Forget Me Not (9 page)

“
Look, I know, but things
are crazy right now and it’s been a few weeks and...”

“
What
happened?”

“
Nothing happened, but we
haven’t really talked and we are each busy doing our own thing,” he
says. “You haven’t called and I lost track of everything. I’ve been
so busy with rugby, and I just totally forgot about next weekend. I
have papers and exams coming up and things have gotten away from
me. I know I promised, but like I said, I kind of lost track of
time and I’ve been putting off my work until the season is over.
You wanted a break. Maybe we should just try to get through
midterms. Neither of us needs to worry about us until after exams;
we can survive it, but you know how much I suck at school. It’s my
own fault. God, I’m sorry, Lily.”

“
Why are you doing
this?”

“
I’m not doing anything.
I’m an idiot. I’ll cancel and come up tomorrow. Forget I even said
anything. I just… maybe I should’ve listened to you and taken that
break more seriously. I’m so worried I’m gonna fail all my classes.
I’ve been screwing around so much with sports and-”

“
Who is she?” The rage
builds in me and I don’t know how to control it. Derek has never
been a great student, it’s true, but he’s always been a great
boyfriend. I can’t believe that the only reason he forget about my
birthday and our anniversary plans is his busy rugby schedule. I
knew those girls were going to be a problem.

“
She? Lily, there’s no
one. I promise I’m not trying to be an asshole; I think we are just
both under a lot of pressure. I’ll call you Monday when I get back
and we can try to figure something out for next weekend, okay?
Promise?”

“
Where were you
tonight?”

“
When?”

“
You didn’t answer your
phone,” I say.

“
When you
called?”

“
Yeah.”

“
I was at a study session
for trig. It’s going to be a killer exam.”

“
Like with your professor?
Your TA?”

“
No, just with some people
in my class. And then, since we skipped dinner to study, I walked
with Jodie to the pizza place.”

“
Jodie?”

“
Yeah, she’s in my study
group and she’s on the girls’ rugby team, so we just grabbed
something to eat and talked about the matches this weekend
and-”

“
Fuck you,” I
respond.

“
Stop it,” he
says.

“
No. Fuck you. You’re
ditching me on your birthday for some slut-”

“
Lily, Jodie’s not a
slut.”

“
Awesome. Now you’re
defending her?”

He sighs. “I’m not defending her, but
she didn’t do anything. I’m the idiot, not her. I’m not ditching
you.”

“
Seems to me like you
are.”

“
I told you I’ll cancel,”
Derek argues.

“
Right. And tell Jodie
what a bitch I am.”

“
Happy birthday, Lily. I
love you. I promise I do. You’re just upset because you’re still
trying to figure yourself out. I’ll call you Monday
and-”

“
No, I’m upset because you
never mentioned Jodie had anything to do with rugby. Or that you
couldn’t pick up the phone because you were with her.”

“
Lily, she’s just a
friend. Look, we can talk Monday and-”

“
Is the girls’ team going
up this weekend as well?”

“
Yeah, of course. The
matches are right by one another.”

“
So this party you’re
going to? It’s with Jodie?”

“
It’s with the girls’
team, yes.”

“
And you didn’t tell me
because?”

“
Because you’d freak out
and there is nothing going on. I’m stressed enough with classes and
everything and I know how you get. I just didn’t feel like dealing
with it.”

“
Dealing with me, you
mean.”

“
I don’t know, Lily,” he
sighs. “Maybe? It’s been a lot of pressure to make you happy since
school started. I guess I just wanted to enjoy myself for a bit. I
haven’t stopped loving you, but this break has been
nice.”

“
And you want to continue
the break?”

“
I want to get through
this semester. I think we’d both be happier that way. Don’t
you?”

“
Me or Jodie, Derek? Who’s
it gonna be?”

“
Lily, please don’t do
this.”

I don’t say anything. I simply throw
the phone across the room until it shatters. I can’t believe this.
I don’t know what just happened; did he break up with me, over the
phone, right before my birthday, with no reason? Am I just
overreacting? I know I wanted to take a break, but this weekend is
my birthday. Tears threaten to burst from my eyes; I refuse to cry
over him. He obviously isn’t spending any time worrying about me. I
slap down the cover of my laptop; there’s no way I can focus on my
paper right now. I don’t know what to do but I’m twitching. Anger
boils inside of me and I take my keys and wallet and slam the door.
There is no destination but I can’t sit still. As I leave, I run
into Jack, of course, who appears to be just coming back from work.
I almost knock him over on my way out the door.

“
Hey, where are you
running off to? Lose your glass slipper?”

“
Fuck you.”

“
Ouch. What
happened?”

“
Get out of my way,” I
growl and push past him but he reaches for my arm.

“
Hey. Hold on. Let me take
a quick shower and we can go for a ride. You look like you need to
get a little wild.”

“
You have no idea,” I tell
him.

“
I’ll be down in like ten
minutes.”

It is actually twenty and I am ready
to jump out the window by the time he makes it downstairs. He leads
me to his bike and neither of us speaks during the walk. I get on
behind him without asking where we are going or what the plan is;
it is starting to get late and I have a midterm tomorrow at ten
thirty and a paper due next week, but right now, nothing
matters.

Jack brings me to a rundown bar on the
edge of town. I’m not old enough to drink and I doubt he is either,
but it doesn’t stop them from letting us in, or stop Jack from
ordering two beers. I sip at mine, because I’m not much of a
drinker, and I see him smirking while I do.

“
What?” I ask. It comes
across bitchy, which isn’t my intention. However, I don’t have the
energy to care. If he thinks I’m a bitch, so be it.

