For Mac (6 page)

O
VER
THE
course of the next several days, Liam would find Branson in Mr. J.’s room about 25 percent of the time. He’d talk to the old man like he talked to Mac, about anything and everything, but Mr. J. would actually answer back. The visits were good for both men. Liam worried about Branson sitting in Mac’s room, brooding over a brother who might never be able to talk to him again. He applauded the sentiment, and he truly believed it was great for Mac, but wasn’t at all sure that sitting there to the exclusion of all else was good for Branson.

Branson’s friends Amy and Andy agreed. Liam talked to them when they visited. If one could convince Branson to go to the cafeteria or for a short walk, he talked to the other. If Branson happened to be in Mr. J.’s room when they got there, he talked to both of them. They seemed to genuinely care for both brothers and were equally worried about both, for different reasons.

Branson

S
EVERAL
WEEKS
later Branson was by his brother’s side again when Andy came in to relieve him.

“So, Mac.” Andy slapped the man’s shoulder as he threw himself into the chair on the far side of the bed. “You keeping your brother in line here?”

Branson smiled. “About as good as always.”

Andy had been a frequent visitor over the last month or so. He had been a big part of what kept Branson sane. Knowing he had someone else to lean on helped Branson’s spirits, which were, admittedly, awfully low and getting lower by the day. Andy seemed to notice that and had started visiting more often in recent weeks.

Andy was a writer and had a flexible schedule. He had always teased, in better times, that Bran and Mac were just dysfunctional enough to make interesting reading. Bran was fairly confident it was only a joke, and he wouldn’t end up reading one of Andy’s books and recognizing himself and Mac with different names.
Not much to write about us lately
, Branson thought, once again turning to the seemingly insurmountably depressing situation they found themselves in. Bran wasn’t sure whether he had expressed to Andy lately how grateful he was for his company, to keep his thoughts off of being so depressed. He took this time to do so, and Andy reminded him that that was what friends (and honorary brothers) did for each other, and no thanks were necessary. Branson felt better for saying it anyway, though.

The two men talked to Mac and to each other for a while. Mac had his eyes closed but was still moaning. Branson filled Andy in on how his brother had been this morning and then left to do errands. Everyone—Andy, Amy, and even Liam—had been trying to convince Bran to take some time off from “Mac-sitting.” He had fought them at first but finally had to admit that it was pretty nice to have a couple of hours outside the facility. He had been all but living there since Mac moved in. He’d arrive as early as the place would allow visitors and would stay until they kicked him out, so he was there from eight in the morning ’til eight at night. He worked at Mac’s side, ordered lunch and dinner from the cafeteria so he could eat at Mac’s side, and even visited with his own friends while at Mac’s side. His friends had been trying to tell him that he was becoming obsessed, and deep down he knew that, but somehow it felt like betrayal to leave Mac; like, if he wasn’t right there, his brother would fade away. It took a great deal of self-talk to convince himself to leave for a while, but the necessity of visiting the bank, paying bills, and other errands had him venturing outside every so often.

One of the many things he needed to do during those times was to look in on Mac’s business. The senior manager, Lily Jacobs, was doing well so far, covering for Mac, arranging the schedule, anything that needed doing, but that wasn’t a long-term fix. It had already been four months since the accident, and Lily was glad to help, but things couldn’t go on like this indefinitely, and sooner or later—and Branson feared sooner—he was going to have to make some pretty big decisions on Mac’s behalf.

Today wasn’t that day, though. Today, Branson simply had to run general errands: pay bills, get some quick breakfast food from the grocery store since that was the only meal he ate at home anymore, and check on a few things for work. Nothing major. He was mentally planning the best order in which to do all of these things and hadn’t noticed passing Liam on the way out, until their hands touched. Suddenly, he couldn’t get out of there fast enough. He had been fighting a growing attraction for Liam ever since they had met, and he knew he was losing ground in that department. Even chance touches sent his mind places that he didn’t want to go, so he yanked his hand away and hurried past the man, hoping he didn’t notice.

