Forbidden Spirits (19 page)

Rose looked down at him, and said, "Then I'll stay too." When
she sat beside Tyler, he put his arm around her and drew her against him.

F
or a few minutes Tyler's mind was divided between his worry over Gypsy's leg, and the fact that he and Rose had actually been discussing marriage, and now he wanted to keep that thread going, if only to solidify in Rose's mind that he
was
her one true love.

Picking up where they'd left off,
he said, "Since you acknowledge that I'm the man in your grandmother's dream, we need to make plans."

"
My grandmother's dream was just the beginning," Rose said, "but we can't make plans until we've discussed major things, like how we want to raise our kids."

"That's easy," Tyler
replied. "We'll teach them to live a simple life up here on this mountain. They'll learn how to ride horses and live off the land and hike in the mountains, and you'll teach them stories about their ancestors, and how to make toys out of the natural things around them, like you show school kids at the museum, and I'll teach them how to communicate with animals, and you'll teach them how to communicate with spirits, and we'll sleep under the stars in the summer, and they'll learn to identify the planets and pick out the constellations."

"That's all well and good
," Rose said, "but they'll still have to go to school where they'll also learn about the world outside of our idealistic life here, and they'll want the things other kids have or they'll feel like outsiders."

"Then we'
ll homeschool them," Tyler said. "Parents do it all the time. My brothers in Eastern Oregon know many families who do, and the kids do well. By the time our kids finish high school and are faced with the decision of whether to go on to college, they'll have a solid foundation about what's important in life."

"
I wish it were that simple," Rose said, "but our kids will also grow up playing with their cousins, who will have the latest of every electronic game, so our kids will either spend their time with them, or they'll want to know why they can't have those things too, and even though I agree with everything you've said about raising kids, there can be no commitment on our parts until we close our spiritual divide."

"There is no spiritual divide because I'm not asking you to change your beliefs in any way
," Tyler replied. "I'm fine with your spirits."

"
That isn't enough," Rose said. "I know firsthand how differing spiritual beliefs, or lack of spiritual beliefs, can tear a marriage apart. Preston was engaged to a girl from the reservation who left him for a guy she met at work, and the first time she and her husband had a falling out, she was back home asking one of the elders for a vision quest, and her husband thought it was all a bunch of nonsense, and the marriage spiraled downward after that, so now she's back trying to convince Preston that she made a mistake and learned from it, but she has two kids who spend half their time with a father who continues to tell them that their mother's beliefs are nonsense, and Preston's not about to take on a couple of step-kids with the same attitude."

"C
ouples who share the same beliefs divorce all the time for other reasons," Tyler argued, "usually reasons having to do with opposing viewpoints on raising kids, or disagreements in material wants, or arguments over jobs and money, the things that aren't issues with us. As for your real worry, I might not understand your beliefs but I'd never say anything negative about them to our kids."

"I know
you wouldn't," Rose replied, "but you could never look our kids in the eye and tell them that what I believe is something to be accepted as the infallible truth, because it would never come from your heart."

"Then answer one question," Tyler said. "Do you think you could love me
if I never believed in spirits?"

"I already
love you," Rose replied. "It's hard to disguise. But love isn't enough. Humans are capable of loving many people who come into their lives, but when choosing a mate to spend the rest of my life with, there has to be a spiritual coming together as well as a physical one. There's no question that I feel a strong physical need for you, which would be even stronger if we made love, but there's no spiritual connection between us right now."

"Something happened
with that last kiss. You had to have felt it," Tyler said.

"I did," Rose replied, "and I can't explain it because it was a feeling too deep and
indefinable to describe, maybe like a bonding of our souls, but that isn't the same as a spiritual union, because that comes from beyond the reach of humans."

Tyler
pulled Rose closer to him and kissed her on the temple, and said, "I love you, honey, and I know we can work this out."

But
for the life of him he didn't know how to get around her spirits. He could never pretend to believe in something that had no reality to him, but Rose's admittance that she loved him was like the foundation stone in a relationship that would eventually lead to marriage, and with time, the rest of the stones would fall in place. But he was restless for that time to be now. After that last kiss he knew his bed would seem lonelier and emptier with each passing night.

.

Tyler met Rick at his truck, and while they were walking toward the stable, Rick said, "How long has Gypsy been lame, and did it come on suddenly or was it gradual?"

"It was sudden," Tyler replied. "Yesterday she was sound, and
today she's head-bobbing and three-legged lame."

"Injuries that cause a horse to go suddenly lame can occur at any time, but are more likely when jumping is involved," Rick said. "Your mares jump together in a group when you're working them, so maybe she got a hoof in the leg by one of the other horses, or landed wrong when taking the jump."

"I didn't jump them yesterday or today," Tyler replied. Looking at Rose, who was staring at the vegetable garden, he said, "Honey, come in with us and help distract Gypsy while Rick checks her out."

On hearing Tyler's endearment, Rick looked at him with awareness, which didn't bother Tyler. He wanted it known where he stood with Rose. He wanted the world to know how it was. Yet, he couldn't set aside the fact that marriage was still very uncertain because of a
spiritual divide he wasn't sure he could fix. But when Rose smiled at him, he knew he'd go to the ends of the world to have that smile on a daily basis, whatever it took.

