For Sure (46 page)

“Hang on, now! I'll ring 'im up to let 'im know yer on yer way up, an' make sure ee's der.”

Étienne waited patiently, looking at the books he was getting ready to deliver. While The Cripple's phone was ringing, Terry had time to enlighten his son:

“Dis 'ere book talks about de Greek tragedies. It's teatre. You know, like at de Escaouette . . .”

Étienne nodded.

“Hello? It's Terry downstairs. I'm about to send me boy up wid yer books. Is it a good time?”

. . .

“Alright den!”

Terry hung up and quickly picked up the second book to glance at the back cover:

“Dis one 'ere's a physics book. You'll be learnin' physics in school soon enough. Dis 'ere explains why a ball always ends up fallin' down to de ground, an' udder stuff like . . . what makes de colours in a soap bubble. You know, de ones we blows troo de wee round end of de stick ya dips in de bottle?”

Étienne thought that did indeed merit an explanation, and what's more, all things considered, physics seemed quite worthwhile.

An avatar is a creation, a point of departure, a separation from our lineage, a break from the name of the father. A fork. The names alone will trigger anyone's imagination: Joe Jello, Paul PR, Lucky PowPow, Baby Dy, Sorros Jr, Doctor Flour, Pick Pocket, and S Crowbar.

Zablonski showed Marianne how to bend the onion tops down.

“See? We bend them over like this, right down to the ground.”

Marianne set to work with great enthusiasm.

“Very good. Very, very good. Now we're going to do the whole row. You keep going here and I'll begin at the other end. Alright?”

“Awwhite?”

Marianne watched without budging as Le Grand Étienne moved down the row.

“No? You don't want to do it?”

Seeing that the child wasn't moving, Zablonski came back to her.

“Would you prefer to do it together? Shall we do it together, then?”

“Awwhite?”

6. Do you play by the rules?

a) Depends whom I'm playing with.

b) Depends on any given day.

c) Yes, I count almost all my strokes.

d) Yes, I count all my strokes and those of my partners.

e) I stop counting after 200.

“Normally, you've got de baby legs dat go as high as tree feet, den you got de sticks, dey can go five feet. An' de high hat — dat's just like a plate — is right practical as well.

6. Do you play by the rules?

a) Rules? There are rules?

b) Yes, I allow myself the right to cheat only five times.

c) The rules are an excellent guide, because no two courses are alike.

d) I hate shouting fore.

e) Not when the golf club bars women from playing.

Zablonski advanced, pushing most of the onion stalks down, but leaving a few for Marianne who was following along behind. At one point, glancing back to make sure everything was going well, he saw that Marianne was pulling the stalks out rather than pushing them down to the ground. He watched her for a moment, chuckling to himself at her astonishment each time she discovered the brownish, whitish or wine red bulbs at the end of the stalk.

“Everything alright, Marianne?”

The child raised her head, looked at him. He decided not to interfere.

“Fun, isn't it?”

He went back to work, and so did Marianne.

In Numidia, in the year 354, a woman named Monica gave birth to Aurelius Augustinus, who would later become the author, philosopher, and theologian better known as Saint Augustine. When he was 18 years old, Augustine's lover gave birth to their son Adeodatus. That same year, Augustine decided to convert to wisdom. He, in turn, gave birth to Western man.

“Take de environment. It's on account of folks feelin' so much more dat it's become such a terrible big deal.”

. . .

“Same ting wid helt. Used to be, folks died an' 'twas normal. Nowadays? Folks treats it like it's an insult!”

. . .

“An' dat's how come so many people're takin' antidepressants. On account of dey focus on how dey's feeling, not on wot dey's tinkin'. Wot yer tinkin's not so terrible important anymore. It's all about how yer feelin'.”

Another interesting section of the
Bescherelle
grammar book deals with new spelling rules: The French Academy no longer insists on the insertion of a circumflex accent above the
i
and the
u
, except in the case of verb endings (
nous rendîmes, vous crûssiez
) and of a few words where the circumflex serves to distinguish homonyms (
mur
meaning “wall” and
mûr
meaning “ripe,” or
du
meaning “of” and
dû
meaning “due”).
Île
,
maîtresse, coût, flûte, boîte
have therefore become
ile, maitresse, cout, flute, boite.
They look naked. But the Academy has ruled that the phrase
drôle de tête
, meaning a “strange or funny look,” will continue to be written
drôle de tête
. Go figure.

“Dad! De light's red!”

The day before, Chico had explained to Étienne how traffic lights work.

“You gotta wait 'til de light turns green.”

Terry explained about turning right on a red light.

“Well, 'ow long does ya 'ave to stop, den?”

“Not all dat long. So long as you stops an' look around to see wot's happenin'. Den' you can go right ahead, if der's no car crossin' in dat direction. On account of if der's one dat's comin', den I's de one dat has to let 'im go.

“On account of?”

“On account of ee's de one's got de green light. Whoever's got de green light can go right troo, no matter wot. Ee doesn't even 'ave to stop.”

. . .

“Used to be, we weren't allowed to do dat. Light was red? You stopped 'til she turned green. Hasn't been all dat long now, dey changed de law so dem dat wants to turn right are allowed to go as well.”

. . .

“It's workin' just fine, you ask me. Doesn't cause more accidents.”

. . .

. . .

“But, how come dey decided on green?”

Occasionally, proper speech slipped in. Delicate combinations, correct pronunciation. Syllables, sometimes several in a row, alligned, waiting their turn to summersault along the banks of language's ocean. Words, at times several in a row.

“Fives, we's playin' fer fives.”

