Found at the Library (19 page)

Finally, Rex could relax and he let sleep overtake him.

...

***

As a writer, Mac was used to editing and changing things constantly as he worked through a manuscript. Reading this book aloud for Tommy didn’t allow that.

But as he got closer and closer to
that scene,
he wondered... Should he rewrite it? He didn’t even know if he could. He’d always been proud of his writing ethics. He didn’t write to the market or to what his readers wanted. He wrote the stories as they appeared in his head. But he’d never had Tommy in his life before. What if after he finished the book, Tommy still didn’t understand? What if he hated Mac for the trauma he put Rex and Thomas through?

Installment Seven

Goddammit! This is why the military had fraternization laws. How could he send Thomas out on a suicide mission? The man he loved. The only man he’d ever felt like this about. He wanted to make a life with Thomas, not be the one responsible for ending it. Thomas wouldn’t come back from this alive. That was almost a guarantee. Rex swallowed against the saliva building in his mouth. He wouldn’t get sick in his office. Sick with grief. Sick with frustration. Sick with desolation. There had to be another option.

He.

Couldn’t.

Do.

This.

“Sir, you needed to see me?”

Rex faced the window, and he closed his eyes at that voice. The beautiful, deep voice of the man who trusted him to love him.

“Major Dillon?” Thomas asked hesitantly.

Rex squared his shoulders and turned to meet Thomas’s worried gaze. “Yes, Lieutenant. Shut the door please.”

...

Mac stopped reading and then rushed to the bathroom to puke his guts up. That’s what happened the first time he wrote it, too. Time and distance from it didn’t change that he felt just as sick as Rex did when it came to the choices his character had to make.

***

Stig delivered today’s audio.

“You look like shit,” Tommy said as he ushered the pale man inside.

“Aw, you say the nicest things. But your boyfriend looks and sounds worse than me, so there might be a little bit of a break in the audios.”

Tommy’s shoulders tightened. “Is Mac okay?”

“Yeah, I think it’s just a cold, but he’s losing his voice. I’m sure you’ll hear it on today’s audio. I’ll let you know if there’s not going to be another delivery.”

“Thanks, I appreciate it.” He tilted his head to examine Stig closer. “So is that what’s wrong with you? You don’t sound like you have a cold.”

Stig snorted, and his skin tone took a green tinge as he winced. “No, I have more of a Scottish malady called too much Scotch. I’ll live...unfortunately.”

Tommy frowned, not liking the sound of that. “Did you go to a party last night? Most places are pretty quiet this week of the year.”

“Hey, who needs to go out for a party? I’m a party all by myself.”

Tommy didn’t like the sound of that, either. Having someone in his life who’d tried to commit suicide may have made him overly sensitive, but it wasn’t something that he could let slide by as an off-hand comment anymore.

“Well, Mac won’t let me talk to him yet to take care of him, so how about you stick around today and I’ll take care of you. I’m working some inventory, applying some of the changes Mac had suggested after working here, and creating a little bit of art. It’s going to be quiet, so you could hang out and relax if you wanted.” He didn’t know Stig very well, but what he’d seen and heard from the man himself seemed to indicate a lonely man.

“Are you actually feeling sorry for me?” Stig scowled at him.

“No, man, but I’m used to activity around here. It’s been too quiet. My brother is in the hospital. Mac won’t let me talk to him yet. I could use some company, that’s all. But if you don’t want to...”

“Okay. Thank you.”

Installment Eight

Rex looked at the map as a back-up plan began to form.

As the Operations Command Center waited for the phone call, Rex thought about the pale, drawn face of his lover as he’d left his office.  Rex had agreed to send him on this mission knowing it would mean almost certain death for Thomas. They both knew Rex didn’t have a choice. To defy an order was an act of treason against the U.S. Government. But didn’t they always have a choice? Wasn’t that what love meant? Choosing your lover above anything else?

