Forgiven (38 page)

The very God he’d spent a lifetime avoiding.

Dayne closed his eyes and tried something he hadn’t done since he was in boarding school, back when he was forced to do it. He lifted his silent voice to the heavens and prayed to the God of his adoptive parents and his birth parents.

The God of Katy Hart. God, I need forgiveness. I’ve… I’ve made a lot of bad decisions, and I’m done with them, finished with them. I’m sorry, God.

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The sweat on his face became tears, and he held his breath clinging to his composure. I need Your peace, and I need to see my parents again in heaven. I can’t do it. He spoke the next part out loud. “I don’t know how, God. So please.., please forgive me.”

A subtle wind blew across his soul. My son, I forgive you. I have loved you.., with an everlasting love. With unfailing love I have drawn you to myself.

The words were so real, so clear that Dayne stood and turned a slow circle, staring at the corners of the storage unit. He still had Elizabeth’s picture tight in his hands, but where had the re sponse come from?

Finally he sat back down on the box and looked at her photo again. He’d been raised in the faith, hadn’t he? The response could’ve come from only one place.

From the same God he’d been talking to. The words were from a Scripture verse he’d known a lifetime ago. He hadn’t given them any thought for twenty years, but now they were strong and real and vivid. Life-changing words.

Suddenly the truth welled up inside him. For every wrong thing he’d ever done, he was forgiven. Jesus Christ had seen to that by dying on the cross. Wasn’t that the message he’d heard a hundred times growing up in the boarding school?

That same forgiveness was his—now. The way it belonged to Elizabeth and John, the way it belonged to all people who asked for it. Maybe he had found God, without really looking at all. There was more to it, of course. The changes wouldn’t happen overnight, but this was a beginning. He remembered what Katy had told him at the lake the last time he saw her.

“The way back has to start somewhere for all of us.”

That’s what forgiveness was—a start. The response that had filtered through his heart was proof. My son, I forgive you …. I will never leave you.., never.

Because with those words came something Dayne hadn’t known for all of his adult life, some thing he’d craved and sought after regardless of the fame and 315

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money and adulation. The one thing he couldn’t get from a bank account or a movie role or a learning center or a relationship—even a relationship with Katy Hart.

Complete and all-consuming peace.

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DRESS REHEARSALS FOR Annie were scheduled to start in two days, and as Saturday’s practice wrapped up, Katy could only stand back in awe. Not just because of the event she and the

older kids were going to take part in after practice.

But because the show was going to be beautiful.

The kids were turning in better rehearsals every day, and Katy was running out of things that needed improving. Even the kids in small roles were improving themselves without being asked.

Kelsy Bouchey had come to her a week earlier and asked for pointers, anything that would make her performance a little stronger, more memorable.

Katy had given the little girl a hug and looked into her eyes. “Honey, you’re doing a great job. I wouldn’t change anything.”

“But—” she was as serious as she’d ever been—”Sarah Jo Stryker wanted to be Annie.” She gulped. “And I want to make Sarah Jo’s parents happy. It has to be perfect.”

Katy had to swallow back a rush of tears. She crouched down so she was on Kelsy’s level. “I can’t give you anything else, 318

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honey. You’re doing a great job. But maybe you could ask Jesus to give you something more. That way you’d know this show was more special.”

The sentiment had been echoed throughout the cast. Some of the boys had talked about hitting a new level with the full-;: company ensemble scenes, since little Ben Hanover had wanted so badly to sing and dance in a play. In honor of Ben, they’d taken to wearing Peter Pan hats during some of the rehearsals.

Alice Stryker was doing much better now, her injuries from the accident mostly healed. This morning she’d stopped by practice and sat in the back of the sanctuary. A few kids gave her hugs, but for the most part people gave her space. She held a handkerchief below her eyes the entire time she was there.

Katy approached her on the break and told her that the kids were dedicating their show to Ben and Sarah Jo.

Alice sniffed and worked her throat for a moment, her eyes red and swollen. When she could find the words, she said, “Thank you, Katy. I…” She focused on the front of the sanctuary, where the kids were huddled in groups, sharing snacks and laughter and lines from the play. “I wish I had one more chance to watch her rehearse.” She looked at Katy. “Because that’s what I would do. I would watch.”

