For a Roman's Heart (35 page)

Adrenia returned her friend’s mischievous look. “I can imagine.”

Adrenia continued her letter.

Soon we will be at the front, my Adrenia, and I don’t know how free I’ll be or when I can write. Know only that I think of you several times a day and cannot wait to feel you in my arms. Your body next to mine...I long for you naked and warm. I desire with all my heart to be inside you.

Adrenia blushed to the roots of her hair, and his words made her body sing. She twisted one finger around a strand of her hair. Her hair, now barely touching her shoulders, was easier to manage, and people didn’t notice it as much as before. She pushed one hand through her hair and imagined Terentius’s fingers doing the same. She missed him with a relentless ache.

This letter must be shorter than I wanted. There is much work to do. I hope you are well and happy and that Longa and Pella are looking after you. Hold me close to your heart, dear one. I will pray to the goddesses and gods for your happiness and safety.

She wished she could touch him and experience his arms wrapped around her with love and sensual promise. She ached to have him inside her, thrusting deep, pounding into her until she screamed in ecstasy.

Sweet Adrenia, stay safe. Do not try and send a letter. I doubt it would make it here. I will see you soon.

The gods and goddesses protect you.

Terentius

Her eyes filled with happy tears. “What a beautiful letter.”

Longa looked up from her own letter, then folded it carefully. “Indeed. So was mine.” She sighed. “We should celebrate. Tonight we will have the best wine in the house.”

Adrenia laughed and stood. “There is only one kind of wine in the house.”

“Then we shall have it. The stew will be a perfect match.”

“As it is every day.”

Longa frowned, but at the same time, her eyes mocked her seriousness. She placed her letter on the table and reached for Adrenia. She squeezed her shoulders.

“Adrenia, you are the most practical woman I know. You are allowed to be happy, though. Relieved and happy and to enjoy the moment.”

“I know. I’m sorry.”

“Let’s not be sorry. Simply enjoy. Now, I have some work to finish and so do you. See you later.”

After Longa left the room, Adrenia sagged back into her chair and reread the letter. Despite the hardships he endured, he’d taken the time to write her. Fear resided in her heart, and she wondered if he’d fought the enemy yet. The vision she’d had two days before he left Britannia never haunted her again, and she was thankful for it. At the same time, her unease about the dream never quite diminished.

Thankfully, the authorities had declared her innocent of wrongdoing in the death of Sulla. They understood that she’d defended herself from certain death. What would Terentius think once he learned she’d killed the one man he couldn’t capture?

In the meantime, she would keep this letter close to her heart. As time continued, she wove her capes, tunics and
tunica, palla
and
stola
. Her reputation around Durovigutum had grown, and respect for her weavings increased as the quality underwent inspection. Nothing could derail her from this fortune. She kissed the letter and tucked it into her bodice. It stayed there, against her heart and warmed her.

Six weeks later

Adrenia opened the front door slowly, and when she saw Celsus standing there, a creeping disquiet blocked all thoughts.

“Celsus.”

“Ma’am. May I come in?”

She moved back from the door. “Of course.”

Celsus wore his traditional helmet, the formality of his dress when he came to visit a bit unusual. The ladies had become friends with him, and he felt an obligation to check on them weekly.

“Is Longa here?” he asked.

“Yes. She’s upstairs. Would you like me to get her?”

“Please.”

“Come this way.”

After she saw him seated in the main living area, she hurried upstairs. Longa came downstairs, concern heavy on her features. Adrenia’s sensibilities told her something bad had happened. She twisted her fingers together in anxiety as they entered to find their guest standing at a window looking out. He’d removed his helmet and placed it on a table.

“Can we offer you food or drink, Celsus?” Longa asked after greeting him.

He gestured toward a couch. “No, thank you. Please sit down. I have some news to impart.”

Adrenia hated the suspense, and as she sat down next to Longa, they glanced at each other with genuine apprehension.

Adrenia’s hands felt clammy, her heartbeat picking up speed. She placed one hand over her stomach and absently caressed the bump there, as if she could soothe and protect her unborn babe. “Tell us.”

Celsus paced over to stand in front of the ladies. “This news pains me greatly, but it must be said. I have grave news, Adrenia. Terentius has been killed in battle.”

At first the words didn’t make sense to Adrenia. Her heart didn’t understand them and her mind refused to hear.

“What?” she said, her voice a thin thread of sound.

Longa reached out for Adrenia, but she stood quickly and walked away from them both. She stared back at them. Their faces were etched with genuine pain, especially Longa’s.

Celsus held up one hand. “Capito was wounded, and Victor was also killed.”

“Oh, no.” Longa’s hand went to her throat. “How is...are Capito’s wounds serious?”

Celsus shook his head. “Not that I’m aware of. He is on his way back. The campaign in the area is stable. He’s...” As if he remembered Adrenia, he turned back to her. He held one hand out, as if he could offer comfort. “Adrenia, if there is anything I can do.”

She stepped back, bumped into a table. A sharp pain tunneled through her stomach. She gasped and placed both hands over her midsection.

Tears rushed into her eyes. “Did you just say that Terentius isn’t coming back to me?” A sob slipped from her mouth as tears spilled in a torrent. “No. No.”

Darkness mingled with a soul-searing mental pain and sent her into oblivion.

Two months later

“Adrenia?”

Pella’s concerned voice cut through Adrenia’s thoughts, and Adrenia noticed the wagon had halted in the forum in front of her shop. Pontius often helped them on fair and market days and drove the wagon. Pella sat next to him, while Adrenia sat in the back. Longa had returned to living with Capito at the fort a week ago when he’d returned. Capito, with his limp from a leg wound, didn’t seem quite right. The liveliness within him hadn’t returned...at least not yet. She remembered his words when he’d seen her again for the first time, when he’d held her to him and spoken in broken tones.

