FOREVER MINE (4 page)

After Michael raped and beat me, he told me if I ever behave like a whore again, he will kill me after he is finished using me.  Then he left, just stood up and walked out the door.  I rolled over and hysterically made the worst call in my life.  Brody heard me crying on the phone and asked what was wrong I couldn’t tell him over the phone, I asked him to come over. 

Brody walked in the house and took one look at me and ran to my side.  He let the silent tears run down his cheek with no shame.  He gently picked me up into his arms and held me while I tried to tell him what happened.  I was sobbing so badly I could hardly speak.  I changed my clothes, but brought them with us to the hospital, and never went back.  Never saw Michael again.
Until yesterday.

               
**********

I wipe the tears from my cheeks and get out of the shower.  When I walk into the kitchen I must look bad Brody’s face softens.

“Feel better?”

“Cleaner, I don’t know if I will ever feel better.”  I scrunch my hair to help the curls dry faster, and twirl a straight piece between my finger and thumb trying to get it to behave.  “How about you, did you get some sleep last night? Steph wasn’t mad you got home so late was she?”

“Yeah, she was a little mad. Actually I never went home last night, I slept in my truck.  I wanted to make sure everything here was alright.”

“Why?”

“I had to. I can’t let anything happen to you”

“Why?” I hang my head hoping he can’t see my tears, again, running down my cheeks.

He reaches for me and pulls me into his lap, “I love you, and you know that, right?”

“You can’t.  I’m broken.”  I get up and go to my room.  I hate that I’m crying so much.  I think maybe it’s because I just relived being raped.  Then again, maybe it’s because I have a best friend who is the world to me, that I couldn’t live without, and I want him to be with me forever but I can’t have anything that good.  Michael was right when he said he broke me.  Brody deserves happiness, smiles, hugs and laughter.  I don’t think I can do those things anymore.

As my sobbing subsides, I come to the conclusion that we may never be together the way I wish we were, but I will be his friend, his best friend.  I will be whatever he needs as long as he is in my life.  I love him.  I will make sure he is happy.

“Unlock the door and let me in.”

I unlock the door and return to my perch on the bed.

He comes in and takes in my appearance and says, “You know you look awful after you cry.  Your nose is red, your lips swell, and your cheeks are blotchy.  Your eyes are awesome though.  It’s like they turn neon green. It’s pretty cool.”

”You’re an ass!” I throw my pillow at his head.

“You ok?” he asks sitting next to me on the bed.

“Nope”

“Ready to go to the police station and tell them what happened?”

“Nope”

“Charlie Alyssa James, you are going”

“I know, you asked if I was ready, to that question the answer is no, I am not.  Am I going, anyway? Yes.” I glare my best glare, “The full name, really?  That’s low Harrison, real low.”

Laughing he pulls me up off the bed and ruffles my hair like I’m 14 again “Let’s go kid, before you lose your nerve.”

“I am 30 years old, not a kid.”

He walks away straightening the apartment and grabs my light weight jacket, looking over at me, he barks, “Let’s goes.”

“I’m coming”

We walk into the police station and are greeted by an overweight, balding man with the personality of a goldfish, whose name tag reads Bob Johnson.  He is waiting to help people and direct them to whatever location they are searching for.

“Can I help you?” says Mr. Johnson, as he stares at us through the bullet proof window.  The empty look in his eye is unnerving.

“
Uuh
, I need to speak to and officer about an attack last night” I don’t feel like I can form a coherent thought looking at him. I just want to laugh at his vacant stare.  I can’t tell if he really even sees me.

“What is your name?”

“Charlie James.”

“I will see who is available to speak with you.”

“Thank You.”

We took a seat in the red vinyl seats next to the window and waited.  “So, so you want to get some dinner tonight, maybe catch a movie?” Brody asks like it’s no big deal. We don’t usually go out alone.  We always have other people with us.

“I guess.  Yeah, that would be great.” I smile over at him and he grabs my hand and holds it.  Interlacing our fingers like it is the most natural thing in the world. 

On the ride to the police station, I have decided that I am going to slowly, very slowly, make my move on Charlie.  I can’t stand to watch her be alone and unhappy.  I want to be the one who gives her everything she needs.  There is no one who knows her better than I do.  I know how to make her laugh, I know how to make her smile, I know when she needs space to cry it out and I know when to be forceful with her to get her to stop being an ass.

We sit in the police station waiting for an officer to take our statement and I ask her to dinner and a movie.  I’m so glad she said yes.  When I pick up her hand and interlace our fingers, I expected her to protest and with drawl.

“So, what do you want to see?”

“I don’t even know what is playing.” She says laughing. “Why don’t we just grab some takeout bring it back to my place and watch Netflix?”

“If that’s what you want.”

“Yeah, I just want to hang and relax.” She looks at me and smiles.  She looks really tired.

