Forbidden Temptations (Tempted Series Book 2) (12 page)

He must’ve been reading my mind because he turned around shielding his tattoo from me as he gazed in to my eyes.

“My heaven and my hell,” he whispered roughly, explaining the sentiment behind the ink that forever marks his skin. I stare at him for a moment, stripped of any words. What do you say to that? To the man telling you to forget he exists only to discover he takes a piece of you with him wherever he goes.

You say nothing because nothing you could ever say would be enough.

September 21, 2010

Dear Anthony,

I’ve written you countless letters all of which you never respond to. It’s okay. I’ll continue to write to you because it’s all I have left of you. You’ve asked me to forget you but asking me to forget you is like asking me to forget how to breathe. You’re a part of me, always have been and always will be. The sooner you realize that and stop fighting it the better we both will be.

It’s not easy living apart from you. It’s difficult for me to go about my day knowing your whole world has changed. I don’t know what you’re doing, if you’re eating, if you’re lonely. I worry about you all the time. I pray at night you don’t give up on yourself, that you don’t succumb to your demons. Promise me you won’t self-destruct. I know it’s easy for me to ask these things of you, hard for you to listen – you never listen to me. I sometimes feel like the only person you ever say no to is me.

I miss you so much. It’s hard, trying to let go of the past, some days more difficult than other days. I keep telling myself if I let it go, I can still hold on to you and when you come back home we can have a fresh start. The thing is, I don’t know what you’re thinking. I don’t know if you’re living in that cell thinking about what happens when you come home. What if you don’t want me anymore? What if I’m more trouble than I’m worth? It scares me to think you may come home and want nothing to do with me. I wouldn’t be able to live with that. You walking away from me again would tear me to shreds.

I have to remind myself I’m not writing you to upset you but rather encourage you. When I first wrote to you, it was so you knew I was here waiting for you. It was to let you know I was missing you and I’d be here when you came home. I never wanted you to believe I had given up on you or you were alone in this. You’ll never be alone, Anthony. I’ll always have your back, even when you turn it against me.

On a lighter note, I have news. I landed myself a good job in a doctor’s office. I’m just a temp for now, trying to learn all the insurance codes and all that. The doctor I work for is a plastic surgeon so you can imagine the patients. You would get a kick out of the women that parade into the office, trying to swap implants as if one would swap a pair of socks.

Other than that, not much has changed here. Nikki is a pain in my ass, always bugging me to go out with her but I don’t have it in me. She’s become the social butterfly in our family while my wings have wilted. But, I know I’ll get my wings back the moment I see your handsome face again.

Please be well. Please take care of yourself. I love you even though you’re trying your hardest to make me hate you.

Love Always,

Adrianna

Your Reese’s Pieces

I stared up at the ceiling panting, trying to gain control of my ragged breath.

“That was fucking fantastic,” Lisa panted beside me as she flipped her naked body on her side and stared at me as if I was her nirvana. She leaned over me pressing her lips to mine in appreciation for the two orgasms I gave her. I reached down and smacked her ass teasingly, keeping it light between us.

“All right, up you go,” I said, moving her off me. “I have to get going,” I said, sitting up and throwing my legs over the edge of the bed.

“You always have to go,” she whined, making me cringe. It wasn’t like her to be the needy woman. I picked her up in a bar six months ago, fucked her brains out, and whenever the urge strikes I call her. I’ve been straight with her from the get go by laying my cards out and telling her I’m not looking for a relationship. She was cool with our arrangement but I’m thinking the more I call her the more the lines blur for her.

I walk into the bathroom, do away with the condom, and wash my face vigorously desperate to erase her scent from me. I grab a towel to dry my face with and turn around to find Lisa leaning against the doorway in a silk robe knotted loosely at the waist.

“Will you come back tonight?” She asks before glancing down at her feet. She knew as well as I did that I wouldn’t be back. Not tonight, or any night. Still, she was a nice enough girl, and I felt bad hurting her so I kissed the top of her head before walking passed her to get my clothes.

