For Now (Forever Book 1) (14 page)

Camden

              Tonight is the show in Denver. I’m backstage answering emails and Ryder is getting ready to go on stage. Elaina said she didn’t feel well tonight and asked to stay on the bus until she was needed. Dad thought it had been too long since Elaina and Ryder were spotted together. He wanted her at a meet and greet set up with the fans tonight after the concert. I know that they will have to kiss again and my stomach is already churning. I’m counting down the hours until they can break up.

              After leaving Houston, Elaina has been a little distant. She’s spending a lot of time reading in her cubby. There’s only a few weeks left of the tour and I wonder if the upcoming separation is weighing on her mind as heavily as it is on mine. I’m not ready for the end of the tour, I don’t know what I’m going to do yet. I need more time. But in a way, the end of the tour can’t come soon enough because I don’t ever want to see my best friend kiss my girl again.

              I glace at my watch and yell into the bathroom attached to Ryder’s dressing room, “Ryder, you have five minutes to get out there.”

              I cringe when Ryder opens the door, I can tell he’s been drinking. He’s been doing that a lot the last few days. “I’m ready, let’s just get tonight over with.”

              I want to berate him for drinking before a show, but instead I ask, “Is everything okay?” He is my best friend after all.

              “Fine, I just can’t wait to spend a few weeks at home before going overseas. I need a break.”

              “Almost there,” I tell him putting a hand on his shoulder. Usually at this point in a tour, the guys are ready for a night at home in their own bed. I can’t say that I disagree. Though, I would want Elaina there with me.

              “Ready to go on?”

              “As I’ll ever be.”

              Surprisingly, Ryder got through the show with no mistakes, despite the drinking. I tell Ryder that I would meet him backstage for the meet and greet. I need to make sure Elaina found the room.

              When I enter the room, Elaina is standing in the corner. I can see her muscles are tense.  She’s biting her lip and pacing back and forth.

              “Hey. How are you feeling now?”

              “Hey yourself. I’m fine. How was the show?”

              “Surprisingly well, considering Ryder was a little drunk. I’m not really sure what to do about it, he has been drinking a lot the last few days. He isn’t listening to me about it, maybe one of the guys would to talk to him.”

              “I’m sure he’s fine and just ready to be home.”

              “That’s what he told me, but I wonder if it’s something more than that. He‘s been like this since Texas.”

              Our conversation is cut short when the band comes in. I gesture for Ryder to come join us.

              “I thought when the fans come in, you could be over here talking to Elaina.”

              They both nod. Neither says anything while we wait for the fans to make their way back; we just stand in uncomfortable silence. I’m not sure what happened to Ryder’s normal, cocky personality. This Ryder creeps me out a little. 

              People start to enter the room and I step back, leaving Elaina and Ryder in the corner. He says something to her that I can’t hear and she nods. He leans in and places his mouth to hers and I cringe and look away. His usual aggressiveness is gone from the kiss, but no one seems to notice. They are all too busy freaking out about the fact that they are in a room with rock stars. Several of them snap picture of Elaina and Ryder. They’ll be all over the internet in a few minutes.

              When Ryder starts to mingle with his fans, Elaina walks up to me. “My headache is back, do you think it would be okay for me to head back to the bus?”

              “Yeah, but wait here for a few minutes. I’ll text Mike to walk back with you, I don’t want you walking alone.”

              She nods. “Thanks.”

              “Is there anything I can do to help?”

              “You could sneak in to see me tonight if the boys go out. I’ve missed you.”

              “I’ll be there, I’ve missed you too.”

**********

              “Vegas, baby!” Alex and Eric shout as we enter the city limits.

              “The concert isn’t until tomorrow night, so you know we’re going out tonight.” Eric says.

              Tonight is the last “date” for ‘Ryllie‘. The end of the tour is a week away. I’ve been sneaking in alone time with Elaina every chance I get, but it isn’t much.

              “You’re coming out night, right Cam?” Caleb asks me.

