Forgiveness (3 page)
Authors: Iyanla Vanzant
| Abandoned | Absentminded | Abuse | Accidents |
| Accusing | Addicted | Afraid | Aggravated |
| Aggressive | Agitated | Agony | Alone |
| Ambition | Analyzing | Anger | Anguish |
| Anxiety | Apprehensive | Arguing | Arrogance |
| Ashamed | Ashamed(of self/life) | Attachment | Attack (of self/life) |
| Avoidance | Bad | Being judgmental | Being opinionated |
| Being reactive | Being scattered | Being too emotional | Being ungrounded |
| Betrayed | Bitterness | Blaming | Blind devotion |
| Bored | Boredom | Bossiness | Burdened |
| Busyness | Carelessness | Cheated (out of something) | Codependency |
| Complaining | Compromise | Compulsion | Concerned |
| Conflict | Conflicted | Confused | Confusion |
| Control | Control (Loss of) | Controlling | Cowardice |
| Crazy | Critical | Criticism | Criticized |
| Cruelty | Cynical | Deceitfulness | Deception |
| Deceptive | Defeated | Defensive | Defensiveness |
| Defiance | Dejected | Denial | Denied |
| Dependency | Depression | Desperate | Despondent |
| Destructive | Devastated | Deviousness | Discontent |
| Discounted | Discounting | Discouraged | Disgraced |
| Dishonesty | Dismay | Disorder | Disoriented |
| Dominance | Doubt | Doubt (in self) | Drained |
| Drama | Dread | Dreaming | Egotistical |
| Embarrassed | Emotions | Emptiness (in life) | Empty (within self) |
| Enraged | Entitled (to more) | Envy | Escape |
| Exaggeration | Excessive focus on others | Excuses | Exploited |
| Extremist | Failure | Fake | FALSE |
| Fantasizing | Fatigued physical/mental | Faulty beliefs | Fearful |
| Fears | Feeling needy | Fixed ideas | Focusing on the past |
| Foolishness | Forgetful | Fragmented | Frightened |
| Grief | Guilt | Gullible | Heartache |
| Heartbroken | Heartsick | Heaviness (of burdens) | Heavy in mind or body |
| Helpless | Hesitant | Hopeless | Horrified |
| Hostile | Humiliated | Hurried | Hurt |
| Impulsiveness | Inaccuracy | Inadequate | Incomplete |
| Indebted | Indecision | Indifference | Indifferent |
| Indignant | Inertia | Inflexible | Injury |
| Insecurity | Insensitivity | Intellectualization | Intolerance |
| Invalidated | Irresponsible | Irritated | Isolation |
| Jealousy | Judged | Judgmental | Justifying limitations |
| Lack of commitment | Lack of confidence | Lack of creativity | Lack of discipline |
| Lack of energy | Lack of purpose | Lack of trust | Laziness |
| Lazy | Living in the past | Loneliness | Lonely |
| Lost | Low energy | Lying | Mad |
| Malnutrition | Manipulated | Manipulation | Martyrdom |
| Materialism | Mediocrity | Melancholy | Minimizing |
| Miserable | Misunderstood | Moodiness | Mortified |
| Narrowness | Needing to please others | Negativity | No fun |
| Nonsupportive habits | Numbed out | Numbness | Obligated |
| Obsessions | Offended | Opportunism | Outraged |
| Overeating | Overexercise | Overextended | Overlooked |
| Overspending | Overweight | Overwhelm | Overwhelmed |
| Overwork | Pain | Perfectionism | Persecuted |
| Phobias | Poor health | Poor self-esteem | Possessiveness |
| Poverty mentality | Prejudice | Pressured | Pride |
| Procrastination | Punished | Put down | Put upon |
| Rage | Rationalization | Rebellion | Rebellious |
| Regret | Repression | Resented | Resentful |
| Resentment | Resistance | Responsible | Ridicule |
| Rudeness | Running away | Sadness | Sarcasm |
| Scared | Scattered | Scorned | Seeking approval |
| Self-centeredness | Self-conscious | Self-deception | Self-obsession |
| Self-righteous | Shattered | Shame about something | Shy |
| Silly | Sorrow | Stagnant | Struggling |
| Stuck | Stupid | Suffering | Suspicious |
| Terrified | Tired | Tortured | Trapped |
| Traumatized | Troubled | Ugly | Unappreciated |
| Uncertain | Uncomfortable | Unfocused | Unfulfi lled |
| Unloved | Unmotivated | Unprepared | Unsupported by others |
| Unsupportive of others | Untrusting (of self/God) | Unworthy | Vengeful |
| Vulnerable | Wasted | Weak | Weary |
| Weird | Worn out | Worried | Worthless |
| Wounded | | | |
I
t’s funny, just like me, much of America is addicted to TV shows such as
Law & Order, CSI,
or
NCIS.
These crime-and-punishment dramas support our beliefs that everyone and everything must be judged. For every crime there must be a punishment. On any given day, we are all judge and jury in the cases we build or hold on to in our minds.
F
ORGIVENESS IS THE ONLY CURE FOR LONG-HELD JUDGMENTS
.
We judge ourselves and others when we believe someone is guilty until proven innocent. In the realm of consciousness, a judgment is a classification. It is a thought that classifies people and things as right or wrong, good or bad, fair or unfair when measured against what we believe. At the core of all judgments there is the belief that things are not as they should be, as we want them to be, or as we need them to be. Our judgments more often than not give rise to a toxic or negative feeling. Forgiveness is the only cure for long-held judgments. Forgiveness of our judgments opens space and energy in our minds and hearts that has been held blocked off by anger, bitterness, and resentment.
What is often challenging for the human mind to accept is that regardless of how hard, challenging, frightening, or difficult an experience may seem, everything is just as it needs to be in order for us to heal, grow, and learn. That’s just the way the universe works. Granted, most humans have a very difficult time accepting the way the universe works. This is what it means to be human. This is why we are faced with challenges and difficulties. This is how we ultimately learn to trust the process of life and our capacity to move through the hard times. This is how we grow in faith and learn to trust God.
The moment we determine what is, should not be, we are denying the presence of love. God is love. Love is always present, surrounding us; guiding, growing, and teaching us. Even in the midst of total chaos, pain, and dysfunction, love is calling us to a higher experience and expression.
Forgiveness inevitably leads to acceptance. It is a demonstration of your willingness to move on. Acceptance does not mean you agree with, condone, appreciate, or even like what has happened. Acceptance means that you know, regardless of what happened, that there is something bigger than you at work. It also means
you know that you are okay and that you will continue to be okay.
Even if you don’t know it yet, it means you are willing to get to that space: forgiveness restores our faith, rebuilds our trust, and opens our hearts to the presence and power of love.
JUDGMENTS
F
rom the age of 16 until his death on the eve of his 50th birthday, my brother was cross-addicted to drugs and alcohol. When he was sober, Ray was the most gentle, loving, brilliant man I had ever known. He had a wicked sense of humor, and he absolutely loved children. Watching the way he interacted with my children, I was often jealous that I did not have his patience and his capacity to see things in a childlike and innocent manner. When, however, my brother was high, his behavior was belligerent, argumentative, and quite often insulting. I could not for the life of me understand why such a beautiful, handsome, and brilliant man would willingly alter his state of consciousness and knowingly put poison in his body.
