Found by Love (27 page)

"Are you okay baby? What happened? Did I hurt you somehow?" He was crying uncontrollably and couldn't seem to stop. I pulled his head away from my shoulder and I didn't see that he was in pain physically but it seemed to be more emotional which brought tears to my eyes. "Shhhh baby. Just let it out. I'm not going anywhere. I'm here baby. Momma's here and I'm never letting you go again!"

I started kissing him all over his face while pulling him closer to me and holding him as tight as I could. When he started shivering I pulled the throw that was on the top of the couch on top of both of us and tried to warm him up. Maybe spraying him back wasn't such a good idea. I never thought that it might have made him remember being cold and wet in the life boat while he was waiting for the coast guard to find him. I know that that could be what he was thinking. He raised his head up looked at me with his tear filled eyes and his bottom lip quivering.

"Do you promise?" I let loose all of the tears that I was holding while trying to be strong for him at the breaking of his voice while asking his question.

"Promise what baby?"

"That you'll never leave me again. I keep wondering if I don't move to Oregon with you and Caleb you're going to be mad at me and you're going to leave me again. Every time I have a dream about them my dad keeps telling me the same thing but my mom keeps telling me to trust you and that you never wanted to give me away." That answers my questions on if he's still having nightmares or not. Thank you Thomas wherever you may be for putting doubt in his head! He put his head down waiting for my answer and I grabbed his chin and made him look up at me.

"I'm never and I repeat NEVER ever leaving you again Gray. If you don't want to move to Oregon that's fine with me. I'll move here and never ever be mad at you for it." I had to compose myself because I was about to lose it with my emotions but I had to be truthful and honest with him. "My biggest regret of my whole life was putting you up for adoption and at the time I felt like I was doing the right thing for you but I want to make up for all of the pain that you've gone through these past few months and I promise, I'm NOT going anywhere. Wherever you want to live is where I want to live. With you. I love you more than anything in the world and I always have. Even if it was away from you. I never quit loving you."

"What about Caleb?"

"What about him? If he doesn't want to move here? Well. As much as it would hurt for him to not want to stay with us, which I don't think that's going to happen because he loves both of us, I could live without him but I can't live without you. Not anymore! I LOVE you so much more than I ever thought I could." I pulled him to me and cradled his head against my chest and kissed him on his forehead. "You're my boy and I'm not going anywhere. Okay?" He rose up and kissed me on the cheek and hugged me right.

"Okay..... Mom." The dam burst when I heard the word that I've been waiting to hear ever since he came into the world and we both lost it and hung onto each other until our tears subsided. A few minutes later he rose up and grinned at me and I grinned back and kissed him on the cheek and he laid his head against my forehead and sighed.

"I feel better now. I promise I don't cry like a girl all of the time."

"You can cry whenever you want baby. There's nothing wrong with crying. Never be afraid of showing your emotions or telling me how you feel."

"Okay. I guess I ought to help you clean the kitchen huh? Mattie's gonna be mad when he comes home and sees all of his floors wet."

"Oh boy! I forgot all about that! By the way. I knew you were up to something." I pulled him in for another hug and he started giggling.

"Yeah.. I guess it's the... Mom thing huh?" Aww. He said it twice now! I don't want to make too big of a deal about it so I just grinned and nodded at him.

"Let's go clean the kitchen and then go watch a movie in your room."

"Cool! That works too." We got up and it took  over a dozen towels to soak up all of the water that we spilled onto the floor. We kept laughing every time we had to get another one. I look over at him and he is now asleep next to me. I can't decide if I want to stay in here and sleep with him all night or go to bed and wait for Caleb. One more glance at him has me reaching for the remote and turning the TV and lamp off and pulling the blankets up and cuddling with my child. For once I'm going to go to sleep knowing that he's safe in my arms where he never should have left.

