Fixation (Magnetic Desires Book 3) (18 page)

Lola

"I better get her to bed." Going over to them, I reached out to take her from him.

"Hold up." He gripped my elbow. "I’ll do it." In one fluid motion he stood, Tia in his arms. She yawned and opened her eyes to slits while she wound her arms around his neck.

"I’ve got work to do." Mike picked up his glass and headed to his study, leaving the three of us alone. I’d kill him later, while he slept, for putting me in this position.

Leo took to the stairs, and I followed. "It’s the first door on the right."

Pushing the door wide with his foot, he carried her into the cotton candy pink room. I dashed around him to pull back the blankets, and he laid her down. Droopy lids lifted as her head rested on the pillow and she smiled. "Goodnight, Daddy."

He pulled the blanket up not quite to her chin and leaned over her to smooth her hair back from her face before he pressed his lips to her forehead. "Night, princess."

He’d fallen quickly into role of father, and these small gestures between them pulled at my heart. Slipping beside him, I tugged the covers up a little more. She was still my baby and this was still my routine. Stepping back and letting me take over, he cleared his throat but didn’t comment on the way I took control.

"Come on." Ushering him out the door, I shut off the light. "Thank you for spending so much time with her."

He gripped my wrist as I started for the stairs. "I want to spend time with her. I want to spend time with you."

The simple hold of his thumb and finger against my wrist sparked desire. "Damn, Leo. How do you even stand it?"

His forehead creased as he dragged me closer. My pulse fluttered under his fingers. "I can only assume by the way you haven’t been able to keep your eyes off my crotch for the past hour, you’re asking how I can stand to be this close to you and not combust from how much I want you."

"Mmm." I nodded as he slid his other hand from my elbow to my shoulder.

He cocked his head. A sly grin formed as he brushed his thumb over my collarbone. "I jack off a lot."

"Figures." My voice came out a lot breathier than I meant for it to.

"You know, this is the first time I’ve seen you without make up on since we found each other again." He moved the pad of his thumb slowly from my collarbone to the base of my throat.

The rigid raised scar ached under his touch and I winced. "It’s not something we need to talk about."

"I know enough."

"Do you?"

"I should have listened to you."

"You should of." I nodded. "But you didn’t." The question I didn’t ask was in the lilt in my voice.

"I searched for you when you disappeared. Hired a private investigator."

My heart thumped as his thumb circled the vein in my wrist.

"He finally came through."

"A little too late."

"It’s never too late for us, sweetheart. We have forever."

I shook my head as he lowered his face an inch from my mouth. My lips tingled in response to his gaze. "We can’t afford to change the status quo. Our daughter—"

He nipped at my jaw, and nuzzled my throat over the scar. "Let me take care of you."

"No." A sharp intake of breath accompanied the word. It would be so easy to give in to him and let him convince me, but what if it all fell apart again?

He wandered his hand down between my breasts and over my belly to the apex of my thighs. "I mean let me take care of the itch that you’re trying so damn hard to hide from me."

The slight pressure of his fingers on my crotch was almost unbearable as need pooled in my core. "It can’t mean anything."

"Tia comes first," he murmured against my throat, his heated breath sending a shiver through me. "But tonight, I want to make you come first."

Stumbling across the landing with him in tow, I pulled him into the dark bedroom. He flicked on the light and shut the door behind us before dragging me back into his arms. "Is this your room?"

A nervous clucking sound started in my throat. My room was my sanctuary. If I let him in there, I’d never get the smell of him out of my linen. Best not to make it harder to keep this purely physical, and only for the night. "Does it matter?"

"No." He wrapped his arm around my shoulders cradling me against his hard chest. "Not for what I have in mind."

"And what’s that?" I arched my neck when he began to nibble along my nape from hairline to shoulder. I should have been able to fight him. It had been two short hours since I’d tried to ease my own frustration, but it had done nothing to sate me, not like he could.

My skin prickled, goosebumps forming along my arms as he smoothed a palm down to my waist and gripped the sweatshirt hem. Slowly and with intense control, he lifted it while he guided my hands up. He kissed my knuckles and dragged the shirt up my arms, his palms caressing my bare flesh. The cold air kissed my skin and I shivered; each touch or lack thereof having its own effect on the tight spring of need in my belly. Again, his hands caressed my arms as they descended, the sweatshirt hanging from between his fingers. Dropping it, he spread his palms across my belly. "I wouldn't have known you carried my child. You look exactly the same."

"Not exactly." My pulse threaded in my neck, the sound of my blood rushing in my ears.

His fingertips tripped over the puckered star shaped scar between the third and fourth ribs on my left. It burned cold under his examination but the heat of his breath on my ear left me trembling.

"I did notice this one when we were… is it from that night?"

I shook my head and a tear slipped down my cheek. "No, he broke three ribs that night but the scar…" I gulped and squeezed my eyes shut while he traced the line of my ribs, feeling the abnormal lumps of scar tissue he couldn’t see. “The scar’s from the day he caught me."

He slipped around me and cupped my cheeks with his palms, nibbling along my bottom lip while his thumb brushed the wetness from my face. "I’m sorry."

I shrugged. "You don’t need to keep saying sorry. What’s done is done."

He touched his fingers to my mouth and my tongue darted out to lick at the tips. I wanted to drop the conversation and get down to the part of the night that would leave me sated and relaxed. Caressing my throat, between my breasts, and over my belly, he slipped his fingers into the waistband of my jeans to brush against my mound. "No panties?"

Another shiver at the heat in his gaze and a flutter of a tickle in my pelvis made me groan and tilt my hips forward.

