Forever Is Over (64 page)

“
Will I need to have chemotherapy?
”

“
As yet, Richard, we do not know. Remember the blood test we
gave you?
”

I did. I hated bloody needles and the nurse had to sit me down on
a bed as I had warned her that I may faint.

“
Well, testicular cancers can often show the presence of certain
chemicals in your blood. Your blood sample, did show these chemicals,
so what we
’
ll do, after your operation, is take another blood sample. If it
remains positive, it means some cancer cells have spread to somewhere
else in your body, if it comes back negative, the cancer was probably
contained to the testis. If it is positive, then we will have to look at
radiotherapy or chemotherapy. Hopefully, it will be negative.
”

“
Could the cancer come back in the other testicle?
”

“
In a small number of cases it does, but it
’
s uncommon.
”

My faith in Mr. Davenport was restored.

“
Now then,
”
he continued, have you given any further thought to the prosthetic testicle? As we discussed, it will be very similar in size
and movement to your natural testicle.
”

I squirmed.

“
I don
’
t know if I
’
m being daft, but I
’
d like to have it.
”

“
Why is that daft?
”

“
It just seems a bit pathetic having to have a pretend testicle put in
there as a replacement, but I
’
ve thought about it and for some bizarre
reason, I would feel better having it.
”

“
You don
’
t need to justify yourself to me, Richard. We would not
offer prosthetic testicles if it was not common for people in your situation
to want them. You are not pathetic. You are not bizarre. It
’
s natural to
want this, don
’
t beat yourself up about it.
”

“
OK.
”

“
In most cases, Richard, testicular cancer is a cancer that is
diagnosed, treated and then the sufferer returns to back to the life they
had previously. If a prosthetic testicle helps return you to normality,
then surely that
’
s a good thing. Try and retain a positive outlook. Keep
thinking after the operation, we will get good news back from the
pathologist and other than regular checks, that will be the end of the matter. Alright?
”

“
Yes, fine.
”

“
So, we
’
ll see you next Thursday.
”
Mr. Davenport shook my hand.

“
If you could give yourself a good shave and get rid of all your pubic
hairs before the operation, that would be wonderful, saves someone else
having to do it for you when
you come in. On countless occasions, young men have arrived at
hospital with a cleanly shaved face and have had an awful shock when
someone has arrived to chop their pubic hair off, so I tend to pre-warn
people these days!
”

“
Fine. I
’
ll do it myself.
”

I left Ormskirk hospital that day just wanting next Thursday to
come and go as quickly as possible, so I could bring my plucked meat
and two veg to surgery, swop a ball, get the all clear and get on with
my life. I was trying to be positive, but the way things were going, it
seemed certain a fresh disaster would be just around the next corner and
sure enough it was! What I didn
’
t know though, was that when I finally
managed to reach the light at the end of the tunnel, it would shine more
brightly than the sun.

Jemma often says that she fell in love with me on the summer
’
s day
in Coronation Park when my urologist, Mr. Davenport confirmed that,
in all likelihood, we were dealing with testicular cancer. That was the
point that Jemma says that she realised her feelings for me were more
than just those you would naturally have for your sister
’
s boyfriend. I
have always said that my feelings for Jemma changed from negative to
positive around that time, but the first time I realised that I was starting
to fall in love with Jemma was during her trial.

I was fortunate to be working at Andy
’
s Records in Preston during
Jemma
’
s trial, so once it began, I would spend every lunch hour in the
public gallery of Preston Crown Court. On a Thursday, which was
my day off, I would travel up to watch the whole day
’
s proceedings.
Looking at things retrospectively, the fact that I would spend my day
off watching Jemma
’
s trial and had previously visited her at least once a
month at Risley Remand Centre, showed my thoughts and feelings for
Jemma were escalating, but at the time, I justified it as a way to maintain
a link with Kelly.

Throughout the trial, there were only two other people providing
moral support to Jemma, her grandmother, who was in attendance
for every second of the seven week trial and also Jemma
’
s friend, Amy
Perkins, who I knew from school. Amy probably attended a couple of
times a week, perhaps a little more often as the trial neared an end.
Amy
’
s Mum sometimes attended too, so I suppose you could argue that
there were three people, other than myself, lending moral support.

As far as I could make out, as often the legal jargon was well beyond
my comprehension, there did not appe
ar to be a strong case for the
prosecution. When Carole Watkinson had died, there were only two
eye witnesses, one was on trial and was denying that she had seen the ill
fated fall and the other was the defendant
’
s sister, who had vanished. I
was in a select band of people who knew that Kelly had left the country,
other than Amy, Jemma, myself, my family and Kelly
’
s grandmother,
no-one was aware that Kelly had been in Rotterdam. The police had
apparently been tracking activity on her bank accounts, but as far as I
was aware they had not, at that stage, managed to trace her plane ticket
to Amsterdam. If they had, it would, I imagine, have been mentioned
in court, but it was not. It was just commonly known that she had
disappeared. The defence team had tactfully latched on to the fact that
Kelly had not stayed around and the impression I was certainly given,
was that Jemma
’
s barrister was indirectly pointing a finger of suspicion
Kelly
’
s way, just by dwelling on her absence.

