For Now (Forever Book 1) (8 page)

Camden

              When the lights come back on and Ryder finally wakes up, Elaina leaves us to go to the restroom. I can’t believe that I actually grabbed her hand.
What if someone would have seen that?
I just was taken by her reactions and her excitement.

              “Dude, this shit is boring,” Ryder grumbles. I was actually enjoying it, well the parts I saw when I wasn’t watching Elaina. “So I was thinking,” he continues, changing the subject, “maybe I could really try harder with Elaina during the tour, I mean she is hot. I can lay off the girls for a while. I know you don’t think I care about what the media says, but I do; I saw what happened to my parents. We can have some fun, improve my image and after the tour, we can go our separate ways. I’ll tell the media it was a mutual decision. No drama.”

              Then it hits me, I need to stop whatever this relationship with Elaina is before it goes too far and someone sees us. I would let my dad and Ryder down if I start something with Elaina now and we get caught.

              “Just promise me that you will only go as far as she wants. If she says no to any sort of relationship, respect her wishes and back off. I’m glad that you are working at this, but I need to know that you are not going to hurt her.”

              “How long have we known each other? You know that I don’t treat women right, but I always tell women what to expect with me. No surprises. Any woman that gets hurt, they had plenty of warning, so that is on them. I know that you have become friends with Ellie, I wouldn’t be a dick to one of your friends.”

              Sure, Elaina and I are now friends. We aren’t in too deep yet, right? No one will get hurt.

              I sigh.
I really wished that was true.

Elaina

              These past three weeks have been lonely. I’ve spent a lot of time talking to Amy and Karen on the phone. I think that they can tell I’m homesick and keep trying to convince me to come home or let them come visit. I’m afraid if they visit, I’ll beg them to take me back home with them and I made a deal; I have to stick to it.

              The night in New York at the play, when I came back from intermission, it is like someone replaced Cam. He is still just as polite and thoughtful, but he’s been keeping his distance and won’t talk about anything personal. One minute he was holding my hand and the next it was like we were business acquaintances. My nightmares have continued and I have woken the guys up with my screams, but just explain it away as a bad dream. Cam is always the first one to my bed to check on me, but hasn’t held me again.

              Ryder on the other hand has been more flirtatious. He is trying to get me to go on a real date with him. He is a nice guy when he isn’t trying too hard to “get some.” We have had a few fake dates for the cameras and he has always been on his best behavior. But I’m not sure how much of this is the real him and how much for the cameras. He’s good looking in a bad boy rocker way, but I don’t know if I should give into him. We have nothing in common and I think he’s just looking for a good time.

              To make matters worse, I’ve been dreading the upcoming stop in Iowa. I haven’t been back since I left with Karen and Jackson nine years ago and I don’t know how I’ll react to being back. Especially now that I don’t have anyone here to confide in.

              “You coming to see the show tonight?” Ryder asks interrupting my thoughts. I think about it and decide that I need a night away from this bus. Sitting in here every night is doing nothing for my mood.

              “Sure, but I‘m going backstage.” I tried watching from the audience last week, to get a new perspective, but a few fans recognized me and started harassing me with personal questions about Ryder and our sex life. There have been a number of photos released of us including a very unflattering photo of me at that grocery store in Ohio. I have a feeling that Cam’s dad is leaking our whereabouts; I swear that I’ve seen the same photographer in multiple cities. What a crazy job that would be, following rock bands from city to city just to get pictures of them.

              “On one condition, you go out with me for a drink tonight after the show. A real date,” Ryder replies.

              I think about it. “Yes,” I agree with a glance at a now glowering Cam, who is sitting at the kitchen table pretending to ignore us while he types away. “But now I have a condition for you. This night isn’t going to end in your bed, just know that now and don’t even try.”

              Ryder just smiles, unaffected and I notice that Cam looks a little less tense now. Why does Cam care what I do anyways? He has made it perfectly clear that he isn’t interested, so why would he care if I go out with his friend.

              The show is amazing. What Ryder lacks in his manners, he more than makes up for in talent. They are on the last song and I kind of wish it was longer. Not only because I’m having a good time, but also because I wasn’t ready for a date alone with Ryder. I think I made a mistake, telling him yes. I decide that I will go through with it because I need a little fun, but I will tell him that I’m not interested in another date.

