Flawless//Broken (22 page)

I slap my free hand over my mouth and hiss through it.

“Shit. Shit,
shit
-”

Fingers tear my hand away from my face. A soft mouth presses on mine in an instant, Darius’s lips warm and languidly slow. He crushes my body to his, his hand cradling my neck and his fingers tangling in my hair, and all at once the kiss turns to an inferno - hot need spurring Darius deeper and harder. His incisors scrape my lips, my tongue, the sharp points sending a sick thrill running through me. His other hand travels down my spine, to my ass, his palm gripping it hard and forcing my hips to grind against his. My insides are on fire, every inch of me crying out for his smell, his taste, his touch -

I only barely hear the gasp of someone else. Darius hears them, though, and pulls away instantly, leaving me cold. I blink through my haze and see Rose, looking furious. She latches onto my wrist and steers me away.

“What have I told you, Darius?” Her face is livid - the color of an overboiled lobster as she hisses at him. “You cannot touch the Azoths - her, of all Azoth!”

Darius’s warm expression sets harder and quicker than the first frost of winter. He nods curtly, suddenly all emotionless business again.

“Forgive me, Rose. It was a momentary lapse in judgment.”

“Don’t ask forgiveness of me,” She snarls. “Ask it of the people you got killed.”

Darius’s expression cracks down the middle, like a suit of armor run through. But before I can say anything, Rose leads me away forcefully, her voice near-hysterical.

“You must
never
let yourself be alone with him. I know he was the one who discovered you, but he is a terribly dangerous creature -”

“He’s not an animal,” I interrupt. “Stop talking about him like he is!”

Rose stops, whirling me around and placing both her hands on my shoulders. Her rosy-cheeked, matron-like exterior turns stalwart, her eyes unblinking as they bore into mine.

“He will kill you. He killed my sister, and he will kill you if given the chance. He may wear the shell of a man, but he is a monster. Never forget that.”

Sister
? Darius killed her sister? My thoughts swirl chaotically in my head, so much that I only faintly understand where Rose is leading me - to the front of the mansion, just by the string quartet, where a great raised platform waits. The people from the ballroom gather around it, the lights dimming. Rose leads me to stand with another girl - but she’s a few years older than me and decidedly more Norwegian. Rose takes the stage, a copper rod in her hand. She speaks into it, and her voice is mysteriously magnified - alchemy, no doubt.

“Ladies and gentlemen, my most esteemed colleagues and friends, welcome to the 305th showing of the Azoth. Is it not the most beautiful night?”

The applause is deafening. Lake and Zhen wave to me from the crowd, but I’m too flustered and confused to wave back. What in the hell is going on? Rose keeps talking, but I don’t hear any of it - only a loud buzz reverberating in my brain. Darius’s face is in the very back, against the wall. He looks tired, so much more tired than I’ve ever seen him. Exhausted. My eyes question him - Rose’s sister? - but his gaze gives nothing back.

Suddenly, all the lights in the mansion go out, drenching us in thick darkness. But I can still feel Darius’s gaze on me, lingering and soft, like a caress, the touch of a feather. It sends shivers down my spine.

I want him. I want him so much it scares me.

It scares me so damn
good.

PART THIRTEEN

THIRTEEN

Chapter 13

THIRTEEN

A single spotlight bursts to life, illuminating Rose. She’s still as serious as ever, her smile barely there.

“We’ll now begin the showing. Natasha Bingham, please step forward.”

The girl next to me takes hesitant steps over to Rose. Rose backs out of the spotlight, whispers something to the girl, and disappears into the shadows completely. Natasha stands there, looking awkward and uncomfortable, but she takes deep breaths, and keeps breathing.

Then the spotlight cuts out. And in front of my eyes, she starts to
glow
. It isn’t her that glows - it’s the stage below her. I hadn’t noticed it before, but the stage is made entirely of prima materia - the coppery glint barely visible In the low light. It starts glowing a soft blue, spots of it growing bright like a patchy lava lamp, or glowworms moving beneath the surface of water. The crowd claps, the applause gentle and polite, murmurs rising up as the spotlight comes back on. Natasha smiles wanly at me as she steps down from it, and Rose steps back into it. The stage below her fades back to its unlit state.

