Forever & an Engine (31 page)

‘I don’t
think he’s every going to feel stuck with you Mia. He adores you. So how did you
sort it out?’

‘He said he
may want marriage and children with me, but I was more important. He’d rather
have me in his life than not.’

‘God he’s
so whipped Mia, he’d do anything for you.’

‘That’s the
problem Lexi. How can I let a guy love me, knowing it’s at the sacrifice of his
own dreams? It’s selfish. I’m being selfish by agreeing to stay on those terms.’

‘Mia he’s a
grown man, well he’s 19, but if he says he’ll give that up to be with you then that’s
what he’ll do. It’s his choice and why shouldn’t you be selfish? It’s your
happiness too and you deserve some of that. You love him.’

‘What if he
changes his mind?’ I looked at her as I fiddled with my hair, this was a big
deal to me, I needed some advice, desperately.

‘What if
you do?’

‘What do
you mean?’

‘You say
now you don’t want marriage or kids Mia, but we’re 18 years old and emotionally
fucked up. You shunned the idea of ever being in love and happy until you met
him and look how quickly you changed your mind on that. I’m just saying you’ve
made it clear how you feel right now about it and he’s accepted that. Just be
open to the possibility that you could feel differently in the future.’

‘You really
think I’d change my mind?’ I shoved a third chunk of chocolate in and savoured
it as it melted.

‘Mia I’ve
seen it happen. You’ve done a huge bloody u turn on loving a guy.’

‘I have
haven’t I?’ I nodded, she was right, I had to stop worrying about what might be
and just be in the here and now and enjoy it.

‘Yes. If
you can’t conceive naturally then just listen to the options open to you, do
whatever you can to keep the door open in case you change your mind on that
some way down the line.’

‘O Lex,
this is serious adult stuff that I just didn’t expect to deal with at 18.’ I
wiped my eyes on my shirt sleeve.

‘Mia, you
can walk away from him now and it’s over, done. You can stop torturing yourself
and him while you’re at it. Then what? You’re miserable, he’s miserable and
I’ll
be bloody miserable listening to you crying about how he was the love of your
life and you miss him. Then you could suddenly wake up one morning and think
you know what I’d like to settle down and have a kid with him and he’s gone and
moved on. He’s with someone else and you’ve lost him all for the sake of
keeping your bloody options open.’

‘But Lex …’

‘Jesus Mia,
you’re so fucking stubborn,’ she interrupted. ‘You’re going to find out about
the fertility options even if I have to drag you and ask the questions myself. You
find out, then you forget until the time comes that you change your mind,
if
you do. Mia, I really think he’s good for you. I really think he’s your one.’

‘You don’t
believe in the one, except for Neo,’ I grinned.

‘Morpheus
was
always
right. Seriously though I didn’t believe in it, but he’s kind
to you, super protective and caring, he loves you and it sounds like the sex is
pretty damn hot. I don’t think that’s normal Mia, that doesn’t come around very
often, especially not when both people feel the same way about each other. You
hit the jackpot with him and I’m not talking about the house, the car, the huge
cock or however much money he has. You’d be a fool to fuck this up.’

‘You’ve really
turned into Yoda Lexi, it’s like you know all the right things to say.’

‘A tall
ungreen and unhairy Yoda thank you,’ she smiled. ‘So are you going to do this?
Are you going to stay with him and deal with this fertility shit?’

‘I can’t
leave him Lex, I just can’t. The thought of it’s …’ I clutched my chest, it suddenly
hurt to breathe.

‘Then you
have your answer Mia. You love him, so find out what you could do in the future.’
I nodded my head while I took some deep breaths. ‘And Mia, it’s not like he’s
proposed yet, he’s just expressing that you’re the girl for him and he hopes to
marry you one day. It’s kind of romantic.’

‘God he’s
so
romantic sometimes Lex. He’s been so sweet with me lately.’

‘Take him
with you to your post op meeting.’

‘I thought
you were coming?’ I asked, surprised.