“
You’re looking like you
need to disappear. It ain’t gonna happen if you nurse
that.”

“
What do you
mean?”

“
Drink faster,” he
says.

“
I don’t really
drink.”

“
Well, I’d suggest you
start. Whatever shit you’re dealing with – it’s still gonna be
there in the morning. Maybe tonight – let it go.”

He’s right. I didn’t come here to act
the same as I always do. I came here to be someone else for a few
hours. I drink the glass quickly, although it’s gross, and slam it
down on the table. He laughs, but he looks a little impressed. I
have to admit that I feel pretty proud of myself. Now let’s see him
call me a princess.

“
Problems
gone?”

“
Nope. My life still
sucks.”

“
How about something
harder?”

“
Bring me whatever you
think will make tonight have never happened.”

He comes back with two shots of
whiskey, and I drink them both. The burning liquid tears my throat
apart, but I keep up the straight face. I don’t feel any different
yet.

“
Anything?” I know he’s
amused, but I’m not.

“
Two more. I don’t want to
feel anything,”

Shrugging, he goes to the bar and
brings back two more. I realize he’s had nothing but the first
beer, but he’s driving, so that’s a good thing. I, on the other
hand, am ready to keep going. With a beer and four shots of whiskey
in me, I feel like I should be forgetting what happened with Derek,
but I’m not. I feel nothing. How many shots will it take for the
hurt to go away?

“
Do you do this a lot?” I
ask.

“
When I need to forget.
Which I guess is a lot by most people’s standards.”

“
What do you need to
forget?”

“
Nothing that is going to
help you disappear.”

“
But this
works?”

“
Sometimes,” he admits.
“Sometimes, I just wake up feeling like shit. And then I remember.
And feel like shit some more.”

“
Why are you even talking
to me? I thought you hated me.”

“
I don’t hate you. I just
thought I hated your type.”

“
So you don’t hate my
type? Or I’m not the type you thought?”

Jack shrugs. “Good
question.”

“
Why did you invite me
out?”

“
Seemed like the right
thing to do. You can’t seem to stop running into me,
princess.”

“
I’m not a princess. I’m
nothing.” I start getting really depressed, thinking about how
little I mean to Derek, how easily he moved on, and how stupid it
all is.

“
Yeah, I really doubt
that.” Jack actually smiles – a genuine smile. It’s not mocking or
cold and the result is just strange.

“
It’s true. I…” I stop
speaking, because I don’t know what to say.

“
Princess, you’re more
than you think you are. And whatever made you come here tonight is
not worth your time.”

Jack’s voice sounds sad. He is the
perfect person to help me lose myself, but I feel a little like I’m
using him. I make a small sound, but it’s the beginning of a cry
and I choke it back.

“
Are you okay?” Jack asks.
I’m staring at him, my mouth partially open.

“
I’m not gonna puke on
you. Calm down. I just don’t have anything to say. You’re getting
all serious on me.” I close myself off, not liking the way he looks
at me. I don’t feel like I deserve to be looked at like anything
right now.

“
Shit. Okay. Wanna
smoke?”

I am about to tell him I don’t smoke,
but I don’t drink or ride around on motorcycles, either. Why not, I
figure. I follow him out into the cold alleyway behind the bar. He
leans against the wall of an insurance agency on the other side of
the alley and smiles at me again. It’s the night air that finally
makes me recognize the effects of the whiskey.

“
I can’t feel my skin,” I
tell Jack.

“
You’re drunk.”

“
I thought it was supposed
to be fun.”

“
It’s fun when you have
nothing in your head to worry you. Otherwise, it’s just a means of
covering the pain.”

“
You seem to be a real
expert.”

“
You have no idea,” he
replies.

He hands me a cigarette, which I rest
between my lips, and then he lights his own. Leaning in close, he
uses his to light mine and I notice my body isn’t entirely numb.
When he is only an inch away from me, I feel something between my
legs and it isn’t the whiskey.

I breathe in the smoke and it burns,
but I show nothing in my face. Jack watches me, curious, but also
intrigued. I let my eyes drift down to his crotch; he’s definitely
feeling the same thing that I am. I wonder if he will make a move
or if it is on me. I have never been the kind of girl to be forward
enough to do something like this. I suck in on the cigarette and
then crush it under my foot. Jack puffs on his as I approach him,
but tosses it onto the ground when I loop my fingers through his
belt loops.

“
Hey,” I
whisper.

“
Hey.”

“
I’m feeling down. Wanna
cheer me up?”

“
What’d ya have in
mind?”

“
Oh, you know,” I say, and
I let the whiskey excuse me from what I do next. I unzip his pants
and reach inside, getting his dick out and stroking him right there
in the alleyway. He moans loudly and I smile. “Do you like
that?”

“
I do.” Based on how
quickly he got rock hard in my hand, he isn’t lying.

“
Would you like me to do
something else?”

“
Are you teasing me or are
you for real?”

“
Do you like to be
teased?” I know how this is going to end. Jack is not playing
games, but my body doesn’t want to deny him anymore. No matter how
rude he has been to me, he’s gorgeous. Maybe it’s the whiskey
talking, but right now, I want exactly what he has offered me since
the first time we met.

“
Oh, fuck this,” he says
and slams me against the brick wall. He unbuckles my pants, pushing
them down to my knees, and then he works himself against me. He is
not gentle and he doesn’t do anything but check to see that I’m
wet. I am soaking through my panties. He pulls them down and, now
satisfied that I want him, he positions his cock to enter me. He
doesn’t say a word as he starts to fuck me against the wall. It’s
rough and it’s careless and it’s exactly what I need. Jack lifts my
leg to get a better angle and I watch his face as he pounds
me.