Forgiving Hearts: Duncurra 1-3 (3 page)

Wary, Katherine looked away and tried to school her expression, but as his words sank in, she became angry. “Tell you? When exactly would I have told you? When you rode into my home with a small army and a missive from King David requiring my uncle to give me to you in marriage? Or perhaps when the priest was summoned so we could be wed immediately because you were anxious to leave?” At this she rose to her feet, no longer the image of perfect submission, her anger clearly rising. “Mayhap I should have mentioned it as my dear uncle gave me away. That would have made a lovely addition to the wedding ceremony, ‘Aye my lord, I will marry you because my doting uncle thinks less of me than he does his cursed saddle!’ Perhaps I should have said something as we were riding out of my home, which had just been handed over to my uncle in exchange for my hand and a bag of gold.” A sob escaped her lips as tears threatened for the second time that day.

She turned away, not wanting him to see. “Perhaps I should have said, ‘Oh, by the way, the beast who just bought my birthright from you laid my back open with a whip last night. That isn’t a problem for you, is it?’”

She choked on another sob and turned to look at him again, at his eyes black with fury. She knew she should stop, but exhaustion and pain pushed her past the point of caution. “And what if I had told you? What would you have done then? Wrought vengeance on him for doing something he had every legal right to do? I don’t think starting a war over a bit of chattel would have pleased our king, do you?” As the horrible image passed before her eyes of her new husband’s lifeless body cut down in the courtyard at Cotharach, ,she could no longer hold back the tears. Her anger spent, she sobbed, sank to her knees, and said with a note of desperation in her voice, “You would have been killed.”

~ * ~

Niall had seen women cry before, usually when all other forms of manipulation had failed. His stepmother’s tears had stopped having any effect on him years ago. He realized then that he had never seen a woman cry genuine tears of sorrow and pain. His heart began to ache for her, for everything she had suffered, and for the first time in his adult life he felt completely helpless. He knelt beside her, taking her gently in his arms so as not to cause her further pain, and pulled her onto his lap, holding her while she cried. “Wheesht, lass,” he crooned, kissing her head while rocking her gently. Eventually she stopped crying, giving in to her exhaustion. She fell asleep in his arms, but for reasons he didn’t fully understand, he continued to hold her.

He thought about what had just happened. Walking away from the loch, he had nursed a hot rage. As Tomas told his story, images of Katherine throughout the day flashed through Niall’s mind: her white knuckles, her tenseness in the saddle, an occasional wince, the drawn expression on her face when they had finally stopped—all things he had blamed on her weakness. He had unwittingly added to her pain throughout the day by the brutal pace he set. As he headed back to the camp to confront her, he hadn’t known who angered him most: himself, her insane uncle, or Katherine, for not telling him about her injuries from the start. If she had only told him, he began to rationalize to himself…but he knew better. The signs were there and he had simply failed to heed them.

He wanted to kill Ambrose Ruthven. Only a man who was completely without honor abused women or children. Niall now understood why Ruthven suggested that they wait to consummate the marriage.
The bastard was worried about how I might react when I learned of his abuse, and wanted to make sure that didn’t happen until I was too far away to do anything about it
.

His guilt made him angry at himself, and his sense of honor fueled his rage for Ruthven, but why had he been angry with Katherine as well?
Because she didn’t give me the opportunity to murder the abhorrent bastard.
Then the last words she said before collapsing into tears penetrated his thick head.
You would have been killed
. Shaking his head slightly, he realized Katherine had been worried about him
.
She sought to protect him by not revealing her injuries. When he heard the priest tell her,
you are one of the few who always considers the needs of others before your own,
he hadn’t believed it, couldn’t believe it.

Maybe she is different, he thought.
The surest way to open yourself to hurt is to love, and yet you love anyway,
the old man had said. Niall knew risking that kind of pain took a strength he didn’t have. Maybe the fragile lass, who clung to him in her sleep, did.

~ * ~

When her tears stopped, Katherine became aware he was holding her. With his arms snugly around her, she felt secure. I’m safe, she thought, as she drifted asleep.

