Forbidden Flowers (38 page)

I am currently dating a man, much older than I, who's a super-lover. But “straight.” So, for the first time in my life, I took the risk and turned
him
on to what turned me on. He loves it!

It's a totally new space for him to be in, and it's kid-in-the-candy-store time for him (and God knows, for me). I get long letters from him communicating how excited he is with his new state of being. Hear, hear!

Thank you a lot. I don't think I've been in a constant state of turn-on like this ever. Can't wait until he gets back to act out some more of this lovely state of being. If you ever write Volume II, I probably won't be able to get off my bed for the next year!

P.S. I am single and twenty-eight years old.

May

I read your book, and just couldn't resist a chance to tell someone. I'm seventeen, and eight months pregnant and single.

I am a very liberated person, sexually and likewise. Sometimes I wonder if I'm perverted or not; I guess I just love sex and always have. I've been having sex (intercourse) for two years now, and have really been the route. I mean I truly feel quite experienced for my age. My first time in bed was with a forty-two-year-old man, or should I say, my girl friend's father.

Maybe it sounds pretty lewd, but to this day just the excitement of thinking about anyone finding out about us has an unbelievable effect. We had intercourse several times. One exceptional time was when I stayed at their house for a small slumber party, and when he thought everyone was asleep, he came and got me, and we fucked away in a reclining chair in the living room; well, to add to this, his daughter walked through, but to this day I still wonder how much she really saw. Isn't that a thrill?

I also have this fantasy about large penises. I've always enjoyed very large, filling penises; they seem to excite me the most. I've had the fantasy about being laid by a horse many times, since they are so large, but I don't think it would be pos-261

sible to live out, but if I had a chance, believe me, I'd jump for it. The most filling fuck ever.

When I was younger, it was my dog that excited me. This was when I was a virgin. I have fucked my dog (German shepherd) many times though. I always wanted a man's penis but was chicken, so I laid the dog. I would lay him on his back on the floor and push the sheath of his penis all the way down, so his penis was just loose, and he would suddenly become so hard and growing, that the skin couldn't move back up. He would even start into motion before I was on him. I would squat over him holding that delicious penis straight up, and then I'd come down on him, and, man, that dog could go like hell, sometimes as long as a half an hour, which is long for a dog. He could come and come … so would I, ummmm…. This I haven't done since I've had intercourse with men, but just thinking about it now makes me wish the dog was around, but someone stole him. I even thought of giving him fellatio, but couldn't.

I have a friend who I am spiritually very close to. I had had fantasies of making deep love to her. One night, she wanted me to meet her lover. She also told me how large he was, which just heightened my curiosity, but I had no intentions of going to bed with him, for I would have felt too guilty. We arrived at his apartment, where there were a few people already there. It was just a social thing at first, sitting around talking and getting high. Well, the conversation somehow came to massages, and I mentioned that I was good at back massages and joint-cracking. This guy said he was too and offered to give me a back massage. I said sure, 'cause I love them. This went on for a while, with me lying facedown on the floor with him sitting on my rear. Next thing I knew, everyone else was too, but they were all in their underwear; then my clothes were being removed, and I just let it happen. By this time, I was getting excited almost to the point of climax, for this guy was sitting on me in his underwear, and I could feel that bulge growing larger and ever warmer and harder. He then tells me to turn over, and he'd give me a front massage, and I thought okay, buddy, I'll play your game and beat you at it too. As my clothes had been removed, I was lying breasts up, looking him right in the face 262

while he sat on my pubic area. He's massaging my stomach and breasts and sending tingles all through my body as I can now see the enormous bulge in his shorts. I am then led into the bedroom and gently laid on the bed while he goes down between my thighs headfirst to further stimulate me with that probing tongue going ever deeper. (My girl friend is sitting beside the bed with that Mother Earth smile, telling me she was just sharing with me what she had found so fulfilling). I was on fire wanting him to enter me, but he teased, further drinking me till I thought I was dry. When he did enter me, I was so alive and eager just begging for more that I came time and time again, while he remarked how good I was in bed, and then it was all over, and we left. This was the most exciting time I ever had, not just because he was so big and good, but the thought of this girl actually sharing this with me. I fantasize about it often now. I loved it. Well, that's enough, my hand's tired, and this is getting a bit long.

