Fool Me Once (8 page)

“Almost succeeded here Eva. Even drunk though I have the will and the power to resist your many charms. Sorry darlin’ but you won’t add me to your long list of lovers.”

Why? Why did he have to be so cruel? She tried to stop her tears, tried to contain her sobs. She really did, but seeing him standing in front of her, fully clothe, while she was half naked on his bed, looking like a wanton, hearing him reject her once again, she could not help it. She grabbed a blanket off his bed, wrapped it around her shoulders, and sobbing, ran to the bathroom. She sat in a corner, and gathered her knees in her arms. She hid her face against her thighs, trying unsuccessfully to muffle her tears.

She knew she shouldn’t care, knew that it had been hopeless from the beginning. She also knew she should thank her good fortune that he stopped when he did because she would never have had the strength to do so herself. She convinced herself that not stopping this would have been one of the greatest mistakes in her life. He didn’t like her, let alone love her. She knew all that; had known all along, yet she couldn’t console herself. She refused to analyze why she felt so sad, refused to acknowledge what it might mean, choosing to hate him, rather then try to understand why she was half naked in his bathroom, crying. Bitterly, she convinced herself she hated him more then ever now, that she could no longer stand the sight of his knowing smile, his cold eyes, and his naked chest. She despised him, yet it hurt so much to do so.

She had to get out of there she decided, so she dried her tears, lifted her chin, and opened the door that led to the bedroom. She calmly retrieved her bra at the foot of the bed and stuffed it in the back pocket of her jeans. Then, she grabbed her sweater, put it on and without a word walked back out in the darkness of the night. She wanted to forget Jake, forget he existed, forget the way he had made her feel, she wanted to get on with her life. Get her life back! She slammed the door behind her, missing the quiet words of apology he whispered.

He heard her walking around and grabbing her clothes. He heard the door opening and closing, he heard and felt her walking out of his life once again. He had listened to her cry in the bathroom, his forehead against the door. He had had to use all his will powers not to walk in and cradle her in his arms to whisper to her that everything would be all right. Yet, he certainly knew everything was not going to be fine. He didn’t understand why he felt this way towards her, why he wanted to comfort her when he knew her true nature. He knew her as a woman, who could say, “I love you” to one man, then be in another man’s arms a minute later. More and more, he was starting to have doubts edging at his mind. Should he have listened to her and refused to believe what his own two eyes showed him? Maybe one and one don’t always equal two after all. Was it the fear of what loving her could do to him that kept him from taking her? Was he afraid he could never get enough if he had her once? NO! NO! She was as self-absorbed, conniving little bitch, a liar! She was, had to be, he saw her, he heard her, and damn it, he felt it! Didn’t he? YES! He had felt the pain of the betrayal, had expected that pain when he had come to care for her so long ago, and she hadn’t disappointed him. She surely wasn’t worth for him to worry about her, she wasn’t worth a second thought; but then why was he having second, third, forth and fifth thoughts? Damn but her body had felt good, she had felt so right. Damn! He heard her slam the door and whispered, “I’m so sorry.” He didn’t know whether the words were for him or for her, but he had needed to say them.