“Ms. James?” The man behind the glass is back.

“Yes?” Charlie pushes up to her feet releasing me.  I don’t know what to do with my now empty hand, so I put it in my pocket and follow her to the window.

“You can head back to interrogation room #3, Officer O’Connor, is waiting for you.”

“Thank you.” Charlie starts walking down the hall and suddenly stops.  She turns to me and whispers, “I don’t think I can do this.” She is pale and shaking. She reaches out to me, grabbing my hand, holding it closely to her chest, “You are going in and staying with me right?” her eyes are wide with panic.

“Of course, I’m going in there with you.” I put on a brave face and we start walking down the hall, again.  I want to give her my courage and strength.  All I can do is hold her hand.  I hope it’s enough.

I almost didn’t make it down the hall to interrogation room #3.  The panic I felt started to overwhelm me.  Holding Brody’s hand, I feel calmer instantly.  As long as he is with me I know I’m ok.  I can be brave for him.  He has done so much for me, already.  I don’t know why I’m being so stupid.  Taking a deep breath, I square my shoulders, and pull up my big girl pants and say out loud, “Let’s do this.”

We walk into room #3, and Brody is still laughing at my little display of guts.

Officer O’Connor is exactly what you would picture.  He has red hair that he keeps cropped close to his head, a smear of freckles across his nose and cheeks, and is built like a line backer.  He is probably only a little older than our 30 years, but I’m not asking.  He has an accent like he is a transplant from Boston.

He gets right to the point. “So, you were the one in the alley that left the scene?” He has a hard look in his eye that makes me stand up a little taller and pay attention. “Wanna tell me why you’d do
somethin
’ so stupid?”

“Well first, I’m not stupid.  Second, I was attacked and scared.  I wasn’t exactly thinking clear.” 

“I wasn’t calling you stupid, just your actions.”  He opens up a file in front of him and skims through it.  Making noises here and there.

“So officer…” Brody starts to ask and is silenced by O’Connor up raised hand.

“Before you ask, I need to ask Ms. James if she is comfortable talking about past and present events with you in the room or if she would rather have you wait outside in the waiting area.” He looks me in the eye and waits for my answer.

Without hesitation, I answer “I want him to stay.”

“Alright, let’s get started then.” He hands me a yellow legal pad and asks me to retell the events of the night. When I finish he looks it over and has me sign it. “Are you absolutely certain, that Mr. Parker is the one you saw?”

“100%” I close my eyes and take a cleansing breath, “I will never forget what he looks like.  He has been haunting my nightmares for three years. 
His face, his smell, his unforgettable evil eyes.
  It was him Officer O’Connor.”

“While you were waiting outside for me I ran a background check on you, your restraining order came up.  I have read the report, I won’t make you retell or relive what happened, and I promise you I will do
everything
I can to get this scum off the streets and in jail where he belongs.  A man, who preys on a woman that way, shouldn’t be allowed to breath.”

The tears sting the back of my eyes and I try to swallow past the lump that has formed in my throat. “Thank you.”

“Have you heard or seen him at all since the attack three years ago?”

“No, he just disappeared.  I went to the hospital the night it happened, they ran a rape kit, took pictures of my battered body and I filed a report with the police.  The next day I went to the court house and filed a restraining order.  I haven’t seen or heard from him in three years.  Actually, for the last 6 weeks or so I have been getting flowers sporadically once a week, but I thought maybe someone at the office was sending them.  Yesterday he told me it had been him.”  I could feel Brody tense beside me.  I looked over and mouthed a heartfelt sorry.  I feel so foolish.

“Well, I will look into everything; I think you should go about life as usual, but stay with groups of people.  Don’t let him take your new life from you.  There is nothing
these
type like more than power and control.  If he thinks he is controlling you through your fear, he will keep coming back.”  Reaching into his pocket he takes out a small white business card, and holds it out to me.  “Here is my card.  My personal phone numbers are on the back.  If you need anything don’t hesitate to call. 
Day or night.”

“Thank you, Officer O’Connor.”  I finally feel like someone is listening and maybe this can finally be put behind me.  We shake his hands and walk out the door.

“You were very quiet in there.”

“Yeah, I figured you would appreciate the strong silent type, over the grunting Neanderthal.” He smiles at me.

“I do like me a strong man” I’m laughing now and it’s wonderful.  I feel like a weight has shifted, not gone just less. “Do you see one around here?”

Grabbing his chest, over his heart, and stumbling backward a couple steps, Brody mocks being stabbed in the heart.
“The lady, she wounds me.”

They laugh and joke back and forth as they walk down the street.  They talk about what they want to watch tonight and debate between Mexican and Chinese for dinner.  Eventually, they both agree on Italian.  They walk contented down the increasingly busy street, oblivious to the man shadowing them.