Following Bliss (The Quest series) (16 page)

Daniel felt her
hand move from his shoulder and a cold breeze rushed past his right ear. She
had left for now. His attention focused back in on the ceremony as he saw
Shelby glancing his way. He wanted to smile or offer some type of expression,
but he was too stunned to move.

# # #

Daniel was
waiting for Shelby with two glasses of red wine once she finished her
not-wedding wedding photo duties. As she came walking up to him, a huge smile
on her face, dressed in her candy pink strapless A-line bridesmaid dress,
Daniel couldn’t help but shake his head in disbelief. If someone had told him
his life would consist of communication from his deceased mother and a gorgeous
woman that he was in all likelihood going to spend the rest of his life with, he
would have laughed in their face. But, here he was. And it was real.

“Thank you
so
much Daniel,” Shelby said as he handed her the glass of wine. “You have no
idea how ready I am to get out of these heels and dress, and just relax.”

Daniel put his
arm around Shelby’s waist, pulling her to him. “You don’t know how ready I am
to get you out of those heels and that dress,” he murmured in her ear.

Shelby turned to
kiss him, letting her response be conveyed in her kiss.

“Hey, hey, you
two, you better watch out or you’ll be next!” Kathryn hollered at them as she
walked past, swatting at Shelby’s behind.

Daniel and
Shelby looked at one another and laughed nervously. Daniel couldn’t help but
reflect on what his mother had shared with him during the ceremony. Shelby
secretly hoped that since this was a commitment ceremony, there would not be a
bouquet toss. She hurried to change the subject.

“So…what did you
think?” she asked.

“Of the
ceremony?” Daniel was surprised she wasn’t immediately commenting on the amount
of energy that enveloped the exchange.

“Yes, of the
ceremony.”

“Didn’t you feel
it? I thought for sure you were feeling it,” Daniel asked.

“Feel...all the
love? Absolutely. Or…the energy? It seemed to me like the officiant had a
direct connection with Mother Nature and was using it to amplify the
experience. Is that what you meant?”

Daniel was
excited to have been so tuned in to all of the energy flowing during the
ceremony, so much so he could share with Shelby his experience.  

“Yes, the wind
was definitely at the officiant’s mercy. I couldn’t believe how it seemed to
blow through on cue. But, I think it was more than her only working with Mother
Nature…”

The look in
Daniel’s eyes was mysterious and told Shelby he knew more than he was letting
on.

“What? What did
I miss? What happened? If you had another in-person conversation with your mom,
I’m going to be so bummed that I missed it!”

“It wasn’t
exactly in person—I could only hear and feel her.”

“You. Are. So.
Lucky. What did she say? Kathryn will be so honored that she made an appearance
at her commitment ceremony.” Gone were the days when Shelby felt overwhelmed
and uncertain about Daniel’s mother’s messages. Now that Daniel was open, the
messages came directly to him and Shelby missed having that connection with a
soul on the other side.

Daniel paused.
And here was the tricky part of talking to Shelby about this. How did he let
her know that she was his “destiny point and they were meant to also have a
commitment ceremony or wedding even if they chose?” First, he was going to have
to figure out what that even meant. He was going to need a little more time. So,
he decided instead to say the first thing that popped into his mind, “She wants
us to go visit her grave.”

# # #

While Shelby was
surprised that Daniel’s mother had shown up at Kathryn and Scott’s not-wedding wedding
to ask for their appearance at her grave (a place she obviously did not
inhabit), she trusted that if that’s what the request had been, then it was
what they should do. The following day, she went to meet Daniel at his place for
a drive up to his mother’s grave, which was located at cemetery near Washington
Park.

It was a clear
and much crisper November day than Kathryn and Scott’s ceremony , which meant
Shelby bundled up in her black Ugg boots, skinny jeans (complete with knee-high
socks underneath for added warmth), and a fitted black fleece zip-up to prepare
for their time outside. She wasn’t sure how long they would be out there or
what might occur, so she wanted to be prepared for anything.

