For All of Her Life (38 page)

Shelley hesitated. “Miles. He was my sin. I used him like Keith used me. I didn’t love him, but he adored me. He protected me, he picked up the pieces after me all the time. He would have done anything for me, anything at all. And, in return, I just used him.” She stood up, staring at Kathy. “Forgive me? You’ve always meant a lot to me.”

Kathy stood up and hugged her again. “Shelley, I forgive you. But we’ve got to get all this out in the open, okay? Talk to Larry, let him know that Jordan won’t judge him for the past, we’ve just got to sort out the truth.”

“I think he already knows it,” Shelley said huskily. “Kathy, thanks for listening, thanks for being you.”

“Get back to your room, and lock your door, huh?”

Shelley nodded, and Kathy walked her to the door, watched her slip silently out into the hallway. She locked her door securely then, and lay down on the bed.

As she pressed her palm to her temple, she decided Larry was a schmuck. So what else was new? He was sly and cunning, but according to Shelley, he was a schmuck with his own brand of integrity.

Larry had been with his wife during one of the phone calls,
if
Vicky Sue had told Shelley the truth.

Shelley had been desperately in love with Keith. Miles had been desperately in love with Shelley. He would have done anything for her. Shelley’s own words. Did that include killing the man who’d so often made Shelley so miserable?

Kathy rolled over, realizing she was coming down with a splitting headache. She closed her eyes, then opened them again, lay on her back and stared at the ceiling. She tossed, she turned. Finally, she slept.

At ten
A.M.
, even without Jordan, they began practicing again. The session went well, though they stumbled some that day. They were tired, tense. They went over things several times, working mainly on the numbers in which Kathy and Shelley were the lead singers, avoiding those with long guitar solos. They still sounded like practiced musicians, but something was slightly off.

They now sounded more like they had the night Keith had died.

At three o’clock, Jordan appeared. He looked haggard. He’d showered and changed, but his eyes were red. He had such wonderful features he was always striking, but on this day he looked like a man in his forties. The group worked another few hours with Jordan, and it was amazing how things fell into place; Miles did exceptionally well with the drums, taking Keith’s place. They did old numbers, and “Shadows,” the song with which they would open and close the benefit performance. Jordan made a major difference in the way things were going.

When they at last broke up the session, they were more somber than they had been the night before. Jordan explained Tara’s condition—a full-blown concussion—and he said he was going back to the hospital after supper.

As Kathy listened to him, she wondered if the accident hadn’t perhaps strengthened Tara’s hold on Jordan. She made a point of sitting between Jeremy and Mickey at dinner, determined to make Jordan realize that she was independent, that she didn’t need pity, didn’t need someone to take care of her.

After dinner, Jordan disappeared into the guest house. Kathy was sitting by the pool with Mickey and Jeremy when she heard shouting coming from the downstairs floor. She glanced at the two men, then leapt up, hurrying toward the door.

Jeremy started to follow her.

“Let her go alone,” Mickey advised.

When Kathy reached the guest house, Larry was just bursting out of it.

“He’s the same self-righteous bastard he always was! No one is allowed a mistake!” he said.

“Wait—”

“Dammit, Kathy, what the hell is the matter with you!” Jordan suddenly thundered.

The door slammed, Larry was gone. Jordan had been packing a small bag. It stood open on the kitchen counter. He threw a razor into it and zipped it shut. “In case you didn’t know, Larry was smuggling drugs.”

“Ten years ago—”

He swung on her. “You did know.”

“Just recently—”

“But you didn’t tell me.” He turned coldly back to his bag.

“I wanted to let him tell you.”

“Yeah, and you wanted Keith to talk to me. You know so damned much all the time, while I’m tearing my hair out, yet you don’t choose to share a damned thing with me. Tell me, did you know Larry was making the phone calls as well?”

“I hadn’t—”

“Until recently,” he snapped dryly. “But you didn’t share that with me, either.”

“Damn you, Jordan—”

“He threatened lives, Kathy. He played games, he nearly destroyed all of us, and—damn him to eternity—he made a mockery of my friendship with Keith and destroyed our marriage.”

“We destroyed our marriage, Jordan. If we’d trusted one another—”

“He’s out.”

“What?”

“He’s out. I want him out of here tomorrow. There won’t be a Blue Heron with him in it.”

