Four Week Fiance 2 (23 page)

“I suppose.” I rubbed my forehead, not sure how I was feeling. “It’s a lot to take in, TJ.”

“I know.” He nodded. “There’s something else.”

“Oh, God.” I groaned. “What now?”

“So Barbie?” He sighed. “She kinda knows the plan, and she’s kinda dating my dad.”

“WHAT?” I screamed out loud. “Are you joking me? Fucking Barbie knows?”

“Well she doesn’t know everything.” He half-smiled. “She thinks I’m doing this for my dad because I want a seat on the board. She thinks I’m doing it begrudgingly. She doesn’t know that Nonno is in on it and she doesn’t know that we’re way overpaying for the company.” He smiled at me. “So while she’s gloating, I’m smiling inside.”

“Smiling inside?” I raised an eyebrow at him.

“Smiling for the great deal.” He sighed. “Not the deception.”

“Oh TJ.” I rubbed my forehead. “This is so much to understand and take on. I just don’t know how to feel.”

“Can you forgive me?” He asked, his eyes worried. “Do you still love me?”

“I can forgive you, TJ. Promise me, there are no more secrets.” I looked deeply into his eyes. “Moving forward we have to be honest with each other.”

“There are no more secrets.” He said, his eyes earnest. “I, I love you more than life itself. You know that. There is nothing I wouldn’t do for you. Nothing I wouldn’t do to be with you. Everything I do is to protect you. Please always know and remember that.”

“I love you, TJ. As long as we are honest with each other, nothing can break us apart.”

“So we’ll sign the paperwork?” He asked me stiffly and I nodded.

“If that’s what Nonno wanted, then we’ll do it.” I sighed. “My parents will kill me, but I trust Nonno with everything. I’m going to kill him when I see him next thought. I can’t believe he would keep this a secret from me.”

“I think part of it was him hoping we’d get together.” TJ said softly. “I think he wants me to take over his role. He wants me to love and protect and guide you. He must have seen how much I loved you from the start.”

“I don’t need anyone to guide me.” I rolled my eyes at him and he laughed.

“Shall we go back to the office?”

“Only if you promise me I can bitch slap that ho, Barbie.”

“You have my blessings.” He laughed and we just grinned at each other happily. I felt as if my heart were going to burst with happiness and excitement, but for some reason I still felt a sense of unease and worry. Was everything going too perfectly? Had it all turned around too easily?

I
went home when TJ went to sign the paperwork in the office. We’d both decided that it would be smarter to let Barbie and his dad still think I was in the dark. If they thought I knew they might get concerned at the price they were paying and neither of us wanted them to investigate that before the deal went through. I was just about to head to the bathroom when the phone started ringing and my heart started pounding and my head went cold. My clammy hands gripped the phone as I went to answer it and I dropped it before quickly picking it up and answering.

I knew before I knew it. I’m not sure how. I don’t think I’m psychic or anything. But when I got the call, I just knew. I didn’t say anything. I just got in my car and drove over to Nonno’s. He was pissed of course, he’d told me to wait for him to come and pick me up. I wasn’t going to wait for that. I couldn’t sit around in the house, just waiting. I didn’t even cry on the drive over. I’m proud of myself for that. I had to be strong now. It was just me. Or maybe I’d just cried too much over, TJ. Maybe that had depleted my tears.

“Mila,” Cody opened the door, his eyes loving, red and he opened his arms as he stepped forward.

“What’s going on?” I said, feeling like I was playing a part. “Where’s Nonno?”

“Mila.” He said and I watched as he chewed on his lower lip. His face looked distressed and I as I stared at him, it suddenly hit me as to why Sally thought he was cute. He was handsome. And I could say that in a completely unbiased way. I didn’t even know why I was thinking about that now. Not after the call.

“Where’s Nonno, I need to speak to him.”

“He’s at the hospital. With mom and dad.” He said slowly looking at me carefully.

“Then let’s go. He most probably wants to see me.”

“He’s gone, Mila. I told you.” His voice trailed off. “Mom and dad thought it would be better for you to come here. To be with the photos and his spirit and stuff.”

