Forgive Me Father For I Have Loved (40 page)

“Right now he is a Crisis Counselor and he is in a double program. He qualified for a program at the University. It is hard, but he is finishing his Masters and PhD simultaneously. He will be teaching at the university, hopefully, after he graduates.” She hesitated. “Before that, he was a priest.”

Melody’s face went from a full-out grin to a look of complete confusion.

“What the hell did you just say? The last part...” She twirled her finger her way, as if rotating an invisible bracelet.

“Yes, you heard me right.” Rhapsody looked down in her lap, laughing, as she toiled with a loose strand from her light gray knitted shirt. “He was a priest for about eight years.”

“Oh my God,” Melody said, her mouth agape—this from the kind of woman who scoops up gossip in a single bound. “So, the first thing he does is he goes and finds him a girlfriend after leaving. This is too funny!” She cackled. “Shit, if I were a priest or nun, I’d do the same damn thing...”

“Uh, actually, no. He was still a priest when I met him... Well, got reacquainted with him. He actually went to high school with us but he and I never spoke. That school was so big, you may not even remember.”

The silence in the room was deafening. Rhapsody was about to ask Melody if she needed help picking up her jaw from the floor.

“Only
you
, Rhapsody!” she finally said as she fell back laughing, her arm hanging lazily off the side of her chair. She laughed so hard, a vein protruded in the side of her neck. “Only
you
! You have brought a priest
down
, single-handedly tore the Catholic Church up! Shame on ya!” she teased, her face turning red.

“I promise you it wasn’t like that,” Rhapsody protested, trying to stay serious.

Rhapsody went on to tell their love story, in full, giddy detail—from the very beginning. It felt so good to get it all out, to air the dirty laundry that really wasn’t as soiled as it appeared. By then, both sisters were huddled on the floor next to one another, the television off and their shoulders pressed together—accomplices, confidantes, just like old times. In that moment, they
truly
looked like sisters, like best friends, their arms intertwined, they eyes reflecting one another—mirror images. Mending and healing had begun, as well as enjoying one another—going back to the basics.

The icing on the cake was the squeaking of their mother’s bedroom door right before it closed, and Rhapsody realized the woman had heard the entire exchange. And the sight had probably been just as uplifting to her, more than for them—to see the two of them together, sharing this healing moment in time...

~***~

“Raise your glasses! My brother, the priest, is gettin’ married!” Anthony joked, his face twisted into a sarcastic grin, causing all of their friends and family in the house to burst out in laughter. Even their beaming mother turned red and looked down at the recently shampooed butter cream carpet. She’d gotten the house together for the special occasion, taking two weeks  to scrub from top to bottom and decorate it just right.

Dane raised his glass of iced sparkling water with a thick slice of lemon inside, while Rhapsody wrapped her arms around his waist and buried her smile into his brown leather bomber jacket.

“And this is the part where Dane’s big obnoxious Italian family embarrasses him, in stereotypical fashion!” Joseph, who’d drunk one too many, slurred.

His declaration brought on applause and a wide smile from Rhapsody’s mother who sat in a grand chair at the head of dining room table in the Caruso home. Dane’s mother had insisted she sit there. It was not an option. It had been predetermined.

Dane carefully placed his glass on the table and wrapped his arms around his fiancée while people continued to laugh, joke and engage one another. He delicately caressed her hands, slowly running his fingers up and down their length. Every now and again, he’d catch a glimpse of Daisy, who loitered by the dining room bay window, smiling, but seemingly lost in thought. Her missing husband and children were not unnoticed. It was rare for her to come out without her family, and he could see that something was heavy on the young woman’s mind. He’d asked her twice if she was okay and she forced a grin and a nod, telling him she was perfectly fine and simply there to congratulate him on his pending nuptials. He turned back to Joseph, who was now relaying an embarrassing story that he’d begged him not to share.