              After the song is over, an excited Ryder jogs to me and wraps his arms around me. Things are getting a little messed up in my head, maybe that is why I said yes. I have been pretending for weeks now in public that this guy is my boyfriend. We’ve had to kiss and touch like we are in love. But in reality, I don’t even know the guy. Is he hugging me now for show or because he is ready to take me on a real date? I would never allow a guy picking me up for a first date to hold me like this.

Camden

              I’m sitting at a small, worn table at a club a few blocks from the stadium in St Louis. I insisted that Ryder bring me out with him tonight just in case there’s any trouble. Sure, I let him go out without me a few times a couple of weeks ago, but now that I need to stay away from Elaina, I’ve been tagging along. The only difference about tonight is, she’s here with him. On a date. I knew that when I told Ryder that he could try something with Elaina as long as he didn’t hurt her, it would ache to see them together. But to be honest, I didn’t think that she would say yes.
Why did she say yes?
I can tell now by her body language that she’s not interested.

              Ryder reaches for her hand and a second before he grabs it, she picks up her drink and halts the attempt.  She takes a drink and looks around, pretending not to notice what she just did. I’m sure that I look like a creep, because I’m sitting here staring at them. Not even the waitress coming over and trying to flirt with me is making me break my gaze. A little annoyed, she leaves to get my drink.

              Elaina glances over at me with a slight frown on her face, but when her eyes meet my intense glare, she looks back to Ryder. She gives him the shy smile that I love and points to the dance floor. He winks and gets up from the table, takes her hand and leads her to a spot just in front of the D.J. booth. He’s in front of her now, his hands gliding down her body and settling on her hips. His mouth moves to her neck and I can see his lips trailing down further towards her slight cleavage.

              I can’t handle seeing this anymore, I need to leave. Walking up to Ryder to tell him I’m heading back to the bus, Elaina’s watching me.
Is she just doing this with Ryder to mess with me?
It seemed that before I started keeping my distance, that she wasn’t interested in him, so why now? I guess I kind of pushed her into his arms. I didn’t give her much choice. I can tell that she has been lonely and kept my distance anyways.

************************

              Tonight we are heading to Iowa for a show in Des Moines tomorrow night. I thought that Elaina might be excited since she’s from here, but she’s been pacing all day. I wonder if Elaina’s been back here since she lost her family. That could make it difficult to return. I decide to go and join Elaina at the table where she’s now reading and biting her lip.

              “Reading anything good?” I ask her.

              She looks a little shocked by my attempt to talk to her. “Yeah. I’ve been reading a lot. Thanks for getting me this e-reader. It has been a life saver on these long drives.”

              “I’m glad that you like it.” I smile at her. I don’t think that I can get close to her again without wanting to take thing further, but tonight seems to be hard on her and I can’t stand to see her so agitated, so I sit and talk with her for a while.

              The tense expression on her face slowly eases a bit as we talk.

              Getting to my feet, I say, “I’m going to grab something to drink, do you…” My words are cut short when a loud pop comes from the front of the bus. The bus jerks to the right and I’m jostled into the refrigerator door. Mike’s unable to correct the pull that the flat tire caused and the bus comes to a stop in the ditch.

              Elaina’s scream pierces the silence. I make my way to where Elaina is sitting on the floor rocking back and forth with her hands over her eyes.              

              “Dude, what’s wrong with her?” Ryder asks.

              I’ve seen Elaina like this before; after her nightmares. I understand instantly what’s wrong. She’s back in Iowa for the first time since the accident, I’m guessing and we blow a tire and end up in the ditch.

              I lean in to whisper in Elaina’s ear, so low only she can hear. “Sweetheart, it’s all right. Everyone’s fine. We just have a flat tire. No one is hurt.”

              As soon as I start speaking, she stops screaming and clutches my shirt, though she is still sobbing. I rest my head on top of hers and make shushing noises while I stroke her hair. I look out the window behind her and see the bright stars in the dark night and I have an idea.

Elaina

              Lying in the tall grass, looking up at the brilliant, shimmering stars against the vast dark night causes me to feel more like myself than I have in years. After my panic attack on the bus, Cam got me out of there and away from the curious eyes of the guys. He grabbed a blanket and a bottle of whiskey and led me to a field while we wait for someone to come get the bus out of the ditch.

