leisurely walk home had nearly been her undoing.

She ran the first mile, began the next. She felt the perspiration trickle down onto her sweatband. As she pressed on, her tormented thoughts turned to her younger sister.

The past week Stacey had called several times.
Apparently
she’d fallen in love with an upperclassman, a really cool new man on campus, she’d said, who was in pre-law. But Stacey was also in a quandary. Was it possible to love two guys at once?
she’d
asked Joanna over and over. No matter how hard she tried, she
couldn’t
forget the guy she’d met the preceding summer, the one who lived an hour’s drive from campus and drove there nearly every weekend to be with her.

Some wise big sister I am
, Joanna told herself as she skirted past a solitary beachcomber, then a collie that was darting across the sand, barking. How could she pass on any solid advice when, in all honesty, she no longer understood the workings of her own heart?

Oh, Austin. Why did I agree to let you stay?

She kept on, pushing herself to the max. Yet by the time
she’d
come to the end of the beach and turned to go back, it was apparent there was no relief in sight.

Her demons still plagued her.

***

“Come in, Joanna.” Trudy Conner, willowy tall with soft ringlets of blond hair, motioned Joanna inside her office at the aquarium. “It’s high time I say thanks for taking over for me. What with soccer practice, music lessons, and gymnastics, I just couldn’t follow through as zone captain for the beach cleanup this year.” She angled a look at her desk calendar and added, “
My gosh
, is it really less than two weeks away?”

“I’m more than happy to help,” Joanna answered as she sat down in a chair on the other side of the desk. “Last night when I got out the rest of the flyers in town, the response to the cleanup was encouraging.”

“And how are the other preparations coming?”

“Fine.
A little while
ago
I left messages for the beach captains in this zone to contact me. The data cards and collection bags have just arrived, so I need to make sure everyone gets what they need. I also intend to check out all the beaches to get a better idea where the most debris is.”

“Start with the campgrounds,” Trudy suggested. “It goes without saying that’s one of the high-use areas.”

“
Yes,
and the public beach below my duplex too,” Joanna added. She went on to explain about the sea lion and the other marine wildlife at the rehab center. “If everyone visited there only once, I’m sure the need for cleanups would be easily cut in half.”