“An old maid.”

. . .

“Anudder old maid.”

“Luh, an ace . . . you likes aces, don't ya?”

“Der's nuttin' good fer me der. Tree Salmons an' a Jackson of clubs.”

“A Jackson, now . . .”

“Tree big K-boys, real ones. Neener of diamonds.”

“A neener's good. Tree neeners, an' dime-jack-queen o' spades.”

“
Pfff
. . . Ocho o' hearts.”

“Can't take it. Helen o' Troy.”

“A deuce . . . dat's kind o' small, eh?”

“Deuce, trey, farr o' hearts.”

“Dat's no big bouquet o' flowers.”

“Tree farr, neener o' spades.

“An' why didn't ya put yer neener der?!”

“Sweet Mickey! I coulda been over an' out.”

“She's only got a single card left? One-eyed king.”

“One-eyed king, now. One, two, tree pore little deuces.”

“Sax o' spades.”

“A hockey stick. Are der none over der? 'Ere's anudder one. Ocho clubs.”

“Trey o' diamonds.”

“Tree treys. Tree wee piggies.”

“Close de hockey sticks. Farr o' spades.”

“No good. No good.”

“
Pfff
. . .”

“A nickel an' I'm done!”

“Again!”

“Sweet Bejesus, I'm left wid a wild card!”

“Now dat's not too clever.”

“I's waitin' fer someting to play 'er wid!”

“I've got 22 fer 30 cents.”

“I got 17.”

“Nine. Whose turn is it to deal?”

“Mine.”

“Don't ferget to ante up. Seems to me, de pot's not gettin' bigger.”

“I'm paid up.”

“An' I.”

“Fer saxes, we's playin' fer saxes.”

Terry does not pretend to have created avatars you might confuse with real people, as is evident from the cartoonish names he's given them: Joe Jello, Paul PR and Lucky PowPow. In any case, the point is not whether these creatures exist in the flesh. The point is to know that they exist, circulate, act, cause what may be a new kind of accident.

“Take playin' golf. You walks, you stretches, you whack de ball. Everyting's green an' blue, de wedder's fine, it smells nice. Der's a light breeze, long grass, an' branches. 'Tis all physical. So wot, you say? So, all de golf courses is packed to de rafters, dat's wot.”

. . .

“Same ting fer de extreme sports. It's like our body only just woke up. Ask me, 'tis anudder dimension of ourselves dat just woke up. A dimension dat wasn't possible afore now, fer some reason. De nano dimension.”

“Luh! 'Ere she is!

A kind of fluidity in the ordering of the fragments confirms that the story has indeed taken flight, and is now soaring on its own power, toward its conclusion. As though the goal, until now only imagined, has at last revealed itself to be possible, attainable, acheivable. Vast arrangement, slow deployment, intuition confirmed, rare emotion.

“Wot's ee up to den?”

Chico had seen so many new things since he'd moved into the lofts that he was no longer entirely sure what was normal.

Étienne took up the question:

“Wot ya doin', Dad?”

“I'm measuring de toilet paper.”

“On account of?”

“Just to see.”

“To see wot?”

“To see if wot dey write on de package is de troot.”

The two boys came closer, curious to see what this was all about. Terry decided they deserved a more complete explanation.

“Look over 'ere on de package, dey tell us de size an' number of little squares in each roll. Well, how do we know fer sure it's de troot if nobody ever takes de time to count dem?”

The two boys found this to be eminently logical and even somewhat inspiring.

“Can we be countin' some, too?”

Terry would have preferred to say no and continue his little investigation unencumbered.

“Can youse count to six?”

The two boys laughed, thinking Terry was just teasing.

“Dad! You're de one dat showed me how!”

“Me as well, me Dad showed me how.”

Terry looked at Chico:

“Did I tell ya Shawn was always winning de adding, subtracting, multiplication an' division contests in school? Dat boy couldn't be beat! Der was times I's furious ee was so good.”

Chico swelled with pride. Étienne was happy for him.

7. Do you find it important to know that a golf ball measures 4.4 centimetres in diameter and weighs 5.2 grams?

a) Yes.

b) No.

c) I don't know.

d) I have no opinion.

e) I only know measurements in inches and ounces.

Terry set Étienne and Chico down with a roll of toilet paper and showed them how to proceed.

“An' don't go losin' count. Dis 'ere's serious!”

The two boys got down to work. Terry watched them at first.

“You hold de end, I'll do de countin'.”

“An' den after, it'll be me turn to count, okay?”

“One, two, tree, farr, five, six.”

Étienne tore off the strip of six squares and laid it down on a kitchen chair. Then Chico counted six more squares, tore the second strip along the perforation and laid it down on top of the first. Terry was satisfied:

“Dat's exactly right. Now, you do de whole roll just like dat.”

Not forgetting that some shifts in direction can turn out to be missed opportunities. For example, the title “Robots designed to treat the injured soldiers in the heat of battle”: why not forget the soldiers and send the robots directly into battle?

“Win? You win?”

But Zablonsiki had not presented the taking down of the onion stalks as a contest.

“Well, alright then, you win.”

Did the child expect a prize of some sort? As there was really nothing around that might serve as a gift, Zablonski resigned himself to telling the truth, at the risk of disappointing her:

“It's just that . . . well, I didn't think we were having a contest.”

“Concon?”

“No, not a contest.”

“Awwhite?”

“Yes, that's it. Alright.”

“Awwhite.”

7. Do you find it important to know that a golf ball measures 4.4 centimetres in diameter and weighs 5.2 grams?

a) Yes, but I'll have forgotten in 30 seconds.