              “Sure, someone needs to keep you all in check. I trust Elaina can keep Ryder out of trouble tonight on the date.” I force myself to say the word date, but the word leaves a bad taste in my mouth.

              Elaina nods, “Yes, Ryder will be on his best behavior, won’t you?”

              “What? Oh yeah.” Ryder is texting someone and not paying attention to the conversation.

              I feel my own phone vibrate in my pocket and I fish it out and look at the screen. Elaina just texted me.

             
Elaina: I see that look

              Me: What look?

              Elaina: The look like you want to murder Ryder at the thought of another               date. It’s just pretend and just for now. We have one more week then we can               be together.

              Me: I know, it’s just not knowing what you two are doing will drive me               crazy, but I can’t stand to watch it either

              Elaina: We aren’t doing anything that you have to worry about. I’m with               you, he knows this is all an act.

              Me: You’re right. I’m going to miss you tonight.

              Elaina: I’ll miss you too. Just one more week of pretending

              Once at the hotel everyone goes to their room to get ready to go out tonight except for me. I sneak into Ryder and Elaina’s suite to see Elaina. She’s in the bathroom, I can see her blonde hair through the open door. She’s standing in front of the mirror doing her make-up.

              “You look great,” I say and she jumps. I walk in and shut the door behind me.

              “Oh my god, you scared me,” she whispered and slapped me lightly on the chest.

              I chuckle. “I wanted to see you before you went out tonight.”

              “What about Ryder? He might come in here,” she whispers.

              “I heard his shower running when I came in. Does he do that often? Just barge into your room?” I grit my teeth.

              “No, I just don’t want to cause problems for you two, if he does.”

              “I’ll be gone before he’s done getting ready. I just needed this.” I lean in and put my lips to hers. She lets out a soft moan and this intensifies the kiss. I put her against the wall and help her wrap her legs around me. She’s gasping when I pull away from her mouth to work my way down her neck, licking and sucking. I put my hand on the hem of her shirt starting to pull it up over her head when I hear a knock at her bathroom door and it’s like a bucket of ice water.

              “Ellie, are you ready yet? I’m going to call Cam and see when the car is leaving.”
Shit!
Her “date” is here to pick her up and I’m in her bathroom. Worst of all, he’s going to call my phone. The one that’s in my pocket, not on silent.

              “Umm, yeah almost ready. I’ll be right there,” she yells. Then whispers to me, “Text him the details quick. Stay here. You can sneak out after we leave.”

             
Me: Hey, Mike is going with you tonight in case you need anything. He will               be to your room in five minutes. You are leaving out the back.

             
Ryder: K. You coming out with us tonight after dinner? I need a drink

              Me: You need a drink like you need another hole in the head. Maybe you can               put the bottle down for one night. And yes, I’m coming out tonight.

              Ryder: F U. Guess I’ll see you later, killjoy.

              Elaina gives me one more light kiss before heading for the door. I step into the shower to avoid being seen when she opens the door.

              This is what my life has become. I’m not sure how I’m going to tell him about Elaina and me yet. I don’t know if he’ll be more pissed that I’m keeping something from him or he’ll blame me for him not getting anywhere with Elaina.

              Even worse, my dad is going to be furious. I’m going to have to tell him that it just happened and we didn’t risk being seen together while she was with Ryder. I can’t really avoid telling them since I want Elaina to stay with me for a few days after the tour and I live with Ryder. They are going to find out. Though I’m sure Mom would be happy, she has told me several times on the phone, how much she loves Elaina. She wants her over for dinner when we get to LA. I think she was disappointed that Elaina wasn’t interested in Ryder because she wanted a reason to keep her around.

              When I hear to door from the suite leading to the hallway close, I leave the bathroom and walk out into the suite. As I’m getting ready to leave, something catches my eye; Ryder left his wallet sitting on the coffee table. I start to take it to him, but realize that it would look suspicious for me to find it right after he leaves.

              My phone rings. It’s Caleb. I answer.

              “Hey! You coming out with us tonight? We are meeting in the hotel bar to get started.”

              “Yeah, I’ll meet you for a few drinks. Be right there.”