Rex had failed in that. As the silence from Thomas’ team went from minutes, to hours, to days, he couldn’t sit here and wait any longer. He had a choice to make. He had to do something to save Thomas. If it got him killed, well what did it matter? Life without Thomas wasn’t worth living anyway.

He yelled at Private Timms, “Get me Cobra Commander on the phone, right now.”

“Yes, sir.”

Rex began packing the gear he might need.

“Cobra Commander is on line two, sir.”

Rex pushed the talk button on the speakerphone as he continued to pack. “Colonel Clayton, thanks for taking my call. I think something has gone wrong with the Bull Rider mission, and I’m going to do what I can to pull my men out. I wondered if we could have one of your birds on standby?”

Rex’s palms grew sweaty. He knew this was highly irregular and when it all came out, he’d more than likely be relieved of duty if he survived it. But if that got Thomas to safety that would be okay.

...

Late that afternoon, Mac handed over the eighth installment to Stig, who in turn gave him a heavy, hot pot.

“What’s this?” he croaked out. His voice couldn’t do anymore today.

“I mentioned to Tommy you were sick, and he made you his mom’s chicken soup. He wanted to come with me when you called.”

“You were with him?”

“Yeah. He’s a cool guy, but I think he’s kind of lonely, so I hung out with him and helped out with his inventory at the studio today.”

Mac battled down the jealousy that flared up. He didn’t have a right to be jealous. He’d laid out the rules for this with Tommy. And except for the phone message, Tommy had abided by them.

They needed to follow this through to the end. There were only two more chapters left. And then he would know.

Installment Nine

Rex listened to Thomas’ tortured cries. Each sound took out a chunk of his heart. His hands shook with fear and adrenaline. He had to calm the fuck down or they’d both end up dead.

The team had been held in the same compound they’d been sent here to destroy. From the looks of things, intelligence had gotten it wrong. Instead of the fifteen tangos intel had told them were here, there were at least thirty. And the enemy was much more heavily armed than they’d been led to believe.

Operation Bull Rider was meant to infiltrate and disarm if at all possible, but they had been sent here as high-stakes burglars. The team of three were supposed to break into the compound and walk away with the details of the operations that worked out of this province, one of the few the enemy still held completely. No one was ever supposed to know they were here. It was a high-risk operation. One that the U.S. Government would always deny no matter that American servicemen had died trying to achieve it.

And there would be no help coming now either. He was Thomas’ only hope.

Rex had already found the disemboweled bodies of the other two from Thomas’ team. It was too late for them, but Thomas was still alive. While he wanted to sink to the ground and mourn their lost lives, he couldn’t. Not until Thomas was safe. After that, he could allow thoughts and feelings again. Rex just had to get him out. Then he’d figure out how to put them both back together again.

...

Tommy’s hand shook as he disconnected the flash drive from the computer. Stig had stuck around again today, so Tommy had listened to the audio using headphones.

“Hey, are you okay,” Stig asked as Tommy took off the headphones. He’d been sitting over in the corner, perusing Tommy’s shelves and reading, but now he half rose out of his seat in alarm. Tommy must really look bad.

“Um, yeah. It wasn’t a pleasant scene in the book.”
Not pleasant
. Yeah, that was one way to describe it, hearing about your alter ego getting tortured and killed. How did Mac write stuff like that? Tommy felt physically ill from simply listening to it. Although the scene had affected Mac, too. It had been obvious in his voice. The narration had suddenly cut off several times like Mac had to stop and collect himself before he could start again.

Tommy looked at the short note that Mac had added with the flash drive today. It said,

There’s one more chapter after this.

Please wait.

Wait? Wait for what? To call? To come by? Tommy desperately wanted to do both. It didn’t help to know that Mac hadn’t been feeling well. Today was supposed to be the final day, but because he was ill, Tommy would only receive one installment today. The last wouldn’t come until tomorrow. Maybe.

The wait would kill him.

