Forever's Promises (Forever In Luck Series Book 1) (14 page)

Then
Kris asked, “What did happen?”

Linnie
and Jake took turns explaining what they’d witnessed the day before, both at
Walmart, and during the night. Then Linnie provided them with details of what
happened at the cabin.

“I
know he isn’t sleeping much,” Bev added. “When he was at our house, he was up
until the early morning hours before it’d be quiet.”

“Yes,
your right,” Linnie answered. “He is having trouble. He admitted as much to me,
but refused to discuss why, then let it slip that he’s feeling anxious. I think
it extends to the level of panic at times too. I just can’t figure out what
yesterday was all about. He didn’t want us to go to St. Croix, he wanted to go
to Rice Lake. It didn’t seem to matter that it was Walmart, well at least not
until we got there.”

“It’s
interesting,” Steven said, “because he was kind of like that with the truck,
not going there to pick it up when it was ready, and come to think of it, the
day we went to the collection center in Minneapolis, he had an episode where he
was in a kind of trance. I initially thought he’d fallen asleep, but when I went
to rouse him, his body was rigid, not relaxed. I had to really shout and shake
him to get him to come out of it, and once he did, he startled me when he
jumped and shouted out in a panic. He was visibly shaken, kind of disoriented,
looking around, and appeared somewhat confused.”

“It
seems to me,” Linnie’s dad said, “that Highway 8 is the common thread. Walmart’s
on Highway 8, Johnson’s is on Highway 8, and you need to travel twenty miles on
Highway 8 to get to Minneapolis. There must be something about Highway 8 that
he’s avoiding.”

“Nik,
would you mind getting my laptop from the car, and doing an internet search to
see if we can figure this out? Linnie asked.

“Can
you do that now? Connect to the internet somewhere else?” Steven asked.

“Yeah,
it’s new, but all the coffee houses in Chicago have it. We’d go to them to
study all the time.” Linnie answered.

Nik
returned eating a doughnut. Opening up the laptop and booting it up, he
explained, “They don’t have Wi-Fi here, but they do a couple doors down at the
bakery. I bought a doughnut and asked for the password, they gave it to me, aaaand
it looks like we can pick it up here. Great!” He started typing.

Their
food arrived, and they’d all begun eating, when Jake said, “I know something’s
going on with Nate, but I can’t even say I know what PTSD is really. I have an
idea, but has anyone had time to look into it?”

Linnie
looked at Bev. “You want to try that one?”

“It’s
a common reaction to life-threatening events, or trauma, that can worsen, or
refuse to go away over time,” Bev explained. “According to the U.S. Department
of Veteran Affairs it can happen in several ways. One way has the person
reliving the traumatic experience over and over. Another has them avoiding situations
that remind them of an event. A third way has them in a state of extreme
vigilance, also known as hyperarousal. While a fourth way is when there are
negative changes in thoughts and feelings.”

“So,”
Bev continued, “flashbacks, nightmares, night terrors, which are different than
nightmares by the way, avoidance of situations or conversations, distrusting
fearful behaviors, anger, shame, guilt, difficulty sleeping, it’s all part of
the package, and expected to some degree in our returning troops, but when the
symptoms interfere with everyday activities, with work, and with a person’s relationships,
it’s time to get help.”

Kris
jumped in. “Does anyone know why he was in five years, I mean isn’t it usually
four? He said he joined right when he left here, but it’s been a little over
five years.”

“Yeah,”
Jake answered. “When we were moving furniture, he told me they wouldn’t let him
out. They followed the stop-loss policy, making him stay active till they
decided he was done. They claimed they needed his specialized abilities as a
Ranger, and sent him back over. He was pretty bitter about it, which I
understand, but that may explain some things too.”

Steven
cleared his throat. “Linnie, have you felt threatened by his behavior? Are you
concerned for your safety?”

“No,
I haven’t felt or seen anything threatening. Yes, he became angry, angrier than
I’ve ever seen him, but I never felt like I was at risk for physical harm.
Mostly, he’s been overly protective and gentle. It’s like he said, when these
things come upon him, he just wants to be close to me, so close that I feel his
body tremble. Jake and I have a system in place, one that allows me to alert
him should I need help.”

Placing
a napkin on his empty plate, Karl said, “What I want to know is how to treat
it. How does he get rid of it?”