“This isn’t funny.” I pushed past Cody. “Nonno, where are you? Nonno.” I ran through the house. “This isn’t a funny joke. Nonno.” I screamed as I ran into the kitchen. “Nonno, come out now.” I opened the fridge and the oven and all the cupboards and slammed them. “Nonno, come out now. This isn’t funny.” I screamed again and ran into his bedroom. I ran over to the closests and opened them. “Nonno, come out.” I shouted. “This isn’t funny.” Tears started to stream down my face. “Nonno, it’s me. It’s Mila. Please stop it.” I ran into the bathroom and saw the bath in the bathtub, where he must have fallen and I started screaming and screaming. “Nonno, you can’t leave me. Oh Nonno, you can’t leave me. Nonno.” I collapsed onto the floor of the bathroom and Cody rushed in next to me and sat next to me.

“Come, Mila. Let’s go in the living room.”

“His blood’s still on the bathtub.” I just stared at him wailing. “I didn’t even know he was sick.”

“He didn’t tell any of us, Mila.” Cody held me close. “We didn’t know. He had cancer. He’s had it for a while.”

“He’d tell me.” I screamed. “He’d tell me because he loves me. I mean the world to him. He would never keep a secret from me. “He loved me.” I whispered, my body shaking as Cody held me. “How could he die and not tell me?” I muttered into his chest as I sobbed. We sat there for what seemed like hours and then I stood up and walked into the living room. I tried to smile. I tried to feel happy for the life that he’d had, but I couldn’t. I sat down on the couch and waited for Cody to walk into the living room behind me.

“I want to see Nonno.” I said quietly. “I want to see him.”

“Not today.” He shook his head. “He split his head open when he fell. Mom and dad want him taken care of properly before you see him.”

“I want to see him.” I said louder. “I need to see him, Cody.”

“I know you want to see him.” He walked over to me. “But you don’t want to see him like this, Mila. You want to see him as the man that you know and remember. He wants you to see him as the man he was.”

“How could he leave me?” I chewed on my lower lip. “He wasn’t supposed to die. Not now, not with me not even knowing. Not with me not even being there. I didn’t even get to say goodbye. I didn’t even get to tell him about me and TJ.” I chewed on my lower lip as I thought about TJ. It almost felt wrong to be so happy about TJ when I was so distraught over Nonno.

“What about you and TJ?” Cody asked, his eyes narrowing.

“It doesn’t matter.” I shook my head. “But we’re in love, really in love.”

“Finally.” Cody said with a smile. “It took him a while to figure it out.”

“Yeah.” I sighed and then looked at Nonno’s photo album on the table and picked it up. “I guess he’s with Nonna now.”

“They’re dancing around in heaven looking down at us.” Cody said as I opened the photo album and we started looking at the photos of Nonno and Nonna and other family members.

“I can’t believe he didn’t tell me.” I said, tears pouring from my eyes. “I’m going to miss him so much.”

“He loved you with everything, Mila. He’ll always be here you know.” Cody said and rubbed my back. “He’ll always be here, protecting us, like a guardian angel.”

“I don’t want him to be my guardian angel.” I sobbed. “I just want him to be my nonno.”

***

“T
J.” I answered the phone, crying.

“Oh Mila.” He sounded anguished. “I just heard the news. I’m so sorry.”

“I can’t believe he’s gone, TJ. I don’t know what I’m going to do. I can’t believe it. I don’t know how I can survive.”

“He fought the cancer as hard as he could, Mila. He’s tried his hardest. He didn’t want to hurt you.” TJ’s voice was sympathetic. “Where are you? Let me come and be with you. Let me hold your hand. Cry on my shoulder. I want to be there for you.”

“How did you know he had cancer?” I asked softly. “And how do you know he fought his hardest.” My heart felt cold as I waited for his answer.

“Mila.” He said, his voice breaking.

“TJ, answer me.

“Mila, let me come and see you please.”

“Did you know he was dying?” I asked, my voice in my throat. “Did you know Nonno was dying and you didn’t tell me.”

“He promised me not to say anything. He didn’t want you living with that fear and dread. He didn’t want you to know. He thought the wait would kill you. He thought it would be agony.”

“You promised, no more secrets. We promised each other to only tell the truth. You promised me, TJ.”

“I couldn’t tell you, Mila. I just couldn’t.”

“I loved him more than anything in the world. You knew that. He died while we were away. I wasn’t even here to be with him. I’ve barely seen him the last month because of you and you knew he was dying.”

“Mila, I tried to get you to see him. I wanted to tell you, but Nonno, he didn’t want you to know.”