Chessie

My fiancé and I both read
My
Secret Garden.
We. enjoyed it immensely. I'd like to give you some background before I tell my fantasies. I'm nineteen and engaged to be married later this month. I lost my virginity, at fourteen, but never masturbated or had many fantasies until I met Lewis. He and I share our fantasies, and there are several that we have acted out or want to act out.

My most frequent (and Lewis' favorite) is that I am at our new home, and a girl that I work with comes over. She is very thin but nicely proportioned. We talk and eventually the conversation comes to sex (which she and I often talk about in reality). We end up sitting there masturbating, which leads into touching each other. We go to the bedroom and touch and kiss.

I imagine that she licks and nibbles my breasts (which are large) and eats me. Then I eat her and lick her everywhere.

While we are still engrossed, with my mouth against her cunt, Lewis walks in, sheds his clothing, and joins us until we are all exhausted.

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There are some variations: other girls that we know; same girl, but her husband walks in too, and there is a quartet, etc.

Lewis and I would really above all like to get into a threesome.

Another fantasy goes something like this: I am at a party with Lewis. As we are sitting there, I tell him that I forgot to put on my panties. I am wearing a short dress, but it is not quite short enough to allow him to see anything. All through the party, he is going mad by knowing how I look under that dress. When we get home, I sit down and begin masturbating in front of him. I lift my skirt periodically so that he can see me fondling my cunt and flicking my clit. But when he wants to touch me, I refuse. I do a striptease, again without letting him touch me. Finally, he becomes so hard and so turned on that he tears off my clothes and tries to grab me by the cunt. But I dodge him and make him watch me. I let him lick my fingers; they are running with my juices, but he is not allowed to touch me. He goes mad and tells me that if I don't let him touch me I will be put over his knee. But I still don't give in. He finally catches me and spanks me. Then he bites my breasts (lightly –

I'm not hard-core S&M), and puts his cock against my lips. For a moment, I struggle (playfully), and then take his Gorgeous cock into my mouth as though it would save my life. Then he goes down on me and eats me until am in sheer ecstasy. Then he makes me beg for his cock. He teases and tempts me – turning the tables on me – until I am almost crying for him. Then he puts his cock against my cunt and ever so slowly goes deeper. Then he pulls almost all the way out, but just when I think he's going away entirely, he suddenly thrusts deep into me, and we fuck and fuck and fuck, and it is glorious!!!!

We often (in reality) bond one another. The free one teases the bonded one, then touches and kisses and caresses till we are both frantic with longing. Then the free one unties the other and we fuck away. My favorite thing to do when Lewis is tied is to squat above his mouth, then raise again, just before he has time to lick me. Then, after I masturbate a little, very close to his face, I come down on his mouth. We are very, very happy in our sexual life, and we very much enjoy our fantasies.

Thank you for listening.

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P.S. Although I am not interested in making it with an animal I thought you might be interested in knowing that reading your chapter called “The Zoo”
did
turn me on!

While the women whose fantasies appeared immediately above found that acting out their sexual fantasies were unal-loyed bliss, this is not always the case. In
translating images from our mind into actual practice, a kind of one-way street opens before us. If something we imagine turns out to distress us, we can always shrug it off. “Oh, well – it was only a passing thought.” But once you have put something into action, you can no longer dismiss the reality of it, nor forget the memory if the experience turned out to be unpleasant after all.

