Forever After (16 page)

She looked down at her lap rather than at him.

He moved closer and hung his arm loosely across her shoulders.  "Darcy, look at me."

Her blue-green eyes were filled with doubts.

"I will come back to Hershey."

"Will you?  Or once you're there, won't you want to stay?"

"I promise you I'll be back."

"This time," she murmured.

"Yes.  This time."

When she didn't respond, Seth guessed this went deeper than trusting his word.  They'd reached a turning point, maybe because of last night.  He wanted Darcy in his life more than he'd ever wanted to win a custody battle.  The realization jolted him so much he knew he had to say what she didn't want to hear.

"Even if I stay in Hershey permanently, I'm not interested in marriage." 

Her eyes grew big and her question was hoarse.  "Why?"

"Because it doesn't work."

"You sound so sure."

Sitting beside her like this, feeling the softness of her leg against the hardness of his thigh, the fragility of her slender arm under his hand, arousing sensations almost overwhelmed him.  He wondered if he'd ever listened to his body before, if he'd ever known how powerful arousal could be.  But as much as he wanted to do something about it, he couldn't give her false hopes. 

He said tersely, "I am sure.  I don't believe in forever after.  I've seen the way people use each other, the way they use feelings to get what they want.  I care about you.  I want to be with you.  But you have to accept how I feel about this."

Darcy was amazed that hope could live and die at the same time.  The ache inside her was painful.  She wanted to dive into Seth's arms so he could love her as he had last night.  But she had to make a decision.

She realized she did trust him.  Seth wasn't a user like Gary.  She should have taken the advice she'd given Marsha and not compared the two.  Seth had been honest from day one.  But this wasn't merely a matter of trust.  She'd reacted so adversely to the letter because she loved him, and the thought he might not love her had been unbearable.  Especially after last night.

He wasn't mentioning love but he was telling her exactly where he stood.  Could she accept his honesty?  Could she accept Seth as he was and love him with no promise of tomorrow?

All she knew was her love for him was growing and becoming stronger than any emotion she'd ever experienced.  She gazed up at him and rested her hand on his shoulder.  "I want to be with you."

A dam inside him seemed to burst.  He lowered his head to take her lips.  His low groan as her tongue met his coincided with her sigh.  He pushed the towel from her shoulders.  Breaking away, he murmured, "I need you."

When he kissed her throat down to the V of her bikini top, his lips and teeth created a squall of desire.  She moaned and arched her breast toward his mouth.

He didn't remove the material but ridged the cup with his fingers while his lips found her nipple under the fabric.

"Seth, I want to take it off.  I want to feel you."

"Lord.  I thought I couldn't get any hotter," he mumbled.  He stood and lifted her into his arms.  "We're going to your bedroom.  Any objections?"

"None."  Darcy tightened her arms around his neck.  She'd made her decision.  Now was more important than tomorrow.  She didn't care what would happen in three or four months.  She didn't care about the price of loving him.  Her need was too great, her new-found love too overpowering.

Seth opened her back door and took her through the kitchen.  In the doorway, she kissed him.  It wasn't meant to make him groan.  It wasn't meant to stop him in his tracks.  But there was so much passion reverberating back and forth, they collapsed onto a dining room chair.  He shifted her until she straddled him.

When she wrapped her arms around him and slid up his thighs, he shuddered.  "We're not going to make it to your bedroom."

"I don't care."  She plucked at his shirt and quickly unfastened the buttons.  He jerked it from his shoulders and tossed it aside.  Undoing the tie at her back, he yanked off her top and buried his head between her breasts.

Her fingers dug into his shoulders.  "Please, Seth.  Please."

"What, bright eyes?"

"Your mouth on my breast..."

He rimmed the aureole with his tongue.  Her breath stopped as the sensation licked through her and she could feel his own pulsing need under her, demanding release.

When he took one of her nipples between his lips and suckled, she cried, "Oh, Seth.  If only you knew."

He gave a rough growl.  "Tell me."

"You make this...this need alive, wild.  It coils tight until it almost hurts."

"I know, baby.  I know.  Let's do something about it."

Her hands fervently stroked the muscles of his chest.  She rubbed her cheek against the swirling hair.  When her tongue darted out and tasted him, he almost came off the chair.

Seth untied the strings on both sides of her panties.  The swath of nylon fell onto his lap.  He tested her with his fingers.  "You're so hot.  So wet."

"I'll bet you're hot too," she whispered as she unfastened the button at his waist and dragged down the zipper.

"Darcy, we should do this right," he gasped as she pushed at his briefs.

"I didn't know we were doing it wrong."

"You can be a comedian at a time like this?"

"This isn't a joking matter," she grumbled.  "Can you stand up and get these things off?"

He stood with her straddling him.  She pushed down his slacks and briefs.  He kicked them off and sat back down.  She balanced on his thighs and took him in her hands.

"Oh, Lord."  He leaned forward and kissed her deeply over and over until the cavalry could have charged through the house and she wouldn't have noticed.

Cupping her bottom, he lifted her until she moved forward and sank down, enclosing him in her heat.  Immediately, she climaxed and cried his name.  "Don't stop, Seth.  Don't stop."

A tightly sealed corner of Seth's heart burst free.  He'd never wanted to please a woman, the way he wanted--no, needed--to please Darcy.

"I couldn't if I wanted to."  He thrust until the explosion of erotic sensation caught him in its throes.  He shuddered again and again, holding her tight so he wouldn't lose her.

As the tempest abated, he dropped his head on her shoulder.  Never in his life had he experienced anything that potent, powerful, explosive.

And suddenly he remembered what he'd forgotten.  Damn!  He'd never gotten so caught up in his passion before that he'd forgotten to take precautions.