Liam

A
S
B
RANSON
passed Liam on the way through the door, their hands brushed each other, and Branson jumped as if he had been burned. He had doubled his speed heading down the hall, leaving Liam bewildered in his wake. Liam thought, by the look on Andy’s face, that he had noticed the reaction too. That hadn’t been the first time Liam had received a reaction like that for random touches. He had been fighting hard not to touch Branson since that first night when he’d flinched at the touch on the shoulder, but if Branson was going to react this badly to accidental touches, Liam was going to have to see if he could figure out why, so he could fix it if possible. He didn’t know of any better place to start his investigation than with Andy.

“Hi, Andy.” He tried to be nonchalant. “Your shift?”

“Yeah, man.” Andy answered but obviously noticed that Liam was still looking down the hall and seemed distracted, so he asked, “What’s up, Liam?”

“Have I done something to offend the lad?” Liam wasn’t sure how else to start the conversation he didn’t want, but felt he needed to have.

“Huh?” Andy seemed startled. “No, I don’t think so.”

Liam wondered if maybe Andy hadn’t noticed Branson’s reaction, after all. He finally left the doorway, continuing to talk to Andy. “We’ve talked several times since he and Mac have been here, and he’s cordial enough. We even joke around sometimes, but any time I’ve come close to him, let alone actually touched him, he acts like I’ve hit him, so he does.”

“He’s just got a lot on his mind.” Andy tried to brush it off, but Liam knew that didn’t explain why Branson seemed to have no trouble with Andy touching him. Andy was apparently ready to move on, and he changed the subject. “So what’s your plan for the weekend?”

“Oh, it’s me nephew’s fourth birthday on Saturday, so it is, and we’re having a big party.” Liam realized that Andy was purposefully not addressing his question, but Liam didn’t want to push. He was only a professional on the outskirts of Branson’s life, after all. If there was something he was doing to upset Branson, Liam would have to trust that someone would politely say something so he could fix it. And since Andy asked, he was happy to tell him all about his weekend plans while he tended to Mac. “Sis needs as much help as she can get. She’ll have fifteen three- and four-year-olds there, everyone from Aaron’s preschool class.”

“Who invites fifteen preschoolers?” Andy took up the conversation.

“That’s what I tried to tell her.” Liam finished up his work with Mac but continued the conversation a bit longer. “‘Pick three or four,’ says I. ‘He’ll only have one fourth birthday,’ says she. I told her he’d probably appreciate her living through this one so she could be around for the fifth one. She laughed.”

“Let me know if she’s still laughing after the party.” Andy chuckled as Liam started toward the door.

“Will do, Andy.” Liam smiled and patted the doorjamb as he went through. “Hang tough, lad.”

Liam consciously put the whole situation with Branson out of his mind and went about his day. He did notice when Branson came back several hours later, but he didn’t rush in to say hi. He figured he’d try to stay professional and put down the concern he felt—as well as the attraction.

Maybe that’s the problem
, he thought.
Maybe he found out I was gay and isn’t comfortable around that.
Liam vowed to discover a way to find out, and if need be, put Branson at ease. But right now he had work to do.

Andy

A
NDY
TRIED
to visit Mac, and consequently Branson, as often as he could. Come Monday, he walked into Mac’s room to find Branson working on an ad campaign. He had papers spread all over his brother’s bed… and consequently all over his brother as well.

“You know, if he could, Mac would rise up right about now, and throw all of those everywhere”—Andy made his usual humorous entrance—“just to watch you have to pick them all up.”

“You know,” Branson answered, “I would gladly clean up the mess if he did.” He turned toward his brother, who had his eyes open for the moment but still didn’t seem to see anything. “Come on, Mac. Now would be a perfect time to wake up, man.”

Mac’s body actually twitched, and for a second, Andy thought maybe he was waking up, but then he came back to reality as Bran filled him in. “He’s been having petit mal seizures all day. They don’t last long.”

