ForsakingEternity (5 page)

Say yes. Please say yes. Don’t run from me, from us, yet.

“I would like that. Very much.”

* * * * *

Ren picked through the nearly deserted tables outside,
finding one that was cloaked in darkness. This late, the streets were quiet and
most of the shops were dark. The only illumination in this corner of the café
came from decorative lights strung under the awnings and from the plate-glass
window of the shop.

From where he sat he could watch Adam through that window,
standing at the counter and placing their order. As if sensing his attention,
Adam twisted to look at the window and flashed a smile that took Ren’s breath
away.

“Hello, Angel.”

Ren’s heart sank at the sultry feminine purr.

“Greetings, Meela.” He forced himself not to react to the
unwelcome presence of the other being. A reaction would give the fallen angel
what she wanted and that would open a door he might not be able to close again.
But inwardly, he chastised himself. How foolish it had been for him to assume
Heaven was the only Realm from which to hide his actions.

The demon wore her human form, a guise she had all but shunned
since her damnation, many millennia ago. Her face appeared much as it had when
she was an angel. Delicate and tawny-skinned, she had always been a great
beauty, even among those of the Realms.

That, however, was where the familiar ended. Ropes of black dreadlocks
replaced her soft, bronzed curls. Heavy makeup ringed her eyes and blackened
her mouth, and silver rings in her lip and brow gleamed in the faint light.

“What, is that all I get from an old lover?”

She reached over the table to touch him but he pulled back,
out of the reach of her venomous claws.

“I was never your lover.”

“No? We seem to remember things differently. I recall some
spectacular—”

“I wasn’t your lover.” His denial cut off the words before
she could utter them, but the damage was done. His mind flooded with memories
of Meela’s skin pressed against his, her flesh against Dom’s. The cherub’s body
had once been the only thing between him and the reason he’d left Heaven.

“Ah, yes. We had sex, there is a difference. You shared me
with another, but I wasn’t the one you wanted, was I?”

Her smug expression told him she knew his weakness and was
poised to exploit it.

Ren’s stomach trembled and he waited.

Meela narrowed her eyes, a speculative look on her face,
before casting a sideways glance at the café window.

“I think another is stealing your heart. The mighty Ren,
favored among messengers and the authority on the Law. First he desired a
seraphim and now he’s lowered himself even more to lust after a human male.”

He twisted his head to look at Adam before he could stop
himself, only to curse his foolishness when the demon gave a low and knowing
laugh.

“Yes. Look at your human. Enjoy him before you lead him
merrily into Hell. He’ll lead you to Fall, and you’ll lead him to Damnation.
Isn’t it wonderful when relationships have such a balanced give and take to
them?”

No. The Law didn’t work that way. A man’s actions were his
own, as were an angel’s. Adam could not break angelic law, only Ren could.
Still, the implication stung.

Renatus forced himself to look into her eyes, to meet the
evil in her gaze without flinching.

“What do you want, Meela?”

“From you? Nothing. Is that reassuring, Ren? I don’t want
anything but to watch you while you defile the Law. I want to see you when you
are cast out, watch the ghouls and imps as they swarm over you and devour your
power. I want to hear you screaming for mercy in the Realm where it does not
exist.”

“Why? I was nothing to you. Why would you wish such things
for me now?”

“Because you did this to me!” Her fury pounded at him,
whipping up the breeze and lashing them with an icy blast of air. “When the
Realms were rent in two, you were the one holding up the Law and damning me to
Hell. You made me this. Now I will watch as you suffer the same fate.”

Ren’s fear gave way to pity as he tasted the pain behind her
hatred.

“It was your decision to side with Lucifer. I read the Law,
but you made the choice.”

Her mouth twisted in a humorless smile. “There is a first
for me. Throughout time, I have never before heard an angel lie.”

“You still haven’t.”

The bell over the café door tinkled, a happy sound against
the tension at the table. Adam exited the shop with a steaming paper cup in
each hand. He gave Ren a smile but showed no signs of seeing Meela.

