Forever summer (Summer # 4) (18 page)

“Geez, dramatic much?” I scoffed, standing aside as Tess walked on in. The smell of apple and cinnamon muffins hit me first, followed by the aromatic coffee that had me salivating. Ever since moving to Maitland I fancied myself as a bit of a coffee connoisseur, walking down to the cafes as a morning ritual. I think I might have developed an addiction, hence why I was feeling so bleh, I told myself.

We made ourselves comfortable on the back step of my house; the view was pretty spectacular from here of the bushland. Our humble abode was only a cedar house, but Mum was blessed with a green thumb so the gardens were established and Dad’s love of birds and his elaborate feeding systems attracted beautiful creatures of all colours. That’s about as much as I knew about them; fortunately Dad wasn’t here to bore me to death with his birdwatching knowledge.

I sipped on my coffee, listening to the calls of the bush, smiling at the sound of a kookaburra mocking us with his laughter.

“So, you’re not going to elaborate on why you stayed here last night.”

I shrugged. “There’s nothing to tell.”

What could I say? I found Megsy Swanston in Adam’s bed. I really didn’t want to get into what any of that meant. Unlike me, Tess never had a real issue with Megsy; if anything, she had always approved of their relationship.

Tess looked at me with a sceptical curve to her brow. “Riiight.”

“It’s true,” I lied, and as if by some form of fate my phone chimed for what seemed like the hundredth time.

Message

Adam

“Where are you?”

Ignoring it, I put the mobile back on the deck and kept picking at my muffin.

“Aren’t you going to answer him?”

“Nope.”

Tess sighed. “Listen, Ellie, I think you’re being real harsh on Adam, I’m sure he never meant to offend you; I mean, if that’s what he did.”

“Always defending Adam.”

“Look, I just think you need to back off a bit, he has a bit on his plate right now and I just think …”

“What do you mean, he has a bit on his plate?”

Tess fell silent, like she instantly regretted what she had said.

“I just think you should talk to him, is all.”

“I’m tired of talking.”

I’m tired of being left in the dark; two months away and it’s almost like I wasn’t privy to all the private jokes, all the gossip, all the secrets. It then occurred to me the very reason I had wanted to have brunch with Tess in the first place: it was a means to be a better friend, my vow to try harder and be less self-absorbed. Something I had already failed miserably at, I thought, as I finished the last of my lovely muffin.

I glanced at Tess and her sweet, pleading eyes, the ones that always worried about me.

“Is there something that I should know, Tess, about Adam?”

It took a while for Tess to answer, as if she was thinking of a way to best respond.

“Just talk to him.”

I felt frustration twist my insides. When had we lost this connection? We were always ones to tell each other everything and now we were kind of like strangers; were we growing apart? I don’t think my heart could bear that. In a moment of sheer panic I blurted out the deepest, darkest secret I carried in the hope it would mend the bridge of trust.

“I’m in love with Adam.”

Chapter Twenty-One

It took a moment for my words to register with Tess, to the point that I thought she might not have heard me, but her brows rose and her mouth gaped at the sudden realisation as my words slowly sunk in.

“Oh my God, Ellie?”

“Oh, I know.” I groaned, covering my face with my hands, instantly regretting having told her. My eyes watered with the very frustration, running my fingers through my hair. “I feel so stupid.”

“You feel stupid? I feel stupid.” Tess looked like she was in an intense state of shock. “H-how long?”

It was a simple enough question, one that required a simple enough answer, but in all honesty, aside from the very key moments on our road trip to Point Shank, I feel I loved Adam a long time before then, I just misread the signs or more likely didn’t want to know about it.

I cringed when the answer came to me, because voicing it sounded so cliché. “I don’t think there has been a time where I haven’t loved him.”

Tess’s expression looked grim, definitely not the kind of reaction someone would have just finding out that one of her best friends was in love with her other best friend. This should have been perfect, but just by looking into her eyes I could tell she didn’t think so and I felt sick. It wasn’t jealousy; Tess was the most balanced, loved-up, non-jealous person I knew. No, it was something more, something unsaid, and it instantly made me feel ill.

