Flaw (The Flaw Series) (17 page)

“Is there anything I can do?” I ask, hiding the bag.

“Have you talked to Josh?” she asks and I slump back down against the wall. I know she already knows the answer. That I haven’t.

I shake my head, “No.”

“Can you go see Josh? He’s home right now. I made him go home tonight. He’s been here way too much. He’s been doing everything, taking care of me, taking care of his father, making calls, talking with the doctors… he needed a night off, away from all of this.”

I want to go see him, throw my arms around him, hold him and let him know how much I care. He probably thinks I don’t care and the thought of that kills me. Since the second I heard about his father, all I wanted to do was be there for him. But I didn’t come see him because I’ve been selfish, stubborn, and afraid.

“Helen, I don’t know if Josh would really want to see me right now.” I can’t bring myself to look at her, knowing my last words to Josh, wondering if he told her what I said.

“He wants to see you, Becca. Actually, I think he needs to see you.” She looks down, tipping her head to look behind me. “I saw what you have in your hands. I think you need to see him, too.” She gives me a warm smile.

No use hiding it anymore. I hold up the bag of chocolate chips, the color of my skin matches my hair I’m sure. “I miss him.”

“Then, please, go see him,” she says, placing her hand on my arm. She gives me a reassuring smile.

“Go to the house?”

“Yes.” Helen leads me down the hall and back over to the elevators. We walk past all the rooms with the depressing noises sounding from them. A code is announced over the speaker and I freeze in terror.

“It’s not on this floor,” she says it calmly, but I see the fear in her eyes.

I’m so upset with myself for not coming sooner. “Are you sure there isn’t anything else I can do? Can I bring you something?”

“No dear, I’m fine.” We stop in front of the elevators and she faces me. “Becca, I know my son has his flaws.” She makes sure I meet her eyes. “He’s been working on things, making changes. I’m extremely proud of him.” The elevator doors open and she gives me another quick hug. “He’ll be so happy to see you.”

Outside the hospital the overwhelming need to see Josh takes over. The house isn’t far away but it feels like forever before I pull in front, parking the car. Leaving the chocolate chips behind I race over to his door. I knock, not knowing what I’m going to say when I see him, or what he’ll say. The anticipation has the blood coursing through my body, my unsteady breaths releasing white wisps into the cold air.

He answers the door right away, almost like he was expecting someone. In the short time since I’ve seen him his hair has immensely grayed, and his dark blue eyes are heavy with grief as he stares back at me. I stand there, swallowing down my fear, waiting for him to say something.

His hand reaches up to cover his face. The way his body shakes tears at my heart, breaking me and it’s a struggle to hold back my own tears. I throw my arms around him and he clings to me, letting out whatever emotions he’s been holding onto. I can’t believe I waited this long to come see him.

“I’m sorry.” He stands back, composing himself. “Just everything has fallen apart in these last few weeks and seeing you just feels really… good.” He clears his throat and sniffs.

“I’m sorry it took me so long to come. I should have come sooner.” I hang my head, ashamed of myself.

“All that matters is that you’re here now. Will you come in and stay for a while?” He extends his hand out, gesturing towards the back rooms. I nod my head and some life sparks in his eyes as he leads me down the long hallway.

“Josh, I’m so sorry about your dad. If there’s anything I can do just let me know.”

Josh attempts a smile, nodding his head and swallowing.

The rooms are all dark and quiet as we make our way into the den. There’s a desk in the back corner covered in papers, dimly lit with a green shaded lamp. Josh flicks the switch turning on, the recessed lighting transforming the room into brightness. He scrambles over to the desk, straightening papers and pamphlets into a neat pile and tucking them into a drawer. The room is exquisite, decorated in dark greens and mahogany furniture. Brown leather couches trimmed with brass studs are in front of a carved marble fireplace. There’s even a chair similar to the one he left behind for me set up in the corner next to a massive book shelf overflowing with leather bound books.

“Should I sit here?” I walk over to the chair, curling into it the way I always did in his apartment.

“You can if you want.” He smiles over at me as he walks over to sit on the smaller of the two couches in the room. “Or you can come sit next to me.” The smile drops from his face. “I don’t mean next to me, I just meant over here on the couch.”

