Fool for Love (Believe #2) (27 page)

He seems so young and carefree as he laughs at my odd observations, and I have to admit that I like it a whole lot.

Damn it.

There goes my heart, falling at his feet at last. I’m elated but frightened at the same time. Overwhelmed with the realisation that I have done the very thing I ordered myself not to do, I force it away, locking it up in my mind.

Garrett’s laughter dies down and he leans back on a deep sigh. He shifts in his seat to face me, and from the calculating gleam in his eyes, I get the sense that he’s about to say something that I won’t like. He takes the remote from the coffee table and turns off the TV.

“What happened between you and your mother, Suzy?”

I scowl at him and wipe my sticky hands on a paper towel.

“I don’t want to talk about it.”

He raises an eyebrow at me. “Why not? I told you something from my past last night. It’s only fair that you reveal something about yourself.”

I raise my chin. “My favourite colour is purple.”

He shakes his head. “Cute – but I’m not letting you off the hook.” He puts his elbow on the edge of the couch and rests his head on his hand.

I blow out a breath but keep my silence. I don’t want to give in.

“Look, Suzy, contrary to what you might think, I actually prefer to know a little bit about the women I sleep with.”

I narrow my eyes at him and cross my arms. He frowns back at me.

“Okay – I know I come off as cold and…stand-offish,” he admits, now avoiding my eyes. “And I admit that when we first met, I thought I wouldn’t have any kind of desire to get to know you, but…”

I hold my breath, waiting for him to continue, to reveal another side to him.

He raises his head, frown still in place. “But for some odd reason, I want to know
you
, waif. Not just sexually.”

He stops, a stubborn set to his chin, and I know that I’ll tell him what he wants to know.

I huff and put the bowl of popcorn down on the floor before turning to lean back in my seat. I reach for my wine glass and end the contents in large gulps.

I need some liquid courage in order to reveal this part of me to him.

“Well, I don’t quite know where to start, I guess.” I look down and draw up my knees to my chest, fiddling with a loose thread on my yoga pants.

“Is your mother the reason why you came to New York?”

I nod. “Sort of. I mean, I’ve always wanted to travel, especially to this city, but the last conversation we had with each other kind of made me just go for it.” I stop to gather my thoughts.

I look out the window, taking in the coloured lights from the building across from ours, and wet my lips.

“My mother is a very…formal kind of woman. She likes things to be neat, in order. She likes to be in control. She’s never worked a day in her life, seemingly content to lead the life of high society. She likes to feel that her throwing parties for my father, appearing as the perfect Stepford kind of wife contributes to his political career.” Bitterness coats my words, and I can’t hide it from Garrett.

“It doesn’t sound like a warm relationship you had with her growing up?” His low voice seems hypnotising.

“It wasn’t. But it was okay. I’m not going to bore you with all the details, Garrett, and I didn’t have a bad childhood. You learn to accept it when you’re a child, and at least I wasn’t left with a nanny that often. I was pretty close to my dad, actually. That is, at least until recently.”

“What happened?”

I take a deep breath. “I came out to my mother. I felt it was time that she and dad knew about the fact that I’m bisexual – that there was a chance that the love of my life would one day turn out to be a woman instead of a man. God, the look on her face…”

Tears flow down my cheeks as I think back on that day – on the look of shock followed by disgust in my mother’s eyes. The way she stepped back from me, putting distance between us.

“Garrett, has anyone ever looked at you as if you’re worse than filth?” I ask him and try to blink the tears away so that I can see him clearly. “As if you’re dirtier than dirt?”

He grimaces and looks down. “Yeah. It’s…unpleasant.”

I snort and wipe my running nose on my sleeve.

“Yeah, you can say that again. Anyway – Is there more wine?”

Without a sound, Garrett gets up and walks to the fridge. I need more if I’m to get through the rest of my story, and I also need more time to settle down instead of coming off as a hysterical woman. I take him in as he opens the bottle and returns to me. I never thought a man wearing nothing but sweatpants and an old, threadbare T-shirt could make my mouth water, but there he is – utterly delicious. His hair hangs down his back, and for the millionth time, I wish he’d shave his beard down to a scruff so that I can see his features better.

The beard may feel wonderful on my body, but it bothers me that there’s a part of him – maybe even the most important part – that is unreadable to me.

He stops in front of me and pours a hefty amount in my glass before he puts the bottle on the coffee table.

“Finish it,” he orders, handing me the glass. I do as I’m told. The buzz coursing through me from the wine makes the rest seem easier to handle.

He goes back to his seat opposite me, pushing Rufus gently to give me room to stretch out my legs, and I smile when the dog puts his head on my knees. I run my hand through his soft fur, marvelling at the loud hum from his throat as he leans into my caresses.

“You really have the most wonderful dog, Garrett,” I whisper, kind of sad that I can’t call him my own.

“I know,” he answers gruffly. “Now, get the rest out, Suzy. What happened next?”

I start talking again.

“Well, as you can imagine, I was so hurt when she told me that she’d pretend I’d never confessed such an abominable thing, and that we’d never speak of it again, either. Obviously, I shouted at her, tried to make her understand that it’s not just something I can switch off – as if it’s my own decision to be born the way I am.”

I hiccup as a new round of tears begins to fall. The small part of my brain that’s not drunk warns me that I’m going to have a massive headache if I drink anymore, but I don’t care.

