Flaw Less (23 page)

—
Reginell Kerry

 

 

Mark stopped sautéing the spring vegetables in the skillet and glanced over at Reginell. “What's your purpose?”

Reginell, sprawled across his sofa, looked up from the music industry magazine she was skimming through. “Huh?”

“What's your purpose? What's your reason for being here?”

Reginell turned the page. “You asked me to come over for dinner, remember?”

“No, not for being
here
at my house, for being here on earth.”

She paused. “I don't know. I guess to bless people through my music. You know, make them happy and feel things through my songs. Why?”

“I've been thinking about it a lot lately. Have you ever thought God might want you to do that through gospel music and singing for Him instead of the world? I think that's the call on your life.”

Reginell stared at him for a second before bursting into laughter. “Me, Mark, a choir girl?”

“What so funny about singing for the Lord? Stranger things have happened.”

“They don't come much stranger than that.” She began laughing again. “You can't be that stupid.”

“Okay, now I'm insulted.” He removed the pan from the stove. “Maybe you ought to go back home.”

“All right, I'm sorry,” she replied, stifling her laughter. “I shouldn't make fun. Go ahead, tell me about this, um,
calling
you think I have. Did you wake up and hear a voice booming out of the sky or spot a bush burning out front?”

“Don't be cute,” he snarled.

“I can't help it,” she bragged and joined him at the stove. “Am I supposed to drop everything and follow the Lord?”

“I didn't say that. I just think you should change your focus with the whole music thing. I don't think you're going to be blessed with the way you're going about it.”

“I already told that I'm not going to give dancing up for anybody. It's a part of my career plan.”

“You're not dancing, you're stripping. Call it what it is.”

“Call it whatever you want, but I'm not giving it up. I'm not changing who I am for you or anybody else.”

“I'm not asking you to change. Right now, the only thing I'm asking you to do is listen.”

They were interrupted by Reginell's phone vibrating. She checked her messages. “Shoot, I've got to go. Ray needs me to fill in for one of the dancers at some bachelor party tonight.” Mark blew out breath and slung the pan away from the stove. “Don't get mad. I'll come back afterward, and we can eat then.”

Mark was incensed. “You're going to leave me to go dance for a bunch of oversexed, drunk men?”

She exhaled. “It's not personal, Mark. This is business.”

He turned away from her. “Yeah,
business
, okay.”

“That's my job, Mark. I'm going there to work. Like it or not, this is what I do. I dance, I flirt, and I take my clothes off. I do whatever I have to do to get the money.”

“Reginell, you're better than this.”

“No, right now I
am
this. You're just going to have to accept it.”

“Do you have any idea what these guys are saying about you? To them, you're just a piece of meat, a way to get off.”

“Don't you think I know that? I don't have any delusions about why I'm supposed to be here, and neither do they. The only one who's confused here is you. You're the only one trying to be Captain Save 'em.”

“How can you go out there and get treated like a prostitute? Don't you have any self-respect?”

“Yes, I do,” Reginell snapped, “which is why I'm not going to let you stand here and judge me.”

“Do you expect me to say nothing and watch you get taken advantage of?”

“I'm not asking you to do that. Nobody's forcing you to be with me. Honestly, Mark, I had given you more credit than this. I thought that you understood what it is that I do and had accepted it, had accepted me.”

“But this is
not
you, Reginell. You don't have to stoop to this.” They were both silent as they pondered what to say next.

Reginell grabbed her purse. “Mark, I've got to go. I'm going out there, and I'm going to shake my behind and smile and do what they are paying me to do. If you can't handle it, maybe you shouldn't be with me.”

“I'm just trying to look out for you. Do you think anybody else there gives a flip about you?”

“I'll be fine. I don't need you to protect me. You're my man, not my manager.”

Mark relented. “You're right, I'm not your manager. I'm just someone who cares a lot about you, who can't stand to see you living your life this way. You're my girl, all right? I don't like seeing you treated like a hooker.”

“If this is the beginning of some lecture, you can stop before you start. I get an earful from my sister on a daily basis, and I don't need more of it from you.”

“She's just concerned about you, and so am I. The strong, confident woman standing in front of me right now is not the trick about to go make a display of herself at the bachelor party. You're acting like some two-bit slut who would sell her soul if the price was right.”

“Two-bit slut?”
repeated Reginell, now hurt. “Is that all you think of me? What about all that talk about accepting me for who I am and respecting me?”

“Try respecting yourself, Reggie. How can you just stand there and let those men . . .” He ran his hands over his face. “How can you expect me, as your man, to stand back while other men touch you, knowing what they think about you and what they want to do to you?”

