Found (49 page)

“Well, now you know.” Kat grinned. “And I say
you should go with those impulses—let your new DNA be your
guide.”

“I’d be happy to,” Lauren said with a sigh.
“In fact, I’ve already made some, uh, changes in case he comes
home. But now I don’t know…” Her throat felt tight but she forced
herself to continue. “I don’t know if he ever will.”

“He’ll come back to you,” Kat said
confidently. “I’ll have Deep work on him—they seem to have a
special connection. I’ll have him tell Xairn he has to at least
come say goodbye to you in person. And the minute he gets
here—
gotcha!
You pounce.”

“That all sounds great,” Lauren said
doubtfully as she began to frost the chocolate cupcakes with the
pale green frosting. They were still warm so she put on a lot of
icing, letting some of it melt into the cake. “But I’m pretty sure
he’ll refuse to, uh, do anything. Especially if he thinks he’s
going to hurt me.”

“But he
won’t
hurt you.” Kat snapped
her fingers. “Can’t believe I almost forgot to tell you the most
important part. I brought you a secret weapon.” She patted the
large purse she was carrying over one arm.

“A secret weapon?” Laure looked at the purse
doubtfully. “Like some kind of special gun I can hold on him to
make
him take me?”

Kat laughed. “Of course not! Let’s just say
it’s something to get you ready for his visit—something that will
allow you to have bonding sex with him without pain or injury.” She
winked. “And I promise you, it works.”

Lauren had been working as they talked and
now she let out a breath and put down the last cupcake. “Really?
You’re sure?”

“I’ve tested it myself extensively.” Kat
smiled. “It’s foolproof
and
delicious. And speaking of
delicious…” Reaching out, she snagged one of the chocolate,
green-frosted cupcakes off the tray Lauren was holding. “I’m sure
Liv won’t miss just one.”

“I wouldn’t do that if I were you,” Lauren
said but Kat had already taken a big bite of the cupcake.

“Mmm-mmm…ugh!” She swallowed with difficulty
and looked up at Lauren. “I don’t want to be rude but your mint
chocolate cupcakes could use some work.”

“My mint chocolate cupcakes are delicious—but
those
aren’t
mint chocolate.” Lauren nodded at the half
eaten cupcake in Kat’s hand.

“Not mint chocolate? Then what the hell
are
they?”

“It’s a new flavor I call ‘pregnant lady
surprise.” Lauren grinned. “They’re devil’s food chocolate
cake…with dill pickle icing.”

“Oh my God!” Kat made a face and then started
laughing. “You know what? Liv is absolutely going to
love
these.”

“I have some other flavors that I baked this
morning I think
you’ll
love.” Lauren nodded at the door.
“Come on, let’s go give her these.”

As they walked through the doorway back into
the main room she couldn’t help casting a sidelong glance at Kat
and wondering what her friend meant by a ‘secret weapon’ and if she
would ever get a chance to use it.

“So you’re just going to run away without a
backward glance.” Deep’s voice rang out, echoing in the vast
docking bay.

“What?” Xairn turned from the small space
cruiser he’d been given as a gift from the Kindred High Council. It
was a token of their appreciation. In effect, he and the warriors
who had helped him had ended the Scourge threat—the war was over.
The Council had offered him much more than the small ship but he
had declined. He didn’t want riches or fame—he just wanted to
go.

“I said, you’re running away.” Deep came up
beside him and patted the little ship’s sleek silver side.

“I don’t know what you are talking about,”
Xairn said stiffly. “I have fulfilled my obligations here. I have
buried my mother in your sacred grove and seen my father’s body
jettisoned into space. I have spoken to your Council and given them
the codes to the Fathership so that they can do as they see fit
with the rest of the vat grown and the
urlich
that remain.
What else is there to do?”

“What else is there to do?” Deep raised an
eyebrow at him. “Come on, Brother, you know very well what else
there is to do. Don’t play the fool with me.”

Xairn frowned. “I am no fool. And I am
not
your brother so do not refer to me as such.”

“You’re right.” Xairn crossed his arms over
his chest. “I’d be ashamed to have a brother who was such a
coward.”

