Forever, Jack (15 page)

“How can you tell me this isn’t real?” Jack whispered, his words caressing my mouth. Then his tongue flicked gently across my lower lip.

Oh God.

A small sound escaped me. I should have stopped him sooner.

“This is as real as it gets, Keri Ann. This is Technicolor, when everything else is black and white. This …” His hand trailed down over the exposed skin of my chest then brushed over my dress and the tip of my breast sending shock waves through me. I arched into his hand without meaning to.

Damn my traitorous self.

His hand didn’t stop, but floated down my belly to my thigh, and I tensed, my mouth pressed tight to keep my reactions in, trembling on the edge of a place where my pride would cease to exist.

“This …” he continued and began bunching up my dress in his fist and drawing it up my thigh, “what we have … is extra-sensory overload … where everything else is a silent fucking movie.”

I panted out a breath then jammed my jaw shut.

My dress glided up. Heat pooled low in my belly. It was intoxicating. Would anything in my whole life ever feel this way? I’d been numb before he’d touched me and numb since he’d been gone. I wanted to sob with the injustice of it.

How could I not want to be with him and want to be consumed by him at the same time? I wanted to be back on that bed underneath him, the way he’d looked at me as if I was his salvation. His benediction. His release.

But I knew why I didn’t want it. I’d lose
myself
in him.

“This,” I managed just as his hand released my bunched up dress and landed hot on my bare upper thigh, sending waves of sensation cascading over my skin, “is just lust.” Grabbing his face between my hands in the pitch dark, I closed the distance and slanted my mouth over his, sliding my tongue into his delicious mouth.

Jack groaned deeply, and his fingers on my thigh dug in.

He tasted so good. So … Jack. His face was hard and rough beneath my fingers, his mouth soft as he let me in, kissing me back gently, not responding to my aggression. So I kissed him harder, wanting to punish him for doing this to me. Wanting him to take over for me, make it so it wasn’t my fault we were here again. Make it so it was him kissing
me,
and I wasn’t
willingly
doing this.

This was so messed up.

His gentleness and his refusal to respond to my fierce need did me in. And made me crazy. I pulled my mouth from his, our erratic breathing reverberating around the interior of the vehicle. I struggled to shut down my body.

He was heavy as I pushed at him in the pitch black, moving him away from me.

Turning in my seat, I flicked the truck lights back on, and the light sloshed over the heated moment like ice water.

“Get out of my truck, Jack.”

“What?” His voice was ragged, but I refused to look at him.

“You heard me. Get. Out. I can’t do this with you. I won’t. How can you even expect me to? How can I even want to?”

Jack blew out a harsh breath and adjusted in his seat. Silence and unspoken words stretched out, wending their way around the truck, sliding into all the available space between us and pressing me back into my seat with their weight.

And then, I heard him move to open the truck door. He paused as the interior light flicked on, and the pressure between us released into the night.

“Tonight, that girl, like all of the girls, the interchangeable, available girls, that girl—”

“Her name is Ashley.”

“Whatever.
Ashley …
offered to blow me.”

I flinched and my stomach dropped. “I don’t have time for this, Jack.”

“But I told her, very nicely and quietly, so as not to embarrass her in front of her friends, that I had no intention of taking her up on her offer.”

“Poor Ashley,” I muttered sarcastically. He climbed out, and then leaned back into the cab of the truck, his shoulders hunched and broad, filling the doorway.

His eyes were fierce, bitter, and vulnerable at the same time. “I’m telling you about Ashley to illustrate a point. I’m not just trying to get laid. I can get laid anytime I want. I’m a potential trophy fuck to pretty much every woman I meet.” There wasn’t even a hint of arrogance in his expression, despite his words.

“Well done, Jack. Very restrained. But seriously, while I appreciate you not rubbing my face in it because I was actually present in the room, what the heck does it matter when the whole world and I have had to see you with the rest of the available women all over the media?” I shrugged my shoulders. “What the hell is
one
more
?”

His body left the truck and the sound of gravel sprayed as he kicked at it, his back to me. “Fuck!” he ground out, and clutched both hands to his hair, grabbing fistfuls, his shoulder blades flexing under his t-shirt. He exhaled loudly then turned back to me, his expression pained. “Unlike you,” he cleared his throat. “I haven’t slept with anyone in seven months.”

“What?” My mind reeled. He thought that I …? Wait. He hadn’t …?

“Not since you.”

My forehead creased in surprise and confusion.

“Feel free to believe me or not, but you should at least know. And …” The muscle in his jaw ticked. “I know what it looked like. For better or worse, I made it look like that on purpose. And I’m sorry. It was fucking dumb. But what you think you saw and what actually happened, or in this case
didn’t
happen, are two very different things.”

My mind couldn’t process the words it heard fast enough to feel either relief or disbelief. I picked one.

“Just like you didn’t sleep with Audrey, and yet she was possibly carrying your child?” I looked away. How could I possibly believe him at face value?