A
fter rolling back the door, Tyler walked up to Gypsy, and said, "The Doc's here, baby. He'll fix what's wrong and you'll be good to go." He simultaneously ran both hands down each side of Gypsy's neck and she responded by bracing her forehead against Tyler's chest so he could continue stroking her.

While examining Gypsy
's leg, Rick said, "I can't tell what part of the leg is bothering her since she lets me bend it and she doesn't show signs of pain anywhere when I touch her. There's also no swelling or heat. But there are many sources of lameness where there are no outward signs. Have you worked her on a lunge line and watched her?"

Tyler shook his head. "I wanted you to check her first and make sure there isn't a fracture."

After a close examination of Gypsy's hoof, Rick said, "I don't see any lumps, ridges, dents, cracks, discoloration, or signs of injury to the coronary band. Stone bruises can create mysterious lameness, but diagnosing a bruise means eliminating all leg lameness symptoms and assuming the lameness is in the hoof."

"What about a hoof abscess?"
Rose asked. "My gelding went lame not too long ago and no one knew what it was until we found a hole where an abscess had drained."

"It's
a possibility since abscesses are always suspect with sudden and severe lameness," Rick replied. "If we don't find anything else, we'll soak her foot in Epsom salts and if she doesn't want to leave the warm water it's likely because of an abscess. I have my portable x-ray unit with me so I'll do some preliminary x-rays here. If they don't show any sign of fracture or dislocation, we'll put her on the lunge line."

Rick made
several trips to his truck to get his x-ray equipment, and after setting up a laptop and connecting it to the x-ray unit, he said to Rose, "If you can take over for Tyler, I can use him to point the machine at specific parts of the leg while I hold the plate."

Tyler stepped aside for Rose to move to where he'd been standing, taking a moment to
stroke her cheek with the back of his knuckles before turning away, only to find Rick catching the gesture and responding with a quiet look of support and understanding.

While Tyler held the x-ray
unit, Rick went back and forth between Gypsy and the computer, but after examining a series of images, he said, "The x-rays show nothing distressful in her leg so we might put her on a joint supplement and see what happens. If she's not better in a week or so you should bring her to the clinic for an ultrasound scan and an MRI. Meanwhile, I want to work her on the lunge line."

"Tundra's in the corral," Rose said. "If you don't need me I'll take him home."

"No, stay here," Tyler replied. "You can take him to my place. There's a rawhide bone on the kitchen counter for him."

"Are you sure?" Rose asked.

Tyler kissed her lightly, and replied, "I'm sure."

***

Rose closed the door to Tyler's quarters, and after Tundra settled down to chew on the bone, she took a little time to get familiar with Tyler's world. It
was
uncluttered, and very orderly, as if he put things away in a methodical, systematic manner—the couch, the recliner and a side chair at perfect right angles to each other with a rectangular coffee table positioned squarely in between, magazines neatly arranged on the coffee table, a container with pencils off to the side. And on one wall was a bookshelf with books in descending order of size instead of subject, which varied from books on magic tricks, to living off the land, to several on geology and the sciences, and at the far end of one shelf was a series of small paperbacks that appeared to be a collection of Shakespearean plays, which she found both surprising, and baffling.

Trying to understand Shakespeare in high school English was a challenge for her
, so she had no idea why Tyler would want to read it. But looking around at his orderly surroundings, she understood perfectly why his place was as it was.

W
hat she hadn't noticed before was a small drafting table in the corner of the room. Stacked on a shelf behind it were several spiral-bound drawing tablets. She walked over and took the top tablet off the pile, and on flipping it open, was surprised so see a full length pencil drawing of herself, standing outside the cavern, with her incense pot in one hand and her lantern in the other. Most of the drawing was a quick sketch, like Tyler had put it down on paper quickly, except for her face, hands and what she was holding, which were drawn in detail, with shadows and highlights bringing them into high relief. She had a shocked look on her face because she'd just discovered a long-haired man standing outside. The next picture was the same pose, but she was angry, so it was obvious she'd learned what he planned to do with the hammer and chisel.

As she flipped the pages she found numerous
close-ups of her face with different expressions. Other pages included drawings of her standing with Tundra in front of the plankhouse the day she and her mother stepped outside and she saw Tyler looking at her, and several pictures of her with Tundra, the day she came upon Tyler working his horses in the meadow. It wasn't only that the pictures were masterfully drawn that astounded her, but that Tyler had drawn them from memory.

But then she found several pages of a little girl, not more than a year old, and following those
were some drawings of a woman holding the little girl, and a few of a rodeo clown holding her, and more close-ups of the little girl's face, most of them smiling. But there was one where the little girl had her hands raised, which looked as if they were holding clumps of hair, yet the subject with the hair wasn't in the picture, only the back of the head, which she knew was Tyler's head. In the background of some of the drawings were light sketches of what was obviously a rodeo setting, so she assumed they were a family he met at the rodeo in Wyoming because also in the background was a billboard with the words Cody Stampede.

