Free to Love (2 page)

She soon discovered that a variety of marine wildlife, in an assortment of sizes, shapes, and species, filled every nook and cranny. The very young, lacking fur or
feathers,
were lying under heat lamps, eyes tightly closed, while others were cocooned in flannel or wool scraps warmed by heating pads. Most were housed in assorted wire cages, both inside and out. In a large rectangular aquarium-sized outdoor pool swam another recovering sea lion.

They watched a volunteer feeding a baby squirrel through a minuscule plastic tube. They passed by two abandoned baby eagles that had been discovered by sky divers and rushed to the clinic. They saw a young raccoon that had injured its foot in a trap, an orphaned fawn, an owl that had been hit by a pickup while swooping onto the highway one night to catch a rat. The list seemed to go
on and on
.

“How many new animals do you take in on an average day?” Joanna asked, wondering how so few staff could handle the work. All the while, her awareness of Austin standing close beside her was growing crazily. She was thankful for a reason, at least for the time being, to keep her attention focused on what the vet was saying. But it
wasn’t
easy.

“We take in an average of perhaps a dozen or so new animals,” Ted Ashelman replied, “But we’ve been known to see as many as sixty. Fortunately, more and more people are starting to hear about Anchorhold and rallying to the aid of the injured and orphaned. The baby eagles we visited a short while ago were flown in on a private jet by the sky divers who found them.”

After exchanging good-byes with the veterinarian and the rest of the staff, and acknowledging their invitation to drop in to visit any time, Joanna and Austin started back for the duplex. It was nearly
dusk
. The wind had risen. The windshield wipers hummed while rain drops drummed against the roof of the Jeep. As the highway twisted and turned paralleling the ocean, the silence hung between them.

Joanna stared down at the tumultuous expanse of gray-blue water. High waves crashed against rocky cliffs, spewing up fountains of sea spray that dissipated into the nebulous gray mist.

Her stomach knotted as she pulled her gaze away. The turbulent water below seemed to underscore the upheaval growing inside of her. The beached sea lion... Austin’s unannounced appearance... the new insights
she’d
gleaned at Anchorhold... yes, it was all so sudden, and she wasn’t sure what to make of it. But one thing she
did
know for certain. No matter how numb she felt, no matter how much
she’d
mourned for Kyle, she couldn’t afford to simply stop caring about the wildlife she loved.

Later, back at the duplex, Joanna and Austin sat on the carpet in front of a roaring fire, their backs against the couch while they sipped steaming cups of coffee and talked. Outside, the wind and rain rattled the windows. Inside, the fire warmed them, sputtering and crackling as it sent forth the sweet smells of apple wood. The steady
ping, ping
, of rainwater striking the inside of an aluminum bucket sounded from the corner of the room.

Somehow it all felt so familiar
too
familiar. Being with Kyle like this at the end of each day had always given her reassurance, an innermost resolve that as long as she was his wife, nothing could be too difficult to bear.

She gave a quick shake of her head, reminding herself that the man next to her was Austin, not Kyle. Truth was
,
she barely knew him. Austin had been Kyle’s best man for their wedding, rushed back eighteen months later to help her lay Kyle to rest, and phoned a few times afterwards. Aside from that, he was almost a stranger.

Austin rose slowly, stretching out to his full six and a half feet,
then
crossed the room to toss another log on the fire. “So do you always up and move without telling anyone?” he asked, his back still turned to her.

“I really did intend to try to contact you.” She paused to take a sip of coffee. “I’ve only been here a couple of weeks.” It was true. She
hadn’t
intended to hide from anyone not for long, at least. Still, she
hadn’t
bargained for this unexpected visit.

***

He turned to face her again. “No big deal, Jo. I’m not the
world’s
best when it comes to staying in touch myself.”

How could he blame her?
he
reminded himself, especially when part of this was his fault. He
should’ve
called her more often, at least made an attempt to e-mail her. Most of all, he
should’ve
scheduled his leave a few weeks earlier in order to help her. But he
hadn’t
.

He glanced about at the disarray of moving crates, unpacked cardboard boxes, and paint cans. Yep, he
should’ve
kept in better touch. Joanna’s parents had been dead for about four years now, killed in a car wreck when she was only twenty-two. Her Aunt Marcella, if he remembered correctly, was elderly and crippled with arthritis. Jo’s only sibling, the younger sister
she’d
mentioned earlier, was attending college somewhere on the East Coast.

Quickly shoving his thoughts to the back of his mind, he sat down again alongside of Joanna. He struggled to ignore the way the sight of her affected him. His heart hammered. He had to turn away. She was more beautiful that
he’d
remembered.

***

“Then I’m forgiven?” she asked, smiling. “You won’t hold it against me for not letting you know?”

He looked back at her.
“Of course not.”

Hesitating, running her forefinger over the smooth rim of her coffee mug, she steadied her gaze on him. She took in his high forehead, prominent brow line, and deeply set mocha-colored eyes. His ebony hair, still damp with rain, hung in ringlets at the base of his broad neck.

“Austin?”

“Hmm?”
His gaze held hers.

“Why are you here? Is...
is
everything okay?
It’s
not Mom or Dad. Is it?”

“Oh no!”
The reflection from the fire illuminated the planes and angles of his face. “I’m sorry. I
didn’t
intend to alarm you. The folks are fine and their work in Africa is going well.”

“Good.” She breathed a sigh of relief. Silky, her marmalade-colored calico cat, padded toward her from across the room.
She’d
been more Kyle’s cat than Joanna’s, actually. Silky had favored him, jumping on his lap whenever the opportunity arose. Joanna set down her coffee mug on a nearby table and stroked the feline’s fur. “So where exactly are you headed?” she finally ventured. “What are your plans?”

