Forsaking Gray (The Colloway Brothers Book 1) (37 page)

“After that, he had a procedure done that was supposed to render me sterile.”

At that little bomb, before I could stop him, he pulled away, stalked across the room and slammed his fist repeatedly into the wall, roaring in both emotional and physical pain. I reached for the lamp, turning it on. When he turned back toward me, the look of pure, raw torture on his face was almost my complete undoing. I’d never seen someone in so much torment. Sliding down the wall, he put his face in his hands and openly sobbed.

“It didn’t work,” I tell him, but he can’t hear me through his uncontrollable crying and mumbling. I climb off the bed and walk over to him on wobbly legs. When I’m close enough, he grabs my hips and wraps his arms tightly around my waist, burying his head in my belly. His tears cool my skin and cleanse my soul.

Threading my fingers through his hair, I call his name until his sobs subside enough he can hear me. “It didn’t work, Gray. It didn’t work.”

His hold loosens and he pulls away, looking up my body. Confusion clouds his eyes, furrows his brows.

“It didn’t work,” I repeat. Because it’s worth repeating. Over and over. I’ve repeated it a hundred times to myself since I found out I was pregnant, still not believing it’s true.

“It didn’t work?”

“No.”

“I don’t understand what you’re saying, Livvy.”

I take a long, deep breath. Here goes nothing. “I wasn’t dehydrated from the flu. I didn’t have the flu.”

He swallows hard. “You didn’t have the flu?”

“No. I was dehydrated from severe morning sickness.”

“Morning sickness?”

I finally let a small smile touch my lips. The hardest part is now over. “Yes. I found out in the hospital that I’m pregnant.”

“Pregnant?”

I almost laugh at how he’s parroting everything I’m saying like if he hears it twice it will make it true. I kneel down, cupping his face. “Yes. Pregnant. With our baby.”

“You’re—sweet Jesus, you’re pregnant?” The look of disbelief and shock are starting to concern me. Maybe he won’t be as happy about this as I am. Maybe he’s not ready for a family. Maybe telling him now was a bad—

I’m wrenched out of my thoughts when his lips crash to mine. Then his mouth is everywhere and he’s laughing, but I can still feel his tears flow across my naked flesh. “You’re pregnant? We’re pregnant?” He grabs my face, looking deeply into my eyes. “
We’re
pregnant
?”

For as long as I live, I will never forget the love and adoration and pure joy I see in that one single moment in time. It’s an unimaginable moment that I thought I would never have. That
we
would never have. It’s suspended, frozen. I take a mental picture so I can replay it again and again and again. I can’t possibly speak through my constricted airway, so I just nod.

The rest of the night is a blur.

We laugh.

We cry.

We make love.

We sleep.

We repeat.

Chapter 54

“Thanks for meeting me.”

My twin nods, taking a seat beside me at the bar. He waves to the bartender to get him what I’m having and we both sit, face forward, the air thick with tension.

“Why am I here?” he finally asks, breaking the silence.

Until our lives took different paths, my twin was my best friend. We were inseparable. We were in the same sports. We liked the same girls, so it’s no wonder we fell in love with the same woman. We sat together every day at lunch, with Ash and Conn, making our own little tight, impenetrable clique. Luke and I were cohorts at pulling dozens of pranks on our younger brothers. So when he started going down a path that I didn’t want to follow, it crushed me. Ruined me. My best friend was lost. He abandoned me, just as I thought Livvy had. And that wound runs deep.

Still.

While Livvy and Luke have talked on the phone a couple of times, I know they haven’t seen each other since the day he dropped off her letter in my office. I know that because she’s spent every second with me. Livvy wants Luke in her life, which means he will be in mine. Although that pains me because I know how he feels about her, it also means I need to clear the air between us. I want my brother back. I’ve missed him. I just didn’t realize how much.

But Livvy is right. I haven’t been fair to Luke. I haven’t heard his side of the story. We can’t rebuild everything in a night, but we can start, if he’s willing. This is important to Livvy, so it’s important to me.

I swivel my barstool, so I’m facing him. “Thank you.”

Turning his head, he asks, “For?”

For bringing her back to me. For keeping me from making the single biggest mistake of my life by walking away. For everything.
“For saving Livvy.”

He faces forward again, taking a large drink of his draft beer. He’s silent for so long, I don’t think he’s going to respond, and suddenly I’m not sure this fragile reunion will work. Maybe things are too damaged between us.

“I should have done more,” he finally quietly responds. Pain threads his voice and it hits me hard. Then he gives me a Reader’s Digest version of his story and now I know Livvy’s right. Luke may have started down the wrong path, but he wanted to turn around, go back. Turns out, I’m glad he didn’t, because he saved my future wife and mother of my children. It’s ironic how fate, or God, or whatever higher power you believe in, places people in and out of our lives at exactly the right time.

“I was out. I had worked out all the specifics and accompanying Peter on this pick up was my last job. I was done. Until we got there, I didn’t know what we were doing. Then I saw her. Livia. And I knew I couldn’t leave an innocent, vulnerable woman all alone in a house with Satan’s spawn and no protection. They would eat her alive. She’d be dead within a month. So I stayed and I plotted and I saved and I planned and I protected her as much as I could without drawing suspicion.” He takes another sip, pausing to gather his thoughts.

“It took me three long, agonizing years to get her out.”

