Forever Is Over (132 page)

Jemma sighed.

“
Let
’
s not start that one off again, Richie! We both know you did!
”

There was little point arguing. I had failed to persuade Jemma in the
past that I was not the perpertrator and the penetrator of that crime but
she would not believe me. I only ever entered into an argument these
days if I thought there was a potential victor, this one was always going
to end in stalemate.

“
Fine!
”
I conceded.

“
She
’
s making me feel like a bad person!
”
Jemma continued, there
was no stopping her when she went off on one,
“
Kelly is the one with
feelings for my husband not the other way around, yet I am the one
who
’
s supposed to feel bad! I was prepared to put that issue to one side
and move on, but instead, bloody Kelly wants to dredge things up from
donkeys years ago! I am not a bad person! I
’
m a good mother! I am not
a bad wife, even if sometimes you think I am! I
’
m a caring person and
in my life there
’
s no-one I
’
ve cared for more than Kelly, yet I get it all
thrown back in my face.
”

People don
’
t say things like
‘
I am a good person
’
, unless part of them
has an element of doubt about whether it
’
s true. Its called fishing for
re-assurance. Jemma started to sob. I tentatively moved over to her and
gave her a gentle hug.

“
Why does everybody hate me?
”
she asked between cries.

“
No-one hates you, Jemma!
”

“
Yes they do! Kelly hates me! You hate me!
”

“
I don
’
t hate you, Jemma!
”

“
You nearly left me for my sister because you think I neglect you!
”

“
Jemma, I screwed up! You know I screwed up, I know I screwed
up. I would never have left you, Jemma, I was just being an idiot. I
’
m
sorry.
”

“
Do you think we will make things right again?
”

“
Of course I do! We have a fantastic marriage. We just steered off
course for a little while, that
’
s all.
”

Jemma took her head out of my arms and looked up at me tearily.
“
So when you make love to me, you won
’
t be thinking of Kelly?
”

“
No! Definitely not! You
’
re the only one for me, Jemma!
”

“
Kelly said you
’
d be thinking of her.
”

Jemma sniffed.

“
Kelly lashes out when she
’
s hurt, Jemma, you know that.
”

“
I do too. It
’
s a Watkinson trait. Richie, I
’
m sorry too, you know.
”

“
What for?
”

“
For lacking imagination. Since the kids have been born, I have felt
so lucky to have them that I have forgotten that I am also so lucky to
have you.
”

Romantic gush was not something that Jemma had ever really
spoken. This was a rare moment!

“
We
’
re lucky to have each other, Jemma!
”

“
I know but we
’
ve let our lives a
nd our relationship become one
monotonous treadmill. Every day from now on, we need to work together
to make things more fun. We allowed things to go stale between us. I
promise I will never let that happen again. Never!
”

I kissed Jemma on the forehead.

“
Neither will I, honey. Neither will I!
”

I had deliberately made myself scarce to give Kelly some time with
her sister. I nipped down to the nearest pub from the hospital,
‘
The
Ropers Arms
’
for a quick pint of lager. There was a sign up in there
saying
‘
Free Pints Of Lager For Pensioners - As Long As They Are
Accompanied By Both Parents
’
. My Dad had just retired after forty
years working in Ford Dagenham and my grandparents are both still
alive, so I said to the landlord that I
’
d drive them all up, so they could
all get pissed at his expense! There
’
s no chance they
’
ll come up here, my
Nan
’
s incontinent and my Grandad has dementia so they keep him to a
routine, but I just wanted to see the look on the landlord
’
s face!

A couple of hours later, when I ambled back cheerily to the hospital,
I went into the Ward to hear a gentle sobbing which I could soon see
was Kelly. I wanted to be and tried to be sympathetic but by this stage
in affairs, I was tired and my nerves were on edge.

