Focus (The Crescent Chronicles, #2) (31 page)

“
He’s someone who knows
what he wants.”

“
My dad thinks you’re
making a mistake. He’s going to talk to your mom about
it.”

“
Great.” I felt anger
rising. Who did Steven think he was to butt in?

“
Hey.” Toby walked in and
sat down right next to me. “Am I interrupting
something?”

“
Not really. I’m just
trying to figure out why Allie’s rushing to get married.” Andrew
paused and then made a strange face. “Wait, you’re not pregnant are
you?”

“
No!”

“
Okay, just
checking.”

I crossed my arms. “People get married
young for reasons other than pregnancy.”

Toby smiled at me condescendingly.
“What reasons do you have?”

“
I don’t have to answer
that. Now if you’ll excuse me, I’m going to wake up Hailey. If she
sleeps much more, she’ll be up all night.”

I escaped into the bedroom, closing the
door behind me. I hoped Toby left in the morning. I wasn’t sure how
much more I could take.

The sun had disappeared, leaving the
room dark. I turned on a lamp and collapsed on my side of the bed.
I fished my cell out of my bag. I had a missed text from
Levi.

I miss you already. When
are you coming home?

He already knew the answer,
but I told him anyway.
In a week.
I pressed send and then decided to send another
one.
I miss you too.

Good. You should miss
me.

At least I could rely on Levi being his
cocky self.

***

I couldn’t sleep. I tossed and turned
for hours, unable to quiet my racing mind. All of my confusion over
what to do with Levi was made ten times worse after seeing Toby.
It’s not that I wanted to get back with him—not at all—but he
brought back so many memories and reminded me about my dreams and
the life I left behind.

By one a.m., I’d had enough. I pulled
on jeans and my coat and headed outside to get some fresh air. I
took a seat on an Adirondack chair, wondering if I was being
watched. I was positive Levi had covered all the security bases. I
tried to sit, but I was too antsy. I got up and walked out onto the
snow covered grass. The moon was full and beautiful.

The wind picked up, bringing the start
of some snow flurries with it, and I pulled my coat tightly around
me. I really needed to build my cold tolerance up again.

“
You couldn’t sleep
either?”

I didn’t need to turn around to know it
was Toby. I’d never forget his voice. I’d dated lots of boys before
him, but he was the first one that I ever let in.

“
No. I got tired of tossing
and turning.”

“
Same here. It was hard
knowing you were just on the other side of the wall.”

I turned to look at him. “I’m
sorry.”

“
For?” He studied my face
intently.

“
Hurting you.”

“
You did what you thought
you had to.”

“
I did have to. I still
know it was the best thing for both of us.”

He moved closer. “I still know that it
wasn’t—for either of us. I don’t want to keep fighting with you,
but I know we’re perfect together.”

“
What does perfect even
mean?” Without thinking, I brushed some snow out of Toby’s
hair.

“
Shouldn’t you know? You’re
the one getting married.”

I looked away. “I don’t think anything
can be perfect.”

“
Sure it can. Perfect is
when you’re with someone who completes you in every way:
emotionally, physically, sexually…”

“
But what does it mean to
complete you? Can you be complete but still feel confused?” I
probably shouldn’t have been so honest with Toby, but it was late,
and I was used to being open with him.

“
What are you confused
about?” He moved so close I could feel his body heat. I’d forgotten
how warm he ran. He was just like Levi in that way.

“
Everything, but mostly
what I want out of life. Sometimes I feel like I don’t even know
myself anymore. It’s like life started moving forward so quickly,
and now I can’t slow it down.”

Toby wiped away some tears that had
slipped out. “It’s going to be okay, Allie.”

“
You can’t say that. You
have no idea what’s been happening.”

“
I want to know. I want to
help.” He pulled me into a hug, and I let him hold me. Maybe it was
selfish, but I needed to be held. Without it, I might have
unraveled completely. I tried to be strong, but sometimes I felt so
weak.

I started to cry. Toby just held me,
rubbing my back gently as I sobbed.

I finally composed myself enough to
pull away. “I’m sorry.”

“
Why are you sorry this
time?”

“
For breaking down. You
know that’s not like me.”

“
Yes. I do know that,
because I know you. Whatever’s going on, I can help you. Maybe we
can call Princeton this week and get your registration in
order.”

“
I’m not transferring,
Toby.”

“
I’m not asking you to do
it for me this time. You said it yourself. Life’s out of control.
But you’re wrong. You can put on the brakes.”

“
You don’t understand. I
can’t.” I ran a finger over my ring.

“
If he loves you, he’ll
understand. He’ll get that you aren’t ready for something like
that.”

“
I can’t just give his ring
back.” For once, I didn’t mean it physically. I knew that I
couldn’t give it back. Too much had happened since he gave it to
me.

“
You can do anything you
want to do. Anyone who tells you otherwise is wrong.”

He took my hand. “Your hands are
freezing. You should probably get back inside.”

“
Probably. It’s late.” The
snow had picked up, and my light-weight wool coat wasn’t designed
for it.

“
I know you didn’t want to
see me, but I’m not leaving tomorrow.”

I was too tired and emotionally spent
to argue. “Thanks for being here for me tonight.”

He took my other hand. “I want to be
there for you every night. I love you, Allie.”

“
Goodnight.” I pulled my
hands away and walked inside.

“
Goodnight,” he called,
making no move to follow me inside.

