Forget Me Not (6 page)

“
It’s okay. You just need
to keep yourself busy, right? Come out to dinner, join a club, get
to know some people. Before you know it, the time will fly between
your visits. And if it doesn’t, just get through the semester and
you can probably transfer. Although I would hate to see you go. I
was pretty excited to have you for a roommate.”

I look to her pink side of the room
and think of how nice and peppy she is. “Why? I am miserable and my
side of the room is awful.”

She laughs. “You’re fine. Let’s go to
dinner and tonight, when we get back, room makeover!”

I should find her annoying, but I have
to be grateful for her effort and I smile. “All right. Chicken
surprise, here we come!”

“
That’s more like it,” she
says and leads me to dinner. As always, my group of new friends
takes my mind off things. When we are finished eating, Kristen
keeps her promise and helps me decorate my side of the room. I
don’t have much, but we hang a few more pictures and she digs extra
posters out of her closet. She’s the first person I’ve ever met who
has extra posters, but they help. By nine o’clock, the room looks
like it actually belongs to me and I have to admit it makes me feel
a lot better. I don’t even notice the time until she is done. I
check my phone; there are no more texts from Derek. I log in to
Skype, but he is not online. I try not to let it get to me, leaving
my ringer on extra loud, and fall asleep, figuring I will nap until
he calls. He’s supposed to send me his schedule and we have a Skype
date; I’m sure he won’t forget. When dawn comes, though, there are
no missed calls and I worry that everything has already started to
fall apart.

Chapter 5

After classes the next day, I feel
distraught. I decided not to bring my cell to class, figuring I
would keep checking it to see if Derek called rather than pay
attention. That would have been bad not only because it would
bother me more if he didn’t, but also because I don’t want to start
the year off by falling behind. I just promised myself this weekend
that school would come first – or at least share first position
with my relationship. So I opted not to bring my phone, but when I
get back to the dorm, of course, I’m anxious. I just want to check
to see if he explained what happened. There has to be a reasonable
explanation; after everything we talked about this weekend, I can’t
imagine he would just blow me off. Because I am anxious and
thinking about Derek, I’m also not paying attention and I walk
right into Jack in the lobby. He’s carrying a motorcycle helmet and
appears to be in a rush.

“
Whoa, watch where you’re
going,” he says.

“
Sorry,” I
mumble.

“
You know, princess, you
never told me your name,” he teases.

“
Not gonna,
either.”

“
Oh right. Too good for
me. Little innocent princess like you.” The way he says it is no
longer teasing but bitter and cruel. I don’t know why he feels such
animosity towards me; I don’t even know him. He glares at me as if
I am somehow to blame for something I don’t even know I
did.

“
Seriously, what’s your
problem?” I’m not in the mood for this.

“
I just see the way you
look at people like me. Daddy paying for everything so you have no
idea what it is really like. You think you have every right to
judge.”

“
As a matter of fact,” I
argue, “I am on scholarship.”

“
Oh great, a smart snob.”
His eyes run over my body and I feel naked as they come to rest on
my chest. I can feel his stare burning through me and I want to
cover up.

“
Whatever,” I say and push
past him. I need to talk to Derek, not defend myself to this
asshole. He obviously has problems.

“
Hey, princess,” he yells
after me.

I tell myself not to turn around as my
feet ignore my brain and do so anyway. His eyes are sparkling,
teasing me, and he takes out a pack of cigarettes, placing one
between his lips. He smiles again and winks. It is mockery in its
purest form, but it still doesn’t stop my heart from beating a
little faster.

“
Don’t forget. 401. You
look wound up. I would be happy to help.”

He leaves the lobby and I stand there,
irritated and also a little turned on. My boyfriend of ten months
has not talked to me in almost twenty-four hours, but this guy who
is clearly so wrong for me seems happy to pay attention. I shake it
off; I’m hormonal, but I love Derek. It might be flattering to have
this guy hit on me, but nothing good can come from dwelling on it.
Sense kicks in and I run upstairs, hoping there are
messages.

There are twenty. Success. Apologetic
as hell, Derek’s messages explain that he had to go to a meeting
for rugby and got back late and I wasn’t online. He’d left his
phone in his car and the shuttle wasn’t running anymore so he went
to get it first thing this morning. Of course, it was dead and
since it charged, he has been calling and texting. It is
forgivable, although I am annoyed that he didn’t even send me an
email. Still, he seems contrite in his messages and I don’t feel
like fighting. The last day has been awful thinking something was
wrong.

He picks up on the second ring when I
call him back.

“
Lily, I am an idiot,” he
says.

“
Yeah, you
are.”

“
I don’t know what I was
thinking. I texted you when I got back and then I was rushing to
the meeting and I’m so sorry.”

“
It’s fine. I’m just glad
you’re okay.”

“
Of course I’m okay. I am
so sorry, though.”

“
It’s fine, Derek. Shit
happens.” It isn’t totally fine, but what good will fighting about
it do? I am already sacrificing some of our weekends and I don’t
want the weeks to consist of us arguing.

“
Are you sure?”

“
Yeah, no problem. Next
time, text me
after
getting out of the car, though.”

“
Huh?”

“
So you don’t leave your
phone in the car.”

“
Oh, right.” The way he
says it is dismissive, but I try to ignore it. Just as there was
with his not calling, there must be a reasonable explanation. Maybe
I’m just imagining it.

“
Anyway, you’re lucky it
didn’t get stolen or something.”

“
I am also lucky I have
the best girlfriend ever.”

“
All right. Stop kissing
my ass,” I laugh. “So do you have the schedule?”