“You know something,” I said.

Tess broke eye contact, looking out over the garden.

“Tess … you have to tell me,” I urged, my voice panicked.

“It’s not for me to say,” she said lowly.

I couldn’t believe this; I had just opened up to her about the singular biggest secret of my life and she was being all cryptic over something to do with Adam. I could feel a rage brewing inside me.

“Are you serious? You’re going to keep it from me?”

Tess laughed. “Oh my God, you are not going to play that card, are you? The old friends-tell-each-other-everything spiel, because clearly they don’t.”

“Look, I didn’t tell you because I was unsure, confused about whether what I was feeling was real.”

“Does anyone else know?”

Oh shit. Tammy.

My look must have said enough because Tess shook her head.

“Unbelievable.” She grabbed her empty coffee, and muffin bag, moving to stand to leave.

“Tess, wait.” I stood on the back step ready to go after her but she didn’t get far before spinning around to look up at me on the step. I had never seen her this mad before.

“No, you wait! You know why I can’t tell you, why the entire population of Onslow knows except you? Because Adam made us promise him that we wouldn’t, because he knew you were going away and he didn’t want you to be distracted and feel like you needed to come back to Onslow. That’s why friends keep secrets, that’s what has me always defending Adam. Telling you not to give him the silent treatment and play mind games, not with him. You might say you love him, but you have a funny way of showing it.”

“Tess, I’m sorry, how was I to know that …”

“Yeah, it’s not nice being the last to know, is it?”

My mouth gaped, I had nothing.

Tess wasn’t angry anymore; she seemed numb, and that terrified me more than her rage.

My phone sounded again. I was too afraid to look, too ashamed to.

“You might want to answer that,” she said, before turning and walking out of the yard and out of sight.

***

I was consumed by a nervous energy pacing back and forth in my parents’ lounge, waiting for Adam to arrive. I wrung my hands together, thinking of every single message I had ignored, every silent treatment, eye roll I had ever given him. I didn’t know what was worse: not knowing what he was keeping from me or the clear realisation that I was a horrible person.

Oh God.

I sat on the couch burying my head in my hands, feeling my knees trembling. I really just wanted to lose my shit, but I had no time to let down the floodgates; hearing the slamming of the screen door caused my head to snap up. There Adam stood in the doorway, the light shining behind his silhouette, Ray-Bans shielding his eyes as he leant against the door jamb, smiling as if he hadn’t a care in the world.

“For a while I thought you had joined the witness protection program,” he joked, because that’s what he would do, that’s what he always did. I looked at this boy standing before me and nothing else mattered. I stood, moving over to him, trying my hardest to keep my tears at bay. I simply stopped in front of him, wishing that I could see his eyes, and just like he always did he read my mind because he lifted his shades, sitting them back to divide the dark fold of his thick dark hair. His eyes ticked curiously across my face; I hoped he couldn’t tell I was upset, but he read me better than anyone: the tinge of pink in my cheeks, my shiny eyes, dishevelled hair. If he knew something was wrong he never said anything and I loved him for that. I simply stepped into him, wrapping my arms around him, my chin resting in the alcove of his neck. Adam froze for the briefest moment, taken aback by the unexpectedness of it, before slowly and oh so gently circling his arms around me, embracing me in his strength, his warmth. Without saying a word he just held me and that’s when I couldn’t hold it in anymore, I couldn’t disguise my body shaking as I cried in Adam’s arms, not wanting to ever let go as he gently rubbed my back, comforting me more than he could ever understand.

“I’m so sorry,” I whispered.

“You didn’t break something in my room, did you? Is that why you ran away?”

Adam was trying to be light-hearted, and it did make me laugh a little as I lowered my hands and stepped back a little, wiping my eyes, as I shook my head.

Adam looked confused. “Then what are you sorry about?”

I was genuinely taken aback; had we been friends for so long he was immune to my wicked ways?

“I’ve been such a bitch to you, and you don’t deserve it.”

“Hmm, I think I give as good as I get.”

“No, no, you don’t, you put up with me and I am nothing but …”

“Ellie.”