“There’s
no getting rid of it, Daddy. It will always be there, but we can improve his
coping mechanisms. That means a lot of talk therapy, counseling, and
medication. He needs to talk about what’s in his head, and we need to get him
sleeping. I know part of that inability to calm, the heightened anxiety, is
brought about by an imbalance of chemicals in the body, so I want to see what
we can do there. I’m going to call Jules and get her input, see what the
consensus is on the pharmaceutical end of things.”

“Where
does he go for all this counseling and stuff?” her father asked.

“The
closest VA clinic is in Rice Lake. They can do basic stuff, and make referrals,
but an actually PTSD program is at the VA in Minneapolis.” Linnie answered.

“That’s
going to be tough to get to if he won’t go on Highway 8,” Jake answered.

Linnie
nodded, “Guess we better get used to going through Grantsburg then, it’ll add
an extra half an hour each way, but if we have to go that route to avoid Highway
8, then we go that route.”

Linnie
noticed Nik sitting quiet as a church mouse, which was highly unusual. “Nik,
you find anything on the computer that can explain what’s going on?”

“Yeah,
I think so. I looked at a few different sites. Essentially, there’s only one
way for our troops to get into Iraq, and that’s through Kuwait. On top of that,
there appears to be only one main road from Kuwait through southern Iraq. So, only
one route, and only one road, which makes anyone on it a sitting duck.”

“The
kicker is, it starts out as Highway 80, and then branches off into Highway 8, and
is a main way into Bagdad from the south. The two roads are associated with the
terminology ‘Highway of Death’ due to the number of casualties in the Gulf War,
and apparently, was once again used by our troops reentering Iraq in two
thousand three. You may or may not want to see these. They’re images taken of Highway
8 after the fighting.” Lifting the computer, he passed it on. They all took
turns looking. If a picture was worth a thousand words, then there was nothing
left to be said.

CHAPTER 13

“Jules?”
Linnie was so happy to hear her friend’s voice.

“Linnie,
where are you? Are you on your way back?”

“I’m
at home, and no, I’m not on my way back.”

“I’ve
missed you,” Jules said, then asked “Is everything going okay? You haven’t
heard from Purdy have you?”

“No,
thank goodness, but there’s some other news.”

“Tell
me, what is it?”

“Nate’s
back and…well…we’re an item again.”

“Oh
my, that is news, for sure. Are you happy? Is it okay? I mean, what happened?
Gosh, I don’t know if I should be happy or sad,” she said, sounding perplexed
and a little ambivalent.

Over
the course of a half an hour, Linnie brought Jules up to speed. “So, as you can
tell, a lot has happened in two weeks, with more to come, and well, I wanted to
call you because I really, really miss you, and because I need your help, and
well, because I really need my best friend right now.”

“I’ll
help the best I can. I do have to say though, I knew you wouldn’t be coming
back. There was no reason for you too, you can have what you had here, anywhere.
So why come back here?”

“You,
Jules, you were the reason.”

“Oh,
Linnie, you’re very special to me too.”

“Special
enough to come and spend Thanksgiving in Luck, Wisconsin, with me?” Linnie
asked expectantly, with a lilt in her voice.

“Ahhh…well…ummm…”

“Say
yes, please. I want to see you, and I can’t come visit you right now with the
way things are. You’re my best friend, you’re the sister I’ve always wanted.
Please say yes, please. I don’t want you alone during the holiday.”

Jules
was silent. Then said tentatively, “Maybe, well, yeah, I suppose I could.”

“Yaaaay!
I’m so happy! It’ll be fun, I promise. You’ll see,” she said, trying to
reassure her friend.

“You
know why I’m so nervous.”

“Yes,
I do, but honestly, the guys are harmless, and you’re nervous and unsure
because you’ve never spent time around males. It’ll be okay. Trust me, they’re
a protective bunch, and even though they like to josh around, they’ll take you
under their wing and watch out for you. Plus, I’ll be here, so you won’t be
alone. I promise.”

“We’ll
see,” Jules said unconvinced.

Linnie
chuckled at Jules uncertainty. “Now that we’ve got that settled, I need your
pharmaceutical opinion. What can we do from a medication standpoint to help
Nate?”

“Let
me research it a bit. I’ll find you the most up to date information out there,
and either email it, or send you the links for credible sites.”

“That’d
be great, I’d appreciate that. How about in the short term? It’ll take time to
get him an appointment, and we still have the issue of getting him to agree to
get help. Is there something we could try to bring down his anxiety, and help
him sleep in the mean time?”

“Well,
there are the ever popular and always controversial, vitamins and natural
supplements. You know, some people swear by them, while others don’t,” Jules
replied.