“First you call me a fool and then you call
me a coward?” Xairn glared at him. “Have a care,
Kindred.
My
patience has limits.”

“The humans have a saying, you know,” Deep
continued, ignoring his threat. “They say, ‘it takes one to know
one.’ I’m calling you a coward because you’re acting the same way I
did and you’re making the same mistake I made.”

“Oh? And what was that?” Xairn demanded.

“You’re running away from the one female in
the universe who was made for you—the one being who makes your life
meaningful.” Deep sighed. “Remember how when we met back on the
Scourge home world, I actually
wanted
you to use the psychic
knife on Kat and Lock and myself?”

Xairn nodded. “I thought at the time that it
was a strange request.”

“A stupid request, more like,” Deep said
savagely. “I was taking the coward’s way out—running from Kat. I
had convinced myself we didn’t belong together—that she would be
better off without me. But that wasn’t true.”

“If you’re making a reference to my
relationship with Lauren, the truth is she
would
be better
off without me,” Xairn said. “I’m leaving to avoid causing her
pain—both emotional
and
physical.”

“Physical? You really think you can’t trust
yourself with the woman you love?” Deep demanded.

“You said it yourself when we met—Scourge are
depraved. We’re sexual beasts—natural dominants. So no, I
can’t
trust myself.” Xairn fitted his hand to the side of
the ship and watched as the smart metal melted around his palm and
the hatch opened. “Now if you’ll excuse me, I need to go.”

“What if I told you there was a way for you
to have bonding sex with your female without hurting her?”

Deep’s words stopped him dead in his tracks.
He turned to face the other male. “What are you talking about?”

“I said, there’s a way you can bond her to
you without hurting her. Kat has already talked to her about
it.”

Xairn frowned. “You have such a thing?”

“Think about it,” Deep said. “We Twin Kindred
always share a female and we’re all much better endowed than any
human male our females might have been with before. If we didn’t
have a way to have bonding sex without causing injury, our branch
of the Kindred would have died off long before.”

For a long moment Xairn considered it. Then
he shook his head. “It doesn’t matter. My issue isn’t just about
hurting her—it’s the shame and humiliation that go along being
dominated. I don’t…don’t want to subject her to the kinds of
degradations my Scourge instincts urge me to perform.”

“Maybe you should ask her how she feels about
being submissive before you decide it’s not what she wants,” Deep
said. “Some females enjoy sexual role playing—many Kindred brides
included. We even have a Law of Conduct which allows each Kindred
male to ‘punish’ his bride for infractions.” He smiled. “I promise
you, it leads to some interesting scenarios.”

Xairn shook his head. “You truly do not
understand. What my nature urges me to do is not role playing or
any kind of scenario. It’s a constant, never ending state of sexual
domination. And I wouldn’t dominate Lauren for ‘fun,’ I’d do it
because I couldn’t help myself. Even if…even if she didn’t want me
to.” He sighed. “No, it’s better just to leave.” He turned to swing
into the cockpit but once again Deep’s voice stopped him.

“Without even saying goodbye?”

Xairn turned back again. “I said my goodbyes
to her the night I left to confront my father.”

“But not your final goodbyes.” Deep frowned.
“I’d stake my life you swore you would come back to her. Well,
didn’t you?”

Xairn shifted uncomfortably. “That
was…before. Before I reverted to my true nature.”

Deep raised an eyebrow at him. “Are you
really going to stand there and tell me that you don’t think you
can trust yourself enough to at least say goodbye in person?
Because I don’t believe that, Xairn. You’re no ravening beast, no
matter what you may believe about yourself.” He put a hand on
Xairn’s shoulder. “At least see her once more and tell her why you
must go. You owe her that much.”

Xairn had been ready to shake off the
Kindred’s hand and leave but now he felt his shoulder’s slump as
Deep’s words hit home. “You are right,” he said heavily. “Lauren
and I have been through a lot together. I do owe it to her to say
goodbye in person.”

“Go then…Brother.” Deep stepped back and
nodded. “The Goddess go with you and grant you wisdom.”