“Here is your lover. Enjoy him while you can, Renatus. Once
the scroll is found, the Law will once more be read in judgment, and this time
you will be the one cast out.”

“What do you mean?” His heart went cold, all sympathy
shattered at the mention of the scroll.

“Don’t play coy with me, Ren. I know about your divine
mission. In fact, I think I’ll help you along a little. I know just the push
you need.”

With that cryptic taunt she was gone.

Adam set a cup in front of him. “Here you go. Hot chocolate,
and I got you extra whipped cream.” He started to move toward the now empty
chair across from Ren. Pausing, he picked up a sheet of paper from the seat.
“What’s this?”

Ren froze inside, his soul as cold and still as a statue,
while Adam tipped the page toward the scant light. What had Meela left? May the
Heavens help him, he had to keep her away from Adam.

“A sale flier. A book vendor at an antique shop is going out
of business.” He squinted at the print, holding the page close to his face.
“Tomorrow is the last day. It’s Saturday, I’m off work. Would you like to go?”

No!
If Meela was responsible for that advertisement,
they should avoid that place. Ren wanted to be anywhere but at that
marketplace. But if Adam went alone, the demoness would be there, pushing him
toward the scroll. He needed to keep Meela and her evil well away from Adam.

“I would love to go with you.” The words rang hollow and a
vile taste filled his mouth.

A lie.

He, a ranking Angel of Annunciation for the Most High, had
lied. The honesty inherent in beings of the Heavens had been violated.

By him.

Meela had been right. He was Falling.

He curled his hands around the cup of hot chocolate and
watched the steam curl up from it. The night shadows painted the back of his
hand black, as black as the scales which covered the Fallen.

Adam took a sip of his coffee and leaned over the table.
“It’s colder than I’d realized out here. Would you be interested in going back
to my place for a while? Just to talk, or whatever.”

Ren took a too-large gulp of the scalding chocolate.

Whatever.

Even Ren’s awkward social skills couldn’t mistake the
invitation the human offered. The image of the two of them, tongues tangling,
limbs intertwined, hard body pressed against hard body, flashed through his
head.

Did he want that? His cock, now hard in the denim pants he
wore, assured him that he did.

But was he really ready for Adam’s
whatever
?

“I would like to go to your place, but am not sure…”

“No pressure. Nothing you don’t want. I’m not ready to say
goodbye yet.”

“Neither am I.”

* * * * *

When Adam finally pulled into his driveway, the tension was
so thick he felt as if his nerves would shatter. He wiped his hand on his jeans
for what must have been the hundredth time. He had been hyperaware of Ren the
entire trip to the house. The scent of him, a scent unlike anything Adam had
ever smelled before, filled the car, leaving Adam’s head spinning. Unlocking
his front door, he automatically reached his right hand out and brushed his
fingertips over the mezuzah.

He hesitated, his fingers still poised on the scroll case.

You are a man of faith.

He brought his fingers to his lips and moved on, leading Ren
inside.

Adam hung his coat on its hook and emptied his pockets,
placing the contents in the bowl on the entry table. Rote. Routine. Thoughtless
actions he always performed as he walked through his front door. Just like
touching the mezuzah his parents gave him.

He was not a man of faith. He’d lost that five years ago
when his heart had been shattered.

Now he was a creature of habit.

Adam turned to find Ren poised in the doorway, looking for
all the world as if he was making a decision that would change his life
forever. Maybe he was. Adam gave Ren what he hoped was a reassuring smile.

Returning it with an uncertain smile of his own, Ren turned
to study the mezuzah for a moment before brushing his fingers over the scroll
case. Then, meeting Adam’s eyes, he brushed his fingertips over his mouth.

Adam’s breath caught and he couldn’t look away as Ren
stepped over the threshold.

“Your home is quite pleasant, Adam.” Ren’s voice wavered
ever so slightly.

“Um, thanks.” He glanced at the simple furnishings, unsure
what Ren found appealing. “My mother wanted to decorate it, but I just went for
comfort.”

“It does look quite comfortable. I find the lack of artifice
refreshing and relaxing.”