“Yeah,
I don’t know much about that stuff, and up here in Luck, there won’t be a
wealth of resources to help me out. Any suggestions? He’s having trouble
getting to sleep, and staying asleep, because he’s anxious. I’d like to start
there.”

“Hmmmm,
heightened anxiety, panic, likely sustained due to the amount of time he was
enlisted, resulting in a reprogramming of the brain and its feedback
mechanisms. So, probable changes in serotonin, norepinephrine, GABA, dopamine,
melatonin, as well as cortisol levels… Well, the theory is that melatonin
supplements will help people get to sleep, but don’t necessarily keep them
asleep, however, many of the benzo’s we give for anxiety, are designed to mimic
GABA, which helps to decrease brain activity, and would, in theory, help keep
him asleep.

“I
suggest you start by trying melatonin and GABA supplements in the short term, until
you can get him into the clinic. None of this stuff is properly regulated, and
the verdict is still out regarding their true effectiveness pending more
studies. I would look for natural supplements over synthetic, and I would throw
in a multivitamin, should he be deficient in other areas. Many of these supplements
need the aid of other substances to be synthesized effectively.”

“That
helps. It gives me a starting point, and I really appreciate it. I’ll head in
to Walmart and see what I can find. It’ll be my best source until I can get
into Minneapolis. Get me the date of when you’ll be coming for Thanksgiving,
and plan to stay a while. I’ll pick you up at the airport, and we’ll go from
there. Sound good?”

“Yeah,
I’ll be in touch. Take care, Linnie.”

“You
too. We’ll talk soon.”

**********

Nate
couldn’t settle. His skin felt tight, his neck and shoulders tense, and his
hands kept clenching and releasing. Anxious, he was anxious. Another day with
no test results. He’d been edgy and irritable all day, and it was carrying on
into the night. What happened yesterday, he wondered. He’d lost it. He couldn’t
go on Highway 8, he just couldn’t, and then when he’d finally found his way
through to the back of the Walmart lot, he thought the panic would be over, but
instead, was confronted by another problem. He couldn’t go where there were so
many people unchecked. Why? Because anyone could come in and bomb the place, or
start shooting. Then he’d had to go through all their bags, just in case
someone had slipped an explosive inside.

He
hated that Linnie had been all the way across the store without protection, but
he couldn’t go in. Without the support of his squad, he’d had to stay to the
perimeter of the store with his back to the wall, scanning and watching. He
needed to start lifting weights again,” he thought, that had always helped him before.
He’d lift, and lift, and lift, till he couldn’t pick up a straw, and then he’d
be able to sleep. He hated the nightmares, the flashbacks. Why couldn’t they
stop? He wanted them to stop. He didn’t want anyone to know about all this, but
after yesterday, they probably think I’m crazy.

His
heart started pounding, and he didn’t feel like he could breath. He needed to
calm down. He needed to close his eyes and take some deep breaths. He did, and
his eyes popped wide open. He couldn’t. He had to. But…but…as soon as he closed
his eyes, and took a breath, the explosions started. He could hear them plain
as day, except it was nighttime in his head, and he was in the black. All he
could see were flashes of light accompanying the battle ahead, as he stood awaiting
orders.

An
informant had provided information regarding the whereabouts of a group of
insurgents, after they’d publicly executed a man. He, and his squad, were
assigned the task of infiltrating the home during the dead of night. They went
in fully expecting a fight, and weren’t disappointed. Two men, using children
as shields, began shooting upon penetration. They were immediately shot dead,
the children left alive. Continuing through the home, they found a mass of
huddled women and children, but no men. Unconvinced, they continued their
search, only to turn up a hidden tunnel under a shower basin in the bathroom.
Fighting ensued. Unable to advance beyond the bathroom door, because of gunfire
and grenades launched from the hole, they retreated and regrouped, in and
around the surrounding buildings. Calling for an airstrike, they waited.
 

KABOOOM!
The earth shook. FZZZZZ, thud, BOOM! The walls rocked. RAT-A-TAT-TAT…TAT-TAT! Bullets
whistled overhead. Then a light airy TING nearby. He was running, runni…
BOOM!
Thrust in the
air, then thrown to the ground, the air was forced from him, unable to be found.
Dazed and confused, he rolled to his back, noting a burning tingle throughout,
followed by a deep ache, he quietly tried to put out. Unable to breathe, he began
to cough, feeling blood splatter on his face with each reflexive hack. He heard
yelling, shouting, and a frantic call for medics in the near distance. He was
suffocating, he knew that now, his chest resounding with a signaling smack.

