Forever After (31 page)
Authors: Karen Rose Smith
He stuffed his hands in his pockets and gave her a nod to go ahead.
Eye level with Josh's waist, Lexa saw the denim pull across his thighs. Realizing he had noticed where her gaze had strayed, she flushed slightly and raised her eyes to his. "Clare's friends at the center know she's been unhappy the past year. So I'm not telling you anything that's confidential. They persuaded her to come to the workshop and to see me. After we talked, I realized she didn't really want to get back in the work force, but she wanted something to put meaning in her life."
"So you advised a venture that could wipe out her life savings and give her more work than she can handle."
"I advised no such thing. I told her to think about what she liked to do, what she wanted to do, and what she did best. She took it from there. She talked to other seniors and discovered she wasn't the only one who was feeling lonely and empty. She wants to care for people. That's what she did for thirty-five years. She found two other people who want to do the same thing. They want to share their lives, take care of and depend on each other."
Josh was feeling more and more guilty. He didn't like the feeling so he struck out. "And I suppose you don't get anything out of this? You're just a do-gooder who goes around solving people's problems, giving direction to their lives?"
Lexa's eyes told him he had struck a nerve, that she had heard the accusation before. "I've helped Clare find a road that will bring her happiness, the same kind of happiness my volunteer work gives me. You're not thinking about Clare's life, you're thinking about the easiest route for yourself so you don't have to worry about her."
The static between them crackled. "You have no right to judge me."
She stood. "And you have no right to judge my motives or your aunt's capabilities. Clare's an older woman, not elderly, certainly not decrepit. She has wisdom, experience, maturity, and goals. Goals and aspirations don't die because you reach fifty or fifty-five or sixty. She's smart, interesting, and has a lot to share and no one to share it with."
"She has me!"
Lexa tipped her head back. "And you think you're enough to fill her world? Get serious. That might have been true when you were a recalcitrant teenager, but it's certainly not true now."
He felt at a definite disadvantage. If his aunt had told this woman about some of his escapades, Lexa was one up on him. "Aunt Clare's an innocent when it comes to financial matters. How does she know she can meet the mortgage payments, repairs, taxes?"
"If you talk to your aunt...calmly," Lexa emphasized, "You'll realize she's not going into this blindly. The widower who's moving in with her is an accountant."
"You have an answer for everything, don't you?" he goaded, suddenly wanting to get a rise out of her. To that end he stepped closer. Lexa's perfume wafted around his head; his heart suddenly beat harder. A slice of desire startled him.
"No, I don't. But I've had experience with scores of people."
"The truth is you feel powerful influencing people's lives, changing their direction," he accused.
"The truth is, Mr. Flannigan, it makes me feel good, not powerful. The truth is you don't want to let go of your aunt. The truth is you don't want her to be independent and not need you. And the truth is I don't think you'd know the truth if it bit you in the seat of your too-tight jeans!"
Josh needed to regroup. Alexandra Kittredge had brought up some wrinkles he hadn't anticipated--wrinkles that, if she was telling the truth, couldn't easily be smoothed away. "I want what's best for Clare, what's good for her."
"You might not know what that is. Only she knows. I'll leave so you can discuss this without interference."
He reached for Lexa's arm and when his fingers closed around it, he saw the same jolt of awareness he experienced reflected in her eyes. "Don't leave without saying good-bye to her. She'll think I ran you out the door."
"Clare loves you. She needs and wants your support. This isn't easy for her."
Josh's eyes narrowed. Lexa sounded so sincere. If she was on the level, he wondered what had drawn her to Clare, what made her care so much. He released her arm and let his hand drop to his side. "I want to see her happy. But I want her safe."
"Even people over sixty might have to take risks to find happiness."
Had Lexa Kittredge taken many risks in her life? He decided to find out more about her. But not now. His aunt was his primary concern. He didn't stand in Lexa's way when she started toward the den to tell Clare she was leaving. He watched the sway of her hips as she walked, and he made up his mind. No, he and Alexandra Kittredge weren't finished yet. Not by a long shot.