~ * ~

After bathing Tomas, Fingal wrapped him in a plaid and washed his dirty tunic. The boy looked up at him seriously and said, “I have never heard my lady yell like that.”

“That doesn’t surprise me.”

After a moment Tomas said “It would have made Sir Ruthven mad. Will it make the laird mad?”

Fingal knew Niall would have flattened any man who dared to speak to him that way, but he would never hurt a woman intentionally. He said, “Tomas, there is no need to worry about Lady Katherine. Our laird takes care of his own.”

“Am I ‘his own’ now, too?” Tomas asked.

“Aye, Tomas, ye are,” Fingal answered.

The boy seemed relieved. He turned onto his side, curled into a ball and went to sleep.

When the men returned from the lake, Niall eased the sleeping Katherine onto the ground and wrapped the plaid around her. Rising, he told Diarmad they’d have to set an easier pace.

“I thought as much,” Diarmad replied.

Niall shook his head. “The problem is, we carry a small fortune, and half of Edinburgh knows about it. I had hoped that by moving quickly, we would stay ahead of any threat, but we need a contingency plan now. I want ye to go ahead with half the men and most of the dowry. Travel as fast as ye can. We shouldn’t be more than a day or so behind ye.”

“Do ye want your brother to ride ahead with us?”

Niall gave him a dark look. “Nay, he’ll stay with me. I’m beginning to question the wisdom of bringing him back from Laird Chisholm’s. Perhaps I should have considered making Rowan MacKenzie a guardsman instead.”

Diarmad laughed. “Prying one of his sons away from Cathal MacKenzie would have been a challenge. Besides, I thought ye wanted to keep your brother close.”

“That may not have been the best idea. I’m not sure he can be trusted.”

“All the more reason to keep him close, but I don’t understand why ye think that. For what it is worth, I think ye made the right choice.”

“I suppose ye are right, Diarmad, and what’s done is done. Nevertheless, I don’t want Fingal guarding the coin.” Looking across the camp, he watched as Fingal laid a sleeping Tomas near where the other men were bedding down. “Besides, I’m not sure I want to inflict Tomas’ endless chatter on anyone else for the moment.”

Diarmad chuckled, “Ye aren’t worried ye are punishing Fingal unfairly?”

“I’m only paying him back for years of the same treatment from him,” Niall said lightly. But the fact remained that he didn’t trust Fingal and had no intention of sending him ahead.

~ * ~

During the night Katherine woke once to find Niall sleeping beside her with an arm thrown over her protectively. It felt so very good. When she woke the next day alone, she missed him. She stretched, groaning a bit at her soreness, and rose, glancing around the camp for him. He stood with his back to her, talking with a few of his men, and she got her first real chance to stare appreciatively at her very attractive husband.

She took in his lean, powerful build and blushed slightly as she remembered how good those strong arms felt wrapped around her. She bent to gather up the plaid on which she had been sleeping and shook it out. Yesterday she had agreed to marry him because she didn’t want to become a nun. That was a good decision, she thought wickedly, and blushed again as she folded the plaid.

Niall walked towards her almost cautiously. Taking the folded plaid from her, he asked, “How are ye feeling this morning?”

“I am well, thank you,” she said, blushing furiously. Suddenly she felt very shy after last night’s outburst and her bold thoughts moments ago. Looking around, she realized many of the men and horses were gone. “Where are the rest of your men?”

“I sent half of them ahead with the bulk of your dowry. I suspect ye have never been to the royal court, but ye can imagine very little remains secret there. The news of our betrothal became widely known, as did the size of your dowry. Having a large portion of it with us makes us a target for thieves. I wanted to travel fast, to stay well ahead of trouble.”

“And you are slowing down because of me?” she asked, feeling a little ashamed.

At the worried look on her face, he said, “We are only slowing down a little. I have to think of our safety as well as the dowry, but it also makes sense to divide it and transport it separately.” She nodded and he added, “Still, we need to move as fast as is reasonable, so will ye be ready to go soon?”

“I only need a few minutes to wash up.”

“Gather what ye need and we will go to the loch.”

“You don’t need to go with me, I—I really won’t be long,” she stammered.