Andy nodded but settled in to watch Mac, just to make sure. The twitching did go away in a few seconds, so he relaxed and talked about his day with Branson.

Liam came in a couple of times while Andy was there, conversed and joked with the pair of friends, and left. Andy couldn’t help but notice that Liam gave Branson a wide berth so as not to accidentally touch him.

“You know”—Andy leaned forward after Liam left the room—“you’re giving him the impression that he’s done something to offend you.”

Branson looked up from the work he had resumed. “What?”

“The other day, when you left for errands, your hands accidentally brushed, and you acted like you’d been electrocuted. He commented on it to me. Wanted to make sure he hadn’t unintentionally done something you didn’t like.”

Branson didn’t seem to know what to say to that, so he simply looked at Andy until he continued. “I know you’re attracted to him, Bran. But you don’t need to—”

“I am
not
attracted to him!” Branson was close to panic. He looked at Mac as though he thought his older brother would turn and actually look at him at that moment and continue the argument that Branson felt put him here in the first place.

“Liar” was Andy’s reply. He understood why Branson didn’t want to act on it, but why wouldn’t he at least admit it to himself, if not to his friends? “Look, if you don’t want to act on it, that’s fine. I know why you wouldn’t want to. I know you think Mac would disapprove.”

“He would disapprove! There’s no ‘think’ about it.” Branson was still vibrating from barely controlled panic. He kept looking at Mac, apparently expecting him to start listening to his conversation at exactly the wrong time. “God, Andy, I put him here in the first place because I couldn’t conceal an attraction. I’m not going to—”

“Oh, whoa! Stop right there!” Andy got up and came around to the same side of the bed where Bran was sitting. “You did not ‘put him here’! Mac has his own problems with homosexuality, but that’s not your fault. He’s here because of his behavior… not yours.”

“You can’t blame—”

“Bran.” Andy leaned against the bedside table and looked directly at the younger man. “I’m not judging whether the accident was Mac’s fault or the other driver’s or a combination of the two. That’s not for me to say, and it has no bearing on my point. My point is that you didn’t have anything to do with it. Mac saw something he didn’t like and reacted badly. Is that directly related to why he’s here? It doesn’t really matter. What does matter is that you’re beating yourself up over something you had no control over.” When Andy saw that Bran was going to interrupt him again, he raised his hands in a “hear me out” gesture and continued. “You have no control over who you’re attracted to. You did nothing wrong by smiling at the man, and you’ve got to know that I don’t believe it would have been wrong if you had made an overture toward him.”

“But Mac….”

Andy had had about enough. “Branson Farrell, your brother is not perfect, regardless of what you’ve come to think over the years. Just because he has one view on a subject does not mean that it is the right view, or the only view. You need to stop trying to live for Mac, and follow your own heart.”

“It’s not that easy.”

“Who said anything about easy?” Andy asked honestly. “None of us finds it easy when it comes to situations where our heart is saying one thing and our head is saying another. The thing you need to do is to figure out how
you
feel about all of this. You, not Mac!”

“But—”

“No buts. Geez, Bran, you have to live your life your way. You’ve lived it for Mac long enough.”

Branson didn’t seem to know what to say to that, so he dropped his head and got back to work. Andy took that to mean “conversation over” and went back to the other side of the bed, but he was sure he’d at least given Bran something to think about.

Liam

W
HEN
L
IAM
came in to check on Mac, Branson was pitched back in the chair at Mac’s bedside.

“Tired, man?” Liam asked, not sure if Branson wanted to be disturbed by anyone, let alone by him in particular. But Branson looked up with an almost grateful look.

“Tired, bored, frustrated,” he answered. “If I look at those mock-ups any more, I’m going to go cross-eyed.”

Liam chuckled. “You work too hard, bud.” He had seen how much Branson worked while he was visiting Mac, and he was visiting Mac most of the time. Consequently, he was working most of the time.

Branson chuckled and asked Liam how the birthday party had gone that weekend.