“I'm not asking you to accept what I do. I'm asking you to love me enough to see past it.”

“I don't know if I can do that, Reggie. I don't. Why can't you just give it up, get a regular job, and—”

“And what—go back to waiting tables? Move back in with my sister? I'm trying to move forward, Mark, not backward. Like it or not, this is a real career move for me. I'm gaining exposure and getting my name out there. Do you know what Ray told me the other night?”

“Do I want to know?”

“He said that someone called asking about putting me in a music video. Not some low-budget local act either, Mark. That video is going to be seen by millions of people. I wouldn't just be some extra. I'd be the lead, a principal role. Do you know what that could do for my singing career?”

“They're just gonna typecast you as some video vixen, Reggie.”

“Or this could be the big break that I've been waiting for. I'll be on the set with directors, producers, and record label execs. Who knows what'll happen for me after that.”

Mark sighed. “Reggie, I care about you. I've fallen completely, heads-over-heels in love with you, but I can't . . . I just can't support you in this.”

Reginell shook her head. “You call yourself a man of God? Whatever happened to accepting people as they are and not passing judgment?”

“Is it passing judgment when you're trying to stop someone from making a mess of her life?”

Reginell snatched up her jacket. “I knew that getting mixed up with you was going to be a mistake. It's funny—you weren't this concerned about my soul when you were trying to sleep with me.”

Mark grabbed her arm. “Reggie, I don't want you to leave like this.”

“I never should have come. From now on, you just stay in your world, and I'll stay in mine.”

“Reggie—”

“Just stop it, okay? All you people make me sick! You want to sit around and pass judgment on people when you have skeletons in your own closets. I can say one thing for Ray and everybody else at the club: They don't judge. They accept me for who and what I am. They don't try to put me down or hurt my feelings. They've got my back.” She went to the door. “The so-called sinners have more God in them than any of you fake Christians.”

“Where are you going, Reggie?”

“Back to where I belong,” she said, looking around at his house, “I can see that it's not here, probably never was.”

—
Angel King

 

 

“How's your husband doing today?” asked Lawson while the girls were over to help Sullivan clean and cook for Charles.

“He's getting stronger every day,” reported Sullivan. “They've been performing miracles with his therapy. He's getting some movement back in his limbs. I can tell he wants to speak. The only thing that still kind of bothers me is the staring.”

“Staring?” repeated Kina.

“Yeah, he just kind of looks at me all the time. I think he wants to tell me something but can't.”

“Maybe he's starting to notice the changes in his wife's figure,” hedged Lawson. “You can hide it with these baggy clothes now, but sooner or later, the world is going to know you're pregnant, including your husband.”

“I'm going to tell him,” claimed Sullivan. “I just haven't figured out when.”

“Just do it before your water breaks!” warned Lawson. “Angel, why are you so quiet over there?”

Angel shrugged her shoulders, still looking down at the floor. “No reason.”

“Okay, first tell us why you're lying, then answer the question,” said Sullivan.

“I'm thinking. I'm trying to decipher whether it's cheating if there's no actual physical contact involved. I'm talking no touching, no kissing, no penetration—none of that.”

Lawson eyed her. “You mean fantasizing?”

Sullivan flung her hand. “Child, please! I fantasize while I'm actually having sex with Charles. I think it spices things up a bit.”

Angel sighed. “Sullivan, nothing you do surprises me anymore.”

Lawson spoke up. “Personally, I don't see how it's
not
a sin unless you're fantasizing about your husband. I guess since Duke is practically your husband now anyway—”

“The fantasies aren't about Duke,” Angel informed them.

The ladies were briefly silenced.

“Well, now,” crackled Sullivan, “this just got a little more interesting! Who's starring in these erotic fantasies of yours? Is it Channing?”

“Yes, and it's a little more than fantasizing.”

Kina frowned, confused. “How? He's in Carolina, and you're in Georgia.”

“She means phone sex,” Sullivan explained.

“No, it's not phone sex,” Angel corrected her. “It's kind of like a Web site . . .”

Lawson's mouth flew open. “Oh my God, have you been visiting porn sites?”

Kina blinked back. “Angel, that's so . . .
ick!
”

“I'm not looking at any of the porn,” she maintained. “We're just chatting.”

“Why do you have to go to a porn site to chat?” Sullivan wanted to know. “You can just set up a camera and Skype to chat.”

“The Web site is sort of his thing, I guess,” replied Angel, not knowing quite what to say.