“Thank you.” Xairn sighed and climbed into
the ship. He saw Deep still watching him as the cockpit sealed
itself behind him. It should be evening on Earth right now—he could
make a quick side trip to see Lauren at her home and then plot a
course for a far distant star—one where she would never find
him.

Gods Lauren,
he thought as he guided
the small silver ship out of the docking bay and into the blackness
of space.
I love you so much. I wish things could be
different.

But he knew in his heart that nothing could
change his nature and nothing could keep him from acting on his
natural impulses. He
had
to leave her, even though it felt
like he was leaving his heart behind on her small blue planet
instead.

For the last time, he turned his ship toward
the Earth. It was time to say goodbye.

Lauren was sitting at home, absently stroking
Little One when she got a strong feeling that someone wanted to
talk to her. “Hello?” she said out loud, looking around and feeling
kind of creeped out. “Is anybody there?”

“
It’s me, Kat,”
said a voice that was
very definitely coming from
inside
Lauren’s head.
“Sorry
to freak you out but I’m calling you on a Think-me—kind of a
Kindred telepathic cell phone. I hope you don’t mind but it’s the
fastest way to communicate—so much easier than schlepping down to
the HKR building to talk on the viewscreen all the time.”

“No, I don’t mind,” Lauren said aloud.
“Or
should I just think back to you?”
she thought.

“
Either way works but the thinking is
better if you’re not alone. Otherwise people are going to think
you’re crazy and talking to yourself.”
Kat sounded amused.

“
I’m alone,”
Lauren thought back,
beginning to get the hang of the mental communication.
“I’m
hanging around my condo, about to turn in for the night.”

“
Good! Perfect!” Kat sounded excited.
“Then you might have a little time to get ready.”

“
Get ready for what?”

“
Xairn’s coming—Deep talked him into
it.”

“
He is? Oh my God!”
Lauren’s heart
started pounding.
“Oh, I have so much to do!”

“
Don’t get too excited yet,”
Kat
cautioned.
“He told Deep he’s just coming to say
goodbye.”

“
What? But didn’t Deep tell him about your
‘secret weapon?’”

“
He did.”
Kat sounded sober.
“But
apparently it isn’t just the pain he might cause you during bonding
sex that has him worried.”

“
What? What else is he worried about?”
Lauren asked, exasperated.

“
The whole dominant/submissive thing.”
Kat sounded as though she was trying to choose her words with care.
“His, uh, natural urges seem to have him all tied up in
knots.”

“
It’s not really surprising, considering
the things he saw the AllFather do to women,”
Lauren sent
thoughtuflly.
“I think part of the problem is that he thinks he
can’t be dominant without turning into his father.”

“
That sounds reasonable,”
Kat agreed.
“But I also think he has the idea that
you
don’t want to be dominated.”

“
But that’s not how I feel at all!” Lauren
protested. “I mean, I wasn’t sure at first. It felt…strange to want
those kinds of things. But now—”

“
Now you’re going to have
one
chance to show him that you’ve changed your
mind,”
Kat interrupted.
“So we shouldn’t waste time talking.
Have you been eating the fruit I gave you?”

Lauren nodded and then remembered her friend
couldn’t see her.
“Yup. I started last night. And to be honest
today I’m feeling kind of…strange.”

“
You mean horny?”
Kat’s mental voice
sounded amused.
“Yeah, bonding fruit will do that to
you—remember I warned you there could be side effects. In a little
while it’s going to
really
kick in. And
listen, hon, you’re going to need Xairn to help you scratch that
itch—don’t try to do it on your own. It doesn’t work—believe me, I
tried.”

“
So you’re saying that if I
don’t
convince him to stay and, uh, bond with me or at
least make love with me—”

“
You’re going to be in a world of
hurt,”
Kat finished for her matter-of-factly.
“But don’t
worry about that, Lauren. Think positive. You can do this, I
know
you can.”

“
I hope you’re right.”
Lauren took a
deep breath, trying to mentally prepare herself.

“
I know I am,”
Kat said confidently.
“Now go get ready! He should be there at any minute.”