“Jordan, that’s wrong! He never had to come forward with the truth—”

“He was afraid it would be discovered!”

“But he didn’t have to come clean. He deserves a chance. Shelley says he’s clean—”

“She’s another bleeding heart!” Jordan said impatiently. He was tired, she saw. Angry. Unreasonable. Once before, he had put up this shield, and hadn’t let her through. He was doing it again.

“You’ve got to give him a chance.”

“I want him out of my house.”

“Well, I don’t!”

He swung on her, the Jordan she knew and had always loved. Tall, imposing, as striking in his forties as he had ever been. But suddenly a stranger. “You know what, Kathy? This isn’t your house anymore. You left it. Remember? You left me.”

“And I had a right to do it!” she cried out. “You don’t listen, you—”

“He threatened your life, Kathy. There was a knife held against your throat—”

“But you don’t know that Larry was responsible—”

“Will you excuse me, please?”

“What?”

“I’ve got to get back to the hospital.”

“Oh.”

“Mickey will be keeping an eye on Mr. Lawrence Haley, so you’ll be safe.”

“Right. You won’t need to sleep with me in order to save my life.”

He grabbed his overnight bag, starting to walk by her, then paused. “How convenient. You’ve already tortured young Jeremy enough, eh? You won’t have to sleep with me to titillate your young Lothario.”

He was near enough to be slapped. She did it—with everything she had in her. He remained dead still, staring at her. She wanted to undo it, she wanted to undo all the words they had exchanged. He was just wrong! Unless she was wrong, perhaps, taking everyone’s side but his. Still, he had judged Larry too harshly. He was exhausted, he’d been under too much tension...

And she’d played right into that.

“Lock yourself in your room,” he said curtly.

“Damn you—”

“Lock yourself in your room. Do you hear me?”

“I do. But remember, I walked out. I don’t have any say about how this house is run, and you don’t have any say over me.”

He grasped her arm. “You little fool! Don’t go getting yourself killed!”

He was hurting her. She wrenched herself free of his grasp. “I’ll lock my door, but you can just go to hell. Larry’s got you down pat. You are a self-righteous bastard.” She turned and ran from the guest house.

Jordan watched her go, his whole body shaking. As she ran past the pool, Jeremy leapt up, alarm and concern etched deeply into his young, handsome features.

Sweet Jesus, Jordan thought, he was letting everything slip away again. What the hell was the matter with him? Larry’s strange, hasty confession had set his blood to boiling, and all he could remember for a while was the way he had torn into Keith, the way he had fought with Kathy, condemning them both. And he’d been wrong. Now...

Was he wrong again?

He didn’t know. He was exhausted—and worried. Tara was hurt, and he owed her his presence, even if he didn’t want to be with her when he was worried about Kathy. He’d been a fool last night, doubting Mickey’s ability to protect her. He was tired, he was wrong...

“Jordan?”

Angel tapped lightly on his door. “Are you ready, sir?” he asked quietly. “I’ve brought the car around.”

“All set. But you know what? I’m going to drive myself. I’m not going to stay. I’m just going to explain to Tara that things are so tense here I’m afraid to be away from home.”

Angel nodded. “I’m sure she’ll understand,” he said without conviction.

“Oh, yeah,” Jordan agreed. “Women. They’re so understanding, aren’t they?”

Angel grinned suddenly. “Actually, sir, I’ve discovered they’re usually much better when you choose to deal with only one at a time.”

“Oh, great.” Jordan groaned, “I’m receiving worldly advice from my future son-in-law!”

Angel shrugged. “Well, sir, it’s just that I’m not quite as tired as you are at the moment.”

“Is that it, hmmm? Stay awake, then, and hold down the fort. I’m going to be back as soon as possible.”

Jeremy followed Kathy up to her room, tapping softly and calling out her name when she closed the door, not even realizing that he was there.

She let him in, hugging him, crying softly on his shoulder. “I thought I could manage this, that I could even sleep with him. It’s a disaster. I was a fool. He does care about her, she’s gorgeous—”

“Shhh, Kath, shhh!” Jeremy soothed. “People fight; it doesn’t mean they don’t love one another.”

“It’s the same, this is the way things began to fall apart before.”

“So don’t let it happen this time. Change things.”

“What?”