“Thank you, Natasha. Will Mia Redfield now step forward?”

I swallow the urge to run away, and walk towards her. The spotlight blinds me - I can’t see the crowd anymore, but they can certainly see me. I look out into the darkness, scared and feeling completely alone.

“You can do it, sweetcheeks!” Lake’s voice rings out. People shush him quickly, but his words inflate my shriveling heart. Lake’s out there, watching me. And Zhen. And…
Darius
. They’ve been kind to me - even if the alchemists as a whole don’t give two shits about me, they do, at least a little.

Rose comes up behind me, and whispers in my ear.

“Just relax, darling. Think of something that makes you happy, and relax. It will come naturally.”

She backs away, and the spotlight cuts out. I’m plunged into complete and utter darkness. My heart hammers against my ribs, begging to be let out. Happy. Something that makes me happy. My brain scrambles to remember the last time I was happy - truly happy.

A greyhound bus. Ellie. Ellie and me on the bus bound for San Francisco - our backpacks the only things we owned in the world anymore. She brought trail mix, and I picked all the candy out and she complained. I plugged earbuds into my phone and played my favorite songs. I watched Idaho slip away, miles of road growing between my horrible past and my freedom. Freedom. Darius kissing me, wanting me as much as I want him, maybe -

I hear whispers, then gasps. When I open my eyes, someone must’ve turned on the lights - I can see everyone in the crowd again. But the light doesn’t stop getting bright, and I look down.

The entire stage is a pure white-blue, burning with enough light to make me flinch. People shield their eyes, some hide their faces in their jackets. The only one who isn’t flinching away is Darius, standing tall and looking straight at me. He smiles. Not a smirk, or a snigger, but a real, true smile - filled with happiness and banishing any last remnants of his exhausted look. He’s a different man - his face more handsome in joy than in his usual stony sorrow.

***

Rose leads Mia away, and the farther they get the deeper my regret lodges in my gut. I can feel the crowd’s eyes on me. I look up, locking eyes with one of the alchemists, but she looks away quickly. The others do likewise, averting their gazes and striking up their conversations again.

They’re pretending I don’t exist.

I am a ghost to them - frightening and meant to go unseen. I disturb them and this carefully-crafted facade of beauty and socialization they call a showing. I’ve been to so many hundreds of these, sitting on the sidelines and watching as those who can die fritter away their lives with gossip and plays for power. I have seen it all. I’ve known every alchemist in this room since they were infants. I know all their secrets. And that scares them much more than my reputation. I lock eyes with a Reaper, but he flinches and turns away.

Even the ones meant to destroy my kind are afraid of me.

But there are a few who do not fear. Zhen is one of them. She glides over to me, standing at my side as I stare ahead at the prima materia stage that lifts from a hole in the marble floor. I’ve seen the stage many times. But this is the first time I’ve seen Mia so beautiful. Her waterfall of wavy ebony hair contrasts her dress - a white dress, simple but elegant, completely different from the multitudes of gaudy designer dresses in the room. When I first saw her at the club can’t compare to how she looks now. A haze of light seems to follow her, making her glow from within. Is she truly so different? Or is it my perception that’s changed?

“You’ve done nothing but stare at her since you’ve arrived,” Zhen teases. I tear my eyes away quickly.

“I find it hard to believe that observation, coming from a blind woman.”

Zhen smiles, like she’s enjoying some private secret. We both know she isn’t blind - in fact, her eyes are much better than any alchemist here. She can’t see colors, or true details, nor can she see a sunset. But her senses for Azoth have given her a laser-like sight.

“It’s wonderful,” Zhen says finally, looking at Mia. “When that girl is around…her Azoth is so bright; it sheds light on everything around her. So I can see so much more when she’s near. I can see birds in trees, the stitching on a child’s jacket. And even my own face I haven’t seen for fifty years.”

I look at her. Zhen smiles brighter.

“She lights up this world for me. I have no doubt she will do that for others, too.”