My heart sinks, understanding his reaction. Apologizing now would seem so phony because of everything he’s going through.

“It’s cold in here,” I say, walking over to the couch he’s seated on. “Not that I’m complaining, you know I love the cold.”

He picks up a remote from the end table and aims it towards the fireplace.
Whoosh!
We have fire. “How’s this?”

The flames flicker in front of us, instantly giving me a warm feeling. I slip off my sneakers and tuck my feet up underneath me to get comfortable.

“You’re wearing socks and sneakers?” Josh gives me a side glance. “I don’t think I’ve ever seen that before.”

“Oh, I thought they might say something if I wore flip flops in the hospital.”

Josh turns in to face me. “You went to the hospital? When?”

“Tonight before I came here. I saw your mom, she told me you were here.”

“That means a lot to me, Becca.”

I twist my hands nervously and concentrate on the fire. The room is quiet and still. I’m not sure what to do or say next.

“Becca.” Josh breaks the silence. “Are we gonna talk about it?”

It?
It can mean a million different things. His fight with Aidan, moving out, the things that happened between us, the nasty words I said to him. I can barely form the words trying to control the shakiness in my voice. “Talk about what?”

“The fall? I know you had to be watching it.”

Oh, my God, he’s talking about Dancing. I exhale, my body relaxing into the soft leather couch. “They still won,” I say with a smile.

“Yes, and I have to say I think it’s because of me. I voted like a maniac because of you.” Josh sits back, throwing an arm over the ledge of the couch. He relaxes as well, this silly conversation about dancing taking him away from reality for a few moments. “I made my mom vote, too. I got her into the show now.”

“You got your mom to watch it? Does she love it?”

“Of course she does. She’s taking me over to the Target Portrait Studio next week to take some celebrity dancing-themed photos.” He pulls the joke off effortlessly without even cracking a smile.

I fall forward laughing. “I want like a thousand wallets of that, please.”

“You got it,” he says and grins.

While laughing, I’ve inched my way over, closing the space between us on the couch. His hand slides down, grasping my shoulder, and I nestle into the crook of his arm. It just sort of happens. I just sort of wanted it to.

His arm tightens around me, my eyes close, and I let myself crush into him. I relax into his side and we stay in this position for the next hour, watching the electric flames dance in front of us. I have to apologize to him. Whether it sounds sincere or not, I need to say it.

“I’m sorry I said what I did to you, Josh. It was so wrong of me. Things with me and Aidan were complicated. Things with me and you were…”
even more complicated
… I think the rest of the sentence instead of saying it out loud. “I’m just really sorry.”

“You don’t need to be sorry. You were right. I’ve been living in this big safe plastic bubble my whole life. And now with everything that’s going on, I don’t know what I’m gonna do. Things are never going to be the same around here. It’s only been a week and I feel in over my head. The way the doctors are explaining things to me, my dad’s gonna be … ” His words get caught in his throat.

“Josh, I want to help you with whatever you need.” I reach up, absentmindedly playing with one of the buttons on his shirt.

“Thanks, but I gotta do this all on my own.”

“No, you don’t. You can’t. No one can.” I drop my head back to look at him. “I’ll help you.”

I climb onto his lap, wrapping my arms around his neck. I want to comfort him, take away his pain in any way I can. My lips kiss a trail down the side of his face, hesitating once I reach his lips, our breath entwined. His eyes stare into mine, filled with intensity, anticipating what comes next. I put my hands up to his face, our eyes still locked. “Do you want to kiss me?” I whisper.

“If I do I won’t be able to stop and then what?” he asks, searching my eyes for an answer.

I blink and look away. I don’t know the answer to that. Based on his history, that’s the part where it ends for us. I just got him back. I don’t want to lose him again.

Shifting off his lap I cuddle back beside him. Silently we both gaze ahead at the fire. With my ear pressed against his chest, the pounding I hear matches my own.

The clock coming from the hallway chimes, informing us that it’s midnight. I don’t want to leave, but I know Josh needs to sleep. I pry my body away from his, from the warmth that I could spend all night wrapped up in. I can’t help it, once again I bring my face up to his. His lips graze my cheek, lingering, before he pulls away, standing up from the couch.