              “This is incredible. I never really stopped to look at the stars,” Cam whispers. “This is what you would do as a kid?” He hands me the whiskey bottle and I sit up to take a swig. It burns my throat. I’m not much of a drinker even though I work in a bar.

              “This is just like I remember it as a kid. Well, minus the whiskey.” He chuckles softly. “Sometimes I would lie out here by myself or my family might join me occasionally. When they did join me, we would just talk about everything and nothing.” A few tears escape now that I’m talking about them.

              “I’m sure that being back here is painful. Have you been back since you moved away?”

              I take another swig before I answer. “No, I never thought that I would be strong enough to come back here. I’ve been nervous all day and the bus going into the ditch, pushed me over the edge. Thanks for getting me out of there and for your idea.” I gesture to the stars.

              He lies back with his hands behind his head. The picture of ease and I relax back down as well.

              “See, you are strong enough to come here. The blown tire was unfortunate, but you made it through. I’m glad we have a chance to do this. I can see why you like stargazing so much.”

              “I made it through because of you.” A cold breeze ruffles my hair and I shiver.

              “Are you cold? I should have thought to bring a blanket for you to cover up with.”

              “Just a little.”

              “Come here.” He grabs me and tucks me into his side, my hand going to his remarkable chest. I don’t know if it’s his close proximity or the whiskey, but suddenly, heat is coursing through my body. He’s running his large hand up and down my arm to keep me warm, but I don’t need it anymore.

              I can sense his gaze on me, so I chance a glace up at him and oh, that was a mistake. His eyes meet mine and I’m drowning in that ocean of blue. I can’t fight it anymore. I don’t know why he pulled away from me weeks before, but in this moment, I don’t care. I stretch up and without telling them to, my lips are on his. He lets out a soft moan and rolls me over onto my back and hovers over me. He’s kissing me back now with an intensity that leaves my head spinning.

              He tears his mouth away from mine, but keeps his face only a few inches away. I can smell the citrus scent of his cologne and it sends a shot of electricity to my core. We are both panting, I feel his breath against my lips.

              “We can’t do this, you are with Ryder,” he pants.

              “I’m not. I told him last night that I’m not interested him in that way.”

              “But it would look so bad if we are caught.” I lick my lips and his heavy-lidded eyes follow the action. “
Fuck it
!”

              His lips crush mine and we are kissing again. His fingers are caressing the skin between my jeans and my t-shirt and slowing inching their way up under my shirt.

              “Is this okay?” he asks.

              I’ve never had a guy make me feel this way. I have dated a few guys, but never got much further than this, so saying I was inexperienced is an understatement. I nod my head at him then groan when his hand reaches my breast. His fingers start tugging at my right nipple through my bra and I’m moaning into his mouth. He sits up and removes his shirt. His body is incredible. His tanned skin is flawless over his perfectly sculpted arms and chest. My eyes wonder further down and I openly stare at his mouth-watering six-pack.

              He’s now sitting me up to remove my shirt, lifting it up over my head. He reaches between my breasts to unclasp my bra.

              He inhales a breath and whispers into my mouth as he lays me back down, “You’re even more beautiful than I imagined.”

              He begins kissing my neck as he hovers over me. I moan when he lowers himself, putting more of his weight on me. Our bodies lining up perfectly. I can feel his excitement through his jeans and he’s rocking against me exactly where I need him. I wrap my legs around him and arch up to meet his movements. He groans and places his forehead on mine, I can feel his warm breath on my lips.

              “Cam, please,” I whimper, I feel tension starting to build.

              “I’ve got you,” he whispers into my neck before he begins licking and kissing a spot there that is driving me crazy.

              “Please don’t stop.” This causes him to increase his rhythm and me to grip his muscular back. My fingers dig into his skin as the tension in my core tightens. Suddenly I’m falling. “Oh god, Cam,” I pant.

              As I’m still trying to catch my breath, Cam’s hand go to the button of my jeans. He looks down at me with a question in his eyes. I nod. Just as he is unbuttoning my pants, I hear Ryder’s voice. “Guys, the bus is out and we are ready to go, are you two coming?”

              Cam groans in frustration before buttoning my pants. Thank god it is dark out here and the grass is long enough, that Ryder probably can’t see us.

              “Yeah, we’re coming,” Cam yells back and I giggle. He helps me put my shirt on before slipping his own shirt of his head.