A bark of laughter escaped before Adam could stop it. “Does
that mean you like things plain?”

Ren cocked his head and thought before answering. “I suppose
it does. There is a truth in the plainness, is there not?”

Adam looked at his home once more, studying it this time.
There was nothing in the room that was not his. The simple beige walls and
brown leather furniture, the shelves of books, even the stack of newspapers by
his favorite chair were all things which appealed to him, which reflected his
taste, his desire for simplicity, comfort and function in his home.

“I suppose there is. In which case, what you see is what I
am.”

“That being the case, I like what you are.”

Adam’s face went warm again. “Why don’t you have a seat?” He
waved Ren toward the living room where the other man took a seat.

Right in the middle of the couch.

Was that an invitation? Only one way to find out. Adam took
a seat beside him.

Ren didn’t scoot away, but didn’t move closer, either. He
didn’t move a single muscle or give any sign he did or didn’t want this. Adam
scrambled for something, anything to say. Some bit of small talk to fill the
void. But no words came and there was only awkward silence.

“Ren, I’m feeling a bit lost right now so I need to ask you
outright. What is it you want? Are you looking for friendship or something
else?”

“I don’t know.” The words were tight, breathless.

Adam blew out a frustrated breath. “You’re not giving me
anything to work with here.”

“I know, and I apologize. I’m, I believe the expression is,
out
of my depth
?”

“I’m not going to ask a lot of questions. I can tell you’re
here to satisfy curiosity. Whatever secrets you have are safe, but I need to
know one thing. Just how straight are you?”

Renatus turned beet red and refused to look at Adam.

Great. I just embarrassed the crap out of my date. My
seduction techniques are rustier than I thought.

“I don’t mean to be blunt or make you uncomfortable. I can
tell this isn’t your norm and I just need to know where it’s all going. Have
you done this before? Are you just playing gay? Experimenting? What?”

“I don’t know what to tell you. I-I’m—” Ren stuttered to a
halt, his gaze flickered over the far wall as if he hoped the right words would
be written there. In the end he simply shrugged, shaking his head helplessly
before allowing it to fall forward in defeat.

Maybe he needed to start from the beginning. “Have you ever
kissed a man before?”

“Yes.”

That one word sent a surge of jealously through Adam.
Instant anger flared for the man who’d dared kiss Renatus.

He scrubbed a hand over his face. What was he thinking? He
didn’t have the right to be jealous. This was a fling, wasn’t it? Still, his
stomach roiled with the need to mark this man, to make sure Ren could never
forget him.

“What else?” Adam rasped, his throat tight. Did he even want
to know? He must be a glutton for punishment. “Just a chaste kiss?”

“Just one kiss. I don’t think it could be called chaste.”

Adam wanted to wipe that unchaste kiss, that other man, from
Ren’s memory, to insure the only kiss he ever thought about again was Adam’s.

But then, it wasn’t only a man’s kiss he had to erase. He
doubted Ren was a virgin. The thought made guilt writhe in Adam’s stomach like
a mass of worms. Was there a woman in Ren’s life, waiting for his return? Was
he a husband, a father?

“And now you’re here because, what? Did you like it and want
to experiment? You want to play gay for a few days before you go back home to
your wife?” The words held a rough edge Adam couldn’t hold back.

Please, God. No wife. No lover. Please let him be free.

Free to do what though? The lure of a weekend with this man
was undeniable. Adam couldn’t resist. But at the same time, he had the sense
that just one weekend and nothing more would shatter him. Renatus drew him in, teased
him with a promise like no other man ever had.

“My decisions are mine alone. There is no one else.”

Relief rippled through Adam, releasing the tension which
bound his stomach in knots. At least the title of adulterer wouldn’t be on his
list of sins.

“Tell me why you decided to come here then. Help me make
sense of this so I know what to expect.”

“I have a friend. Or had one. We’d been inseparable from the
beginning of time. Only the friendship changed. In our home, such things are
simply not done. I couldn’t accept what was happening so I left him. There is
no going back. The chance of what might have been is gone.”