“It depends,” I say. “On who her alchemist will be. They could squander her gift, or use it for their own power and glory. The Council must deliberate carefully.”

“And if they don’t?” Zhen asks. “If they give her to someone unsuitable? What will you do then?”

I’m silent. My eyes find Mia again. Even as the lights dim and the other Azoth takes the stage, I can see her profile. She is nervous. Of course she is. She barely knows what’s going on, and everyone in the room wants a piece of her, carnally or literally. Her worry is palpable. A deep part of me burns with the urge to bring her to my side, shield her from their stares, smooth away the concerned lines in her face - claim her so that the unworthy scum never look twice at her again. The thought of her in the hands of a sniveling, power-hungry worm makes my stomach churn.

“I would take her back,” I say. “And demand the Council find someone better.”

“Who is this ‘better’ person in your mind?” Zhen asks lightly. “I have the feeling they might be held to such vigorous standards that they may not exist at all. Unless, of course, that person is you.”

“Don’t be ridiculous,” I snarl. “I simply want the most skilled alchemist possible for her, in order to use her Azoth for the betterment of this world.”

“Fine, then. A skilled alchemist for the girl. It doesn’t matter if they are cruel, or manipulative, or forceful. As long as they’re a skilled alchemist.”

I clench my fists. “No. They must be fair, and kind.”

“Oh my. This fair and kind and skilled alchemist sounds very attractive. I wonder if Mia will come to admire them.”

I swallow hard. Zhen stares straight ahead, her smile intact, but a little sad.

“An alchemist loving an Azoth always ends in despair,” she murmurs, her eyes glancing towards Genevieve in the corner. “Especially if the love is pure. Nothing that is good in this world of alchemy ever lasts for long.” Her eyes brighten as she looks to me. “Except for you, Darius. You’ve lasted for quite a long time.”

“I am not good,” I say.

“You try,” Zhen insists. “That is more than most do.”

We watch in silence as the prima materia stage begins to glow with the Azoth’s efforts. Faint spots of blue light up on the metal surface, like sunlight through murky water. It’s considerable, much better than the Azoth of the last showing. But it’s nothing impressive. And it’s less than nothing compared to what’s going to come next.

I watch as Mia takes the stage. I hold my breath. In the spotlight, she looks even more beautiful. I can’t take my eyes off her, and I know I’m not the only one.

There’s a moment as she clears her mind, and then…

The world lightens. Pale blue light floods the room as the stage glows as one solid block of light. There are no dark spots, no gaps on the metal. It is a perfect illumination, and it only gets brighter. Soon it’s as if the sun is shining directly into a house made of glass, and it gets brighter still. People shield their eyes, gasps and exclamations of surprise come thick and fast. Zhen laughs, and claps like a young child. I hear Lake whoop excitedly. Mia’s eyes open, the steel gray of them pierced through with light. Light glitters off her necklace, and my lungs inflate so fast with pride they ache. She is showing them exactly how much she’s worth - a priceless amount. No one in the history of the showings has even come close to being this bright. She outshines them all, just as I knew she would. Her face is startled, with a hint of awe. This is the first time she’s been able to really see the physical manifestation of her power.

This is the first time I’ve truly seen her for what she is - the end of my despair.

***

I only vaguely hear the shouts and feel Rose pulling me off the stage. She fusses over me, asking if my eyes are alright, and when I assure her they are she goes back on stage, apologizing for the inconvenience.

“No need to be alarmed - what we see here is proof, good people! Mia Redfield is a most capable Azoth, worthy of only the most skillful alchemists! The Sage Council wishes for her to have the most proper home - do speak to me at some point tonight if you are interested, and the Council will add you to their considerations. Now, we’ve dallied too long in business - let the festivities resume!”

“Sweetcheeks!” Lake comes bursting out of the crowd and grabs my hands, his eyes wide. “That was…that was fucking incredible!”

“I didn’t do anything,” I huff. “Except make some light.”

Lake stares, dumbfounded, then throws back his head and laughs.

“What’s so funny?” I frown. Lake calms his laughter to a bare chuckle, and jerks his head at Natasha.