“I thought she got out because that monster died?”

Luke turns his head, locking eyes with mine. They swirled with malice and hatred, but I knew it wasn’t directed at me. Eventually he said, “She did.” Only what I heard was,
I killed him. For her
.

Sitting quietly, we each finish our beers and order another. I reflect on his silent words, and how much someone has to love another person to kill for them. A fucking lot.

“Livvy’s pregnant.”

“I know,” he responds flatly.

“I’m going to ask her to marry me.” Yep. I’m marking. I need to make it clear that Livvy is mine. To everyone. Including my own flesh and blood.

“I know. I’m happy for you both. Truly.”

“I’m sorry, Luke. For...” I leave my sentence hanging, but we both know what I mean. I’m sorry for so goddamn much.

“I didn’t know about you, you know. Until recently.” I heard him swallow thickly and felt his heartbreak as if it were my own. I knew all about that suffering, and it tore me apart that my brother had to accept that he’ll never be able to have the woman he wants. “I tried not to fall in love with her. I knew she loved someone else, was engaged to someone else, and I knew I’d never be
that
guy. For years, I was insanely jealous of him, but knowing that it’s you…” His gaze pierces me, and I hang on every word to see how he finishes his sentence. “…almost makes it easier.”

He stands and takes a long chug before setting his half empty mug down. Grabbing my shoulder, he squeezes hard. “It’s always been you. You do deserve her, Gray.” Then he walks away, leaving me there to rehash every word we spoke, and those we didn’t.

Chapter 55

“Hey, do you have a minute?” Asher asks, knocking on the door. I look up from my mounds of paperwork to see the sheepish face of Gray’s younger brother standing in my doorway.

“Yes, sure.”

“Moving, huh?” He takes a couple of steps in, looking uncomfortable and I let him. It was a pretty shitty thing he did, having me fired when Gray didn’t even know about it, but to some degree I get it. He was protecting his brother and I’d hurt Gray terribly before. Asher doesn’t know the only way I’ll ever leave Gray again is through death. Gray and I agreed that outside of Luke, myself and him, no one would know the circumstances of why I had disappeared. At least not now, maybe not ever. It’s still too fresh, too painful.

“Today’s actually my last day. Just finishing up a couple of things.” I agreed to come back to work for Gray part-time just until I finished his little patent project, which we just wrapped up earlier this week. His new assistant, Georgia, started last week as well and I’ve spent the last few days training her. She’s nice, experienced and is about fifty with three grandchildren, so it’s a bonus that she’s not some young hottie who’s looking to get into my boyfriend’s pants.

“Look, Livia, I wanted to personally apologize. What I did was wrong and you need to know that Gray didn’t have anything to do with me delivering those severance papers. He just wanted you reassigned until he figured shit out. I took liberties I shouldn’t have and for that, I’m sorry.”

I study him for a couple seconds. “I understand, Asher.”

Sitting down, he continues. “I need to get something off my chest, if that’s alright.”

“Okay.” I brace myself for whatever he has to say.

“I love my family and I can’t watch Gray go through losing you again, Livia. It nearly killed him before.”

I look down and once again, guilt assails me. “I know,” I respond quietly.

“If you tell me you’re committed to him and you won’t abandon him again, I’ll believe you. I’ll work on trusting you again.”

I study Asher because somehow I feel like this is about more than just what happened between Gray and me. I feel like he has personal experience with this. I want to tell him about the baby, assure him that I’m not going anywhere, but we aren’t going to tell anyone about the pregnancy until after my doctor’s appointment tomorrow.

“I love Gray, Asher. I always have. I – I don’t blame you for not trusting that I won’t hurt him again. Hell, I’m sure I will, but you have my word I will never leave him.”

He nods. “Fair enough.” He rises to leave but stops before he walks out. “He was lost without you Livia.”

Tears sting and all I can do is stare, biting my lip to keep the waterworks from falling. While I love the fact that I’m pregnant, I hate most of the effects the hormones have on my body.

Some days I’m one big ball of tears and snot.

Ten minutes later, I’m packing up the last of the papers into the cardboard box when the love of my life walks in. “Hey, angel. Packing up?”

“Yep, just got finished. I’ll be walking Georgia through just a couple of things yet before I go, but she’s catching on fast so I don’t think I’ll need to come back.”

“Yes, she’s great, actually.” Walking around the desk, he pulls me to him. “Are you sure you won’t reconsider staying? I’ll miss not seeing your face every day.”

Reaching up, I peck him on the lips. “You’ll see me every day. It will give you incentive to get home to me faster at night.”

“Hmmm…true.” His mouth descends on mine and I’m instantly turned on. The one
upside
of the pregnancy hormones.

“I talked to our attorneys today about the patent. They’re vetting our options,” he whispers against my now kiss-swollen mouth.

“Good.”

Just two days ago I discovered that one of the developers just happened to be HMT’s former CFO’s brother-in-law and had known about the acquisition of HMT by GRASCO Holdings. A year ago when they found out the CEO was looking to sell, they secretly filed the patent without anyone else knowing. They thought they’d done a good job at erasing all the evidence, but a few instant messages turned up in the mounds of paperwork I reviewed. Just a few sentences led to their demise. Wes was innocent, but I was betting he’d be gone within six months anyway.

“I think I’ll have to find some more ‘special projects’ for you to work on. You did good, Livvy.”