“Probably not, I have to work,” I
replied. It wasn
’t technically a lie, in fact, I was already running late. I needed to meet Jimmy Gold at the docks in twenty minutes to straighten out a few local guys trying to push shit in Vic’s clubs. Then after that, I have to collect the money owed to Vic that he has on the streets and deal with the deadbeats that didn’t want to pay. I had a long night ahead of me.

“So that’s it?” She asks as I pull the zipper up on my jeans. I drag my shirt over my head and grab my Timberlands from the floor, shoving my feet into them and not bothering with the laces. Once I’m fully clothed and able to make a run for it I looked at Lisa.

“Let’s not make this more than it is,” I explain.

She let out a sarcastic laugh before shaking her head in confusion. I reach behind me and cup my neck trying to decide what to say to her if anything at all.

“She must’ve been something,” she murmurs.

“What’s that supposed to mean?” I clip, dropping my hand from my neck fixing my eyes on her. I had never brought Adrianna up to her or any other girl I fucked. She was off limits, a forbidden topic, and one I had every right to keep to myself.

Lisa shook her head. “Just … that whoever she was, really did a number on you.”

“You don’t know what you’re talking about Lisa,” I reply roughly. “Leave it alone.”

She holds her hands up in defeat and shrugs her shoulders. “You won’t hear another word from these lips. I promise.” Her wall was up, her tone like ice as she turned around and walked into the bathroom. “See yourself out.”

So much for not another word, I thought as she slammed the door. I grabbed my keys and phone off the nightstand and got the fuck out of there before the fucking tears started.

I climbed into my truck, reached for the door when my phone chimed, alerting me I had received a text message. I figured it was Jimmy harassing my life because I should’ve met him at the warehouse a half an hour ago. I pulled the door shut and reached for my phone. I let out a sigh, seeing it wasn’t Jimmy
who had texted me, it was Adrianna. My fingers h
overed over the screen debating on whether I should open the text, but because I couldn’t deny myself the sliver of her I had left. I opened the text.

A foreign sensation came over me as I stared down at the three pictures she had sent
me of Luca. I realized I was smiling and the foreign feeling was joy. It happened once a month, every time I got a text message from Adrianna with the newest pictures of her son. He had just celebrated his first birthday and the pictures she
had sent were of Luca smashing his hand into his birthday cake. I scrolled down to the second picture, laughing loudly as I stared at his cute little face. His pudgy hand covered in frosting as he tried to fit it in his mouth. The third picture was of Adrianna and Luca opening the present I had sent along with my mother. I think I’
m getting the hang out of buying baby presents. At least I didn
’t mull over the Mickey Mouse ride-on as long as I did when I bought him a teddy bear the day after he was born. From the looks of his toothless grin in the picture,
the kid likes it. He looks adorable sitting on the ride-on and his mother looks even more adorable crouching down behind him steering it.

After Adrianna came to my apartment to thank me for being there for her when she delivered Luca, she has kept her distance. It’s what I wanted, for all three of our sakes, but fuck, it sucks. I miss her. Probably even more than I did when I was in jail because all I have to do is pick up the phone or swing by her house to see her. I’ve been tempted to do just that, more than once driving by her house like a stalker. She’s my fucking forbidden temptation.

About a month after I kissed her goodbye the pictures started coming. Every month on the fourteenth, I get a picture of Luca, sitting beside a chalkboard that says how many months he is. I never answer her texts, just as I never answered any of the letters she sent me while I was away. I don’t know why she continues to send me the pictures or why she bothered to send all those letters but whatever the reason is, I am grateful. That little glimpse of her and Luca gets me through the darkest days. Days like today when I have to go shake down a junkie that blew his mortgage on blow and went to Vic for a loan, but decided not to pay him.

It makes me feel like a goddamn monster to beat him senseless until his wife can’t bare the sight of him that she offers her engagement ring as payment. I stare into her sad, desperate eyes and know she hates me, wishes me death and all that but still she pulls the ring from her finger and shoves it in my face. I wrestle with my conscience, wishing I could let the woman keep her ring, I’d pay the debt myself if Jimmy wasn’t standing beside me kicking the poor woman’s deadbeat husband in the ribs.