****************

I woke up having a nightmare that Mattie took me to court to get full custody of Grayson. It seemed so real that I woke myself up screaming NO when the judge ruled in his favor. I looked over and saw that Grayson was still peacefully asleep with his head cradled in his hands facing towards me. I heard a sound and looked over and was shocked at what I saw and got a little scared.

"Don't be scared Claudia. You're still asleep but I wanted to talk to you."

What in the hell? I know that Cash and Olivia have dreamed about Derek and Vanessa but I never seemed to realize how REAL it must have felt until now!!! I got up off of the bed and walked over to the couch where Jane was sitting after she patted the seat next to her.

I slowly sat down on the edge of the couch hesitating on what to say or do. I hadn't seen Jane since I gave birth to Grayson and to see her in... Oh my God! Ghost form? Was weird. She must have realized my predicament because she giggled at me.

"Claudia. I'm not going to bite you. Grayson hasn't reacted this badly when I walk in his dreams and he's a child."

"I'm sorry but this is a first for me. I've heard of this happening but I just figured I was bad juju for ghosts or something."

"Oh my, Claudia! I'm still just Jane. Haha.. Bad juju.. That's funny!" I know I had to be blushing but I'm not going to lie... I'm a little freaked out at the moment.

"I'm sorry. I'm just a little weirded out at the moment but I am glad to see you." I looked up staring at her not believing my eyes and looked over at the bed to see if I was lying down beside Grayson and nope. I was sitting in front of the ghost of my sons adopted mother. "So do you hate me too? Like Thomas does?" She leaned over and patted me on the shoulder and smiled.

"Of course I don't hate you and Thomas doesn't hate you either. We've always argued about who would finish raising Grayson if something ever happened to us and we are still having the argument but I trust that you'll be able to work it all out and do what's best for everyone involved."

"Everyone involved? You're not just talking about Grayson and me are you. Who else would be.... Ohhhh. You mean Mattie too." She nodded her head at me to let me know that Mattie was who she was referring to.  "Now listen here! I love Caleb and I plan on marrying him and if Thomas is waiting for me to fall head over heels in love with Mattie instead so that he and I will raise Grayson together then he's got another thing coming. I've been running for too long from true love and I'm not running anymore and anyway I know Grayson is crazy about Caleb and Caleb loves him as if he were his own son.  So what's Thomas' problem with Caleb anyway?" I was afraid that I had hurt her feelings but she seemed to be more amused by my outburst.

"I forgot what a free spirit you are and how you don't have a problem expressing what's on your mind. That's one of the things I love the most about Grayson. You might have not raised him the first half of his life but you definitely imprinted him with your DNA." She looked down at her hands and looked up at me with tears in her eyes. "I want to thank you for picking us to raise him. I'm so sorry we didn't get to finish the job you entrusted us with but I'm so happy you two found each other again." Her words made me tear up and I choked back a sob. "He really loves you ya know. He's just afraid that if he admits it to you he will be betraying me. I keep telling him that he will always have me in his heart and that he's the luckiest boy in the world to be loved by so many people and to just let you love him."

"I'm so sorry you and Thomas died. It's not fair at all. I feel so selfish about being happy that I'm so close to having my baby back at the expense of your deaths. I should have listened to you when I was a stupid naive 21 year old kid and watched him grow up. He never would have lived with Roger and Meredith and gotten hurt and Mattie and I might have been able to get him through this easier." I must have said something to upset her because I saw fury in her eyes all of a sudden.

"Oh don't even get me started on Meredith and Roger! She was such a little snot when we were kids and for some reason she always seemed so jealous of Thomas and I when we met. When she found out that I couldn't have kids she was the first one to rub it in my face! I've been so mad at Mattie for allowing my baby to be raised by them after my aunt died. If he would have just done what I wanted in the first place Grayson would have gone straight to you after we died. That's why Mattie is beating himself up about not relinquishing custody over to you. Let him work that out with himself okay? He will always do what's right because that's just how he is."