The tears spilled freely down her face. “I never really watched her sing.”

Katy didn’t know what to say. She hugged the woman for a long time and then dabbed at her own eyes. “Come to opening night, please. We’ve saved the front row for you and your family and the Hanovers.”

Alice nodded, but she made no commitment. She lifted her hand and gave Katy a little wave. Then she gathered her purse and her damp handkerchief and left through the back door without another word.

That had been an hour ago, and now practice was finished and the kids were waiting for a word from her. She gave a few 319

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final instructions to Nancy and Al Helmes and Rhonda regarding the upcoming dress rehearsal.

“I can’t wait for opening night.” Nancy Helmes smiled at the others, her eyes glistening. “I have a feeling it’ll be a time to remember.”

“Even the dog’s doing great.” Al chuckled. “Who’d have thought?”

Rhonda grinned. “I still think it would’ve been fun to see Katy in a dog costume.”

“It’s all about the raw hot dogs.” Katy brushed her knuckles against her shoulder and cocked her head back. “I got the premium brand. The dog’s been perfect ever since.”

“I think it’s more about having a premium God in charge,” Al raised his brow at her, but his eyes held the teasing they’d come to love.

They all laughed.

Katy carried her notepad to the front of the sanctuary and through the sea of kids seated on the floor. “Okay, another excellent rehearsal.” She studied the earnestness on the face of one child after another. “Let’s pray that everyone will stay healthy during dress rehearsals and that we can bring together the props and costumes before opening night.”

Tim Reed raised his hand. He was sitting next to Bailey Flanigan and several of the older kids. He waited until Katy recognized him; then he stood and said, “Let’s pray about something else.” He glanced at his peers, “We heard that the Hanovers might not come. I guess.., it’s been really hard for them.” He looked at Katy. “We think it would help everyone if they came. So maybe we could pray about that too.”

Katy nodded. “Good idea.”

They talked for a few more minutes, and then they prayed before Katy dismissed them, As they started to leave, she looked at the older kids. “The kids from the Bible study are meeting out back. The moms who are driving are already out there waiting.”

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It was the moment she’d been waiting for all week. Al Helmes was right about the reasons things were going so well. God’s presence had been with them from the beginning, working one miracle after another in their midst. Kids knew their lines and their blocking, the music sounded heavensent, and the sets were finished a week early.

But nothing onstage would ever compare to the miracle God was about to work this afternoon. The Bible study had grown in number and depth over the weeks. They’d talked about Jeremy Fisher’s life and how they might’ve been in the same place if they’d been him. The kids began to see that anger and hatred and revenge could never be part of the solution, no matter how guilty a person was. Then they looked at the book of John and talked about what Jesus meant when He said, “In this world you will have trouble. But take heart! I have overcome the world.”

After the weeks of Bible study, the kids had made a decision— all on their own.

After the last regular rehearsal they would take a trip to the jail.

The kids were quiet as they piled into three vehicles. Katy watched them, struck by the maturity in their eyes and faces. There was none of the usual giggling and teasing and silliness. They were kids on a mission, preoccupied with the enormity of the task that lay ahead of them.

Katy took the passenger seat in the first van, the one driven by Jenny Flanigan.

They said little until they turned into the jail parking lot and Jenny turned to her. “Of all the things you’ve done with these kids, Katy, this will always be the one that mattered most.”

“I didn’t do it.” Her heart raced in anticipation, but she managed a smile. “I just helped give them a chance to let God do it.”

Katy led the group through the parking lot and helped them check in at the front desk. The jailers were expecting them and had already placed Jeremy Fisher in a room big enough to hold their group.

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“He won’t be wearing handcuffs,” a guard explained to her. “He’s not considered a risk.” The man’s face was stern. “Not when he’s sober, anyway.” He looked down the line at the group of quiet kids. “I’ll have two officers outside the room if you need anything.”

Katy took a step forward. “Thank you.”

The adults were also invited to visitJeremy, but many of them didn’t want to. It was something for the kids, they said. Others thought it was too soon for such a connection to be made. Katy didn’t question their reasons. She was only grateful that the kids had decided to come.

Katy waited with an officer near the door until everyone was ready. They followed the man through a series of doors and into a space the size of a high school classroom. At the front was a table, and at the table sat a thin, scraggly-looking kid with nervous eyes as big as Frisbees.