The only other witnesses were
“
ear
”
witnesses rather than
“
eye
”
witnesses. One Thursday, Wally McGordon, a charming, confident,
old man in his late seventies, took the stand and succinctly described
how he had heard Jemma send her sister to her room, then threaten
her mother with a knife, before hearing a crashing sound, which could
well have been the sound of Carole Watkinson being pushed down the
stairs. Wally seemed such a genuinely good man that if I had been on
the jury, I may have started to believe that perhaps Jemma was guilty
after all. This man did not stand to benefit from lies, Jemma did though,
so the fact that his statement contradicted Jemma
’
s, was certainly not
re-enforcing her innocence.

When I returned home to Aughton, the Thursday night after Wally
McGordon
’
s testimony, I was extremely concerned that Jemma would
end up imprisoned for life for a crime I knew she had not committed. I
felt particularly guilty as Jemma was aware that I could make a statement
to police that would prove her innocence beyond reasonable doubt. As
I sat and watched the trial turn against her, my feelings grew, more
out of admiration than love initially, as she had never pleaded with me
to make a statement shedding light on Kelly
’
s role. Jemma understood
my loyalty was to Kelly, as was hers, and we both sought to protect the
individual who had abandoned us.

The following lunchtime, when I arrived at court, Amy Perkins
was in the public gallery, so I sat next to her. Every time Amy attended
court, I would always seek her out. As had become customary in the
previous five weeks when Amy had attended court and I had arrived at
lunchtime, she brought me up to date with the events of the morning.
Amy told me Margerita McGordon, Wally
’
s wife, had been questioned
and was totally out of her depth. Jemma
’
s barrister, Amy believed, had
certainly cast doubts about the accuracy of her statement and from
what I could make out, had managed to discredit Wally McGordon
’
s
statement from the previous day, by suggesting it would be impossible
to differentiate between Jemma and Kelly
’
s voices.

Amy thought that the impression given was that of a nosey pair
of elderly neighbours who had heard a commotion and assumed it was 
Jemma rather than Kelly that had been central to events. The barrister
had highlighted that they were wro
ng to assume. As Amy recounted
this story, as a whisper into my ear, I
began to appreciate how I was
beginning to feel romantically for Jem
ma. I was almost euphoric that
she was likely to be found innocent and I started to think about ways
to build on our friendship. I felt a need to know Jemma better. If truth
be known, I knew there and then that I wanted to date Jemma if Kelly
did not come back.

The feeling of certainty that Jemma would be found innocent lasted
for around a week. It lasted until the pr
osecution called Jemma to take
the stand. They probably called her as their case was looking increasingly
flimsy and they had nowhere else to go. It was a stroke of genius on their
part. Jemma is a wonderful woman, she would fight a lion for someone
she loved, but as I knew only too well, her Achilles heel is that first
impressions are not always good. Despite being aesthetically pleasing
and honest, Jemma was, and still is, blunt, abrupt and a terrible liar,
not the perfect attributes for a young woman standing trial for murder,
when first impressions are everything. Jemma, in trying to save her
sister, was not in a position to be honest and in compromising herself,
gave a shambo
lic performance
that could not have looked worse if she
had set her pants on fire.

The thing I did not understand, as I watched her stumble through
her answers, and still to this day do not understand, is why Jemma
persisted with the
“
Sleeping Beauty
”
tale. Jemma
’
s elderly neighbours,
the McGordons, had totally discredited this line of defence and to gain some sort of empathy from the jury, Jemma would have been far
wiser holding her hands up, admitting being awake, but insisting she
played no part in her mother falling down the stairs. The fall had just
been a tragic accident that had befallen an inebriated woman. Jemma
could have just said she had originally lied in her statement because she
was frightened and was fearful that the police would put two and two
together and get seventy eight. Jemma
’
s stubborn insistence that she
had just slept through her mother
’
s death just did not seem creditable.
Luckily for Jemma, her barrister conti
nued to imply that the awkward
nature of her responses was in some way linked to her blind loyalty
to her missing sister. I was fairly sure at the time, and Jemma has
confirmed since, that Jemma
’
s barrister knew nothing about Kelly
’
s role
in her mother
’
s death, he was just re-introducing the element of doubt
after Jemma
’
s cringeful testimony.