“How could you keep that from me, TJ?”

“I love you, Mila. I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to hurt you.”

“You don’t know what love is, TJ. You lied to me again. You have ripped my heart out. I have lost the only man that has loved me more than life itself. How could you do this to me?” And then I threw my phone across the room and watched as it hit the wall and fell to the ground and exploded into a million pieces, just like my heart.

T
he beat of my heart was in perfect symmetry to the sound of the beat of the drum on the radio. I stood there, standing in my room, in the darkness and pressed my hands together. A small cry fell from my lips as TJ’s face passed through my mind. I closed my eyes to try and banish his face from my thoughts, but that didn’t help. I could only see it bigger, brighter, clearer. I opened my eyes again and walked to my bed slowly. I collapsed down onto the sheets, praying that sleep would take me right away, but of course I wasn’t to be so lucky. Emptiness filled me. My heart felt hollow like the inside of the huge conch shell Nonno and I had found on the beach when I was younger. I looked over to the shelf to the right of the bed to stare at the shell that I still treasure so that I could concentrate on something other than TJ. That didn’t help. I cried out again as TJ’s bright green eyes flashed in my mind and all I could see was the warmth of his smile from a few dayss ago. My TJ. Oh how I loved this man. Every single inch of him. I just wanted to reach out and touch him, I needed to feel him, wanted that contact. Just one last time. My body shivered on the bed as I lay there alone, tired, weary, cried out. My heart started to pound as I realized that I could quite possibly die like this. All alone. Heartbroken. More tired than I’d ever felt in my life. My life seemed pointless and hopeless.  Life was so incredibly unfair. Why hadn’t he loved me enough to tell me about Nonno? Why didn’t he care? Couldn’t he see that we were made for each other? Couldn’t he see that my heart beat for him? Couldn’t he see how strong I was? I found my eyes gently closing as my sobs started up again. I grabbed my pillow and held it close to me, imagining it was him. The pain shot through my body as I lay there and a feeling of nausea rose through me. I wasn’t going to be okay.  Nothing was ever going to be okay again. My heart had shattered into a million pieces and TJ Walker, my soulmate, didn’t even seem to care that he was partially responsible, by not telling me that my Nonno was dying.

***

"I
don't think I have a heart anymore. I can't feel it beating. I can't hear it ticking. I think it's left my body." I sobbed to Sally as she sat on my bed and held me. "I don't think I'm going to be okay ever again. I can barely breathe. I can't think. I just want to die."

"Oh Mila. It's okay. It's going to be okay."

"It's not going to be okay." I cried, my stomach feeling more empty than it ever had. I looked up at her bleakly. "I feel like I mean nothing. I'm nothing. I'm invisible."

"You're not invisible."

"And yet I am. I don't matter."

"You do matter, Mila, you're scaring me."

"I'm sorry, I don't even know what to say. I lost Nonno and the one person I ever really and truly loved has ripped my heart to pieces."

"TJ didn't mean..."

"I can't even hear his name." I sobbed. "I can't even think about him without the pain burning me up inside. I hate him so much. I hate him. I hate him. I hate him. I hate him. "

"Oh Mila."

"I'm not waiting for him. I'm not crying for him. I'm not thinking of him. I don't love him. I don't love him." Then the tears started streaming even more. "Oh God, I love him so much it hurts."

“Call him, Mila.” Sally looked down at me with a worried expression. “Call him and let him know how you feel.”

“I don’t know how I feel.”

“Just speak to him.”

“Okay.” I nodded finally and grabbed my phone and waited for him to answer.

“Mila?” He asked hopefully and for a second my heart beat just a little bit faster as I heard his voice. Then I quickly banished my momentary happiness.

"We could have had it all." I said not saying anything else.

"Or we could have had nothing." TJ's voice was sad.

"I loved you."

"Loved? I thought love never died."

"It died."

"So then, maybe it wasn't love."

"You're an ass."

"I'm just saying how it is. If you loved me, past tense, then maybe it wasn't really love."

"Yeah, maybe it wasn't."

"Just lust."

"You wish."

"Infatuation then."

"Yeah, that's it."

"Obsession."

"I'm not obsessed."

"Maybe I was."

"You were?"

"Maybe."

"I see."

"Maybe it hurt too much."

"Being obsessed hurt?"

"No."

"Then what?"

"Being in love." His words were soft now.