FOREWORD (18 page)

Being hung up on fat, it isn’t surprising that I love titties, especially large ones. The larger the better. I met a slightly heavy set girl named Deirdre who stayed at my place for a week or so. She was nicely stacked and loved fucking. She liked masturbating me or watching me masturbate and enjoyed seeing me come. Once she wanted me to see just how much tit I could devour. Of course, I gratefully obliged. This incident has become a source of fantasy for me when masturbating. I think of Deirdre and her love of our “breast feeding.” This fantasy undoubtedly goes back to my early childhood or infancy days.

ALVIN

I fantasize that my wife is sucking my cock and, just before I come, I pull out and come all over her face or her tits.

Then I kiss her and lick up my own come. We recently tried something very similar. I came in her mouth and, instead of swallowing, she held it, then kissed me so that I could taste my come.

I also imagine my wife and I watching each other masturbate to orgasm (she is shy about masturbating, and I have not yet been able to persuade her to do this).

I have another fantasy where my payload of sperm, and other fluids, is constantly at one hundred gallons. Whenever I get irritated at anyone, I imagine whipping out my cock, giving it a few shakes, and then giving someone (the irritant) a Nancy Friday

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bath of one hundred gallons of come. (This one is great for my mind when I get “no” from ladies that are snotty, or also when driving amongst the idiot drivers.).

SALTY

The following is one of my favorite fantasies: A very horny cunt is alone with me and three or four other men. We gather around her as she sits on the floor on a low stool. We all have our cocks in our hands and are stiff and hard. The vision of four other cocks interests me and arouses me. The girl turns herself on the stool until she sucks one cock for about thirty seconds and turns to get the next one.

As we are all being sucked in turn for about five or six full circles, we are coming close to orgasm. I look down and my cock is nearly bursting with anticipation and the head gets that purplish look it gets when I have been aroused for a long time; the girl is fingering her cunt with two fingers, and with her other hand is fingerfucking her asshole. She is whining with desire for our semen. She tilts her head backwards until her face is pointing up near the level of our cocks, as we lean toward her and each of us is jerking very slowly to time the orgasm. As she opens her mouth and frantically licks the undersurfaces of all our cocks, we come almost simultaneously, filling her mouth and covering her face with five copious loads of semen, and she licks wildly to get as much on her tongue as she can.

When there isn’t some other “hot, wonderful mouth” around to fellate him, Bruce (above) calls on fantasy to transcend reality. He dreams of going down on himself – a wish a number of men in this book mention, bemoaning the few inches by which they fail.

It is the dilemma of Tantalus: so near and yet so far. It is a temptation women do not have – though I have often won-Men In Love

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dered why little girls try to kiss their elbows, another bit of anatomy just barely out of reach. Whatever unconscious parallels there may be, it is typical of the difference between the sexes that the little girl’s elbow is a much “nicer” goal than the little boy’s penis.

What pure creatures girls must seem to young boys. So fresh, clean, and sweet smelling. It is difficult to believe they even have to go to the toilet. Men love them for their oppositeness, and in the song “The Girl That I Marry,” the adjectives used to describe the ideal woman are pink and soft, very like a nursery. A certain anti-sexual purity in thought, word, and deed seems to be the feminine principle; and so the price to be paid for winning a girl’s dainty heart is to be clean oneself.

As intuitively as salmon know to swim upstream, the boy who has resisted mother’s efforts to clean him up all his life knows that when girls enter, it is time to change. Being “one of the boys” used to mean going around with a torn shirt and a dirty face, making it clear you don’t care how you look.

Now the definition of being one of the boys means being popular with the girls. Not only must he wash his face and check the fit of his jeans, but certain other, inner proclivities have to be checked, too. His sexual desires go underground, into fantasy.

Do we ever forget our first sexual longings? Is it possible to put out of our mind the first, strongest, and most gratifying feelings of identity and sexuality? Years later, when he is married and has children of his own, Herb (above) still dreams about the little girl of long ago who once peed on him while he peed on her. As if to reinforce the notion that in the young boy’s mind piss and semen are very closely allied, Herb’s fantasy now incorporates an additional element expressing what he has long wanted from a woman: The little girl takes his cock in her mouth and drinks his semen.