“Dammit. Will you let me explain? Or are you scared that when you know the truth, no matter how brutal, you’ll have no reasons to hide behind anymore?”

My eyes cut to his and his implored me to hear him. And I saw he was surprised by his own question. And nervous of my answer.

“Yes,” I admitted in a whisper.

His eyes widened fractionally.

“Please, Jack. Maybe I will believe you and maybe I will forgive you, but …”

“But, what?”

I swallowed and faced my truth. “What if I
still
don’t want to be a part of your life? I have plans and direction and … and … for the first time I can see a future.
My
future.” I paused, struggling to find the right words. “I’m scared you’ll swallow me whole.”

My admission sliced into the air between us like a guillotine.

“Well.” His brow creased and his throat bobbed. His eyes looked desolate. “That’s a different story, isn’t it?”

I was physically and emotionally drained from my day and from kicking Jack out of my truck … and my life …
again
. As soon as I got to my bed, I went down like a sack of cement.

I came to with bright sunlight filtering through my window. Casting a fumbling hand out, I grasped my phone off the nightstand to see it was about ten. I was due at the Grill within an hour. I’d also missed another call from Jazz.

Images and emotions from the night before filtered into my mind, wreaking havoc with the sense of peace I should have had after sleeping nine hours straight. Jack’s revelation that he hadn’t been with any of those girls floored me. But I wasn’t sure whether to believe him or if it truly made a difference.

I trudged downstairs to put the coffee on, then came back upstairs to shower. My hair was looking surprisingly pretty with the highlights the salon had put in yesterday. I tied it up out of the way and showered and changed for work. Trying to keep my thoughts from straying to Jack was almost impossible. I felt weird and down about the way things were between us. I’d asked him to stay away, and he hadn’t. I wasn’t necessarily mad at him for it. It was disquieting to discover I was actually relieved to know he’d ignored my request. But now I’d shut him out
again
. Part of me felt justified. I knew all my reasons for doing so. Then the other part of me, a deep down in my heart part of me, felt heavy and conflicted.

There was a mad lunch rush at the Grill. Residents wouldn’t admit it, but I knew they were hoping to catch their own sighting of Devon and Jack. It left me on edge and harassed. I knew they probably wouldn’t saunter back in, but the mere possibility they could, brought my anxiety level to defcon five.

At three o’clock, when Jazz walked in all tanned, her blonde hair tousled in messy air-dried waves, I was so relieved to see her, I didn’t even question that she was still supposed to be in Florida. I launched myself at her and hugged her hard.

“Dang, give a lobster a break.” She laughed and winced.

“Oh, man, sorry,” I said as I noticed the skin on her back was flaming hot under my fingers.

“Fell asleep by the pool yesterday, and stupid Brandon just let me burn.” She turned around and showed me her back.

“Ow.” I flinched in sympathy at the crimson sight. “So he’s stupid Brandon now? And what are you doing here?” It suddenly occurred to me to ask.

She turned back around and sighed as I led her to a seat at the bar. “Yeah, well. I needed a break. And Florida’s even hotter than here. Brandon’s so sweet most of the time, and he’s got the prettiest face, but seriously, he just doesn’t think sometimes, ya know? And don’t get me started on his decision-making. I’m all modern woman, but I’m craving me some alpha-male right now.” She rolled her eyes. “Being with him is like taking care of a child!”

I poured her an Arnold Palmer with sweet and laughed. “And yet, you’re the one with the sunburn?”

Jazz stuck out her tongue at me. “Why’s it so busy in here? Don’t tell me
our
celebrity
has been parading around town?”

“How did you guess? He and Devon were here last night causing an uproar, handing out autographs, becoming slap-you-on-the-back best friends with Paulie. It was weird and nauseating.”

Jazz choked on her tea, her eyes wide. “Wow, he seriously came out in public?” Then her brow furrowed. “While you were working? How was he toward you? My God, were you okay?”

And that’s why I loved Jazz. She just knew me the way only a best friend could. She knew my comfort levels and exactly what to ask.

“Is that why you sent me that text saying you were traumatized? I tried to call you back by the way.”

“I know. And no, I sent that before I even got here to face that. I was traumatized from failed dress shopping and weird beauty appointment experiences in Savannah after a lunch with Colt where he basically ended our non-relationship.”

Jazz’s eyes widened again, and her mouth wrapped around her straw.

I snorted. “If I’d known how
actually
traumatizing the rest of the evening was going to be, I wouldn’t have blown through that word so flippantly. Oh and your friend Ashley was here, promising sexual favors to Jack as she practically licked his ear.” She probably did actually lick it.
God
. I shuddered.

“Holy shit,” Jazz hissed. “That girl’s an STD waiting to happen, if it hasn’t already. Trust me. Tell me nothing happened there.” Jazz grabbed my hand and squeezed.

“No, thank God.”

“But, he was obviously behaving like an ass right in front of you. I need to hear everything from the beginning.”