“So, it's just talking, right?” Kina asked for clarity.

Angel bit her lip.

“Well?” grilled Lawson.

Angel covered her face with her hands. “I can't talk about it. It's too embarrassing.”

“This whole conversation is embarrassing,” concurred Lawson. “I don't think you could shock us much more than you already have.”

“Well . . .” Angel exhaled. “He asked me to do some things . . . and he did some things . . .”

“Okay, by some
things
, you mean . . .” urged Sullivan.

“You know,” supplied Angel, hoping they'd figure it out before she had to go into explicit details. “Touching and stuff like that.”

Sullivan was taken aback. “Dang, I guess all that celibacy you'd been stockpiling has finally manifested itself. I didn't know you had it in you, Angel!”

“The only thing keeping me from feeling like a total whore is the fact that I
didn't
have it in me up until now,” confessed Angel.

Lawson looked Angel in the eyes. “Honey, I know that this is hard for you to talk about. But if it's making you feel this bad about yourself, obviously you shouldn't be doing it. Outside of it being a gateway to allowing all kinds of sin into your life, you're also cheating on Duke. The fact that it's with Duke's cousin makes it that much worse.”

“I guess my question is
why
,” pondered Kina. “You and Duke are engaged. You're planning a life together, so why would you even go there? Are you falling in love with Channing?”

“It's not about love or being unfaithful to Duke,” Angel explained. “It's sort of like a release or an escape, you know? It gets me out of my reality for a few minutes.”

“But the reality is that you're about to make a lifelong commitment to this man and his children. Why do you want to escape that?” Lawson asked.

“There's a lot pressure, Lawson. I have this wedding to plan, I'm working, and I'm trying to raise these girls, trying to be there for Duke, volunteering with the church, not to mention dealing with all the baggage left behind from Theresa. Do you have any idea how hard it is to constantly live in her shadow? Do you know what it's like for me trying to fit into that family?”

“Angel, if you're feeling this way, talk to Duke, don't start talking dirty with his cousin,” said Lawson.

Angel blew her off. “I do enough good in the world that I ought to be entitled to relax and unwind sometimes.”

“No one is saying you aren't. The problem is the way you're choosing to unwind. I can only imagine how much time you're spending a day on porn.”

“You're making me sound like some creepy old guy stalking young boys on the Internet. I'm an adult watching another adult take pleasure in life. You know, a lot of people who go to these sites are married, God-fearing people. They just choose this an outlet to express themselves,” argued Angel.

Lawson narrowed her eyes at Angel. “Do you hear yourself right now? You're practically equating porn to a religious experience!”

“That's not what I said,” Angel fired back. “It's not what I meant, anyway.”

“Sweetie, denial is a powerful thing,” Sullivan reminded her. “Remember how long I denied having a problem with alcohol? I couldn't see it despite the fact I was hitting up the liquor store at least twice a week. As long as I could rationalize it, I felt like it was under control. It wasn't until I sought help that I realized how far gone I was.”

Angel exhaled and turned to Sullivan. “Sully, I'm very proud of you for seeking treatment and maintaining your sobriety, I really am. It took a lot for you to acknowledge that you had a problem, but you'd been drinking since you were a teenager. This is different.”

“Why? Because you're the saintly one, and I'm the big ol' cheatin', alcoholic heathen?” asked Sullivan.

Angel's defenses flared up. “Look, I'm not endangering anyone. I'm not wasting money or doing anything illegal. I'm not doing anything worse than anyone in this room has ever done!”

Lawson shook her head. “You know you sound like one of those ‘I-can-quit-whenever-I-want drug addicts, right?”

“I'm not addicted,” insisted Angel. “It's not considered a full-on addiction until it interferes with your daily life. It's not interfering with anything. I still work, I still go to church, and I still look after Duke and the children. Yes, I admit that it's an unholy pastime, but it's not an addiction.”

“We make our habits, and our habits turn around and make us, Angel,” warned Lawson. “That goes for Bible reading as much as it does for visiting porn sites.”

Angel sulked. “It's just a way to release stress and get lost in the fantasy, that's all.”

“That's all
you
think it is, but you must always remember that God is the final judge.”

“Who was the judge when you were lying to your husband for weeks?” threw in Angel.

Lawson shook her head. “Trying to deflect blame isn't going to resolve it, Angel. Learn from my mistakes. Do you have any idea how much I regret lying to Garrett? I've apologized 'til I was blue in the face, but the damage was already done. Deal with this porn thing and nip it in the bud! If you don't, it's going to deal with you.”