“I would not let ye go alone, unprotected, but I have another reason as well. I need to see the extent of your injuries,” he said seriously.

“Really, Niall, it isn’t that bad and—”

He cut her off with a wave of his hand. “Don’t argue with me about this. I need to know. I don’t want to cause ye any additional pain, and I can’t avoid hurting ye if I don’t know what your injuries are.”

Katherine nodded. His stern demeanor brooked no further argument, so opening her bag, she removed what she needed and they went to the loch. She laid a towel and a jar of balm on a large rock and took the rest to the water’s edge. Niall sat on the rock and waited for her as she washed up, then combed and braided her hair. She still wore her wedding clothes and, although a bit wrinkled and dusty, they would do. She brushed herself off and smoothed out the wrinkles as best she could. When she turned around, the intensity of his gaze took her breath away. His eyes were the same deep blue as the summer sky.

~ * ~

Niall enjoyed watching her and realized again how much he desired her. He wondered what those small hands would feel like caressing him. As she combed her wild curls, he longed to run his fingers through them and felt more than a little disappointment when she captured them in a braid. He imagined what she would look like naked, with her beautiful hair cascading around her, and became so aroused he had to force those musings away and think of something else.

When she had completed her ablutions, she joined him and said brightly, “Are you ready to go?”

He leveled a stare at her. “Ah, my little wife, ye will find my memory is not that fleeting.” He motioned for her to turn around.

Sighing, she turned her back to him and undid the laces on the side of her gown, pulling her arms out and allowing it to bunch at her waist. Then she reached behind her neck and untied the ribbons at the back of her kirtle. Again she pulled her arms out of the garment but held it to her chest, blushing profusely.

Niall opened the back of her kirtle a little wider, enjoying a glimpse of her creamy white shoulders. He untied the linen strips holding the bandage in place, lifted it away, and cursed. Dark bruises and open lash marks crisscrossed her slender back. As he suspected, older scars marred her pale skin as well: evidence Ruthven had beaten her many times before. The new wounds looked angry but clean. Hopefully a fever would not set in. Taking up the jar of balm, he applied it to her lacerations, causing her to wince. He paused. “Does this sting?”

“Just a little when it first goes on, but it really does make them heal better.”

It tore at his heart to know she had firsthand knowledge of this. He finished applying the balm as gently as he could, placed the clean towel on her back, and retied the linen strips.

“Thank you,” she said quietly. She slipped her arms back into her garments and made to step away.

He put his hand on her shoulder, holding her where she stood. He refastened her laces before turning her to him. He had a powerful urge to taste her sweet lips again and, lifting her chin, kissed her gently. Surprised but pleased by her response, he kissed her more deeply as she leaned into him.

With a pang of regret, he forced himself to break the kiss, knowing if he didn’t, they would never leave. Pulling away slightly, but leaving his hand on her chin, he said firmly but gently, “Don’t ever hide anything from me again. Promise me.” She didn’t answer for a moment. “Promise me,” he said again, more gruffly this time.

“I won’t hide anything from you,” she said. “I promise.”

It only took a few more minutes to be prepared to leave. Niall insisted she eat something before they go while his men readied the horses. When Niall had his horse saddled, he motioned for Katherine to come to him, lifted her into the saddle, and mounted behind her. Niall stopped her before she turned forward, pulling her onto his lap. “If ye ride like this and put your left arm around me, twill be easier on your back and ye won’t be jarred as much.”

Katherine did as he suggested. Her shoulder fit snuggly under his right arm while her cheek rested on his chest with her head under his chin.

“Better?” he asked.

“Aye,” she agreed.

“Ye will tell me if ye need to rest?”

“Niall, I am stronger than you think.”

“That’s not an answer. Can I trust ye to tell me if ye need to rest?”

“Aye. I will tell you if I need to rest.”

“See that ye do.”

They set out at swift pace, though still much slower than they had ridden the day before. In the middle of the day, they crossed a river before stopping to water the horses and give them a rest. While there, they finished the remainder of the food Moyna had sent. Katherine ate sitting under a tree slightly apart from the group of men. Once she finished she pulled her knees to her chest and rested her head on them. Niall came to sit beside her. “Are ye all right? I wanted to head out again in a few minutes, but if ye need to rest longer...”