The night once again enveloped her. Shivering in the cold air, she clenched her keys between her fingers and, for the hundredth time, cursed her stupidity. Walking the streets in the middle of the night and kissing Jake, she sure scored high on the stupid scale tonight. Shaking her head, she increased her speed. She cursed herself for coming up with the idea of checking up on Jake, cursed herself for having left her car back at the hall and cursed herself again just because she felt like it. What on earth did she think checking on Jake would accomplish? If he had been hurt it had been his own fault; he had deserved it. She should definitely not feel responsible, or guilty. How could he be so cold and cruel, why did he act that way? Argh! She was wasting way too much brain power thinking about him and his actions, what she should start doing is take boxing lessons, in case he ever came close to her again. She knew better then to walk alone at night, same as she knew better then to fall for Jake again. Not that she had, mind you. Again, she forced the thoughts of him out of her mind, deliberately ignoring the little voices chanting to her that she had indeed fallen in love with him again, or maybe that she had never actually fallen out of love. Why else would he have the power to hurt her so much? Why else would she care so much how he was and whether he was hurt? Why else would she have come out at night and walked miles just to see him? Talking about walking at night, she looked around in the hopes of detecting prospective criminals if they were in the area. She felt so vulnerable. Her eyes darted right and left, left and right. She decided to walk in the middle of the street, this way she could keep an eye on everything around her and she wouldn’t be so close to the bushes lining the street. She walked faster; hoping her bout of insanity would not cause her any additional troubles. She was starting to calm down and feel safer when she heard footsteps behind her; she tried not to panic, told herself to keep her head clear. Even as she thought so, she realized she couldn’t. Who in their right mind would be found walking the streets at this undue time of the night, or very early morning, whichever? She started running, she knew that at the end of the street was a twenty-four hour convenient store, if she could just reach it, she would be safe. However, the high heel boots she was wearing, were no match against the muffled sound of the running shoes catching up to fast.

“Eva, for God’s sake stop running.”

She stopped, she knew that voice, and to her it was almost scarier then any knife or gun any criminal could have pointed at her. She almost started running again, but knew that despite his alcohol abuse, she would never be able to outrun him.

“Jake? Why are you following me? Shouldn’t you be passed out by now?”

“I would rather be passed out then out here running after you in the small hours of the morning, that’s for sure! But as it happens, I had no choice in the matter, not had I? My foggy mind just realized you hadn’t driven to my house, which could only mean you were stupid enough to walk across town in the middle of the night. I didn’t see you stop in my living room to call a taxi. Against my better judgment, I decided to walk you home safe.”

“Oh sure, now you worry about my well-being. Thank you, but I can manage just fine.” she answered, too proud to admit that she had been out of her mind with fright just a minute earlier. Although, now that she thought about it, better to face any criminals, then Jake. She would have better chances to come out of the encounter unhurt.

“Don’t thank me, I am not doing it for you, I am doing it for me. I don’t want to be held responsible if something happens to you. So you see, this is entirely selfish. Don’t go on thinking I care what happens; as long as it happens and I can’t suffer any guilt from it, I don’t give a damn. Walk in dark alleys, get yourself killed or raped all you want, and like everyone else, I shall say what a shame, but will go on the next day as if nothing had ever happened.”

Speechless, she gasped at his harsh words. She shouldn’t have been surprised, that’s the kind of things she should expect from him. His words were still painful though. Frustrated and hurt, she lengthened her stride, trying to distance herself from the insufferable man that seemed set on following her.

“Don’t you worry yourself about me Jake, at the corner store over there, I will call a cab, and save you the trouble of worrying about your peace of mind.” She said through clenched teeth.

“Nah, you see, I rather not take the chance. I just watched the movie “The bone collector”, and well with my luck, you’d end up steamed. Plus, walking will do me good, I need to sober up.”

The walk back was silent, neither of them willing to say anything, ignoring each other, yet being very aware of the every step taken by the other. Eva could sense Jake more then she could see him, but it was as unsettling if not more.

“Well, here I am. This is where I live. Thank you, I guess.”

“Mmm yes, ok... so…err how do I get back to my place?”

“Damn Jake, couldn’t you pay attention?” Eva asked exasperated.

“Honey, nor you or me could pay attention on that long walk back here. I’m afraid we were a bit too aware of each other, of what almost happened. I’m not saying, I’m happy about the fact I was thinking about it, nor am I saying I wanted to think about it. All I’m saying is that right now, I am too weak to fight it. So please, just tell me how to get home.” He sounded so weary. Eva felt her hatred and anger at him diminish. She couldn’t let him walk all the way back home, he would probably pass out somewhere on the way. She tried to rationalize, saying to herself that the reason why she was going to offer her couch to him was because that despite his harsh and cruel attitude and his obvious disdain of her, he still had walked her back and ensured she was safe. She should return the favor. She figured she owed him a place to sleep for the rest of the night.