“And then…” Joseph’s eyes narrowed in his beet red face, and the prominent vein in the middle of his forehead strained under the skin. “And then Dane told Mom that he didn’t put the pile of steaming crap on the neighbor’s steps, that I did it.”

“What a crock of shit!” someone screamed, causing loud guffaws.

“And where did he get the crap from? Huh? We didn’t have a dog then!” More laughter erupted.

“Dane, you didn’t!” Rhapsody laughed as she peeked over his arm. He looked away in shame for he knew, since the incident, that that the story would haunt him for the rest of his life.

“Can you remember Mom’s face, Anthony? She was mortified!”

Dane stood a bit taller, grinning. “That kid shouldn’t have stolen my football!” He felt Rhapsody shaking with laughter behind him.

“He was grounded for an entire week. Anthony and I taunted him, telling him what a great time we were having outside playing and all the cool desserts we got after dinner.” Joseph counted off his fingers, “Strawberry cookies, chocolate cake, lemon meringue pie...yeah, with the fluffy, home-made whipped cream and Dane’s favorite...”

“Pineapple cheesecake, you bastards!” Dane yelled in mock anger. “Joseph kept coming to my door, saying in a creepy voice, ‘Weeeeee gooooot cheeeeesecake, booboo boy!’”

The room exploded in more laughter; this time Rhapsody’s mother giggled so hard, she had to grab her glass of water from the table for relief.

After a
while, the crowd simmered and returned to more mundane conversation as they moseyed around the first floor, drifting in front of the television set to a low volume, as people continued to drink cold beers and offer more congratulations.

Rhapsody left Dane’s side when her sister bustled through the door with a shiny yellow gift bag and her new bright green Coach purse on her arm.

“I’m so sorry, everyone! I got caught up at work!” she announced, as if everyone had been stewing over her absence.

Dane immediately turned his attention away from his father and walked swiftly over to his soon-to-be sister in law. Rhapsody took the heavy bag from Melody’s arm, and watched her sister flirt shamelessly. Melody gripped his arm and cocked her head, allowing her freshly relaxed, shoulder length tresses to sweep her shoulders. With a broad smile, she flashed her pretty white teeth as she gave him the once over.

“So I finally meet Dane!” She gave him a big hug, then stood back, holding him by the wrists as she gleamed up at him, all gums showing.

Rhapsody put her hand on her hip and smirked after clearing her throat. Melody shot her a look, winked, and continued on as if her performance was stellar.

“It’s nice to meet you...” she said, her voice airy and extra feminine. A total put on.

“It is a pleasure to meet you as well.” Dane smiled at her sincerely. He looked from one to the other. “You two look just alike.” He shook Melody’s hand. Rhapsody caught how he kept trying to politely break free from her grip. Finally, Melody let go, briskly grabbed Rhapsody’s arm and scurried her away, toward the steps...

~***~

Dane grinned, wondering how two people could look so alike yet be so different. Yet, he was happy they had reconciled, and that the two shared a much better relationship. Left alone, he looked back into the dining room, searching for his father. He moved through the crowd of people, and finally spotted the old man speaking with his cousin, both holding cold bottles of beer. Close by, his mother was busy clearing the table to set out an assortment of desserts, mints and coffee.

Dane tapped his father’s shoulder. “Alright, so before I had to leave, you were telling me how the New York Giants were better than the 49ers,” he ribbed, fully expecting his cousin Carlo’s horrified expression. Carlo was obsessed with the 49ers, and this was a sure way to stir the pot.

“Dane, stop it! I did not!” His father laughed lightly then louder when he caught his nephew’s angry expression. The conversation then turned to random topics until Dane felt a tap on his back.

He turned around. “What’s up, babe?” He looked into Daisy’s eyes. “Oh, hey sis, what’s up?” He placed his hand on her shoulder and felt her body shaking under the purple cotton of her shirt. Bending down to her ear, he whispered, “Let’s go somewhere and talk, okay?”

She didn’t look up at him, simply nodded and let him take her by the hand out of the room. Rhapsody, Melody and their mother, stood huddled together, laughing away.

