Fourth Down (18 page)

I put the envelope back on her table
and took her hand. It was time to get this over with.

We arrived at the church shortly
before 10:00 am, when the calling hours were set to begin. Actually
there was just one hour allotted for this. Poppy, who had been with
my mom for the funeral planning, explained that my mom knew I would
hate having to greet everyone, so she kept it short and right
before the funeral service instead of a different day or time. She
was right about that. This was pure torture, having to play nice
with all these people who came through crying and saying how sorry
they were. It was almost too much for me to take.

Fortunately for me, Poppy was there,
taking care of everything again. She did all the talking, so all I
had to do was nod and shake hands. When one old lady said, “Oh, you
must be Ford’s girlfriend,” Poppy just smiled and moved her on down
the line. I’m sure that’s what everyone thought, and surprisingly I
didn’t mind.

Grady’s dad, Mitch, and his
girlfriend, Lana, walked in and they were the first people I was
actually glad to see. They didn’t say any of those stupid things
like how my mom was better off. They just hugged me and moved
on.

Leah and Josh arrived with their
daughter, Maddy, in her carseat carrier thing. Poppy had called
them yesterday to give them the news. I hadn’t even texted my
friends, but I knew they would understand. Right behind them were
Lindsay and Grady, who were supposed to be on their
honeymoon.

“What are they doing here?” I asked
Poppy.

She took my hand in hers. “They
insisted on delaying their honeymoon until after the funeral. They
love you, Ford.”

Josh slapped me on the back. “I’m
sorry, man.”

Leah and Lindsay hugged me and then
Poppy, both of which were one arm hugs since I wouldn’t let go of
her hand. Leah glanced down at our joined hands and smiled. Then
she looked like she was going to start crying. Shit, not more
tears.

“Ford, why don’t you show Josh and
Grady up to the seats near the front reserved for family. The
service is about to begin. Lindsay and Leah, can you help me make
sure the food is all ready for after the service?”

God, thank you for this girl. She knew
exactly what I needed before I did.

The service was short and sweet, and I
was thankful for Maddy’s crying in the middle. It prevented me from
paying attention to the words and breaking down in front of
everyone. Years from now I might regret not listening carefully and
soaking in every word that was said, but today was about survival.
And the only way to get through this service was to completely
block out everything the minister was saying. My ability to block
out the noise from the crowd during a game was still with me. Poppy
dabbed at her eyes a few times but otherwise kept a straight face.
It had to have been sheer determination that kept her from breaking
down, because she had loved my mom too.

My mom had requested only a service at
the church with no graveside service following. She was already
gone. It wouldn't make it any better to see her being lowered into
the ground. When the service was over, there was a lunch in the
church basement for everyone. I sat at a table in the corner and
kept myself surrounded by my friends, so no more well meaning but
fucking annoying church ladies could try to hug me again. After an
hour of pushing my food around on my plate and avoiding eye contact
with just about everyone, Poppy leaned over and whispered, “I think
we’ve been here long enough.”

“Thank God,” I said, maybe a little
too loudly, and pushed my chair back from the table. Leah and Josh
had already left to get Maddy home for her nap, and Lindsay and
Grady walked out with us. They were headed straight to the airport
to catch a flight down to the Florida Keys for their
honeymoon.

“Thanks for coming,” I mumbled as
Lindsay hugged me yet again.

She sniffled and rested her hand on
her stomach, which was just starting to show her pregnancy. “Of
course, Ford. You would have done the same for us.”

Grady and I shook hands while Lindsay
turned her hugs on Poppy. I couldn’t hear what they were talking
about but whatever it was had Poppy blushing.

“Hey man, I don’t know if you’re
selling the house, but if you need a place to stay our door is
always open. We have two empty bedrooms and plenty of storage space
in our basement for all your shit,” Grady offered.

Fuck, I hadn’t even thought about
where I would live now. All I knew is I didn’t want to go back home
except to pack up and get the hell out.

“Thanks, Grady. I might just take you
up on that.”

Grady handed me an extra key to their
house in case I wanted to start staying there before they got back.
After one more round of goodbyes, I helped Poppy up into my truck
and drove us back to her apartment.

When I cut the engine in her driveway
but made no move to get out, Poppy opened her door.

“Are you coming in? Or just dropping
me off?” She asked hesitantly.

Even if I would eventually plan to
stay with Grady and Lindsay, the thought of going to their huge
empty house right now was almost as bad as going home to my small
empty house.

“Yeah, I’m coming in. I just need a
minute.”

Poppy offered me one of those sweet
smiles that I swear could revive a dead man. She pulled an envelope
out of her purse, and the smile vanished. “Ford, your mom gave me
this letter to give to you…after the funeral.”

She laid the envelope on the seat
between us and got out of the truck. I watched as she carefully
navigated her way up the stairs in her heels. She wasn’t
comfortable enough in them to have worn them very often, but the
things they did for her already perfect legs were enough to fill my
fantasies for years. I carefully picked up the envelope but didn’t
open it. I just couldn’t do it today, so I opened my glove
compartment and shoved the letter inside. Heartache for another
day.

Still physically drained from lack of
sleep and emotionally drained for the obvious reasons, I let my
head fall back onto the headrest. With the engine off, the cold
January air was starting to permeate the cab. I welcomed the
coldness; it was what I was used to feeling. Before Poppy entered
my life, and before my mom left it.

Two nights ago I had come home from
Grady’s wedding intent on kissing Poppy. Not knowing what would
come after, just that I needed her lips on mine, her body pressed
against mine. Then the bottom had dropped out of my world, and I
didn’t know which way was up anymore.