“
Kelly! Kelly! Why are you crying? Come on! It
’
s alright!
”
I gave her a hug. As I pulled away, Jemma kissed my cheek.
“
Roddy, it
’
s not alright, Jemma hates me!
”

“
She told you she hates you?
”

“
No, I told her that I hated her, but only because of everything she
’
s
done. She married my boyfriend!
”

This whole saga was becoming tiresome. I felt I was turning into
Kelly
’
s doormat. Kelly
’
s dramatics about some tosser from ten years back
who didn
’
t give two hoots about her and had a good looking wife and kids of his own, was now getting on my tits.

“
Kelly, you haven
’
t got a boyfriend!
”

“
I know, but the only boyfriend I have ever had in the past that still
means something to me, Jemma mar
ried! She knew how much Richie
meant to me. She
’
s just done it to get at me, to get her revenge on me
for leaving. I even think the hatred she has, may have built up when we
were children. I think she spent so much time as a kid having to look
after me, that she grew to resent me. Did I tell you about the party we
went to when we were teenagers when she slept with Richie?
”

About a million times, I thought. Change the bloody record,
woman!

Someone had knocked my
‘
Infatuation with Kelly
’
button to OFF.
I felt that day that I had gone from being totally in love, completely in
awe of Kelly
’
s every move to cynical, rational and blunt. I reckon the
way she was behaving, it had to happen at some stage. OK, she had
been through a massive trauma, but it ain
’
t that hard to be decent in
any circumstance.

“
Kelly, just hush for a minute, will you. Look, we
’
re friends, aren
’
t
we?
”

“
That
’
s a daft question, of course we are.
”

“
Good friends?
”

“
Yes.
”

Kelly said that
‘
Yes
’
slowly and suspiciously, like she knew something
more was coming but she didn
’
t quite know what it was.

“
And over the last few days, since you
’
ve come around after the
accident, would I be right in thinking your attitude towards me has
changed a little?
”

Kelly stopped crying.
“
In what way?
”

“
Well, either you have been a complete prick tease or you
’
ve started
flirting with me in a way you
’
ve never done before.
”

“
I have?
”

Kelly feigned innocence but she kn
ew she was guilty as charged.

“
You know you have! Asking for ki
sses after hugs, gazing really
intently at me, smiling at me all the time. You
’
re acting differently
around me. Why?
”

“
Because I feel differently.
”

“
How?
”

“
Everything that
’
s happened to me has taught me how important
you are to me.
”

“
Do you reckon?
”

“
Definitely.
”

“
Can I tell you how it feels to me?
”

“
Go on.
”

“
It feels like you
’
re grabbing hold of me, not because you love me,
but because I
’
m all you
’
ve got left. I
’
m like your oasis in the desert right
now, but it feels like you
’
re trying really hard to do it, rather than it
coming naturally. To me, it feels like you
’
ll get off your camel in the
desert, fly back to England where water flows out of every tap and soon
enough forget that you were ever thirsty!
”

“
Roddy, that
’
s not true! It
’
s not fair of you to say that!
”

I was
sticking to my guns on this one.

“
Of course it
’
s bloody fair of me to
say! Try listening to yourself
sometimes, Kelly! I may not read many books, but I know what a
narcissistic bitch is and you are in danger of becoming one! You go on
and on about Richie! You
’
ve just said your sister only married him to
get back at you and only shagged him when you were teenagers to get
at you and only went through childbirth TWICE to get back at you in
Outer Mongolia or wherever you were! How conceited are you, Kelly?
For fuck
’
s sake Kelly, their relationship is not about you and if you ever
want to think about having a relationship with me, don
’
t make it about
them!
”

A nurse came over and told me to mind my language and keep my
voice down. I continued in a whisper.

“
I
’
m not here to be your crumbs of comfort. If you want to be just friends with me, that
’
s fine, I can handle that, let
’
s just be friends, but
don
’
t even bother entertaining the idea of a romance between us if you
can
’
t go into it wholeheartedly. I ain
’
t putting up with you talking crap
about Richie all day!
”