“Hey baby,” he called out. “I’m going outside for a second. I’ll be right back.”

Rhapsody nodded and turned back toward her family as he walked out hand in hand with his baby sister...

~***~

“So.” They sat on the steps and looked out onto the quiet street, the night air sweet with late summer barbeque aromas, the front yard dotted with leaves that stirred in the breeze. “Are you finally ready to tell me what’s going on, Daisy?”

She looked down into her lap. “I’m thinking about leaving Rob...filing for divorce.”

Dane sighed and grabbed her hand, appreciating the quiet of the night.

“I wasn’t going to talk to you about this, ruin your engagement party. I’m so happy for you.”

“Well, thank you, Daisy. You’re not ruining my party.”

“Dane, when Dad told us about you leaving the priesthood, do you know what my reaction was?”

“Disgust,” he half-teased, causing her to laugh.

She shook her head. “No, I think I was the only one that thought, ‘Finally...finally he is free.’ And... I envied you.”

Dane looked her contemplatively. He ran a hand across his face, then scratched his freshly shaved chin and gripped her tiny hand a bit tighter.

“Do you...think it’s a sin?”

“Do I think what is a sin, Daisy?” he asked inquisitively.

“All of it. Divorce...to be...attracted to...never mind.” She turned away, her complexion reddening.

Dane knew if she couldn’t even admit the truth to herself, she’d never be able to admit it to anyone else, either...and then of course, there were the children to contend with. Divorce with young children is never easy, not for anyone. There’d be lawyers, so much ‘what if’, so much possible shame and alienation.

“Well.” Dane scooted a bit closer to her and wrapped his arm around her waist as a tear fell down her cheek. She quickly wiped it away, keeping her head bent. “I’m not God, Daisy. Now, as far our religion, divorce is not something God wishes to see happen. From a human standpoint, I’m sure there are reasons where it is justifiable, even in His eyes. I’m not even sure I’m the right guy to ask about divorce right now because,” he offered a warm smile, “I am admitting that I am on cloud nine and it might skew my views right now, I am newly in love and so a part of me is like—work it out with him, you owe it to the kids, and yourself...and then,” he kissed her cheek, causing her to smile, “another part of me is like—yeah, I don’t like Rob, I don’t like your husband, never have; he never treated you right and he is irresponsible.” He shrugged, looked up at the star-studded sky, then back at her. “So is it really fair for me to weigh in on this? Probably not. I’m not objective but then...there is the other piece of this puzzle.”

He felt her stiffen next to him. She drew her legs closer together.

“I’m the only one that knows the truth still? No one knows about your relationship in college but me?”

She nodded.

“...and when you talk about sin...
which
sin is worse? Living a lie? Lying to yourself and to others about who you really are, or the act itself, you know? I really can’t say, Daisy, but I can offer you this. I will love you, no matter
what
your decision is. I love my nieces and nephews and I know that this has been hard for you. You don’t want to disappoint anyone, trust me, I get it.” He released her hand and rubbed her back affectionately, comforting her. “Where are you at in all of this?”

She shook her head and folded her hands together. “Dane, I really don’t know. I envy your courage to leave it all behind and follow your heart. I don’t have those sorts of guts. And now, I’ve lived a lie, but, I do love my husband, or at least I did...I’m confused. I do know that my feelings, my sexual orientation,” she paused, “God it sounds so strange even saying that... I just tried to ignore it. I’ve been so unhappy, Dane I don’t think I can keep living like this....”

They shared a moment of silence.

“How long have you known?” Dane quietly asked.

“Honestly? Since I was about fifteen.”

Dane nodded as he reflected over Daisy’s behavior as a teenager. Nothing really stuck out as a tell-tale sign, but there were tiny things,
small
things, like a poster of Madonna on her wall. That was common, nothing alarming...but there was a lipstick stain mark right over Madonna’s lips. No one seemed to notice or say anything, but Dane had seen it...he’d noticed.