The first rule I would suggest if you want to act out one of your fantasies is to be sure you know your lover well and that there is a strong bond of affection between you. Above all, it is important that you have some intuitive feeling that he is doing it just for the kick of it – as you are – and not to express some deeper layer of sexual distortion or rage within himself. If there is a kind of disgust or anger mingled with his excitement – or if he can only go through with the idea of acting out a fantasy when high or drunk – look out. There may well be a post-coital period on his part, not only of sadness, desperation, and regret but also of real fury. His motives for acting out were ambivalent, and not totally about fun. He will try to displace some of his self-contempt upon you.

Rose Ann tells us that she once fell in love “with a rather sadistic woman-hater.” While he was excited by acting out spanking fantasies with her, “the more we got into this, the more I loved him … and the more he lost respect for me.” Fortunately, as we see in her letter, this did not end in crippling her self-esteem. Her basic health and self-acceptance seem to have won out in the end.

What I find interesting about Nessie's approach to acting out her fantasies of “deference and obedience,” is that while it turned out that both she and her husband had secretly harbored these desires, they had never mentioned them to each other –

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each partner in the marriage thought only she/he liked these things. Another example of the deadly silence that rules most bedrooms, killing our desires by suffocating our favorite dreams.

It was only after she had read
My Secret Garden
and had encouraged her husband to read it, that Nessie decided that since other women liked these pleasures, too, she must not be unique. She found “the nerve to tell him [her husband] about my special fantasy and asked him to act it out.” He agreed, and they began by taking one tentative step. He slapped her. Then they had another talk, in which each one told the other how they felt about , it. They both liked it, and Nessie suggested going the next step.

I heartily endorse this experimental, step-by-step approach, especially the effort to try to talk it all through in advance, so that neither one develops new or frightening ideas that the other is not ready for. Once you're into these scenes, the emotions aroused can go right to the head more fiercely than a rush of amyl nitrate – limits must be set up front, especially if you're flirting with the emotions entailed in S&M scenes. What must be agreed in advance is that either partner has the right to say
stop
at any point, and no reason has to be given except that the pain of the experience has begun to outweigh the pleasure. If this is understood in advance, the other partner is not so likely to get her/his feelings hurt, or feel rejected.

“At first,” Nessie writes, after they had agreed to go to the next step, “I was nervous that the whole thing was going to be a disappointment, but after he hit me just once, I knew there was no danger of that. It was fantastic.” One woman's pain is another woman's heaven.

Lizzy's letter may not strike you at first as a fantasy at all –

until you remember that the entire idea that Lizzy engage in

“lesbian sex” with Ethel was the erotic fancy of Lizzy's husband. Before her first date with Ethel, he eagerly entered into a little foreplay with his wife “until I began to lubricate. Then he said, `Now you're Ethel's,' kissed me and left.” In the end, Bill's fantasy has been much more completely acted out than 266

perhaps even he dreamed; it has become what sounds like an extraordinarily open and joyous way of life for all three people.

An interesting, if minor, note to Lizzy's letter is that while she tells us how ecstatically happy she is when in bed with either one of her two beloved partners (and I for one find her very convincing), she nevertheless remains true to the basic theme of fantasy: when she is in the arms of one lover, she closes her eyes and fantasizes that she is with the other.

Rose Ann

Thank you for your book. How needed it was. I'm glad to have the opportunity to give you some of my experiences. I hope they're interesting.

I'm twenty-three, single, college grad, working as a secretary, gong to grad school for psych in the fall. I've had at least twenty-five sexual relationships with men, half that number with women. I really like both, although it is easier to be passive with men, and as you will see from my fantasies, this is pretty much where it's at for me.

At age four, my six-year-old girl friend and I would play

“Witchdoctor.” This consisted, from what I recall, of her bending me over a box in my mother's closet, pulling down my pants, and inserting her finger into my ass. I really used to get off on this (age four?), and the Witchdoctor theme has persisted until now (with hundreds of variations, of course), until now it is almost impossible for me to climax without a form of this fantasy. Since reading your book, I have discovered that it works to think of the simple act of fucking, or of a woman (in whom I may be interested at the moment) eating me. I never thought these kinds of simple thoughts could turn me on enough (too normal) to help me come. But thanks to you, my