Chapter
Twenty-Four

After an early breakfast, Hailey and I
stopped by the rental shop to pick out our gear before hitting the
slopes. It was funny watching Hailey learn about skis for the first
time. I was used to her knowing everything. I was giving her a hard
time about it when an attractive guy, probably in his mid-twenties,
walked over.

“
Hi. I couldn’t help but
overhear that you’d never been skiing before.”

Hailey smiled. “Yeah, it’s my first
time.”

“
I’m an instructor here.
I’d love to give you lessons, if you’re interested.”

Hailey glanced at me and grinned. “That
sounds nice, but I think I’ll be fine.”

“
Are you positive? I’m sure
your friend will help, but she isn’t actually trained.”

“
Oh, I’m not relying on
Allie. I think I’ll figure it out.”

He looked taken aback. “Okay. Have fun
then.”

“
We will.” I paid for our
gear, and we headed out.

“
So do you think I should
start on the easy ones, or what?”

“
I bet you can handle a
blue slope.”

“
I have no idea what that
is, but that’s fine.”

I grabbed her arm through her parka.
“Let’s go.” We got in line for the ski lift.

“
I’ve always wanted to ride
a ski lift.” Hailey looked all around in excitement.

“
Seriously? You can fly,
and you’ve always wanted to sit on a ski lift?”

“
It always looks fun in the
movies.”

I laughed. “All right. Let’s go live
your dream.”

“
Hey, I don’t make fun of
you when you get all dumbstruck over Pteron stuff.”

“
You don’t?” I gave her a
skeptical look.

“
Okay. Maybe I
do.”

We waited for our turn and got on a
lift next to a young couple. Hailey was all giddy next to me, and
it rubbed off. I always liked skiing, but it wasn’t my favorite
activity.

As I expected, Hailey was incredible.
After a few runs, she looked like a pro. We decided to try a black
diamond. Everything was fine until I fell halfway down the run
after slipping on some moguls. I got back up and made it down, but
my right ankle was in pretty bad shape. I could feel the swelling
beginning, and I knew I should probably get some ice on it
soon.

“
Are you okay?” Hailey was
at my side as soon as I caught up with her.

“
Yeah. I can’t believe I’m
the one who fell.” I rubbed my ankle.

“
Beginner’s
luck.”

“
Yeah, right.”

She held up her hands. “It sounds nice.
I’m guessing this means we’re done for the day?”

“
No. You can stay. I’ll
take the shuttle back.”

“
I can’t let you go
alone.”

“
I’ll be fine. Besides, I’m
sure there’s someone watching us. Do you really think Levi left my
safety to just you? No offense.”

“
No offense taken. There
are some locals watching, and I know Levi sent a few guys up. But
they’re supposed to stay back.”

“
I figured that
much.”

She held out a hand to help me up.
“I’ll just make sure you get home okay.”

“
Hail, you’re supposed to
be having fun.”

“
I can come back
out.”

I leaned on her shoulder, trying to
keep my weight off the bad ankle. “I’m holding you to
it.”

We took the shuttle back, and Hailey
made sure I had everything I could possibly need before leaving.
She really was an awesome friend.

I sat and read for a while before
deciding to change into a black bikini to check out the hot tub. We
shared it with the next couple of condos, but I doubted anyone else
was around. Unless you were a klutz like me, you’d be on the
slopes. I slipped into the warm water, hoping it would make my
ankle feel better. I closed my eyes and tried to relax.

“
Mind if I join
you?”

I jumped, surprised that anyone else
was home. “Uh, sure.” I tried to avoid staring at Toby for too
long. He was wearing only a pair of swim trunks and seeing him
without a shirt brought back memories. He must have been
freezing.

He sat down directly across from me.
“How’s your ankle?”

“
How’d you know about my
ankle?”

“
We ran into Hailey. Andrew
decided to stay back with her.” A slow smile spread across his
lips. “He was more than happy to see me leave.”

I laughed. “I bet. I can’t blame him.
He isn’t the first.”

“
I’m sure. You probably
know something about that too.”

“
About what?”

“
Having lots of people want
you.”

“
Very funny.”

“
It’s true.”

I didn’t answer. I concentrated on
swirling the water around with my hand.

“
You look so good in a
bikini.”

“
Thanks.”

“
I mean it. I have a
picture of you wearing that white bikini you had the summer before
senior year. Let’s just say I look at it a lot.” He wriggled an
eyebrow.

“
Get rid of that picture.
It’s time to move on.” Despite our conversation the night before, I
was determined to make Toby realize he needed to let go.

“
I’m not getting rid of it.
It’s a nice memory.”

“
Memories imply something
in the past. Let go.”

“
I’m not ready to let go.”
His lips were on mine before I’d even processed he’d moved across
the hot tub. His arms wrapped around me in a vice grip. The kiss
felt good—sweet, familiar, comforting. It was a kiss I knew well,
but it was nothing like the fireworks I felt with Levi. It was
wrong, completely wrong, and I had to get out of the situation. I
pushed against him as hard as I could, but he didn’t budge. I moved
my knee, ready to get him where it hurt when he let go and moved
back. “You felt something, right?”

I shook my head. “Try that again and
you’ll regret it.” I got out and wrapped myself in a
towel.

“
I won’t regret it.” He
smirked. “And I know you felt it. You responded to me.”

I moved inside quickly and jumped in
the shower, washing off every ounce of Toby. It felt so wrong. I
felt so wrong. I hadn’t wanted him to kiss me, but maybe I’d let it
happen. Either way, I needed to see Levi. I got out of the shower
and got dressed. I blow dried my hair, wanting every excuse
possible to stay in my room until Hailey or my mom came
back.