***

Installment Ten

Rex accepted his dishonorable discharge from the Army for dereliction of duty. What did it matter anymore? Without Thomas, his life didn’t matter. He went home to the ranch in Oklahoma and opened the house that had been neglected for far too long. In his fourteen years in the Army, he’d only managed brief visits to his family home. When his mother died three years ago, he’d shut the house up completely.

He’d planned on bringing Thomas back here. In fact, they’d spent many nights lying in bed while Rex told him stories about the ranch. Since his father had abandoned Thomas when he was three, he’d grown up floating between foster families. Thomas had loved the stories of the ranch.

Now, Rex had come here to die. He opened all the windows and doors to let the sounds of the outside float in. He took a swig of the Jack Daniels and eyed his loaded Glock, lying on the table beside the bottle.

If Thomas were alive, he wouldn’t forgive Rex for taking the coward’s way out. But Rex had sent Thomas to die, so...

He tipped the liquor bottle, taking another long swallow as he let the tears flow. Fuck, he missed Thomas. It was like he could almost smell the musky scent of the man he loved, but it had been three months since he’d died. Three months Rex had spent alone while the higher ups decided whether to send him to military prison or discharge him.

In the end, they’d decided since the only life he’d really risked was his own. They’d discharged him for dereliction of duty rather than disobeying a direct order and misuse of military resources which had a much higher and longer lasting penalty.

“Rex?” The sound whispered over his spine like a lover’s caress. Rex closed his eyes, dropped his head to his chest, and savored the hallucination. It happened sometimes when he drank enough. It was worth the hangover simply to have his lover with him for a few minutes, even if it wasn’t real.

Fingers ghosted through his hair, and Rex choked on a sob. It felt so real this time. “Thomas, I miss you so much. I love you. I’m so, so sorry.” He let the tears overflow, not even caring. He simply wanted to be with Thomas again.

But then arms wrapped around him. “I love you, too, and I’m right here.”

Rex stumbled away and turned. Thomas stood less than a foot away, looking more gaunt than he remembered but there and alive.

“Thomas?” Rex reached out a shaky hand, afraid to have this hallucination disappear if he actually touched him.

Thomas threaded their fingers together and pulled Rex in tight. “They couldn’t tell you I lived because of your court-martial and the black ops we were running. I’ve been waiting for you to come home. I love you, Rex, and I’m not going anywhere. Not anymore. You’re stuck with me. Are you ready to teach me to ride?”

“Whatever you want. Fuck, I can’t believe you’re actually here.” He ran his fingers over Thomas’s much thinner body. They’d get him healthy again. All this fresh, open air would help. He openly sobbed, relief swamping him. “I love you and will never let you go again.”

…

Tears flowed down Mac’s cheeks as he finished recording this final chapter. Now, to set the rest of the plan in motion.

***

“What do you mean, I can’t call him?” Tommy demanded of Stig after he listened to the final audio. That had been the deal. Listen to all the audios, then they would talk. The audios were finished. He didn’t want to wait any longer.

“Listen, that’s what he said. He told me you were to do whatever you already had planned to do tonight, and he’d be in touch.”

Tommy gritted his teeth. “It’s New Year’s Eve. What does he think I’m doing? I want to spend it with him.” Fuck, he sounded needy. And obviously he was alone in that if Mac didn’t want the same thing. Maybe distance really didn’t make the heart grow fonder. For Mac, it seemed to do the exact opposite.

Tommy growled in frustration.

“Hey, why don’t you come out with me tonight?”

Tommy finally took a good look at Stig. He wore painted on black leather pants and a tight knit shirt under his matching black leather motorcycle jacket. Normally his blond hair was sophisticatedly styled and groomed, but tonight he’d done something to it to make it look artfully mussed. He was all decked out for a night out on the town. But that made sense since it was New Year’s Eve.

“I promised to make an appearance at my ex’s party, but I don’t know what I was thinking,” Stig said, and Tommy caught a glimpse of loneliness in his gaze. “It’s going to be miserable, especially if I’m alone. Maybe if I show up with a hot guy on my arm, it will be better. Come on. It’s better than sitting at home, pouting all night.”