All I knew was that I needed Poppy,
close to me, with me. The need was so overwhelming lately, and
especially now. I left my truck and walked up the steps to her
apartment, closing and locking the door behind me. Poppy had left
her heels by the door and her pantyhose draped over the chair, and
she was in the bathroom unpinning her hair to let it fall down her
back.

Tomorrow I would return to work at the
pub and would have to figure out my living situation, and I knew
Poppy had yoga classes in the morning and would be starting a new
aide assignment the following day. Our lives would be returning to
normal. But today was just the two of us, here alone in her warm
cozy apartment. I wasn’t going to waste a second of it.

Noticing that I was back, she asked,
“Are you okay?”

“I am now,” I replied as I strode over
with purpose and took her in my arms. She immediately tilted her
head back to accept my kiss and wound her arms around my neck.
Heaven. Another thing I wasn’t sure I believed in until I had
tasted Poppy.

“Did it help? To read her letter?” She
asked, pulling back. Any distance between us was too much. That was
the only thing I was sure of regarding Poppy.

“I didn’t read it yet. I’m not sure
anything can help make it okay that she’s dead.”

Poppy looked down, and I realized that
might have come out too harsh. “I’m sorry. I didn’t mean…” I took a
step back from her so I could think clearly. “No matter what the
letter said, I still can’t shake the fact that I didn’t get to say
goodbye. I thought I had all this time left to tell her that I
loved her and I would miss her.” And there it was again. Poppy, by
her presence alone, had the ability to get me to say things that
would normally never come out of my mouth. She hadn’t even said
anything other than ask me about the letter and here I was spouting
off my deepest feelings.

Turning away I ran my hands through my
hair. Realizing I was still wearing my suit, I struggled to loosen
my tie. It was starting to feel like I was choking, from the tie,
from the guilt over not having said the things I wanted to say,
from the depth of my feelings for Poppy that were just becoming
apparent.

“Ford,” Poppy said quietly but firmly.
Her hands replaced mine and she easily loosened my tie. Dropping my
hands to my side I allowed her to take care of me once again. As
she slid my jacket off my shoulders and down my arms, she said, “I
know this was not how you expected it to happen. Death is rarely
predictable. And I understand the feeling of regret from not having
that final goodbye. Unfortunately it never really goes away. But
you will learn to accept it for what it is. Your mother loved you
very much, Ford. If she was here right now, she would tell you to
stop feeling guilty and get on with your life.” She smiled at the
memory of my mother as she untucked my shirt and began to undo the
buttons.

Circling her small wrists with my
fingers, I stilled her hands on my shirt. “Poppy, stop.” Again I
said the wrong thing as I saw the hurt flash through her
eyes.

“Shit! That didn’t come out right
either. What I meant to say was that you have helped me so much the
last few days, I…thank you, Poppy.”

She pulled her wrists out of my grasp
and turned to walk away. “You don’t have to thank me, Ford. I care
about you…”

“Poppy, listen to me. I do have to
thank you, and you will graciously say you’re welcome. What you
have done for me is more than I deserve. Part of what I’m dealing
with right now are my feelings for you.” That got her attention,
and she turned back around, her eyes wide with surprise that I was
actually talking about my feelings. Yeah, I was surprised too. But
I should be used to acting completely unlike myself around her by
now.

“I don’t understand why you treat me
so well when I haven’t always been the nicest guy in the world. But
I’m not going to question it any more. Right now isn’t the time for
me to necessarily trust what I’m feeling, but I’m not going to
ignore what I feel for you any longer. I’m not sure what it is yet,
but I do know that being with you makes everything seem better. You
make me better, Poppy.”

Her eyes began to fill with tears, and
I felt it in my gut. Jesus Christ, could I not get anything right?
“Fuck!”

“Ford, wait! These are happy tears.
That’s probably the sweetest thing anyone has ever said to me. I
know you’re not looking for a relationship, and that’s okay. We
don’t need to figure everything out right now. Just being with you
is enough for now. I’m not going to pressure you to define what you
feel for me.”

Clearly she was sent from heaven. I
closed the space between us in two strides and hooked one arm
around her waist, pulling her flush against me. With my other hand
I brushed her hair back and wound my fingers in it at the back of
her head. Poppy’s hands resumed their task of undoing the buttons
on my shirt as she looked up at me, her eyes so honest and full of
emotion that it almost made me want to look away.
Almost.

When she looked at me like that it
made everything that was bad in my life disappear. Her touch,
whisper soft across my skin, made me forget everything else except
for her. After feeling like my life was swirling in a downward
spiral, I needed to hold on to something real. Whatever I felt for
Poppy, one thing was for sure. It was real. She was real. And she
was standing before me, accepting me and what I had to give
her.

Unable to contain my need for her any
longer, I frantically fumbled for the zipper at the back of her
dress. Shoving it off her shoulders I stood back to watch it pool
at her feet, revealing her pale creamy skin covered only by
swatches of black lace.

I grasped her hips and walked her
backward until the backs of her thighs hit the mattress. Dropping
to my knees in front of her I pulled her panties down her legs and
urged her to sit on the bed.

“Ford!” She gasped as I slid my hands
up her legs and pushed her thighs apart, opening the very core of
her for me. When she instinctively reached to cover herself, I
gently took her hand and pressed a kiss to her palm before placing
it on the bed beside her.

As soon as I tasted her, I could feel
the tension and apprehension melt from her body. Soon her hand was
fisted in my hair, urging me closer. Wanting to give her a small
fraction of what she had given me, I took my cues from her breathy
moans and ran my tongue over every part of her. When I focused my
attention on her clit, circling it and increasing the pressure, she
cried out my name and her body tensed before I felt the waves of
her release.