He cupped the back of my head, his lips whispering below my earlobe as he inched his fingers farther into my pants. "Easy, sweetheart. I’m going to give you what you need."

What I needed was for him to rip my pants off, toss me on the bed and fuck me senseless. I gripped his shoulders, digging into the corded muscle while he stroked my slit and over the nerves that wanted to shatter at the lightest of touches.

His breath dragged against my throat, a slow groan building in his chest. Under my hands, his body was tense, rigid, poised to strike, but he held himself in check. The self-control he exuded was beyond anything I could manage. My need amped up and I moved against him involuntarily, jagged breaths turning into whimpering pants. Could I explode like this, when he was barely touching me? "Leo, I need…"

The orgasm was quick. A shudder that ran from my clit to my outer extremities, making me stretch in his arms.

"There we go. Just relax." Tugging at the button on my pants until it came free, he hooked both hands into my jeans and pushed them down, the heat of his palms against my hips creating a current of energy over my skin. He lowered himself to his knees, layering kisses down my front and slid my pants to my feet. My breath caught in my throat when he leaned forward, resting his forehead against my belly, his lips pressed against my pelvis. It felt almost too much for my body, my heartbeat thready, like if the sensations inside me were any more intense I would lose my tether to reality.

He lifted my ankle, and I clutched at his shoulders for balance while he tugged my pants free, following with the other ankle. My foot resting in his palm, he danced his fingers over the scar that ran from mid calf to the back of my knee. I could feel his forehead gather against my belly.

"I didn’t see this one. How could I have missed it?" The tremble in his voice, the deep sadness that overlaid such simple words had my eyes burning.

I gripped my lip between my teeth to keep the wobble from my chin. "We were focusing on other things."

He shook his head, the texture of his hair against my abdomen heightened by the sensitivity of my skin. "Tell me now?"  

"I thought we were in here to—"

"Tell me, Lolly." This time it was a demand, full of gravel. "I need to know how badly I let you down."

"After he…" My voice cracked, barely a whisper and I cleared my throat as he lowered my foot to the floor. I concentrated on the sound of our breathing, using it to steady me. "After he found me, after he forced me to leave with him…" Going back broke me. Remembered injuries opened up, aching and painful. I pressed my lips together, not sure I could get the words past the block between my chest and throat.

"Please, sweetheart."

It was the sweet murmur of his lips against my belly more than the words themselves that tore me open and gave me voice. "He took me somewhere. I don’t know. He gagged me, covered my head as soon as we were in the car. I don’t know how long he kept me like that. After the car, I was left in a room." I shook my head, trying to forget the cold concrete floor and the sound of water dripping. "When he came back for me, he removed the bag." There was no need to admit that it had been days and I’d been left without food, water, or a toilet. "His face…"

I squeezed my eyes shut; trying to concentrate on the darkness of my eyelids and not Brady’s leer as he lifted the bag and then led me from the room.

Leo’s arms moved to my waist, holding on to me like a drowning man. Wet drops dripped onto my belly and slid over my pubis. He didn’t need to tell me to go on. He needed to know more than I needed to forget.

"He told me he’d teach me a lesson, one that would keep me in my place from then on. We were standing outside in the dark, the high beams on his car the only light as far as I could see." I sucked in a breath. "He used me as a punching bag, until I was down. Then he used his boots. Three broken ribs, broken nose, wrist, and the base of my skull split open." Another breath. "The leg. He used a hammer."

"Fuck." Leo’s breath hissed from him as his fingers tightened on my skin.  

"I was lucky. I didn’t know I was pregnant."

There was silence other than the sound of our harsh breathing. I waited for the slow easy breaths that would signal Leo had calmed down. That he’d let go of the anger over what had happened and accepted that we’d been lucky. Long minutes passed before he spoke. "Damn it, Lola. I should have kept scouring Lanston searching for you. I shouldn’t have left you there. The only reason I did was because part of me believed you would come back to me, that you would find your way home." He shook his head frantically.

"I know that." Running my hands through his hair, I wanted to ease his pain.

"I put the streetscape in the front window, so if you came, you would see it and know I still wanted you."

"And I saw it, Leo, when I came to find you, but it’s too late."

"No." He growled and gazed up at me.

"We’re too different now. We can’t go back to what we had."

"We’re not—"

"We’ve changed. We’re not the same people and it’s too dangerous to try and fool ourselves."

He stood up, pulling me against him. "We can find our way back."

"No." I shook my head to back up my words. "We could end up hating each other."

"I could never hate you."

"But you did, Leo. You can’t tell me you didn’t hate me."

His embrace tightened around me, fighting to hold on when I was asking him to let me go.  Maybe I couldn't stop loving him, but was that enough to take a chance on our daughter's happiness and risk being hurt again?  "We’re good now. Friends. That’s what she needs."

"What about you? What do you need?" he rumbled, the intensity of him reminding me why we’d entered the room in the first place.

"I need…" I clenched my thighs together. "One night, Leo. One, and then we let it lie. Just tonight, and then we concentrate on her."

"One night." He raised an eyebrow in question. "Do you think that will be enough?"

"It will be." I nodded and tilted my face to his.
It has to be.

"Okay, tonight, then." The corner of his mouth twitched and his eyes crinkled as he trailed his finger over my throat. "Just know that when you change your mind, all you have to do is ask."

"I won’t." If only I could be more certain.

He turned me in his arms and tentatively touched the nape of my neck. "So there’s a scar here?"

I nodded and he pressed his lips to the spot. "Do they bother you?"

"Sometimes," I admitted. "They aren’t pretty, but they remind me I’m strong and that I’m a survivor."