“Change the pattern. Don’t fight—or do fight—but make him listen. He will. Although I suggest you let the man get some sleep first!”

She eased back from his arms, quickly drying her cheeks, trying to tell herself that she was too old, too mature, to feel so hurt, lost, and confused. She abandoned the effort. She would never be too old for that—or for feeling ecstatic, elated. If anything, she had acquired some wisdom, enough to realize that Jeremy might be right.

“I think he really loves you, Kathy.”

“Yeah?”

“Sure sounds like it at night.”

Color rushed to her cheeks.

“You can hear—”

“I’m not deaf.”

“Oh, God.”

“But that’s not why I think he loves you. I believe he does because I’ve watched him talk to you, look at you. Kathy, face it: you came back here because you weren’t ready to give him up.”

“I had to have been! He was with Tara—”

Jeremy shook his head. “Not good enough. We can all be ‘with’ different people. If you want him, don’t run this time. Make it different. Are you listening to me?”

She nodded. “Yeah.”

“Want to go down and have a bedtime drink?”

“Are you suggesting Ovaltine?”

He laughed. “Naw, an Amaretto on the rocks. My days in a life of luxury are numbered. I want to take full advantage.”

“Sure. Let’s get a drink.”

It was quiet when they ventured downstairs. The girls were out by the pool, with Angel, and Derrick was on a lounge, watching them. Jeremy made their drinks, and then they went out and settled on lounge chairs next to Derrick, until Jeremy excused himself to toss a ball back into the water to the kids.

“You okay?” Derrick asked her softly.

She arched a brow to him.

“Well, news travels fast. We’ve all heard that Larry and Jordan had a blowup and that... You always did defend everyone Kathy. But you know what? We loved you for it.”

“Thanks. But was I right?”

“Right and wrong aren’t always that easy to determine. Still, it’s strange. I’d never imagined you and Jordan divorced. This week, with both of you here—and your daughters, your folks—it’s like it never happened.”

“Ah, but it did.”

“One day you’ll get back together.”

“We’ve made too many mistakes. But you haven’t. You and Judy have managed to stay married, together, through everything. No big blowups. You talk like human beings.”

Derrick laughed. “I’m glad you can say that. But, Kathy, most of us only see the outside of other people’s lives. I guess we have an okay marriage. Unexciting, uneventful. But it hasn’t been perfect. Years ago I had an affair. It wasn’t long before it broke up, but then Judy pretended she was having one, for revenge I think. We nearly split up. What saved us was that we became suburban. I started writing jingles, she became the perfect corporate wife. We mellowed into one another. You and Jordan are different. But it’s obvious that you still love one another.”

“Obvious?” Kathy asked doubtfully.

“Yeah.” He patted her on the knee. “Poor Tara. Hell, maybe not ‘poor.’ She’s the most beautiful creature I’ve ever seen.”

“That she is.” Kathy was silent for a minute. “It’s not that I don’t value myself, but then... why would he want me?”

“’Cause you’re beautiful all way through!” Derrick told her cheerfully.

“That’s sweet. Really sweet. Thank you.”

“My pleasure.”

Jeremy was coming back toward her. She knew he had promised Mickey he’d see that her room was clear and that she’d locked herself into it.

“When are you going to let that pleasant young Mr. Buns of yours off the hook?” Derrick asked her.

She winked. “He never was on it,” she said simply. Jeremy had reached her by then.

“Shall we go up, Kath?”

“Just a minute.” She walked to the pool, leaning down to kiss both her daughters and warning them to remain with Angel and to stay in Alex’s room throughout the night.

She gave Angel’s wet cheek a kiss as well.

“He’s coming back,” Angel whispered softly. Jordan’s coming back. He’s really worried now. He just felt he owed it to Tara to explain that he really couldn’t stay with her.”

“Thanks, Angel.”

The young man nodded and then slipped back into the water.

“Jeremy, let’s go on up. ’Night, girls, Angel!” Kathy called. After they waved to her, she stooped and gave Derrick a kiss on the forehead. “’Night. See you at breakfast,” she said.

Arm in arm, she went up the steps with Jeremy. He dutifully went through her room. She locked the door to the hallway, then he went through the connecting door to his own room, telling her good night.

Kathy changed into a white tailored nightgown, lay down, and pounded her pillow.