“Nay, I’m fine,” she said. He arched an eyebrow at her in doubt. “Really. I told you, I’m stronger than you think.” she assured him.

He nodded but didn’t stand up to leave. He dreaded what he had to tell her. He had no patience for tears and pleading.

“Katherine, there is something else. I told ye yesterday we would be passing near the holding of one of my allies, Laird Carr.” She nodded grimly. “It will be somewhat out of our way for all of us to ride to his keep and we are already going slower than I had planned. I have asked Keith to take Stormy to Laird Carr, and join back with us this evening. He is ready to leave.” Niall braced himself for the tantrum he anticipated, but it didn’t come.

Katherine nodded. Standing up, she walked over to Stormy, put her arms around the horse’s neck, and leaned her head against it. She didn’t cry or plead, but after a few moments, she simply whispered her goodbye. Untethering Stormy, she walked the mare to where Keith stood, giving him the reins. He appeared at a loss for what to say. He just clicked to his horse and rode away.

Tomas came to her, his brow knitted. “Where is he taking your Stormy?”

Niall remembered Tomas hadn’t been at Cotharach as they left yesterday so he didn’t understand what was happening now. He watched as she knelt down beside the boy and put an arm around him. “Stormy has to go and live somewhere else now.”

“But why?” he asked, his lip trembling.

“Tomas, have you noticed the land around us is hillier and rougher than it was at Cotharach?”

He nodded.

“As we get closer to Duncurra, it will get even more rugged. It would be very hard for Stormy because she isn’t used to it.”

“Why isn’t it hard for the other horses?” he asked, still looking as if he might cry.

“Well, look at them,” Katherine said. “They are all a lot bigger and stronger than Stormy is. Besides, this is their home. They’re used to it.”

“But ye love Stormy,” he said.

Katherine bit her lower lip, appearing to blink back her own tears. “Aye, I do,” she said finally. “I love her so much, I don’t want her to get hurt. That is why I didn’t leave her at Cotharach, and why I am giving her to someone else now who will love her.”

He put his arms around her ,whispering “Is that why ye were crying yesterday?”

“Partly,” she whispered back.

“It’s going to be all right,” he said, this time not whispering, “cuz ye know why?”

“Why?”

“Cuz Fingal says Laird MacIan takes care of his own, and you’re ‘his own.’” Leaning in and whispering again, he said with a little smile, “So am I.”

Although she hugged him and said, “I’m sure it will be all right,” Niall thought the expression on her face suggested she might not be all that confident. She looked around, seeming to realize for the first time that both Niall and Fingal had heard the exchange. Blushing, she let go of Tomas, stood up, and without making eye contact with anyone, brushed the dirt off her gown. When she finally looked up again, her mask of self-control was once more in place. She asked Niall, “Shall we go now?”

He nodded. No begging, no tears, no pouting. Once again he was impressed with her. Katherine only showed concern for the well-being of her horse and the feelings of a wee peasant lad. Puzzled, Niall lifted her onto his horse, mounted behind her, again positioning her sideways on his lap. She put her arm around him and they rode this way in silence for the rest of the afternoon.

~ * ~

Although their pace was easier and Niall took care to protect her back from further injury, Katherine became more uncomfortable as the day progressed. She didn’t want to tell him she needed to rest. She knew she was already slowing their progress, but she didn’t think she could take much more. She was pulling together the courage to tell him, when he finally announced they would halt for the evening. She sighed with relief. Her back ached incredibly and she didn’t think she had ever felt so tired. She didn’t argue when Niall told her to rest, but sank to the plaid he spread on the ground, watching as he and his men made camp. Tomas energetically helped where he could.

By the time the men had settled the horses for the night, Keith had rejoined them bearing gifts. “My lady,” Keith said, bowing to Lady Katherine, “Laird Carr sends his sincere thanks for the fine mare. He also said although it is a very small offering, he wanted ye to have something in return.” Keith handed her a soft bundle. Inside she found a silver brooch and a length of soft cream-colored wool woven with stripes of green and blue.