“You can have my couch for tonight.” She said matter of factly.

“I won’t say no” was Jake’s only response to the offer.

The short hours remaining till sunrise seemed endless. Eva kept tossing and turning, replaying the entire night in her head. She could still feel his hands on her…his lips on hers, on her body. She punched her pillow frustrated. Not only was she completely awake, but also to add insult to injury, she could hear Jake’s snoring. He had passed out right away on the sofa, as if he had no problems with the world, as if nothing had affected him. Once again, her pillow took the blunt of her frustration. Why? Why did she always seem to screw up when it came to him? Realizing what she had just thought, she laughed humorlessly. Once again, she was putting the blame on her, rather then where it rightfully belonged. She had made a small mistake eight years ago, but she had been young. She wasn’t guilty of anything anymore, except maybe, caring too much for a man who didn’t deserve it. How dare he presume he knew her, and who in hell was he to judge her? She tossed again, wishing for sleep to come, wishing she could forget the way he had made her feel, wishing he didn’t hate her so much. Finally, at dawn, she fell in an exhausted sleep; almost forgetting Jake was a mere twenty feet away from her.

The first thing he felt when he first woke up was a pounding headache; the first thing he saw was a vision in a white flowing satin robe. He covered his eyes with his right hand, trying to block the blinding rays of the morning sun, and to erase the vision he saw. Hallucinating was never good, although it was a pretty hallucination. He tossed and rolled on his side, falling off the too narrow couch.

“What the hell?” his angry voice startled Eva.

She rushed back inside from the balcony where she had gone to clear her thoughts; her attempts had been a complete failure. She hadn’t calmed down, hadn’t forgotten last night and was as wound up as she was when went for coffee and realized who was sleeping on her couch. The memories had come rushing back, and no matter how she turned them in her mind or try to analyze them, she still felt the burning blush of embarrassment. She thought about running out and just leaving him the number of a taxicab company, but she shook the idea out of her head. Running away was not her style, although right at this moment, she sure wished she were a coward.

“Good morning.” She said tentatively.

His head jerk up and she almost winced as she met his thunderous look.

“Err…are you ok?”

“Beside the hammer pounding in my brain, the blinding light in my eyes and the fact that I have just fallen off the couch of the last person I ever want to wake up to? Oh beside that, everything is just peachy.”

He swore under his breath as he took in Eva’s stricken look. He truly was an asshole. Damn, but he did hate to hurt her. Not that he didn’t mean what he had said, but darn, sometimes he wished he knew how to just shut up. He also wished he wasn’t so vulnerable to her that he had to erect 20 feet barriers between them. Even so, maybe he should ease up on her a little. After all, he was in her living room. Even after everything he had done and said to her, she still had the decency to let him stay at her place. He wasn’t any better then her really. However, she didn’t give him time to take back his words or apologize. Her eyes flashing with hostility, she pointed the door to him.

“Get out! And next time ask yourself who the bad guy is in all of this. Me? Or you? My guess is, if you really think about it, you will vote that you win that contest hands down. Now get the hell out, and stay out of my way. I had enough of you. You go around as if you are as pure as driven snow. Whatever Jake. You have absolutely no right to speak to me like you just did. Remember that all your accusations are only that, they aren’t facts. They are based on what you think you saw, as opposed to what really was. I’m tired of explaining myself again and again. I am done with it. Just go away! And please, do your best not to run into me again.”

At those words, she turned her back on him and went into her bedroom, slamming the door behind her. She didn’t want to think; she was tired of thinking about and re-thinking everything, tired of being hurt. Had she really thought that today would be better, that all his anger would have dissipated in the light of day? Had she really been that naive? Shaking her head, she realized she had been. Trembling with repressed fury, she kicked the wall, stubbing her big toe. Jumping up and down in pain, she uttered a couple of well chosen swear words. The sudden knock on her door startled her, then it just plan angered her,