“It’s late. I should go,” I say, standing up next to him, slipping back into my sneakers. A huge part of me is wishing he’ll ask me to stay. We walk towards the front door through the grand hall of his empty home and Josh steps outside with me. The weather seems extra chilled after being cozied up in his arms for so long.

He holds open the door to Aidan’s car but before I get in, I face him. “Josh, please tell me something I can do to help you.”

“Come see me again.” His request is simple and sincere.

“I promise.” I drop down and slide into the front seat. My voice is starting to crack and I don’t want him to see me get upset. My shaky hand slides the key into the ignition and I give him a weak smile through the window. I should have been here right away, not avoiding him because I was scared, acting like a child. I care deeply for Josh, so deeply that it pains me to see him hurting the way he is. Even though I know the risks involved, I’m going to be there for him as much as I can.

Jordyn

Aidan and I leave the hospital, walking hand in hand. My mind rests easier now after seeing how much better Josh looks since Becca’s been visiting. I’m glad Aidan was finally able to talk some sense into her.

A familiar woman holding a bouquet of flowers stares over at Aidan, gaping at his marred face as we walk through the parking lot to his car. Her eyes dart to me next, conveying a sympathetic look. I recognize her. She’s a teller at my bank. I let go of Aidan’s hand to fix a strand of hair that seems to suddenly be out of place.

Once we’re alone in his car, I’m excited to fill him in on a little surprise I have for us. “This weekend someone in the family needs to make a quick appearance at a convention for restaurant owners. I’m that person. It’s a little two-night getaway. I was hoping you would come with me. Do you have clients this weekend?” Every minute I get to spend alone with Aidan is amazing. The private moments we share are perfection. When I’m with him, I’m happier than I’ve ever been in my life.

“I can make sure my schedule is clear.” The smile he gives me lets me know he’s every bit as happy as I am. “Where are we going? Is it a far drive?”

“No, it’s not a far drive.”
Because we’re flying
, but I leave that part out because I want to keep it a secret until right before we leave.
Vegas, Baby
. “We’ll leave tomorrow night and we’ll be back early Sunday evening. It’s a business trip, so everything will be expensed.”

I can tell he’s ready to bring up the subject of my family. It’s become an issue with us that he hasn’t met them yet. I bring my lips up to his, kissing away any questions he has, running my hand up his strong muscles, pressing my fingers into the back of his neck, pushing for a deep, fiery kiss.

“Jordyn,” he says with a groan. “Your kisses are dangerous.”

“Well, just wait until this weekend.” I use my teeth to tug at his bottom lip.

“If we’re going away this weekend, I should meet your family.”

Shoot, the kiss didn’t make him forget. “You will.”

“Jordyn, I’ve met none of your friends or family. I get it. I know it’ll be hard when they see me.” He lets out a long sigh.

“No, Aidan, I want you to meet them, it’s just… you can meet them when we get back.” I’m nervous for my family to meet him. The scar and his background; even though those things shouldn’t matter to them, I know they will. I know my family and their expectations for me. They expect me to bring home perfection. I’m terrified for how they’ll react when I don’t. “I don’t want them to scare you away if they say the wrong thing.”

“Nothing they can say could scare me away. I love you, Jordyn. I can handle whatever they give me.”

I manage to give him a feeble smile before turning my head to stare out the window. Aidan starts the car and pulls out of the parking lot. I search quickly for a topic to move us away from the subject of meeting my family.

“How about you come help me pack right now? That way I can see if you can guess where we’re going by what things I need to take with me.”

His gorgeous smile is back and those deep brown eyes flicker, intrigued by my little game. The ride home goes by quick. Upstairs in my bedroom I pull out a small piece of luggage and hoist it up onto my bed. I open up the top drawer of my dresser and toss a bikini in first. “There’s your first hint.”

“Hmm, we’ll be swimming? I take it we’re going somewhere warm?”

“Oh baby, where we’re going it’s going to be real hot.” I wrap my leg around his and pull myself up to meet his lips. He leans forward, the tip of his tongue touches my bottom lip, and I pull my head back. “Not yet,” I taunt. “We still have some more packing to do.”