Looking
beyond what lay on the ground, he reached to the heavens, twinkling stars were
all around.
Lord God, please don’t take
me, please let me live to stare upon her once more, please
…
His vision dimmed, his head grew light,
he lie there staring at the starry night, sand raining down in heaven’s
goodnight.
I have to live…for…her.

Opening
his eyes, he turned his head. She was there, lying next to him, and he knew
he’d lived. He hated closing his eyes. He hated closing them in the dark. He
hated the quiet of the sleeping house. He was bone tired, and weary, having
stayed up the whole of last night. He needed sleep, but he was jumpy and shaky,
and he needed to get up. He needed to do something, but he didn’t know what.

“Promise me the
next time you’re up in the middle of the night, you’ll wake me.”

“I promise.”

“Linnie.”
He rubbed her shoulder. He felt bad doing this, she’d only been asleep a couple
hours. “Linnie, please wake up.”

Opening
her eyes, she blinked a few times and focused, then reached for him, hugging
him close. “You having trouble sleeping honey?”

He
nodded, feeling empty.

Kissing
him, she gave him a squeeze, then said, “I’m glad you woke me, come with me.”
Getting out of bed, she held out her hand to him.

Taking
it, he followed her.

“You
fell asleep before I did. Do you want to tell me what woke you up?”

“Nothing,”
he mumbled, “just feel edgy, can’t settle down.”

 
“Hmmmm, well there are some things I do when I
can’t sleep, so let’s see if they can help you too. Sit at the table, it’ll
just take a minute or two.”

Going
to the cupboard, she pulled out a pan, poured in some milk, added other things,
and then put it on the stove to heat. After a few minutes, she poured the
contents into two cups and handed him one. “Let’s start with this.”

He
took a sip. Not bad, he thought. It was pretty good actually. “What is it?”

“Milk
with some honey, vanilla, nutmeg, a little of this and that. Would you be
willing to take some supplements to help with sleep, I have some.”

He
was leery. “What do you mean by supplements?”

“Like
vitamins.” she answered.

He
wasn’t sure how that would help his problem, but okay. “Yeah, I guess.”

Getting
her purse, she pulled out some bottles, opened them, then handed him some
tablets.

Studying
them, he asked, “What are they?”

“Melatonin,
and a multivitamin, and in here—she held up a little bottle—is GABA. It’s a
liquid, and you only need a couple drops.”

“Is
this stuff okay to take?”

“People
take this stuff all the time. What do you have to lose? If it works, great, if
not, then we don’t do it again.”

Taking
what she gave him in one gulp, he opened his mouth and she added a couple drops
of the liquid. Okay, not bad tasting, he thought, as he washed it down with his
milk.

“You
want more milk?”

He
shook his head no.

“Come.”
She held out her hand again.

Taking
it, she led them back to their bedroom.

Standing
next to the bed, she looked up at him, and trying to give him words for his
feelings, she said, “Often times, when I’ve had a particularly trying day at
work, I can be like you said, edgy, wound up, wanting to lay down and go to
sleep, but when I do, I feel like I have to get up and move around. I call it
the rattles
, because I’m up rattling
around in my skin. It’s kind of weird, because most times when I get like that,
it’s because something big went down at work, and I just want to be held,
nothing else, just held. It comforts me, helps me to know I’m okay, that I’m
safe. I could do that for you, hold you, if you think that would help.”

He
felt himself take a breath, a big breath, a relieving breath, one that sent a
tingle flowing across his body as he exhaled. Unable to speak, he looked away, not
wanting to be seen, then nodded a small yes.

Going
to the closet, she pulled out a huge blanket, spread part of it on the bed, the
rest of it lying on the floor, then pulled out numerous pillows, stacking and
propping them at the head of the bed.

“Undress,
and lie on the blanket on the bed.”

Okaaay.
He did. Mmmm, this blanket thingy was nice, super soft, and silky.

She
lit a candle, undressed, and climbed into bed with him, drawing the blanket up,
an over, and around them both. Sitting at an angle, she reclined against all
those pillows. “I want your ear right here,” she said, pointing to the area
just below her collarbone and above her breast.

Cuddling
in close, he wrapped his arms around her. She tucked the covers in tight, and
then put an arm around him, holding him tenderly while gently caressing his
head, his ear, and his back, placing gentle kisses here and there.