“I’m on my way up the coast to check out the fishing in British Columbia.
The Queen Charlotte Islands, to be exact.
I just thought I’d drop by to say hello.”

“Some vacation.” Her voice was contrite. “The minute you arrived here, I put you to work.” She paused,
then
added, “But how did you find out that I’d moved?”

“Your neighbor back in Redmond told me, the one across the street. I drove there first, hoping I’d catch you on your day off.”

“You must mean Mrs. Ramcourt.
The neighbor with the big pine tree in her front yard.”

The artery in his neck pulsed. “Yeah, that’s the one. Luckily, she remembered meeting me the day of Kyle’s services.”

Joanna shivered as that familiar gray cloud closed in once again. “Yes... the funeral,” she murmured. “In some ways it seems like a century ago instead of a little less than a year.” Unbidden, the bittersweet picture emerged... the tearful eulogies, the entourage of fellow fire fighters who had gather from near and far, the long line of fire trucks that led the funeral procession, Kyle’s favorite engine first, carrying his casket.

With a quick shake of her head, Joanna tore her gaze away from Austin and stared back at the fire as if hoping that somehow its warmth would take away the cold, hard pain deep inside of her.

“I barely remember the details of that day,” he replied with a catch in his voice. “I guess I was in shock like most everyone else.”

“So... ” She exhaled slowly, steadying herself. “So
here
we are again.
You, footloose and fancy-free, passing through town.
Me, trying to live in the midst of utter chaos.” She waved her hand about the room.

“And your getting caught earlier in a rain squall wasn’t total madness,” he said. “You were tired of painting and decided to go for a run.”

“Yes. How did you guess?”

His somber expression melted into a smile, showing fine laugh lines at the sides of his eyes. “I can see it in your hair.
Oyster-shell white, or something like that.
Right?”

Self-consciously she combed her hand through her long, wind-tousled strands. She
couldn’t
help but smile too. “Right, but painting’s only the beginning. Just look at this place, Austin. Look at all the work it needs new roof, new carpets, new plumbing.”

“Then why did you buy it?” he asked with typical male logic. He settled his back against the couch again, linking his hands behind his head while he waited for her answer.

“This was the only way I could afford to buy beachfront property, to find a fixer-upper that needed plenty of TLC. But when I finally get the work done and can rent out the other side, it should prove a good investment. I need every penny, it seems. Though Stacey was granted a student loan this year, I try to help her out as much as I can.”

“Ah, I always figured you had a good head on your shoulders,” Austin said. He nodded his approval. “Think you can make all this work?”

“I hope so. As you probably remember, I’m the only family Stacey has, and I feel responsible for her.” Her eyes took on a faraway look as she continued, “When we lost our folks in the car accident, Stacey was only a junior in high school, and I had just graduated from Oregon State. For the following year and a half, we shared an apartment together in Redmond, till Stacey left to attend the university and Kyle and I got married...” She broke off, chewing on her lower lip.

Their gazes caught and held. Expressive brown eyes so painfully like Kyle’s, she thought, with new awareness. Why? Why
now?
She’d
just made a clean sweep of her life in an admittedly rash attempt to blot out everything that reminded her of her husband.

But now his older brother was only inches away, threatening to thwart her carefully laid plans. Except for the fact that Austin was nearly three years older, he and Kyle could have passed as identical twins.

He turned to her, regarding her for a second, then sent her a lazy grin. “Sure you’re leveling with me, Jo? Sure there wasn’t some good-looking lifeguard who talked you into moving here?”

“No way.
My only contact here was Aunt Marcella. She was the one who spotted the employment ad for the aquarium and tipped me off.” Joanna leveled him an unwavering look. “And as far as men go, the last thing I’m in interested in is romance.”

“But why?”
A shadow crossed his face.

“Because I’m still in love with Kyle.”
She felt her throat closing over, the tears springing to her eyes. “I’ll always be in love with him.” She hesitated, tempted to tell how
she’d
struggled with the pain, how everywhere she’d turned, there was always something to call forth the memories. But no, Austin had only stopped to say hello, and things were going to get better. He
didn’t
need to know.

***

He averted his gaze. She was tearing him up inside. Any woman with Jo’s good looks, corn silk blond hair pulled back in a loose ponytail, sparkling blue eyes and porcelain fair skin
shouldn’t
be sitting around in sackcloth and ashes. Even Kyle—
especially
Kyle—
wouldn’t
have wanted that.

He stared into the dancing flames, remembering too. Kyle.
His kid brother, the rebel who insisted on becoming a firefighter, despite their parents’ insistence that he follow the family tradition.
For three generations now, all the men, their mother too, had been employed in some branch of medicine. But it was he himself
who’d
encouraged Kyle to follow his dreams, wasn’t it? He
couldn’t
deny it. All the more reason he must stick to his word....

***

“Enough about me,” she said with forced airiness. “How’s your life going in San Francisco? You
still enjoying
your practice at the zoo?”

“If you can call cocktail parties, research grants, and fund-raising practicing veterinary medicine,” he replied. “Though I’m only thirty-one
young
in comparison to the other vets there, lately I’ve been getting stuck with nearly all of it.”

“And that’s why you decided you needed to get away?” She really
hadn’t
needed to ask. The stress was obvious, having left its mark on his too handsome face.

“Yep, I was going nuts. The bureaucratic hassles were getting to me.” He stared at some indiscernible spot on the opposite wall, mulling over what he needed to do. Truth was,
he’d
only planned a quick visit with Jo before hitting the road again.
He’d
figured she’d be getting on with her life without the added pressures of moving, a new job, and major house repairs to boot. But it was obvious now
he’d
figured wrong. There was no way he could turn his back and leave.