When he lifted his head, Darcy mumbled, "Don't move.  You feel too good."  She snuggled into his chest.

"The sofa would definitely be more comfortable."

She shrugged.  "I like it here."

He chuckled.  "I think you're half asleep."

"I'm not.  I'm...contented."

He took her face between his hands.  "We might have a problem."

Her eyes opened wide.  "What?"

"We were reckless."

He watched his meaning hit her.  "Yes, we were."

"I'm sorry."

"It was my fault as much as yours."

"Darcy, if you get pregnant--"

"Let's leave it, Seth.  We'll deal with it if it happens.  Until we're sure I can't get pregnant, we'll be more careful."

Yes, they would.  He wasn't going to bring a child into the world with a strike against it.  Just for a moment, he imagined Darcy swollen with his baby.  He blanked the picture from his mind before he could dwell on it.

***

Seth maneuvered his car close to the curb in front of Darcy's house, clicked off the ignition, and leaned his head against the grey velour headrest.  Wills.  Leaving a legacy for children and grandchildren.  Giving a history to future generations.  His last appointment of the day had been a middle-aged couple who'd known exactly what they wanted to do with their estate.  Her jewelry would go to their daughter.  Their paintings would go to their son.  Part of their estate would be used as a scholarship fund for their grandchildren.

It had been two weeks since Seth's desire had overruled his usual caution.  Last night Darcy had told him he didn't have to worry.  She wasn't pregnant.

Seth's gaze scoured Darcy's home--the neatly manicured lawn, the festival of red, yellow and orange zinnias bobbing in the flower bed along her front porch.  What would it be like to live with Darcy?  To go to bed with her every night?  Wake up with her every morning? 

He shook his head as if warding off a buzzing fly.  What was he thinking of?  He didn't want their lives that intertwined.  Did he?  No.  As it was, he was more involved than he wanted to be.  His feelings about her were a tangled knot.  Maybe he should stop seeing her so often.

He couldn't.  Despite his attempts not to, he needed her more each day to give balance to his life, to give it a different brand of meaning.  A meaning he didn't analyze.  She was so easy to talk to, to be with.  And she felt so good in his arms.  Even with her streak of independence, he felt protective.

It was a new dilemma for him to want to spend time with a woman rather than spend it alone.  He wasn't sure this type of wanting was healthy.  A physical need was much easier to handle.  Darcy definitely complicated his life.  She was on his mind almost as much as the doubts about his career, and in an indistinct way, he resented it.

Seth unlatched his car door, climbed out, and pocketed his keys in his slacks.  He didn't ring the bell but opened the unlocked screen door and stepped inside.  The first floor seemed empty so he headed for the back door.  Hearing voices on the porch, he stopped.

Darcy was reading Jenna a story.  As her husky alto rose and fell, he listened.  She was reading about a rabbit who asked someone named the Skin Horse what happened when toys became real.

Seth heard Marsha call Jenna.  The little girl groused until Darcy assured her they'd finish the book later or the next day.  Seth stepped out onto the porch and waved to Jenna as she scampered around the hedge.

Darcy closed the book and waited for him to sit down next to her on the swing.  She looked so appealing in a blue and white checked sundress, he took her in his arms and kissed her thoroughly.  Damn.  She was sweeter every time he kissed her.

He stroked her hair and sighed, "You do wonders for a man's fatigue."

She nestled into his shoulder and trailed her fingers down the front of his white knit shirt.  "If you're tired, we can make something here.  We don't have to go out."

"Nope.  It's too hot.  Vic told me about a restaurant in Harrisburg along the river.  He said the steaks are great, the atmosphere's casual."  Seth tapped his fingers against the cover of the book in Darcy's lap.  "I heard you reading.  What's it about?  It sounded heavy for someone Jenna's age."

"It's one of her favorites.  She knows it by heart."

Seth flipped the book so he could read the title.  "The Velveteen Rabbit.  What's the significance?"

"He's velveteen, not plush or furry.  But as the Skin Horse tells him, that doesn't matter once the Boy loves him.  The story's about how the Rabbit becomes Real from the Boy's love.  How love hurts sometimes--the bunny's fur gets rubbed off and he becomes shabby--how it requires sacrifice.  But also how love is magical and glorious."

He could see that's how she felt about love.  But then her background was much different than his.  He didn't know if he even believed in love.  He certainly knew it didn't conquer all.

Darcy didn't question his silence but added, "Jenna insists her teddy bear and stuffed dog are Real.  They look like they've been loved--the dog has one ear and the bear's lost half of his stuffing."

Changing the subject, Seth said, "Before I forget, Peg and Vic want to know if you'd like to go to their house for dinner next week."

"I'd like to meet them."

"Be prepared for boisterous.  Tom's six and Nevin's four.  They're both a handful."

"They can't be any worse than my brothers' kids."  She leaned away slightly.  "David called me last night.  He's the one who lives in Lancaster.  For the past few years he and Joel have rented a house in Wildwood for a week in August.  He wanted to know if I was coming."

"Are you?"

She smiled.  "No.  I'd rather stay here and spend the week with you."

He'd miss her if she was gone, but he didn't want her staying strictly because of him.  It seemed to place a burden on his shoulders, one he wasn't willing to accept.  "How often do you see your family?"

"I see David's crew fairly often, maybe once a month.  With Joel and his family in New Jersey, it's harder.  We get together for holidays.  I remember the last Thanksgiving we spent with Pops.  It was bedlam.  I overdid the turkey, the gravy was lumpy, Joel's baby had a fever.  But somehow it all worked out."

"I always wished I had brothers or sisters.  It's lonely being the only one."  His disclosure surprised him.

Darcy slipped her hand up to Seth's neck, and when he turned his face into her palm and kissed her fingers, she gazed at him as if he'd given her a gift, another piece of his soul.