Katy had been here before, so she took the lead. She went to him and held out her hand. “Hello, Jeremy.” She waited until he made eye contact. How must he feel? “I told you I had some kids who might want to come.” She turned and pointed to the group huddled near the door. “Here they are.”

Jeremy gave a quick, furtive glance at his visitors, but he shifted his attention back to Katy. “I … I deserve this.” His hands and arms trembled, and his words seemed to stick in his throat. “I told you they could come, so they can go ahead. I’m ready.”

A strange feeling rattled the doors of Katy’s heart. “What do you mean, you’re ready?” She twisted her face, confused. “Ready for what?”

He gulped and ran his tongue over his lower lip. “These are their friends, right?” His voice was a shaky whisper. “Friends of the kids I… the kids that died.”

“Yes.” Katy looked back at the group. They were still near the door, waiting for the go-ahead from her. She turned back to

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Jeremy. “These are their friends, the kids I told you about.” She still didn’t understand. “What are you ready for? What do you deserve?”

“For them to tell me off.” He ran his hand through his curly hair. “They’re mad at me, and this.., this is their chance to tell me how they feel, right?” He gave a weak shrug. “Isn’t that what this is about?”

A knowing came over Katy, and she wanted to cry and laugh at the same time.

Jeremy Fisher thought the kids constituted a verbal firing squad, and even still he’d been willing to meet with them. Katy didn’t say anything in response. She only stood a few

feet away, faced the others, and simply nodded.

The group came forward and formed a line.

The first to reach him was one of the girls. She put her hand onJeremy’s shoulder. “We know you didn’t mean it to happen.” Her voice was clear, but a stream of tears ran down her cheeks. “If you would’ve been in CKT you would’ve known how nice they were, Sarah Jo and Ben. And maybe you wouldn’t have been drinking.” She never took her eyes from him. “But I know you didn’t mean to kill anyone, Jeremy.”

As she spoke,Jeremy sat a little straighter. He looked from her to Katy and back again, his expression surprised, then shocked as if to ask, “What is this? Where are the verbal bullets?”

Several kids came up after that, talking toJeremy one at a time and telling him things that were similar to what the first girl had said. The moms watched in the background, dabbing at their eyes, as the procession continued. With each CKT teen who spoke, Jeremy’s shock faded a little more. Instead he slumped in his seat and wept, nodding and listening to the words being spoken to him but unable to say anything in return.

Tim Reed was next. He reached out and shookJeremy’s hand, but when the handshake was over he didn’t let go. “Sarah Jo sang with me over the summer.” He smiled at the memory, his eyes watery. “She was amazing, man. One-in-a-million voice. I know

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she would’ve wanted to live.” He released Jeremy’s hand and patted his shoulder.

“But she would’ve forgiven you.” He looked at the other CKT kids, then back toJeremy. “That’s why we’re here. We forgive you too. Now get your life right with God and make something of yourself. Don’t let their deaths be in vain.”

Jeremy nodded, his cheeks red and wet. Tim shook his hand one more time and then joined the others near the door.

Next in line was Bailey Flanigan. Katy’s heart went out to her. The loss of Ben and Sarah Jo at the hands of a drunk driver had been one of the two most difficult things Bailey had ever experienced. Her anger toward Jeremy Fisher was easily the other.

Bailey walked up toJeremy, and for a moment she said nothing, just looked at him. A bit of the old anger remained in her expression but only for an instant.

Then her eyes softened, and everything about her face and demeanor changed.

She took hold of Jeremy’s hands and spoke in a voice that was clear and kind. “I wanted to hate you, Jeremy Fisher. I thought you were selfish and careless and unfeeling. You drank way too much, and then you went out and killed our friends.” She hesitated. “I wanted them to punish you, lock you up and never let you out. But God changed how I felt.” Her voice cracked, and only then did her eyes well up. “Hate won’t bring back Ben and Sarah Jo.” She sniffed. “It won’t make you more responsible or less dangerous. Only God can do that. And God tells us hate isn’t the answer. Love is. So I didn’t come here to hate you. I came here to tell you I’m praying for you to change, to find faith in Christ, and to feel our forgiveness.”