‘I think
you’ll go a long way to repairing some bridges if you let him go Mia. Let him
see that you’re not cutting him off, or the shutting the doors of possibility on
something he wants.’

‘I guess it
would help, but I’m worried we’re not spending as much time together now I’m
with him.’

‘Well
forgetting this week of dual sick leave thing we have going, we still have
lectures and Movie night and Friday drinks. I’m happy if you’re happy.’

‘And I want
you to be happy too Lex. So stop stalling, where are you at with Doug?’

‘We have a
good laugh, a really good laugh. I find him attractive,
obviously
,’ she
said shaking her head as I smiled knowingly, ‘but I’m not sure that there’s a
spark there.’

‘A spark?’

‘You go to
pieces when Gabe looks or smiles at you. I want that passion, that
need
for each other like you two have.’

‘And you
don’t think you’ll get that with Doug?’

‘It’s not
there now,’ she said with a rueful shake of her head.

‘Have you
kissed yet?’

‘Only on
the cheek, I was stalling on the date because of my condition.’

‘Well maybe
that spark comes as you get to know someone better. Maybe sex will ignite it.’
I snapped off another piece of galaxy and popped it in my mouth.

‘Well maybe
if this bleeding stopped I could try and find out. Are you going to share that bloody
chocolate or keep eating it all yourself?’

‘Sorry Lex,
I’m in a world of my own at the moment.’ I passed it to her.

‘Maybe sex
will do it, but you and Gabe had that connection the first time you saw each other,
before you even kissed or spoke.’

‘You can’t
compare to Gabe and I, everyone’s different. How was Doug when he found out you
were pregnant?’

‘He was
fine, surprised I hadn’t just been upfront with him. He was really good with me
when he relieved Gabe of watcher duties. He’s been to charm school just like him,
he held my hand and just let me have a cry and then gave me a hug and got me
pissed.’

‘I should
have been there for you Lex, it should have been me hugging you,’ I sighed.

‘Well I
should have been there for you too. It was just bad timing on all parts, we can
be here for each other now ok?’

‘Always and
forever Lex,’ I smiled.

‘You’d
better believe it Page, we’re Albatrosses.’

‘Eh?’

‘Mates for
life.’

‘Ahhhh,
where did you pick that up from?’

‘I sometimes
watch intelligent shit on the TV too you know,’ she smiled. ‘Sadly not the
right shit if I miss visuals of cocks that are over a foot long.’ There was a
gentle knock on the door.

‘Is it safe
to come in?’ called Gabe.

‘Speaking
of big cocks,’ Lexi winked.

‘For the
love of god Lex
please
get laid,’ I sighed with a shake of the head. I
tipped my head back and yelled at the door ‘Of course it is Gabe.’ He came in
and naturally handed the first tray of food to me. I felt my stomach grumble as
I looked at the pale pink salmon fillet covered in hollandaise sauce. He’d done
asparagus, fine green beans and new potatoes with some melted butter on them. I
lifted my knees and carefully balanced the tray between them and my ribs to
avoid my stomach. ‘Thanks Gabe, this looks really good.’

He smiled
and disappeared and came back with another tray for Lexi and his own. He sat on
the far right of the settee next to Lexi and I noticed he’d less sauce and no
butter at all on his potatoes, he was so good at looking after himself. We
tucked in and he cleared his and Lexi’s trays first as I finished off and it
made me smile again to see how happy his face was that I’d finished the whole
plate.

‘Ok, I
heard a rumour that one of you liked Vermonster and the other Cookie Dough so I
got a load of the mini tubs and put them in the freezer. Here you go.’

‘Excellent,’
said Lexi as she grabbed hers off him.

‘Thanks Gabe,
that’s really kind of you. I owe you for the extra food you’ve had to get in.’

‘Don’t
worry about it, though if you feel better soon and plan on drinking, you may
need to buy in some booze. I don’t keep much other than beer and I think Dad
would flip if we raided his wine cellar.’

‘Which
flavour are you having?’ I asked as he headed to the door again.

He bent
down and whispered in my ear, ‘I’m not. I only like eating it off your naked
body.’