***
After Lexa returned to her town house from Clare's apartment Sunday evening, she showered and made herself a salad. Wrapped in a chenille robe, she settled at her computer to skim the news feed. But her mind wasn't on the headlines.
Joshua Flannigan was a force to be reckoned with. But Clare was independent enough to do what she wanted. Lexa felt a deep affection for her. Initially, she'd gotten involved with Clare because she needed something to keep her mind off the ramifications of becoming an adoptive mother. She was worried about Dani. Lexa desperately wanted her sister's child, but right now she was more concerned about her sister.
The phone rang and she decided to let her answering machine monitor it. But when she heard Dani's voice leaving a message, she grabbed the phone on the end table.
"Dani, I'm here." Lexa flicked off the tape recording and asked, "How are you feeling?"
"About the same. The doctor says the nausea will pass in a couple of months. I saw a lawyer."
"And?"
"He doesn't feel there will be any problems as long as we're both sure this is what we want. He said to think about it for another month or so then call him and he'll start the paperwork. Lexa, are you sure you want to adopt? It's too hard to raise a child as a single parent. That's why I..."
Lexa's heart tore as she heard Dani's anguish. At that moment she despised the man who refused to support Dani. "Honey, it's different for me. I have a sound income. I have access to good day care here in Chambersburg. You know, you could do it if you really want to. Dad would help you."
Tears threaded Dani's voice. "I can't do it, Lexa. You're strong. I can't believe how you've done everything on your own without Daddy's money."
"That was my choice. But you can accept his help."
"I don't want to raise a child--not alone. And I can't believe you do."
Lexa had loved and protected Dani since their mother died. "Did you tell Dad yet?"
"No. Not yet. And don't you."
"I won't. But you should tell him soon."
"I will. Eventually. He'll think I should get married to save the family name or something. What a laugh. Marriage is the last thing Rob wants to think about."
"Have you seen him lately?"
"Yes. We argued again. Lexa, I love him but he doesn't want to get married. I told him you're going to adopt the baby. He thinks you're crazy."
Lexa knew exactly what she was doing and crazy didn't enter into it. Because of a bout with endometriosis, she might never be able to have children. The knowledge had plagued her for the last two years. No one knew but her sister. When she learned Dani was pregnant but wanted to give the baby up for adoption, Lexa had jumped at the chance. "I can't tell you how thankful I am you're willing to let me adopt."
"You've always been a terrific big sister even though I've wanted to pull your hair out more than once. And I know you'll make a great mother because you care so much about everyone."
"Hey, you better stop before I get a swelled head." The teasing tone disappeared. "I only want you to do what's right for you. I want you to be happy. Okay?"
"Yeah. I know. And after all we've talked about this, I'm sure it's what I want to do. Do you think you can drive up next weekend? My roommate's going home. You can stay in the dorm. Everybody will be at the football game on Saturday. I have tickets if you want to go."
"Since Penn State's having such a good season, I might consider it," Lexa kidded. "We'll see what the weather's like. You don't want to catch cold."
"Yes, mother."
"I'm sorry."
Dani's sigh came through loud and clear. "It's okay." After a pause, she asked, "What time do you think you can be here Saturday?"
"About eleven-thirty? Twelve?"
"The earlier the better. You're the only one I can talk to right now."
Dani expected Lexa to be around whenever she needed her, and Lexa always was. "I'll get there as soon as I can. Take care. Okay?"
"Will do. See you Saturday."
Lexa put down the cordless phone, wishing she could protect her sister better...more. Not unlike the way Josh wanted to protect his aunt. But Clare was mature. Sixty-three years old. Dani was immature, sometimes irrepressible and rebellious even at twenty-one.
Lexa's thoughts returned to Josh. The brilliance of his blue eyes and the strength of his chin remained vivid in her mind. If things were different, she might want to get to know him better. But getting involved with a man now was out of the question.