She
continued flipping pages and saw one of her leaning against his truck with her arms folded, the day she drove his truck to his place, and one of her standing across the room from him, staring at him, like she was baffled, which she was at the time. After seeing several more, mostly close-ups of her face, the pages were blank. She was about to close the back cover when she found a few more drawings, but on the back sides of the last pages in the book.

She turned the drawing tablet around so she was looking at it, back to front, and was surprised to see a drawing of
her sitting in the pool in the cavern with her bare back to him. The cavern was penciled in darkness, with light from her lantern glancing off her shoulders and back and highlighting a sizeable portion of her breast. So he
had
seen her that way.

But when she
turned that page, she was stunned to find a drawing of her standing in the cavern in a full-length pose, similar to the pose on the first page of the tablet where she was holding the incense pot and lantern, but in this drawing her hands held nothing and they were palms up, giving the impression that she wanted him to come to her, and she was completely nude. She had no idea how he could have seen her that way because she'd purposely kept her back to the cavern entrance when she dried off, in the event someone might come. But unlike the other full-length drawings, which were sketches, except for her face, this drawing showed the shadows and highlights of her entire body in full relief…

The door swept open and Tyler entered.
"Rick just left," he said, shutting the door.

"What did he say about Gypsy?" Rose asked, while
clutching the tablet in her hand.

"He doesn't know what's wrong," Tyler replied. "
Assuming it's an abscess, I'll be soaking her foot a couple of times a day and we'll wait and see what happens." His gaze dropped to Rose's hand and the tablet, which was open to the nude picture.

It was awkward because she'd
found the tablet on a shelf and she had no business looking through it, but now she wanted an explanation. Holding up the picture, she said, "You told me you didn't see me like this."

"I didn't," Tyler replied. "I drew
it because that's what kept going through my mind and I needed to get my thoughts organized." He walked up to her, and looking at the picture, he said in a thoughtful voice, "Did I get it right?" The way he said it wasn't suggestive in any way, but simply a man wanting to know if his thoughts had been accurate.

"Mostly," Rose replied. "The proportions up top might be a little exaggerated."

"They're not," Tyler replied. "You can tear it out and throw it away if you want. It was just something I wanted to draw because I wanted to get to know all of you, but I didn't think I ever would because I figured when you found out about my problem you wouldn't want to go any further."

"It's a beautiful drawing," Rose said, "and I already told you your
so-called
problem doesn't matter. As for the picture, I don't want everyone around here to know what I look like, or to think I posed for you, so maybe you could keep it out of sight."

"It was out of sight," Tyler pointed out.

Rose found her face growing hot. "I'm sorry, I shouldn't have been looking through your things, but I wanted to know more about you." She turned the tablet around and flipped the pages until she came to the pictures of the little girl and what she assumed were her mother and father, and said, "Who's the little girl? You've drawn a lot of pictures of her."

"My niece, Amy
," Tyler replied.

"Why so many of her?" Rose asked.

Tyler got a kind of wistful look on his face as he stared at the drawing. "She's… special," he replied. "I held her and she smiled."

"Of course she did," Rose said. "You make females smile. I see it all the time on your mares
faces, and you definitely make me smile." She turned the pages to a picture of the clown holding the little girl. "Then this must be your brother Josh, the rodeo clown."

A
fter a long stretch of silence, Tyler replied, "No, that's my brother, Jeremy."

Rose looked at him, baffled.
"Then two of your brothers are rodeo clowns?"

After another
long pause, Tyler replied, "Jeremy was just dressed that way."

"
He's obviously at a rodeo, so why was he dressed like a clown if he isn't one?" Rose asked.

Tyler drew in a long breath, and said,
"Jeremy and his family are in Witness Protection and no one knows where they are."

"Except you," Rose said. "You just saw him
in Wyoming, didn't you?" When Tyler didn't respond," she said, "I'll never say anything, but why are they hiding?"

"Here's the thing…"

After Tyler gave Rose the background story that included the mafia ties of Billy's brother-in-law, and his role as an informant, Rose said, "So then, Jeremy went into hiding with Billy, knowing he might never see your parents or any of you ever again, including his twin?"

Tyler nodded. "It was either that or chance never seeing Billy again
. It never made sense to me before I met you, but now I understand."

Rose was
touched by Tyler's admittance, but she was also tempted to ask if he'd ever leave his mares behind to follow her, but knowing she'd never put him in that position, she touched her fingers to the drawing, and said, "How did you learn to draw the way you do?"

"
From Josh," Tyler replied. "He was always sketching everything around when we were growing up, but after watching him draw a series of pictures of a bull rider, first sitting on the bull in the chute, then hanging on, then being bucked off, it dawned on me that I could use pictures in sequences to memorize things, so I came up with a kind of picture language that translated words and concepts into pictures, and I was able to memorize things that way. I had to work three times as hard as everyone else in my class, but it got me through all the homework and tests that required memorization. Now I use it for note taking and memorizing lists."