I snatch the ring from her, shove it in my pocket, and turn to Jimmy. “Come on, let’s get out of here.” He’s relentless in kicking the guy until he doesn’t even moan in pain anymore. I grab Jimmy by the back of his shirt and pull him off the schmuck. If this jerk off put his fucking family first, shit like this wouldn’t have had to happen but he was selfish and put his habits before his woman.

His wife’s cries ring in my ears as we walk out of their house and into my truck. Jimmy is out of breath from the beating he threw and is trying to regain it beside me, studying the eight rings on his fingers, making sure all his diamonds are intact.

“Mother fucker! I lost a diamond,” he says, reaching for the door handle.

“Get the fuck in the car,” I say roughly. “You’re not going to find the fucking thing anyway,” I peel away before he can open the door, glancing in the side view mirror memorizing the house number.

“You’re paying for my stone to be replaced,” he says shrugging his shoulders as if to say it’s no sweat off his back. I grip the steering wheel tightly, doing my best not to throw him the fuck out of the car and run him over. “Take me home, I’m covered in that jerk’s blood. I’ll put in a call to Tony the jeweler, take care of the ring, and meet me back at the club and we’ll give Vic the cash.”

“I can handle it, don’t need you making calls on my behalf.” I say through my teeth. The ring feels like it’s burning a hole in my pocket and I can’t wait to get rid of it. The longer it’s in my possession the more karma will kick me in the ass.

I drop Jimmy at his house, happy to rid myself of my accomplice and go about getting Vic’s money. There’s an extra thousand in the envelope, which will make the boss happy and unsuspicious. I drive by Tony the jeweler, give him a thousand, and tell him if Jimmy or Vic asks he took the ring and gave me an extra grand because he had an eager buyer. Tony used to be in Jimmy’s pocket but shit’s changed since I’ve been home. I’ve made Tony a lot more money in the last year than Jimmy had in the three years I was gone. I know his loyalty rests with me.

I walk up the stoop to the darkened house and knock softly on the door. The wife of the man Jimmy beat the fuck out of, the woman who looked at me as if I was the devil, stares at me much the same way she did two hours ago.

“Please …,” she begs, choking on her sobs. “We have nothing left to give you.”

I stay silent, reach into my pocket, and pull her ring out, displaying it in the palm of my hand. She stares at her ring before lifting her skeptical eyes to mine.

“Take your ring. Make your husband get help,” I order as I reach for her hand and place her engagement ring in her palm, closing her fist around the diamond. “Then, and only after he’s been clean, tell him his debt to Victor is paid,” I look at her for a moment, wishing I could wipe the shocked expression off her face. “If he doesn’t get clean all bets are off and I will be back. Do you understand?”

I watch her nod in disbelief for a moment before turning around and walking down the stairs.

“Thank you,” She calls out her voice unsteady as if she’s not sure thanking the man who fucked her husband up is the right thing to do.

I look over my shoulder briefly while walking back to my truck. I can’t explain why I needed to give the woman back her ring. I just did. Lord knows I’ve done a lot worse shit than beat up a junkie who didn’t pay. Getting into the truck, my phone goes off inside the console but I don’t bother answering it, I’d get to my next meeting when the fuck I got there.

*****

I walked through the back entrance of Vic’s lounge hearing all sorts of commotion going on behind the door to his office. I wasn’t in the mood to deal with Vic’s shit it had been a long fucking day. I had a long weekend ahead of me, going up to Pennsylvania to keep an eye on Mike and Maryann Valente. I go once a week, never on a set day so I can get a better idea of what’s going on with Val’s family. Sadly, Maryann works all the time and when she’s not she keeps to herself. Mike’s a mess; running around with no direction whatsoever. It’s sad, the kid had a lot going for him with sports, but he had to go and get himself injured. It’s discouraging nothing ever works for guys like us, just neighborhood guys trying to get by in life.