              I hang up and go to the bar Caleb, Eric and Alex are talking to a female bartender.

              “Hey Cam,” Eric shouts when he sees me approaching. Then he turns to the bartender. “You have to meet our boy here. He’s all work and no play. Very boring. What time do you get off? Maybe you could loosen him up.” How long have they been down here drinking? They have obviously had a few. She looks me up and down and gives me a wicked grin.

              I look back at the guys. “I know how to have a good time, I just have a thing called a job that I have to do.”

              “Suit yourself. We are going to talk to these ladies over here. We will give you two some time to chat,” Alex says with a wink.

              Before I can respond, they’re moving down the bar towards three bleach blondes in tight dresses.

              “Sorry about my friends,” I say.

              “It’s no problem. I’m used to dealing with guys like that every night. Can I get you a drink? ”

              “Actually, I should probably get back to work. My boss forgot his wallet, I need to get it to him.”
This is so not comfortable.

              “Maybe I’ll see you around. I‘m off in ten.” she smiles at me as I turn to walk away.

              I walk the strip the few blocks to get Ryder’s wallet to him. I have a hard time convincing the hostess to show me to Ryder’s table. She thinks I’m a fan wanting to meet him. She asked me to show her his ID before she allows me back.

              I see Ryder and Elaina’s table, they look deep in conversation. I can hear them before they see my approach.

              “So, about the kiss at the bar in Houston…” Ryder says, looking down.

              “I haven’t said anything to anyone about it, I don’t think Caleb has either,” Elaina interrupts.
What the fuck? Why the hell were they kissing at that bar? Why is Elaina keeping it a secret from me?

             
“Here, you forgot your wallet.” I drop the wallet onto the table. They stop talking when they notice me.

              “
Thanks man. We all going out later?” he asks.

              “
I don’t care what you two do. I’m going back to my room.” I really don’t care if Elaina understood my double meaning behind that.

              I turn and leave. I need to find a liquor store.

Elaina

              Ryder and I are sitting at a nice restaurant waiting for our meal in uncomfortable silence. He hasn’t spoken to me since Houston unless he was forced to do so. I know we need to talk but things are just so uncomfortable between us.

              Ryder breaks the awkward silence first. “So, about the kiss at the bar in Houston…”

              “I haven’t said anything to anyone about it, I don’t think Caleb has either,” I interrupt trying to get this awkward conversation over with. I’m sure I’m bright red.

              “Here, you forgot your wallet.”

              I glace up and see Cam standing there.
Shit! How long has he been standing there and what did he hear?

              “
Thanks man. We all going out later?”

              “
I don’t care what you two do. I’m going back to my room,” Cam says before turning and walking back towards the entrance.
Shit.
He obviously heard our conversation and misunderstood.

             
“I wonder what his problem is,” Ryder says, “he rarely gets pissy. Maybe he needs to get laid.” He laughs.

              “I’m not sure. I’ll be right back, I need to use the restroom.” I get up from the table and rush towards the little hallway at the entrance. Cam is already gone. I try to call his cell phone and it goes right to voicemail.

              I leave a message. “Cam, please call me back. I need to talk to you.”

              I take a minute and go to the bathroom to rinse my face with cold water to calm down. I just have to get through this dinner and I can go explain to Cam.

              I compose myself enough to go back to the table. If I leave now, what excuse could I give? The food is there when I arrive, but I’ve lost my appetite. Cam has to know that I wouldn’t kiss Ryder. Well unless there were cameras there of course. If I could just explain what he heard.

              “Okay, back to our conversation,” Ryder says and I suppress a groan.

              “I know you were drunk. It’s fine, please just don’t do it again.” I glace at my watch, trying to determine how fast we can finish dinner and get out of here. Even though, I lost my appetite, I take a huge bit of my food.

              “I was going through some shit and I wasn’t thinking clearly. I’m sorry. I don’t even know why I did it. I mean you are hot, but I think of you as a friend. I felt like such an ass the next day when Caleb filled in some of the blanks for me.”