In a similar vein, Walter’s fantasy girl signals her total acceptance by licking him all over – armpits, nipples, feet –

until at the peak, she takes his semen in her mouth and trans-Nancy Friday

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fers it to his. This is oral ecstasy of a very high order. Walter is getting the thrill of self-acceptance from the very sex that taught him ambivalence in the first place. Not only does the woman love it herself, she feeds it to him from her own mouth.

Though I wince when men like Salty (above) fantasize about shooting sperm all over the woman’s face and breasts, is this really a notion of aggression? He isn’t covering her with acid. It is the essence of himself, the stuff he loves most.

Yes, there is the kick in soiling the sex that has always been held out as the model of cleanliness; but what does Alvin (above) do when he comes all over his wife? He kisses her and licks it all up.

How exhilarating if, when a woman who stands at least in part for that no-saying figure, of long ago drinks the man’s semen, it turns out that she loves it! Approval of his hidden self – his dirty, male, secret, sexual self – at last! One of the varied shapes taken by men’s lifelong masculine conflict is fear that women love only half of him – the part that is clean and nice as they are. In the fantasies in this chapter the conflict is resolved: Not only do women love all of him, but they don’t want to be so disapprovingly clean and anti-sexual themselves.

Both sexes were once equally “dirty” in their desires, but our culture uses the notion of cleanliness as a physical metaphor to restrain female sexuality. A well-known price is paid by women for this questionable distinction. This chapter tells us that men pay a price for it, too.

HUGH

I am six feet tall, twenty-seven years old, white, one hundred ninety pounds, blond hair and blue eyes. I am married to a wonderful girl except that her sex drive isn’t as active as mine. We’ve been married for eight years. We have one Men In Love

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child, a boy four years old. My wife is five-five, blue eyes, brunette, one hundred five pounds and petite.

I have different kinds of fantasies depending on how I feel.

Sometimes I feel rough and like to use dirty language. The first fantasy is that I meet this girl with blond hair who likes to suck me off. I meet her at her apartment where we start kissing and then she starts undressing me all the time playing with me. I slide off her panties and bra and we go into the bedroom where we crawl in bed fondling each other and kissing. Then she starts running her hands all over my body till she reaches my penis. Then she runs her tongue up and down the shaft till I can’t stand it anymore. Then she takes my whole penis in her mouth and starts sucking till I shoot my whole load in her mouth and she swallows it all and licks my penis clean. Wow! I’ve got a hard-on writing this.

My second fantasy is that I pick up a beautiful girl hitchhiking and after she’s ridden for a while and we’ve been talking I ask her if she will do me a favor, since I’m doing her one giving her a ride. I ask her if she will bring me off with her hand. She says okay, so she unzips my jeans and takes out my penis and plays with it till I shoot off in her hand.

Then I give her a handkerchief to clean her hand and by that time it’s time to let her out.

It’s time to masturbate.

Once again, it is important to distinguish what excites men in fantasy, and what they have chosen to be their reality.

Hugh (above) daydreams of having a woman go down on him; but he doesn’t want to put his wonderful wife in these scenarios, nor does he mention asking her to perform fellatio in real life. It may be that he doesn’t associate her with such wildly erotic (and dirty?) notions: “Her sex drive isn’t as active as mine.” It may be that Hugh prefers to keep such sexually powerful ideas safely in fantasy. Many men are totally enthusiastic about having a woman suck them off. To others, the notion is just too scary.

Nancy Friday

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In
Totem and Taboo
, Freud gives us a mythic history of the human race. The Father/King is murdered by his sons, who eat his flesh to take in his strength. Do men fear a symbolic passing of power to the woman when she takes their flesh in her mouth? (Connoisseurs specify that the woman must be careful always to curl her lips over her teeth.) The scenarios in this chapter gain intensity, I believe, because they
are
fantasies, freeing the man of any real castration anxiety. The vagina turns out not to be
dentata
after all.

Fellatio rarely dominates women’s fantasies, but for one who has developed such a taste in reality, few sexual acts offer such unexpected rewards: to bring the man to intense sexual pleasure at her will. To feel the power of giving him total and complete acceptance.