Adam cut me off, looking down on me in wonder. “It’s us.”

I blinked, trying to decipher what that exactly meant. Adam broke into a boyish grin before shrugging. “It’s what we do.”

“It is?”

“Sure, we chase each other around in public bars in our undies; it’s what friends do, right?”

My heart skipped a beat. “Only the best of friends.”

“Correct, and if you’re lucky I might just drive you back to Maitland myself.”

Adam really did know all the right things to say. I could have fought it, been adamant in not troubling him, that I would wait for the late night bus, but there was no part of my being that wanted to say no, to not spend another moment with him, or another car ride.

“I’d really like that.”

Adam laughed. “Who are you and what have you done with the real Ellie?”

“This is Ellie version 2.O,” I smirked.

“Does this Ellie have better taste in music?”

I placed my hands on my hips. “What?”

“I will take you home under one condition.”

I rose my brows in question.

“No Starship songs.”

“Oh, come on.”

“Meet me at the Onslow when you’re ready.”

“Adam, you cannot be serious, they’re a classic.”

“No,” he said, backing out toward the front door.

“I will have my way on this.”

Adam paused halfway out the door, looking back at me with a big goofy smile. “You always do.”

Chapter Twenty-Two

It was the strangest feeling, to be relieved and yet still have so much uncertainty swirling inside. My bare feet rested on the dashboard of Adam’s canary yellow Ford Fairlane, a car that had been Chris’s before him and was certainly not the most subtle vehicle in Onslow. I peered up at the great imposing hotel, waiting for Adam to appear with his duffle bag slung over his shoulder. One of the conditions about him giving me a lift back to the city was that he crashed the night, and head back in the morning. He seemed happy enough, having arranged a few things before he left. I didn’t actually expect him to agree, and then it had me wondering if I had put that pile of dirty laundry in the basket before I left, and oh God, had I taken my bra off the bedroom door handle? I bit my bottom lip, anxious with the exact state I had left my flat during the mad rush to get ready to leave for Onslow. Another element adding to my unease was this would be the first time Adam was entering my world, a foreign place for both of us. At least in Onslow everything was familiar, we just existed in it, even on our road trip there was still a huge sense of familiarity between us amongst friends. I was sure we would fall into that same comfortable rhythm as soon as we got going, it was just the build-up waiting in between with my crazy thoughts. I looked out the windscreen, willing him to hurry up.

“Worse than a bloody woman,” I mumbled.

I decided to try and be positive: Adam was taking me home, staying the night. It would be my chance to make it up to him, cook tea for him, try and delve into what he didn’t want me to know—something deeper than his connection to Megsy, had to be. The very thought of her made me even more grateful that at least she would be nowhere in sight and most certainly not in my fucking bed. Oh crap, it occurred to me that there really wasn’t anywhere for Adam to crash. My tiny little one-bedroom flat: a couch, sure, but would it be weird for him to sleep on it? It was one thing to crash in Adam’s childhood bed, a place of familiarity, or sleep in a tent together, but this, this was somehow different. My thoughts were interrupted by the back door opening, causing me to flinch as Adam chucked in his bag. I had been so deep in thought I didn’t even see him come out of the hotel.

Adam slid behind the wheel, closing the door and then looking at me expectantly as he took a tape out of his top pocket, holding it up like it was something to behold.

“‘We Built This City’?” I said hopefully.

“No,” Adam said rather adamantly.

I pouted as he started up the car, placing the tape into the player, adjusting the volume and looking at me expectantly as Tom Petty’s ‘Learning to Fly’ started blaring out of the speakers. I started laughing, transporting me instantly to the road trip to Point Shank where Tom Petty and the Heartbreakers had basically serenaded us most of the way. It was the one tape that we could actually agree on. I was suddenly flooded with nostalgia and once again found myself staring at Adam in a new way because I felt like the luckiest girl alive right now.

“Did you say goodbye to Tess? Did you want to swing around to her place before we go?”

I could feel my good mood slip. “Ah, no, that’s okay, they’re probably busy going through all their engagement stuff.”