As she pulled up
to Daniel’s studio, an eerie feeling came over her. Today was not a usual day
and the grave visit that Daniel’s mother had requested was going to be more
than dropping off some flowers and a few words. Shelby didn’t know what it was
or what was going to happen, but she felt it distinctly inside of her—that
something important was about to take place.

When she walked
into Daniel’s apartment, her intuition was confirmed. Daniel was dressed in a
black turtleneck and dark jeans, with a wool jacket and heather gray scarf. His
face was ashen. He seemed to be engrossed in re-arranging papers on his kitchen
table, looking up briefly to give Shelby a strained smile when she came in.

“Daniel, what’s
going on? Are you okay?” Shelby walked over to him, reaching out for his hand.

He looked up,
with tears in his eyes. “Shelby. There’s something I didn’t tell you about this
visit.”

“That’s okay
honey. You can tell me now if you want. Let’s sit down.” Shelby took him by the
hand over to the edge of his bed.

“So…going to my
mom’s grave. Well, it’s something I haven’t done in a while.”

“Oh, sweetie,”
Shelby was slightly confused. “That’s okay. It’s not like you have to go see
her. She comes to you now.” Shelby rubbed his back gently.

He stiffened and
pulled away, speaking with an edge in his voice.

“And by a while,
I mean since she passed—11 years. I haven’t been there ever actually. I never
even went to her funeral.” Daniel put his hands to his face and his voice was
muffled. “That’s why I couldn’t believe she was visiting me, and I wondered why
she wasn’t angry with me. Which is why when you told me she was proud of me, I
completely shut down and dis-engaged from you. I couldn’t fathom that she could
feel that way about me, and I couldn’t handle the intensity of the feelings I
was having. I have been a coward, I couldn’t face her or even pay her proper
respect when she passed.”

He took a deep
breath in between sobs. Shelby sat still, listening intently, letting him
process what he was feeling. “I didn’t think it would be a big deal to go out
there with you after she came to me yesterday at the ceremony. But, as we’ve
gotten closer to this afternoon, I feel this heaviness and guilt inside of me.
How could I be so unloving to my mother? My mother, who worked so tirelessly
when she was alive to take care of me, and who even now when she has crossed
over has been working so tirelessly to help get me back on the right track. And
then you…”

His voice
trailed off, followed by deep sobs. “You’ve been nothing but supportive and
loving, even when I doubted that you were in fact getting messages from my
mother. And taking you to the grave for the first time for me and for you is…more
intense than I thought it would be.”

Shelby sat next
to him while he sobbed. She closed her eyes saying a silent prayer that he
would be supported in connecting to the truth of the situation, that his mother
held no grudges and that what mattered now was that he was showing his deep
love and respect to her.

After a few
minutes, Daniel sat up, looking over at Shelby, his eyes red and blurry. She
smiled. He was still the most handsome man she had ever laid eyes on. She
reached out and smoothed his hair, leaning in and kissing him softly on the
cheek. “I love you Daniel.”

He squeezed her
hand. “I love you Shelby. Thank you for letting me get that out. Logically I
know this shouldn’t matter, but emotionally all of the guilt I’ve been feeling
for so long is welling up and coming out. I don’t even know what kind of state
her headstone will be in. I had to call my aunt to find out approximately where
it would be located.”

“Thank you for
sharing where you’re at. I want you to know that I do not hold any judgment. I
do not care about what happened in the past, all I care about is that we’re
right here, right now, and we’re going to visit your mother’s grave. We know
that she can communicate with us whenever she wants and vice versa. And now
we’re going to visit a place that your family carved out as a location anyone
could go to feel that connection—even though it exists anywhere, at any time.”

Daniel wiped his
face and nodded. “I totally agree, although I didn’t know any of this until the
past two months. I think I need to forgive myself for not being able to do this
11 years ago. In many ways, visiting today will be like a new beginning. A
beginning…” Daniel turned and faced Shelby, holding both of her hands. “that I
get to have with you.”

Shelby leaned in
again, kissing him slowly.

“So see, it’s
perfect.”

“It is perfect,”
Daniel said, wrapping his arms tightly around Shelby.

# # #

“My aunt said it
was near the far right corner of the cemetery,” Daniel said as he and Shelby
climbed out of her black Prius.