I have always resented the psychoanalytic notion that going down on a man is symbolically similar to breastfeeding; that it is a regressive form of sexuality. From my own experience and research, the notion that a woman who likes to perform fellatio is “really” in search of maternal succor is naive.

Perhaps a Freudian case might be made for the unconscious wish on some women’s part to drink a man’s semen in order to take into themselves the status the male is given in our society. But the women I’ve heard call semen “the power drink” or “a vitamin shot,” have a smile of satisfaction of a different sort. For the woman who has learned the excitement of taking the penis in her mouth, lovingly working it to full erection with lips, tongue, and saliva, and then bringing it off

– feeling the pulse in her mouth as the semen spurts and she swallows it all – for her, this is neither mother’s milk nor a symbolic taking in of status. This is power of a different kind, the power of the pleasure bringer.

6

Anal Sex

JACKIE

A little background on myself. I’m six-two and weigh two hundred pounds. I’m a musician who is pretty famous, so I’m writing you under a pseudonym. I hope your readers won’t think of me as jive for putting this shade on my identity; but a moment’s thought should make them understand the somewhat sensitive position of somebody like myself, who is more or less in the limelight. The image is part of my bread and butter, baby.

I have no set repertoire of fantasies because my fantasies grow and change like my music. Actually, there are basic ideas though, like fucking a woman with myself on top of her. I really dig the male superior fuck. Square business, I dig it. I can go through a day where I’d normally have a lot of trouble, but let me get off a good load the night before or that morning, and I’m ready to knock down brick buildings. I love a woman to turn me on by patiently sucking my dick, prick, cock, penis – whatever you want to call it. I like her to tell me she likes sucking me and I like her to say she likes it.

Other basic themes of my fantasies concern a woman sucking me off and swallowing my come. I hate when she wastes my come by spitting it out. I lived with a girl for about six years, and she used to like to suck and play with my nipples so that now they’re somewhat larger than usual and very sensitive. I think a lot more men than will admit it, freak off with girls sucking their nipples. I know my woman did, and I dug it.

Here’s one of my fantasies; and as stated earlier, it is largely based on actual experience. I’m with the girl I went with for six years and who sucked my nipples. Her name is Louise. Louise and I first tongue kiss, then I get on top of her Nancy Friday

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after holding her hands; kissing her face, forehead, lips, neck; breathing on her; licking her ears; etc. I begin sucking her titties and she takes my prick in her hand and jacks me off, asking me all along the way if I want certain things done.

Ouch! This woman! She jacks me slowly, up, up, up, till my cock is like a flagpole waiting for her tongue-flag to wrap around it. Jacking me slowly, now and then licking my cock, massaging and jacking, now and then sucking my nipples.

After some moments of this, I can’t stand it and I go down on her, licking and sucking her pussy. I turn her over on her stomach; and she obeys my every gesture, supple and willing, loving. I lick and tongue kiss her big glorious, juicy ass, rubbing my face and nose in the lovely crack, doing analingus.

(That’s why a beautiful ass on a woman automatically turns the heads of we men who can kiss a woman’s ass in our minds forty times a day!) I kneel behind her next and stick my cock up her cunt. I would like to fuck her in the ass, to be honest with you; but I think ass fucking may hurt her. I fuck Louise’s pussy dogstyle, then pull out and lay her on her back, her legs high in the air. She looks so beautiful and nasty. I love her for revealing her sex nature to me. As I fuck her this way, she’s turning around, twisting around to look at me and let me see the naked lust in her eyes, the truth of her nature expressing itself in her act of love with me. Finally, before we come, I pull out and lick her from head to toe; we slobber over each other. She says, “Jackie, you want me to suck your dick? Tell me what you want me to do. I want to be your very own whore. My pussy belongs to you alone and it always will.” “Get on your knees and suck my dick and look up at me. Then I’m going to lay you on your back and fuck you while you beg me to fuck you.” I stand up. She kneels on the floor in front of me and sucks me off. I’m hard, hard, hard. I pull her up and lay her on the bed and start fucking her madly but sensitively. She starts crying out, “Fuck me, fuck me, oh fuck me, Jackie!” God how I love the woman and all women because of loving women like this!