‘I can
still hear when you whisper, how many times do I have to remind you?’ tutted
Lexi. He grinned at me, kissed me and stood up.

‘Gabe?’

‘Yes baby?’

‘If you’re
going to the kitchen, would you get me a teaspoon?’

‘You don’t
need one do you? I thought they came with little spoons inside?’

‘O Gabe, you’ve
so much to learn about Mia. She hates the taste of wood in her mouth,’ said
Lexi. I looked at him and bit my lip to stop from giggling, but it was no good,
we both burst out laughing. ‘
What
?’ protested Lexi looking puzzled and
then her mouth opened. ‘O shit. I walked right into that one didn’t I?’

‘Yes you
did Lex. Sorry Gabe, I hate the wooden sticks on ice lollies too, yet another
quirk.’

‘And I love
them all. Back in a minute.’

I grinned
at Lexi and she stuck her tongue out at me and started on her ice cream. Gabe
returned chewing on a crisp bright red apple and had a teaspoon for me and two
of my painkillers, which I quickly washed down.

‘Okay baby
hitch forwards a bit so I can get in behind you.’ I did as I was told and he
climbed up onto the sofa behind me and slid down behind me his legs either side
of me and gently pulled me back onto his chest putting an arm around my waist. ‘Is
that ok?’ he asked.

‘Yes thanks,
just no prodding or tickling.’ I lay my head back on his shoulder and he kissed
the side of my face. The body contact with him felt so reassuring after the up
and down day we’d had. I just hoped that his love for me was enough to overlook
my relationship shortcomings. I picked up one of his hands and kissed his
fingers and sighed happily to be with two of the most important people in my
life while I was recovering. I was missing mum, it would be so lovely to be
honest with her, but that wasn’t a conversation to have over the phone. It
needed to be in person, at least I had Lexi and Gabe to give me a cuddle and
make me feel better in her absence.

The three
of us sat chatting and laughing with the TV on in the background and jumped
when we heard the doorbell.

‘Sorry baby
you’re going to need to move so I can get out.’

‘Stay
there, I’ll get it,’ said Lexi and she jumped up. I tipped my head back to look
at Gabe and he leaned over and kissed me.

‘Hmmm you
taste all apply,’ I observed.

‘You taste
all pecan and maple syrupy, though I really did prefer it the other night and
can’t wait until we can do that again.’

‘Tell me
about it I’m so horny,’ I sighed.

‘Then maybe
we should road test you tomorrow to see how you respond to my touch, see if you
can handle an orgasm.’

‘O god that
would be so nice. Don’t make promises you can’t keep though.’

‘Baby, you
want an orgasm you tell me and I’ll happily provide. I guarantee quicker
delivery than Domino pizza.’

‘Wow that
is
fast, though the perfect night would be an on demand orgasm or two while the
pizza was on its way.’ We started kissing again and he wrapped his other arm
around my chest hugging me tightly to him.

‘Christ Gabe,
put the poor girl down, she’s just had a bloody operation.’ We broke away from
each other to see Doug grinning at us and Lexi plonked herself back in the
corner of the sofa.

‘Alright
Doug?’ Gabe asked.

‘Yes
thanks, so how are you doing Mia? These are for you, just a little get well
soon gift.’ He handed me a card and a large square box wrapped in red paper
with a bow and leaned down and kissed my cheek.

‘Doug
thanks, that’s really sweet of you, I’m getting there slowly thanks for asking.’

‘I just
came over to check on you and Lexi, see how you were both doing. Jesus have you
heard about the murder?’

‘What
murder?’ I asked.

‘There’s
been a second body found on campus late last night. I can’t believe you don’t
know, it’s been all over the news. Another girl, she was strangled too.’

I felt
Gabe’s arms tighten around me protectively.

‘Shit
where’s the remote let’s get the news on,’ said Lexi. She found it and flicked
through the channels until she found one with a streaming update at the bottom
and we all watched, strangely and sickeningly fascinated. Doug was right it was
another brunette, 18 and a Uni student. I felt a coldness come over me and shivered.