He pointed and
the two began walking in that direction, hand-in-hand.

“How are you
feeling Daniel?” Shelby asked.

“I actually feel
lighter since sharing with you,” he said, squeezing her hand. “I feel ready to visit
her grave and do what I came here to do.” In his other hand, Daniel held three
sunflowers, his mother’s favorite flower. “You cannot not smile and look at a
sunflower,” his mother used to say. Every time Daniel saw one, he would hear
her words. Now, he could make himself and his mother smile by facing what he
had long been avoiding. He didn’t even know why going to his mother’s grave was
the first thing he said when Shelby asked about his mother’s request. But, he
had a sense he was about to find out.

Shelby wasn’t
sure what it was Daniel came there to do, but she knew she supported him
wholeheartedly. She couldn’t imagine being in his position, carrying around
guilt and hurt for 11 years, only to realize that his mother had been with him
the whole time, trying to communicate and connect with him.

As they neared
the area of the cemetery where Daniel believed his mother’s headstone to be,
they began reading the names in search of Ann Tillman. They looked around for a
bit, with no luck. Finally, Shelby said she would go further into the center of
the cemetery to look while Daniel continued the search near the outside edges.
She had walked several feet when she heard Daniel call out her name. His voice
cracked when he tried to say more, so she knew he had found it. Shelby turned
and ran back toward him. He was on his knees, brushing away grass and debris
from the headstone, so he could see it clearly.

Ann Tillman
December 7, 1946 – September 7, 2002
Following bliss. Nothing ever dies and nothing ever ends. We go on forever.

Daniel and
Shelby both stared at it, amazed.

“She knew all
along. She never said anything to me, but maybe she knew that death was simply
a transition, not a final good-bye,” Daniel said.

“Which would
explain why she has been trying so desperately to reach out to you for all of
these years,” Shelby said.

“God. I wonder
how my life would have been different if I had visited this grave 11 years
ago,” Daniel sighed, hanging his head.  

Shelby stood
behind him, placing her hands on his shoulders. “Eleven years ago, you would
not have been able to understand this message. You got it exactly when you
needed to.”

Just then, a
small bird landed in front of them near the flowers Daniel had placed in a
small plastic cup anchored into the grass around his mother’s grave. It looked
at them, moving its small beady eyes up and then down, turned, and looked out
beyond the cemetery and flew off.

Daniel laughed
between the tears that softly fell down his face. “Well, if that’s not a sign
to validate what you just said, I don’t know what is.” He stood up. “And now,
on to what we came here to do.” He looked over at Shelby and smiled, holding
her hand firmly. Suddenly, he knew exactly why he had brought Shelby and
himself to his mother’s grave. “Shelby, you have never been properly introduced
to my mother and I thought it was time to rectify that.”

Shelby beamed.
He
is seriously the most incredible man I’ve ever known. Who does this? My guy.
She
thought proudly.

“Mom…I know that
you knew Shelby was the girl for me before I did. And that’s why you began
giving her messages. But, I wanted to introduce you to her in the proper way.”
Tears streamed down Daniel’s face and Shelby too felt her eyes fill with tears.

“Mom, I want you
to meet the love of my life, Shelby Hanson. From the moment I met her, my life
has been drastically altered for the best. I am a better man for knowing her. Thank
you for your persistence in showing me what I needed to see all along. Shelby
is
my destiny point.” Daniel turned to Shelby.

“Shelby, I want
you to meet my mom, Ann. She is, as you know, persistent, kind, loving, and, as
it turns out,” he said pointing to his mother’s headstone. “Wise beyond what I
could have ever imagined. I would not be here without her and I could not be
who I am today without the both of you. And I want to ask you Shelby, will
you…will you move in with me? I love you and can’t wait to begin our life
together.”

Shelby could not
contain her tears any longer, she felt overwhelmed with emotion.  She and
Daniel were going to be together for a very long time. And she had Ann to thank
for that. 

“Yes, of
course,” Shelby exclaimed through tears as she wrapped her arms around Daniel’s
neck, kissing him repeatedly. After several minutes, she wiped her tears away,
gathered herself together and faced Daniel’s mothers headstone.