              “Apology accepted. I think of you as a friend too. You know you can talk about whatever it was, if it’s still bothering you.” I reach out and put my hand on his wrist.  Whatever problems we’ve had, I can tell he really is a nice guy, it’s just buried deep. Very deep.

              “I’m good, let’s just talk about something else. You want to go out tonight after dinner?”

              “No, I need to get back. I’m getting a headache again.”

              “Sorry, I’ll take you back before I meet the guys.”

**********

              I swear that, Ryder is the slowest eater in the world. After watching him causally eat his meal while I pushed my food around my plate, he takes me back to the hotel.

              As we enter the building, Alex spots us, “Hey, you ready?”

              “Yep, I thought Cam was going out tonight. What happened? He just told me he was going to his room instead.”

              Eric laughs, “That might be because the cute redhead, we introduced him to earlier.”

              “What?” I ask trying to keep my voice even.

              “We thought Cam could use some fun, it’s been awhile since we got him laid, so we set him up. He left the bar and the bartender left a few minutes after him.”

              He wouldn’t. He wouldn’t take some random girl back to his room because of a misunderstanding. My world feels like it’s caving in around me.

              “Dude, I just told Ellie that I thought he needed to get laid, I guess that is why he was acting like a douche earlier.”

              “I’m going to my room. Night guys.” I need to get away from them before I lose it.

              “Night, Ellie,” they all shout.

              I’m moving as fast as I can through the crowd. I need to get to Cam’s room. This can’t be happening. An old woman yells at me to slow down as I accidentally bump into her. 

              I make it to Cam’s room. There’s no answer when I knock. “Cam, please open up the door. We need to talk.”

              Silence.

              “Cam, please.” I’m pounding on the door now.

              “What?” he almost shouts when he opens the door. He looks like he broke into the mini fridge and drank every bottle.

              I flinch at the look of anger in his gaze.

              “I’m not sure what all you heard, but I can explain.”

              “Explain what? The fact that you and Ryder kissed at the bar in Austin or the fact that you didn’t tell me about it. Is that why you are so good at putting on this façade? You and Ryder really do have something going on. How many times have you let him fuck you?”

              This sparks something in me and I’m angry now too. I ball my hands into fists. “How could you think that about me? I thought you knew me better than that. I only want you. But I guess it didn’t take you too long to get over it, since you invited a slutty redhead up here to help you forget all about me.”

              “What the hell are you talking about? What redhead?”

              “The skanky, redheaded bartender that the band set you up with.”

              “I didn’t take her anywhere. I talked to her for a minute and left to take Ryder his wallet. Only to find you two talking about kissing each other.”

              “Ryder kissed me at the bar when I went out to get some air. He was drunk and upset. I pushed him off, then he passed out. That’s it. I didn’t tell you because…”

              “That’s it? He kissed you and you felt like you had to keep it from me. I guess I really don’t know you.”

              “Please, Cam, just listen.”

              “Look, let’s just talk in the morning.”             

              I could see that nothing was going to get resolved tonight. I nodded. Cam slammed the door then opened it again just to slam it harder. I hurried to my room, so I could fall apart. When I get to my room, I see I have a missed text from Karen.

             
Karen: Would you happen to know why I don’t have a balance at the hospital anymore or why my bank loan is paid off? 

              Cam. He paid off Karen’s bills, but now he hates me. I don’t deserve him. I should have told him everything that night. How am I going to make up for this?

              I quickly get ready for bed and lie down with a box of tissues. In the first time since I meet Cam, I cry into my pillow until sleep takes me.

**********

              Cam is driving my parent’s SUV on a deserted road, surrounded by cornfields. I’m standing on the side of the road watching him. I know what comes next in this dream. I see the ugly, evil sedan come up over the hill. I scream for Cam to swerve, but he won’t listen. The sedan hits the front of the vehicle and it’s flying through the air before landing in the ditch. “Cam!” I scream.  The sedan has stopped in the middle of the road. The door slowly opens and the driver gets out. The driver is me. I’m responsible for this. “No”.