"Okay. I will try my best to keep my mouth shut about the situation. It's going to be hard though. Haha. I'm not going to lie. I just want to tell Grayson that we are moving to Oregon and that's it. But... I only want for him to be happy and whether he wants to live here or Oregon is fine with me. Can I ask you a question?" She nodded her head at me. "Do you think you could work on Thomas? Ya know.. To give Grayson a break about me? I think that's why he's so indecisive about where he wants to live." What's wrong with me? I'm talking TO a ghost about talking TO another ghost!

"Oh he's going to quit and I'll tell you why. I want you to take Grayson to Oregon because I don't trust that Roger and Meredith are done trying to get him back!"

I jumped up and realized I was still in bed with Grayson and he was snuggled up against me. When I jumped he stirred and turned over on his other side and went back to sleep. Did that just happen? Did Jane just walk into my dream and give me a warning that Roger and Meredith were not done wreaking havoc in our lives? I couldn't have gotten a nice little 'good to see ya Claudia I'm so happy you found each other again' dream? Nope! Not me! I get a warning dream that scares me to my very core.

I crawl up on my side of the bed and run my fingers through Grayson's hair to reassure me that he's okay. I look at his cast and grit my teeth at the remembrance of that woman's hands on him and the horrible sound that I heard when she broke his wrist. I hear a light knock on the door and see the door open and a huge shadow in the doorway and a whisper.

"Claudia? Are you in here?" I slowly crawl out of the bed and make sure that Grayson is covered up and walk to the door and push Caleb out of the way and quietly shut the door. I smell whiskey all over him and I grab his hand and drag him across the hall to our bedroom and turn the light on. He immediately put his hands to his eyes at the brightness.

"Oh no, no, no. Please turn that off. My eyes are killing me." I pulled his hands away from his eyes and other than the blood shot eyes he seemed fine. I was making sure he didn't look like he had been in a fight with Mattie so I turned the light off.

"Where's Mattie? You didn't kill him and leave him in a ditch somewhere did you?" He let out a big sigh and started undressing and heading towards the bed.

"Can I please sit down before you start interrogating me? I do believe I'm drunk!"

"Well I can tell that by the scent of whiskey coming out of your pores! You at least got a cab ride home didn't you?"

"Yes Mother! I even tucked Mattie into bed already so that should answer your FIRST question on where he is and SECOND question of if he's in a ditch somewhere since you're obviously so worried about HIM!" I could feel his anger in the dark room and I got a cold chill at the sound of an accusation. "How come you didn't tell me about him wishing that I didn't exist?"

How did this get turned around to me? I haven't done anything wrong and I don't like his tone at all. I walk around to the lamp to turn it on because if I'm going to be accused of something I at least want to look my accuser in the eye. He put his hand over his eyes again until he adjusted to the dim light.

"What is it exactly that you're implying? So what if he told you about our conversation. It wasn't like I was keeping it from you but when you and Grayson got back you distracted me by your tattoo and I cooked dinner and I haven't had a chance to tell you about it. I wasn't KEEPING it from you!" He laid back onto the bed and let out a long sigh.

"Baby. I really don't want to fight with you tonight. Mattie and I are fine now and he's promised to never disrespect my woman in my presence or yours again. I think he thinks he's in love with you but that's his problem and not ours."

"You referred to me as your WOMAN? What a Neanderthal you are! You really are drunk! You don't think it's a problem at all? What if he decides to only let me have Grayson with the one condition that I leave you so that he can have me as HIS WOMAN? We don't know him that well. Maybe that's his intentions." He arched his eye brows at me and shook his head.

"You make it sound like he'd blackmail you into leaving me. I'd love to be a fly on the wall if he tried that. No one makes you do anything you don't want to do. I'm not worried." Well I'm so glad that he feels that he doesn't have to work at KEEPING me! After Grayson's emotional breakdown and the dream or shall I say nightmare I had and the two idiots making me think they were out killing themselves over me I've just about had it for one night.