“Dear Adrenia, I’m so sorry. I...we looked for Victor and for Terentius after the battle. Their shields were found, but somehow, in the confusion...we never located their bodies.”

Adrenia had pushed away from him and managed to choke out her consolation, that Capito returned safely to Longa. Then she’d fled to her room for the rest of the night, a heartsick feeling so excruciating she thought it would tear her apart.

Back in the present, Pella’s voice rang out. “Adrenia?”

“I’m fine. You go ahead. I want to sit here a while,” Adrenia said.

Her friends exchanged looks that said they worried for her. She knew she’d done some odd things since hearing of Terentius’s passing. Sometimes she’d find herself staring off into space, her memories of time with Terentius her only thoughts. She worked long hours to produce as many garments as possible. She’d eaten well in the last two weeks, even though her appetite hadn’t returned. She must keep up her strength to produce garments. To survive even when the pain of living without her love seared her breath from her lungs.

At the same time, she had found a new strength. When she’d awakened after hearing of Terentius’s death, she’d feared for her baby. But she hadn’t lost her child. And with the promise of new life inside her, she made a vow. She would ensure that her child never wanted for the love and affection she had lacked as a child. Her babe might lack a father now, but Adrenia would see that her son or daughter would know only the best her mother could give.

Pella reached for her hand and squeezed it. “You are sure you’ll be all right?”

Adrenia smiled, happy to sit here and relax. “I’ll be along shortly. I just want to notice the hustle and bustle. The life in this place.”

The lines between Pella’s eyes said she didn’t believe Adrenia, but they headed into the shop without her. Adrenia watched them walk away, then climbed from the wagon. She leaned against the side while the two horses at the front puffed in the cool air. She drew in a deep breath and savored spring’s return. She closed her eyes and tried to remember what it had been like last year when she’d escaped Sulla and Terentius had rescued her from the crowd during the pandemonium. At the thought of Terentius, who was never far from her mind, she felt an ache in her midsection. She placed her palm on her rounded stomach.

After she’d lost Terentius, the world had narrowed for weeks into a dim place where nothing would come right again. Only in the last two weeks had she ventured out much. What would she have done without the love of her friends? They’d nurtured her when she’d gone quiet and still as the tomb she planned to erect for Terentius. She took one day at a time, one step in front of the other, even when sometimes it seemed she couldn’t do one more thing, last another more minute.

Adrenia closed her eyes again and listened to the world. Despite her loss, life went on. Despite the pain grinding a hole inside her day after day, others found the strength to do and be. She would live for Terentius, to keep his memory alive for as long as possible. Tomorrow she would honor him by taking his belongings, a few things she believed she could part with, and sacrificing them in the river to the gods. She would ask the gods and goddesses to praise him and keep him in their arms in comfort and rest. It was the least she could do. She kept his statuette in a small bag at her waist, the one she’d kissed every day and that resided at her altar each night. She prayed, still, every morning and night.

“Well, will you look at who is here?” a female voice said, snide and scathing.

Adrenia’s eyes popped open. She would know that hateful inflection anywhere. Cordia stood not five feet from her, along with her mother, Nerva.

Adrenia didn’t find their presence unnerving. Since Terentius’s passing, Adrenia worried less about minor things. Some things, though, could not pass unnoticed.

“Cordia. Nerva. How nice to see you.” She kept her tone neutral. “What brings you to the forum?”

“Certainly not to see you,” Cordia said, her eyes snapping.

The words bounced off Adrenia as if she’d never heard them.

Nerva stepped forward. “Cordia, come away. Leave her in peace.”

“Nerva, I’m sorry to hear about Cordus passing. He was a good man,” Adrenia said. “I hope you will visit me at the shop when you are up to it.”

Though the woman looked surprised, she nodded. “I will. Thank you.”

Right then she heard a male voice calling her name, and it shook her to the core. She was going mad. Surely, most surely, the gods tortured her.

“Adrenia!”

She jerked her head to the right. There, striding across the square at a good clip, was—

“Terentius?” The word came as a single breath, so soft Adrenia knew no one else could hear.

He smiled, and the love and relief in his face turned everything on its head. Walking behind him, some distance back, was Capito, Longa, Pella and Pontius. Their smiles equaled Adrenia’s. Adrenia started to walk toward Terentius, the disbelief still warring with amazement, with profound joy. She broke into run. Terentius crossed the space with arms held out to her, his strides quickening.

Just as they met and his arms went around her, she heard his voice whisper her name as reverently as he might praise a goddess. Tears poured down her face as she buried her face in his shoulder. His embrace crushed her to him, and then he tilted her face upward. Their lips meshed, then parted, then meshed again.

“Please tell me I haven’t gone insane?” Adrenia said, her throat so tight she could barely speak. “Are you a ghost? Tell me this isn’t some dream sent to torment me.”

“No my dear, sweet Adrenia,” he whispered. “I’m here, and I love you.
I love you
.”

“I love you, Terentius. With everything inside me.” She laughed and cried some more as his words sent her heart singing with an overwhelming delight she never wanted to leave. “What happened to you? We thought… I thought…”

“I know.” He kissed her forehead, her nose, her lips. “Everyone thought I was dead.”

Adrenia sensed her friends clustered nearby. She heard their excited voices, their happy whoops and laughter.

She cupped his face. He looked tired but otherwise healthy and hearty. “What happened?”