I sit on my bed and lean back against
the wall. Just hearing Derek’s voice relaxes me and I let the day
disappear as we talk. Of course, rugby is every other weekend, but
I tell myself to be supportive. We both need to be more active on
campus. It is actually working, too, until he brings up the worst
news of all.

“
The thing is, I can come
home for Columbus Day, but...”

“
Don’t say it.”

“
It’s the last match,” he
says. “If there is any way I can get out of it, I will. I swear.
But you should know now. I really will do whatever I can to avoid
it.”

“
Derek, that’s not
fair.”

The problem is that the last match is
three weeks after Columbus Day. The same weekend as my birthday,
meaning he won’t be able to spend it with me. It is also our
one-year anniversary. That leaves me alone for both my birthday and
our anniversary. There is nothing I can say to make this all right;
it’s unacceptable.

“
I’m so sorry, Lily. Do
you want me to quit? I’ll quit.” Of course, I don’t really want him
to quit; I can’t ask him to do that. However, a small part of me
has to admit that I wish he would quit, so this wouldn’t be
happening. If I suggest it, though, he’ll resent me. If I say
anything, he will resent me. Then, even if he is around for my
birthday and our anniversary, the whole weekend will suck because
he’ll be thinking about what he gave up to spend time with
me.

“
No, I don’t want that.
What about our anniversary, though?”

“
I promise I will make it
up to you the following weekend. It will be so amazing you will
forget all about the week before. And I will come up for dinner the
night before your birthday - even if it is only for an
hour.”

“
Okay,” I say, because I
don’t know what else to say. If I force him to quit, he will hate
me; if I say it is fine, I spend my birthday alone. Either way, it
sucks.

“
You’re sure?”

“
Yeah, it’s
fine.”

He appears to believe me and we
discuss classes and our days, but my mind is elsewhere. I don’t
know what I thought would be different, but maybe I assumed that
when I went away to college, it somehow would not be more of the
same. When I was still in high school, it made sense that Derek and
I did not spend much time together, that our worlds were vastly
different. I didn’t want to irritate him with talk of Student
Council and assemblies and he never talked to me about professors
or dorm problems. Now, though, we are back on the same wavelength,
yet I feel like we are only getting further apart. I wish I knew
how to fix it.

“
Listen, Lily, I have to
get going, okay? There’s a study session I should go to tonight.
Gotta keep those grades up, right?”

“
Yeah,” I answer, still
thinking about the distance growing between us.

“
So we’re good?” It amazes
me that he seems so oblivious, but now isn’t the time to bring it
up, since we just talked for almost an hour.

“
We’re good,” I lie and
then he promises to call me the next day. After we hang up, I don’t
know what to do with myself so I take a shower, if only to clean
myself of the day and of my doubts. While I’m standing under the
hot water and thinking about Derek, I suddenly feel angry and want
to lash out. It isn’t like me; I have always been a fairly stable
person. The rage is undeniable, though, but I don’t know what
triggers it exactly. Derek is my first real boyfriend. I love him
and he means the world to me, but I guess that lately it seems
pretty one-sided. Maybe it’s the feeling that everything is
spiraling out of my control, but I need to do something. I need to
find a way to regain some semblance of control over my life. I
refuse to be that girl who goes away to school and thinks about
nothing but how much she misses her boyfriend. Drying off, I decide
I am going to see what is happening on campus tonight. Everyone has
been telling me to get myself out there; maybe they’re right. A
distraction can’t hurt. It has to be loneliness and homesickness
that are making things seem so bad.

Conveniently, there is a lot happening
around school. Since we are only in the second week, all the clubs
and events are recruiting in a mad rush to find people. Nothing
really appeals to me, unfortunately; in high school, I only did
Student Council and ran cross-country. I consider rushing a
sorority for all of ten seconds before picturing an entire house
decorated like Kristen’s side of the room and changing my mind. I
could write for the paper maybe, but I’m nervous about doing
something that involved this early; I’m just starting to get my
bearings. I feel so empty. I wonder if everyone goes through this
at school. It seems like Kristen and everyone I know has settled
and adapted easily. What’s wrong with me? Meandering through the
quad, I am lost in my thoughts and walk right into someone. It’s
Jack again.

“
Seriously?” I ask. “Are
you stalking me?”

“
Yeah, because I
desperately want to stalk an uptight princess who cannot even pay
attention to where she is going. If you must know, I just got off
work.”

“
Oh yeah. You work at that
cafe,” I say, gesturing in the general direction of the restaurant
where Derek and I had breakfast only a few days ago. It comes
across as a friendly statement, though, which doesn’t reflect the
fact that I think he’s a dick.

“
I do and the fact that
you know that makes me think
you
may be stalking
me
.”

“
You wish.”

“
I don’t believe in
wishing. Anyway, did you want something – other than to walk into
me yet again?”

I’m about to blow him off, but I feel
something snap inside of me. He has his motorcycle helmet with him
again and suddenly, I want to forget everything that has happened
over the past few weeks. He might be an asshole, but maybe that’s
exactly what I need to stop being the way I am. I can at least have
a little fun.

“
Are you going back to the
dorm for the night?”

“
Was planning on it.
Why?”

I nod to his helmet. “I’d love to go
for a ride.”

He smirks. “You? Would Daddy
approve?”

“
Look, I don’t know what
the problem is, but do you want to take me for a ride or not?” Jack
has been such an asshole every time I’ve seen him and I don’t know
what his hang-up is, but I am angry and I want to do something
stupid. He just shrugs and turns around, checking over his shoulder
every so often to see if I’m keeping up. Of course, I didn’t really
plan this and when we get to his bike, I don’t have a clue what
comes next.