I want to fall asleep, to become lost in a haze of oblivion, and to avoid seeing the inevitable pity in Garrett’s eyes when I tell him the rest of it.

“So: harsh words were exchanged from both of us, and I do regret some of the things I called her, but regrets are for the weak and lonely people. I refuse to be that again.”

I reach for the bottle and pour the rest of the wine in my glass, my hand shaking. I sit back, blinking to keep my eyes focused on my glass. I don’t want to spill any on his fine leather couch.

Garrett takes my glass that’s halfway to my mouth and I frown at him, annoyed by his interruption.

“You’ll have a massive headache in the morning if you don’t stop now,” he states as he sets is aside on the table, out of my reach.

“You’re so annoying,” I slur.

He chuckles.

“Oh, really?”

“Mmm…” I slide down the couch, placing my head on the armrest and close my eyes. “And bossy.”

“You love that about me,” he mumbles.

I’m not that far gone that I admit he’s right. When I feel his hand shaking my foot lightly, I squint at him.

“I need to know the rest, waif.” The stubborn set to his mouth tells me that it doesn’t matter if I refuse; he’ll wait me out.

I groan in defeat. “Fine. Our fight ended with her shouting that she wished that my father hadn’t had a sordid little affair with an office clerk when they were young, because that would mean that I’d never been born. So, basically, it turns out that if daddy dearest had kept his cock in his pants, I wouldn’t exist.”

Garrett curses under his breath, and I chuckle darkly.

“Yeah. Apparently, my
parents
couldn’t conceive a child, so when daddy’s indiscretion came to him, asking for money to help with my upbringing, he gave her a counter-offer.”

“I don’t like the sound of this,” Garrett mutters.

I narrow my eyes at him, wishing that the room would stop spinning like mad.

“You’re the one who wanted to get to know me,” I make air quotes on
the get to know me
part. “You asked for it.”

“I did. So I gather that offer stated that she should give you up for adoption, and that they’d bring you up instead of your biological mother?”

“Yep. And that they’d provide her with a steady income by transferring a certain amount every month until I turned eighteen.”

Silence descends on us, and I can feel that I’m starting to drift off, so I start talking again. I want to get everything out now that I’ve started.

“Okay, after that, I went kind of nuts, threatening my mother that I’d hurt her if she didn’t give me my real mother’s full name and social security number. And what do you know? In walks my father, spitting mad. He goes right up to me and slaps me for speaking that way to her.”

“He fucking what?!” Garrett roars and jumps from his seat. I tilt my head and take in his curled fists and the furious glint in his eyes. Warmth fills me for some inane reason, seeing him like this…because of
me
. He looks ready to rip my father a new asshole for slapping me.

Wow. He looks so hot.

“You know,” I muse and try to sit up, pushing Rufus away. When the room spins even more, I twitch and lie down again. “Never mind. I’m too drunk to finish that thought. I don’t even know why I’m still talking.”

“Just…give me a minute,” he growls. I close my eyes.

I’m unaware of how much time passes, but it can’t be long since I avoid falling asleep on him.

“Alright,” he breathes and I can feel his arms wrap around my shoulders and underneath my knees. “You’re completely wasted, Suzy-Q. My apologies. I didn’t know you were such a lightweight.”

He lifts me, and I wrap my arms around his neck and tuck my face underneath his chin. His scent is comforting, familiar…

“I want to wear your scent as my perfume,” I whisper. He stops briefly and chuckles at me.

“You don’t know what you’re saying…”

“Yes, I do…you feel like home to me.”

I’m so far gone that I don’t notice the way his body freezes up, or that his breath comes out on a long whoosh.

“Sleep, waif,” he murmurs softly. I can feel my bed at my back as he puts me down, tucking me in as if I were a child. “Just let everything go. Rest that busy head of yours.”

I open my eyes as he takes off my pants, and I reach out my hand to him.

“Please stay with me,” I plead, hoping against hope that he’ll do as I ask.

He hesitates, a torn look in his eyes.

“I haven’t forgotten what you told me, Garrett. Our arrangement still stands. But…tonight, please hold me until I fall asleep. Please? I need to know…” I stop and drowsiness overtakes me at last.

The mattress dips down beside me, and I scoot closer as I feel Garrett’s comforting body beside me. I put my arm over his stomach and, in a bold move, let my my legs tangle with his. I sigh, finally able to relax properly for the first time in the past hour.

“What do you need to know?” he whispers, voice hoarse and uncertain.

“I need to know that while I’ll never mean much to you…” I yawn and start to drift off. “That I still matter, just a little.”

I’m no longer completely conscious, and I don’t catch his reply. I only vaguely take in the lingering kiss on my forehead, and I fall asleep with a smile on my face.

Suzy’s adorable snoring keeps me awake most of the night.

Or…that’s what I try to trick myself to believe.

I know it’s not that. I know her warm body lying close to mine is the reason.

Her last words before she fell asleep haunt me, running over and over again in my head like a broken record. That and the tale she told me, that is.

I want to wring her father’s neck and to shake some sense into her mother.

Suzy stirs in her sleep, and when she snuggles closer on a soft sigh, my heart trips in my chest. I tilt my head to take in her sleeping form, and the need to give in, to wrap her more in my arms, and to fall asunder is crushing me.